Awaken
by Edward's Eternal
Summary: A brilliant aloof composer, hiding from the world. An unexpected meeting. How will he react ? Can she help him change his vision on life ?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again my friends.**

**Ready to take another little journey with me? **

**A small thanks to some people. **

**Windchymes, Midnight Cougar, KitKat and Cejsmom . Bless you all. Your encouragement and help have been invaluable. Your friendship is treasured. And yes, I WILL thank them every chapter. Get used to it. **

**I own nothing… SM owns it all. **

**Thank you for reading…. And I hope you enjoy…**

Dawn was breaking.

I could sense the world waking up all around me. The quiet sounds of the night were becoming even more muted, as small creatures stirred in the warmth of the awakening sun.

Sitting alone in the early hours of the day, I listened intently to the different sounds as night gave way to light. The crickets stopped their chirping. The birds began their songs. The night owl ceased his hooting, while many small winged creatures took to flight in the gathering light.

They all began another busy, productive day in their useful lives.

With a deep sigh, I stood up. It was time, once again, to start _my _day. Another empty meaningless day just like yesterday. Going through the motions, smiling when I should, answering the same mundane questions when asked, and wishing for the whole fucking thing to be done so I could, once again, be alone.

Alone.

So I didn't have to pretend. I could just _be._

I was tired of pretending.

I was just fucking tired.

**More? **


	2. Chapter 2

**OK – some answers to the many questions. **

**No vamps**

**Mostly EPOV – a little BPOV**

**Not a drabble- the chapters get longer. I just like starting slow. Kinda how my brain works**

**3 ****updates ****a ****week ****for ****now. ****Tues Wed Thur ****Once ****I ****finish ****writing ****I ****will ****update ****more**.

**And to the team that seems to have assembled around me? Thank you so much. Your encouragement and support means so much. Your friendship means the world.**

**Thank YOU for reading this and reviewing. I appreciate you taking the time for both. **

**And we carry on…**

"Remind me again, just _why_ the fuck am I doing this?" I groaned as I listened to the incessant chatter coming from the other room.

"Because it's for a cause near and dear to your heart, you ass," came the prompt reply from Carlisle as he straightened the shoulders of my jacket, dusting off what I assumed was some lint at the same time.

"My heart. Yeah, I don't have one of those," I shot back. Even I could see the sadness on his face as he replied.

"Well my friend, you used to."

Unable to think of an adequate reply, I shrugged off his ministrations and turned away. As I was stepping further out of his reach, the door opened and Emmett stepped in.

"Ok, everything is all set, just as we talked about Edward. The area has been cleared and your path is set. Keep to it and everything will be good."

"Right. Fucking brilliant. Carlisle, go over this one more time please? How many questions? Have they been screened? Please tell me they have been fucking screened." I turned to my manager and friend, hoping he would at least confirm that fact.

Hearing his chuckle, I already knew the answer. "No, Edward. Charity, remember? Five winners, each get to ask the question of _their __choice_. They were, of course, given parameters. Nothing about your personal life. What they have come up with outside of that, we'll all find out soon enough. Please, for the love of God behave yourself. Act charming. Remember charming?"

I shook my head and heard him sigh. Stepping forward he placed a hand on my shoulder, then spoke in his low voice, no doubt meant to soothe me.

"Edward, it's one event. One afternoon. A few questions from some fans. You know the signal if you're uncomfortable. I'll pull the whole thing if I have to, but I really don't want to. Please. Tomorrow will be a few interviews, and the gala. Both you and Sebastian will perform individually, and then do your duet and it's done. We go back home to Vancouver. We talked about this, right?"

I drew in a deep breath and nodded. He was right. I _had_ agreed to do this for charity. And to help a friend. What had started off as working on a piece with a fellow musician I admired, had led to a friendship and a shared desire to give something back. Sebastian LeRoux and I had written and performed a composition together with the plans to release it and have proceeds go to charity. But then Sebastian had asked me to aid him with this event and I couldn't find it in me to refuse. A small amount of my time would help raise a huge amount of cash to help fund research for eye disease. It included a thousand dollar a plate dinner tomorrow night. Lots of rich people to rub elbows with, talk to, and listen to as they fawned all over me. And today, a meet and greet with some fans. More fawning and no doubt stupid, poorly thought out inane questions I would have to smile through and answer. Without cursing or telling them off.

For charity, I reminded myself again.

Fuck. I _hated_ this.

**Poor Edward…**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**

**Please forgive the lateness of this. I was out car shopping. And fell in love. I am now officially a stupid shiny Volvo owner.**

**A silver s60 Turbo. Look out. That puppy flies. I think I scared the salesman after I blew by the 12th car on the highway. Giggles !**

**Thank you to my team. They are bloody brilliant!**

**And for the reviews and pm's and the theories… love them all. Thank you so much. **

**He has been called Aloofward by a few reader… What is behind the aloofness ? **

**Let's see …**

Jesus. It was worse than I thought.

I had only been in the room here for about 15 minutes and my head was already pounding. There had to be at least a hundred people in the room.

Too many. And mostly all women. Talking. Laughing. Loudly.

I could smell the various colognes and hair products as they drifted my way all combining and making me nauseous.

Leaning over I asked Emmett for water. He immediately handed me a bottle and I took a long swallow trying to clear the tightening in my throat.

"You ok?" he murmured close to my ear.

"Fuck, get me to the dais so we can get this over with please. Enough mingling already," I growled back which really was a joke. I wasn't really mingling as much as shuffling forward and trying not to walk into anyone or God forbid have them walk into me. I responded politely to whoever greeted me from various sides, but otherwise had not said anything else. I was saving myself for the questions.

The brilliant bloody question time I had stupidly agreed to. Next time, I was thinking, I'll just write a huge mother of a cheque and be done with it.

With a sigh of relief, I sat down at the table Emmett and Carlisle escorted me to.

One obstacle done.

I sat with a fake smile plastered on my face, as I listened to the head of the committee drone on about the pleasure of having me there and rattling off a list of my accomplishments, blah, blah blah. She spoke of the radio contest they ran, announced that the five winners were here today and they would all get to sit with me, and ask their question. Then after I had answered, there would be a photo op for them. Internally I groaned. Had Carlisle mentioned the photo? I couldn't remember that being discussed, so he probably had chosen not to mention it in order to save himself my displeasure. I turned my head to where he was seated opposite me and I know he felt the heat of the glare I shot him. We _would _be discussing it later.

The first winner, Mandy Johnson, was announced and she came up, was introduced and sat down beside me. Far too close for my liking. I leaned back in my chair in a seemingly relaxed way, but really just to get as far away from her as possible. The overpowering scent of her perfume hit me like a ton of bricks and I wanted to gag.

"So Edward," she began in what I was sure she felt was a sultry voice. "Boxers or briefs?"

_Seriously? That was the best she could come up with? This was gonna be a long fucking afternoon._

I felt Carlisle nudge against my leg in warning. "Depends on the day, Mandy," I murmured into the microphone that was in front of me.

Cue laughter.

The next one was just as bad. My favourite instrument… pause… to play with?

_Can __they __really __not __come __up __with __something __semi-intelligent? __Or __without __innuendo_? I was beginning to wish I had drunk something stronger than water before arriving.

Next came the generic question of "If you were stuck on a desert island what is the one thing you would bring with you?" My reply of, "A lot of booze" was again met with laughter.

The fourth woman smelled of cigarettes. This time I made a ploy of taking a drink from the water bottle as I waited for her question and smoothly sliding my chair over as I leaned forward to reach for the bottle that was placed to my right side as always. I moved as far away from her as I could without being obvious.

_Thank __Christ __this __was __almost __over.__My __patience __was __wearing __thin_.

"If you could do collaboration with one of these amazing artists, who would you choose, Lady Gaga or Justin Beiber?" was the million dollar question thrown my way in a high pitched grating voice.

_Fuck.__Me._

_NEITHER._

_How __long __had __she __pondered __over __that __jewel?_

The question was stupid and the stench of stale cigarette smoke was overwhelming. I wrinkled my nose against both and immediately felt the jarring pain of Carlisle kicking me under the table. Apparently my distaste was too obvious. I shifted, moving my shins out of range and trying not to inhale too deeply as I pretended to ponder the thought. Actually, I wanted to laugh at the sheer ludicrousness of the query. A classical composer with either of them?

_Amazing_ a_rtists_?

Inside I was snorting.

"I, uh, am not really certain our styles could mesh properly for any kind of collaboration," I answered calmly. "They are both, _unique_, in their own way," I finished off ending any chance of further discussion.

After the picture I was ready to be done. Carlisle leaned forward and offered a word of support in my ear.

"Just one more, Edward, so behave or I'll kick you again, I swear. Concentrate on the goal here."

I nodded, sat back and waited for the last one with a sigh.

I felt the chair beside me pull out and _away_ from me, to the left. I turned to be introduced to the last winner and was able to determine she was much smaller than the others, and to my delight smelt of soft summer rain and fresh air. I had no desire to gag or move away. When I heard her name was Bella Swan, I put out my hand politely to shake hers, expecting the same reaction I had from the others. A far too tight, clinging grasp. What I got was a brief, soft grip and then her hand was quickly pulled back. Another unexpected move.

"Nice to meet you, Bella," I greeted her as expected.

Then she spoke.

Soft, lilting and gentle. Her voice was like a cooling soft breeze that appeared out of nowhere on a hot summer day. It instantly soothed my fractured nerves and I found myself smiling at the source of the sound.

"Thank you, it is truly lovely to meet you. And thank you so much for doing this. I'm sure there are lots of other ways you would rather spend your time here in Toronto," was her surprising response.

I couldn't stop the genuine chuckle that escaped me_.__She __was __right __about __that._

"You have a question for me, I think?"

Wait. I _wanted _her to ask me something?

"Um, yes. I was wondering about your score, "Silence of Twilight…"

I straightened up in my chair. _My __favourite __piece_.

"Did you... did you draw on some childhood memories when writing that score? In the first verse of it I sense lightness, an innocence if you will, in the refrain like a happy, loving feeling you tapped into. It slowly becomes darker, more sombre towards the end like your outlook on life does as you grow. Is that part of your process when writing? Did you use memories from your childhood and later years to create a certain feeling within your score?" All of this burst out of her like a dam opening up.

I sat back stunned.

"Ms. Swan, it is only one question…" the committee head began.

Without thinking I held up my hand. "No, I understand. It really is one question. I know what she's asking and I'll answer her."

_I __wanted __to __answer __her._

"Yes, Bella you are entirely correct on that. When I was writing that piece my thoughts had drifted to a day with my parents when we went on a picnic. My dad and I flew a kite, and we played catch and my mom made all my favourite picnic foods. It was the perfect day for it, a day filled with love and laughter. You caught that in the music?" I leaned towards her, actually eager to hear her answer.

But before she could respond, we were interrupted.

"Thank you Ms. Swan, that was an interesting question. Now if you will look ahead we will have your photo done with Mr. Masen."

**See you on Tuesday ! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello all. An early update. Consider it a Halloween treat. **

**Thank you to my lovely ladies. Windchymes and Midnight Cougar make sure my words actually make sense. Not an easy job, believe me. Kitkat and Cejsmom preread and encourage. And make me smile.**

**Thank you all for reading. And reviewing. I appreciate your kind words. I love your theories. I grin so widely when I see review alerts my cheeks hurt…**

**Now... Edward and Bella were having a moment, and were rudely interrupted. Is that the end ?**

Ten minutes later we were back in the dimly lit lounge.

_Thank fuck for that._

I was still stunned, not only at the question Bella had asked me, but the detail I went into when replying to her. I never talked about my family. Ever. What the hell made me answer her so honestly?

Closing my eyes I pulled the glasses off my face and rubbed my eyes. Without asking, Carlisle handed me a cool damp cloth and I wiped my face with it. Then I held the cloth over my eyes, soothing the ache from the brightly lit room I had just left.

"Well done, Edward," he murmured. "Glad you located charming from somewhere inside your brain. You handled that well."

The next words out of my mouth shocked everyone, including myself.

"Emmett, go back in there and find Bella Swan. Bring her in here. Discretely. Please."

There was a moment of stunned silence then I heard a soft "oookkkaayyy" as Emmett left to follow my instructions.

"Edward?" Carlisle's voice expressed his confusion. "What are you doing?"

"Fuck if I know Carlisle, but I liked her question. She actually sensed my train of thought in Twilight? I want to give her a proper answer and ask _her _a couple questions. _Nobody_ has ever asked about my work or my processes at these stupid things. God I hardly ever get asked that in professional interviews. And she zeros in on _that_? _That_ score? _That _memory?"

I drew in a deep breath. "Yeah, I want to talk to her. You have a problem with that?"

"Relax, Edward. You can do whatever you want. I was just…surprised, that's all. Normally you'd already be pacing wanting to get the hell out of here, not asking to actually _speak _with a fan."

Sighing I replaced the glasses on my face. "Like I said, fuck if I know. But for some reason I want to, so I'm going to."

The sound of the door opening had us both turning in the direction of the sound. I could see the shape of Emmett's large frame behind that of a much smaller one he was leading into the room.

"Right in here Ms. Swan, please."

The small figure in front of him stopped short after entering the room. Once again, I caught the scent of summer rain and breathed in deeply enjoying the softness of the delicate fragrance.

"I'm sorry, did I do something inappropriate? Why am I here, please?" I heard the nervous quiver in her lilting voice and found myself immediately wanted to calm her.

I stepped forward. "No, Bella, nothing like that. I just wanted to speak with you privately for a moment if I could? I felt as if I wasn't able to answer your question fully and I wanted to rectify that.

"Carlisle, Emmett can you excuse us please?"

"Whenever you're ready Edward, we'll be outside," Carlisle moved past me.

"Sit with me?" I turned to the woman who was still standing and seemed to be fidgeting nervously.

"I don't bite, promise. Regardless of what the press say," I teased, trying to put her at ease, and not understanding why this was so important to me.

She moved forward, and we both sat down on the rather uncomfortable couch the lounge was furnished with.

"So, Bella…" I began.

"I'm so sorry," she interrupted. "I know they said no personal questions, but I thought maybe that meant more about you and your love life or family? I have so wanted to know what inspired that piece. It's my favourite and it brings out so many emotions for me. I'm sorry if I crossed the line, but really your answer was wonderful. I'm grateful you answered so candidly."

I could feel the movements of her hands worrying themselves on her lap. Without any conscious thought, I Ieaned forward and laid my hand on top of hers, stilling their movement.

"Bella, you are NOT in any sort of trouble. To be honest with you, your question and observations shocked me. I'm used to far more_…__,_well, _banal _inquires. It also delighted me, as that too is _my_ favourite piece. Yet not one that garners much attention. I really, well I really wanted to thank you I suppose for asking. Music is my one true passion and I enjoy everything to do with it."

I paused for a moment allowing her the chance to relax, but did not remove my hand from atop of hers. Strangely it felt right there.

"Can you describe the emotions it makes _you_ feel Bella? I would really like to hear how it affects you."

There was a slight pause as she thought about my question.

"It may sound silly, but I feel so many different things when I listen to it. And sometimes, one thing more than others, if that makes any sense. There is always a sense of happiness at the beginning, and it slowly grows sadder; and by the end there are times I actually feel like weeping it is so powerful. Somehow…it's as if I mourn for the loss of the happiness I felt when it started…" her soft voice trailed off and I had to strain to hear the last few words.

I sat back, removing my hand from hers. Stunned. She took the entire piece and summed it up with her soft sweet words; encompassing all the feelings I felt when I wrote it.

Every time I played it.

She _got_ it.

I pulled my glasses off and rubbed my eyes, blinking in the dim light, without thinking. Her soft gasp snapped me back into reality and I hastily shoved my glasses back on.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just haven't seen you without the, umm, dark glasses for so many years. Your eyes, they are so …beautiful. I'm sorry the light hurts them so much."

Again I was speechless. And surprisingly without any anger. I didn't talk about my eye condition- it was part of the rules when I was in public. I hardly ever talked about it in private either. And beautiful? No one had ever said that before. Typically the words used were negative and hurtful.

She stood up suddenly. "Thank you …Edward. For sharing your memories, and for taking the time to talk to me. I will treasure _this_ memory always. And I am so thrilled to have met you. Thank you for sharing your music. It means so much in my life. More than you could imagine."

She began to walk away. I stood up and blurted out, "Bella, why did you pull your chair _away_ from me when you first sat down?"

"Umm, I could see how uncomfortable you were with all those women trying to get as close to you as possible. I could only imagine how you were feeling, not only answering some of those, er, awful questions, but also trying to not to be crowded in by strangers. I know I hate that. I just didn't want to add to your discomfort."

Without another thought it happened.

"Bella, would you have dinner with me tonight, please?"

_Holy fuck. Did I just ask this woman out?_

_**Well. Well. How will that go over? **_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello all you Lovely wonderful readers! **

**Own nothing to do with Twilight… dammit.**

**Wow! The reaction to the last chapter was amazing! Thank you so much! Love how many of you are pulling for Bella! And in regards to the many questions about Edward's eyesight…I cannot tell you. It will unfold as the story goes. Promise. **

**Thank you to my lovely ladies. Bless you all. **

**Now shall we see what Bella has to say?**

The silence seemed to stretch on forever.

_What the fuck had I just done?_

"I'm sorry," Bella finally spoke. "You…you want to have dinner? With _me_?"

Her voice was laced with confusion. And I could see her head was now tilted to one side like she was trying to figure out the answer to a huge mystery.

Stepping forward I nodded. "Yes, Bella_, __I_ would very much like to have dinner with _you_. But I think the question was would _you _like to have dinner with _me_?"

Suddenly she giggled. An unexpectedly sweet, little sound that burst out of her mouth and made me smile.

"Yes, I guess you're right, that _was_ the question. And…yes Edward. I would very much like to have dinner with you. But how will that work…exactly?"

"Well, from what I understand, most people use utensils and eat the food in front of them while conversing on a variety of subjects," I began dryly.

"No," Bella interrupted. "I meant I know you like your privacy and rarely go out. I was wondering where can we go so you're comfortable?"

Once again she caught me by surprise. She wanted _me _to be comfortable. _That_ was her first reaction. But she was right. I disliked going out and being interrupted constantly or stared at. Before I could suggest something she spoke up again.

"Would you… I mean if you were okay with it… I would be happy to cook us dinner. At my place. Nobody will bother you there. I'm not a fancy cook, but I can make…stuff… if you want," her voice trailing off uncertainly.

_Cook. She offered to cook me dinner. At her house. So I would be allowed my privacy._

I shook my head not quite sure how to respond to her offer. She immediately misinterpreted this as a rejection.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I was being silly. Of course you don't want dinner at my kitchen table. I understand. I was just…"

I held up my hand to stop her from continuing. "Bella, no. You weren't being silly." I assured her. "I was just surprised at your offer. You'd be okay with that? Having me to your home for dinner? Really?"

She stepped forward and laid a hand on my forearm. Again without any thought, I reached over with my opposite hand and covered her smaller one.

"Absolutely."

I felt a rush of warmth at her simple assurance.

"Well then, I accept your gracious offer. A home cooked meal would be most appreciated. I'm not sure how well this has worked out for you though. How my wanting to take you out ended up with you having to do all the work; it doesn't seem proper," I mused.

"It's not exactly a hardship to make a meal for two people Edward. You can bring some wine if you like and I will take care of the rest if that's okay?"

I couldn't explain or stop the wide smile I felt on my face, or the feeling that was growing in my chest. It felt like an emotion I hadn't experienced in years...happiness.

"Definitely ok, Bella. Definitely ok."

**Short I know... but you get an extra chapter this week… dinner at her place. Private. That could be interesting….. true ?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Double treat- another chapter and early again. Cause tonight I have to pick up my Volvo and will be late and since I am excited... I am sharing. **

**Oh so many questions… and I am saying nothing… It took me a long time to coax any info out of Edward so you just have to be patient also. (insert evil laugh) . All will be revealed.**

**Thank you. To the readers, the reviewers and the lovely wonderful ladies who help me with each and every chapter. And to the ladies who talk about his fic and pimp it out. I am so grateful. And whoever nominated me in the short n sweet awards? Thank you. So lovely.**

**Now how does the evening go? What kind of reaction will he get to his news… especially from Carlisle who is his rock… sarcastic rock.. but rock none the less.**

**Let's see…**

"Sorry Edward, but I thought you just said you were going for dinner with Bella Swan? The fan from the meet and greet? The one you just met?" I could hear the disbelief in Carlisle's voice.

I ran my hand through my hair and nodded.

"Tonight?"

Again I nodded in agreement. "She…ah… she is making us dinner. At her place. So I can have my privacy while we eat and be...comfortable. Her idea." I paused. "I mean her idea where to eat. I invited _her_. Out. I mean. I invited her out to dinner." I stumbled over my explanation anxiously.

"Her place. You are going to have dinner with this woman. Tonight. _At __her __place_. And she is _cooking_ for you. And she wants _you_ to be comfortable." Carlisle repeated our conversation slowly as if he was sure he had heard me incorrectly.

"Yes Carlisle. Dinner. Tonight. Her place. Are we clear on that now?" I growled at him.

"Huh."

"Huh? That's all you have to say? Huh?" I snapped.

"Well, since you asked _so __nicely_, just a piece of advice Edward. It is always polite to show up with flowers and wine when invited for dinner by a lovely lady to her home," he responded with a chuckle. "I'll make the arrangements with Emmett for you. Red or white?"

_Fucker._

Three hours later, I was standing outside Bella Swan's door.

In my hands were a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers. In my pocket was my cell phone so I could call Emmett when I was ready to return to the hotel, and in my chest my heart was beating wildly.

_How the fuck had the day from hell turned into this?_

I could feel myself start to panic. I shouldn't be here. What the fuck was I doing? Nothing good could come of this. So she likes my music, so do a shitload of other people, judging from my bank account. So she smells like summer rain and her voice seems to have a calming effect on me somehow. A good bottle of scotch at the hotel could do the same thing.

I started digging around in my pocket for the cell phone so I could get Emmett back here when her door suddenly opened.

_Fuck._

"Edward! I thought I heard someone out here. Please come in."

And there it was. I heard her soft voice and I instantly felt calm_._

_Fuck. Seriously, how does she do that?_

"Hello Bella," I managed to get out as I handed her the wine and flowers while I stepped into her home.

The aroma that greeted me was mouth-watering. Immediately my stomach grumbled loudly in anticipation of the upcoming meal.

The delightful sound of Bella's giggle helped tamp down my embarrassment.

"Good thing dinner is almost ready," she proclaimed happily. "The table is to your right, Edward. Please make yourself at home and I'll put these lovely flowers in water and get us some wine."

Suddenly I felt her soft lips grazing my cheek with a downy kiss. "Thank you for these. They are so pretty." And she stepped away to the kitchen.

Startled at the sudden contact I lifted my hand to the cheek where her lips had been just a second before. I could still feel their lingering warmth. Bemused I looked around to be certain of where the table was located. I could see the dim glow of candles and knew, without a doubt, Bella had made sure the lighting was low for my benefit. The thought helped me to relax. I inhaled deeply. Perhaps this wasn't such a bad idea.

Hours later, I was sitting, replete and relaxed, on Bella's deep sofa, laughing at one of her amusing stories of her escapades growing up. Dinner was exceptional. She was an amazing cook and an extremely generous hostess. She seemed to sense what to say and do to keep me relaxed, and the evening had flown by. She was bright and funny and had question after question about music and my thoughts on it. She seemed genuinely interested as she asked about my writing style and how I chose the pieces and artists I worked with.

Bella, in turn, answered my questions about her family and hobbies and I found out she was a book editor. She told me she worked mostly from home but had a central office for meetings with clients and co- workers. I even convinced her to read me some passages from a particularly awful book she admitted she was working on. After hearing it read, I agreed it was fairly awful, but I loved hearing her soft, lilting voice reading it out loud to me. Add in the bouts of laughter we shared at some of the horrendous paragraphs it was truly enjoyable. I really couldn't remember the last time I had felt this sort of contentment just sitting and talking to someone.

She made me feel _normal._

Sadly, I knew I would have to leave soon. Tomorrow was a long day and the Charity Gala was in the evening. But I really didn't want the night to be over.

"You have to go soon, don't you?" Bella's voice broke into my musings. Her tone sounded a little wistful, as if she too, did not want the evening to end.

"I do," I nodded.

I carefully leaned over and place my empty coffee cup on the table in front of me and turned to her again. She reached over and squeezed my hand, but before she could pull back I covered it with both of mine.

"Thank you, Bella. I can't even begin to tell you how delightful tonight has been. I don't remember the last time I enjoyed myself this much."

"Even the extended question and answer time?" she teased in a gentle voice.

I squeezed her hand. "Especially that. I love talking about my music, or any music really, and tonight was especially pleasurable."

Raising her hand, I gently kissed her knuckles. She started and I heard the quick intake of air as my lips caressed her skin. Then I watched, as if in slow motion, as I released one hand from hers and brought it up to cradle her cheek. I sensed her leaning toward me and I met her halfway, our lips softly touching, brushing lightly against each other.

Pulling back, I tried to make out the look on her face. As I saw her lips turn up into a small smile I felt my own imitate her.

"Bella, can I see you tomorrow? Please?" I whispered not wanting to break the softness of the mood that had descended.

"Yes please," she whispered back, nodding for good measure. "When?"

Thrilled that she seemed as anxious to spend time together as I was, I quickly made a decision.

"I'm done with interviews by noon. I have the afternoon free then there's the gala. Spend some time with me in the afternoon? And… please come with me to the gala tomorrow night? I know they're boring as hell, but I'll be playing after. I'd …I'd like you to be there for that. Please?" My words were rushed and pleading, underscoring my desire to see her again.

"Oh, Edward! I would love to hear you play. So much. Yes!"

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. She would be there. Perfect.

_Wait. What the fuck?_

**Oh my… what IS going on Edward ?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Last update for the week... again short, but they will start getting much longer next week. And hey you got four this week. Three for sure next week, maybe four.**

**Thank you for reading… for reviewing… adore the comments and thoughts.**

**Own nothing… well except a shiny new Volvo. Heh heh heh ,but SM has the stuff I really want. Sigh.**

**My friends who preread, beta, and help me de-stress over Edward not talking or doing something to take things in a totally different direction… thank you from the bottom of my heart. This fic would not be as good without your imput.**

**And we continue…**

I was pacing. And running my hands through my hair in vexation.

Emmett had left a while ago to go pick up Bella and I was feeling anxious again.

I didn't understand this. These _feelings_ for someone I had just met. What was it about her that made me want to see her again? A multitude of feelings and emotions had been coursing through me all morning, all centered around a girl I hardly knew, yet who already was at the forefront of all my thoughts.

I didn't like it. I was used to feeling nothing unless I was working. I didn't _allow _myself to feel anything. But somehow with one question, one soft giggle, this girl _made_ me feel.

_Fuck. _

I heard Carlisle approaching from the other room and I stopped mid pace. He was on the phone with someone and arguing over logistics.

"Well figure it out and get back to me," he snapped and shut his phone loudly.

"What's up?" I asked surprised at his usual calm demeanour being broken.

"What's up is that the gala is sold out. One hundred percent sold out and then some, but now _someone_ wants to bring a guest. And that _someone_ wants that guest at a certain table and I am trying to get it arranged. And that is causing some issues. That's what's up," he growled at me.

"Demanding bastard."

I couldn't help the bark of laughter that came out of me.

"I'm happy to give up my rubber chicken if it helps," I offered.

"Nah, they can figure it out. I would hate for you to go hungry. You get even harder to handle then. They just need a little…authoritative push to get motivated."

"Good. I… I want her there tonight. It's…important Carlisle."

His voice suddenly became softer. "I figured that Edward. You rarely ask for anything, so this obviously means a lot. I'll get it done. This girl, she is…? " his voice trailed off questionably.

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. "Fuck if I know my friend. She just …is. I can't explain it to you when I can hardly understand it myself. "

He stepped in front me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Sometimes Edward, things happen that we don't understand and we can't explain. Often they _are_ bad and you know that better than anyone. But sometimes they're good, and we have to open ourselves up to them and allow them to happen. No matter how scary it seems, no matter that it's not a guarantee, sometimes we just have _to __try_. You understand?"

I nodded at my closest friend. One of the few people in the entire world I could trust.

"It's a strange feeling Carlisle." I admitted, still feeling anxious. "I can't control it. I don't like not being in control. It hasn't worked out so well in the past."

"That right there is the point Edward. It's the past. You can't change it. But you can try and see what the future holds. I _know _how you struggle, Edward. I know. But you can choose to move forward and not be stuck in a holding pattern of fear for the rest of your life. And this is a start. I'm proud of you for this. Really."

Overcome, I could only nod my thanks as he clapped me on the shoulders once again and walked away laughing, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

"Now, try and not scare her away before dinner alright? I've gone to a fuck load of trouble to get her in. I don't want to have to explain an empty seat beside me."

_Fucker. _

_Always had to have the last word. _

_This time I let him._

But I had to smile. Because he was making sure Bella would be with me tonight.

And then I resumed pacing.

_**So, see you Tuesday ?**_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**

**In honour of Sandy Swearingen's birthday you are getting not only an early update but 4 chapters this week. Thank you my friend for your support and I hope you have a great day. **

**Thank you for reading and reviewing. You all seem anxious for the gala… well maybe tomorrow...**

**And my lovely ladies… I would be lost without you. Thank you.**

I heard Bella's laughter floating down the hallway and moved towards the door in anticipation of her arrival.

Emmett opened the door and entered with Bella trailing behind him. He was chuckling as he put down the bag he was carrying. "Just saying little lady, is all…just saying."

"And I'm just saying not all of us are long legged beasts like you and can cover three feet in a stride, you overgrown tree trunk," Bella shot back still laughing.

I joined in the laughter, enjoying her wittiness with Emmett, who loved teasing.

I saw her move forward and once again felt the sweetness of her lips grazing my cheek. "Hi you," she whispered adding a quick waist hug to the pleasure. My arm immediately went around her waist holding her to me.

"Alright I am out of here, but come on Bella, one more little tasty treat before I go?" Emmett boomed out interrupting the moment.

_Tasty treat? What the fuck?_

"You, Emmett McCarthy, are nothing but a big spoiled baby. I'm not sure you deserve another treat after making me run to keep up with you," Bella retorted.

"Come on…I carried your bag for you! Just one – and I'll go and leave you alone here with Sourpuss."

Bella moved away and I heard the snap of a lid and saw her arm reach out holding something in her hand. "Here then… now go. And don't call him names. He is NOT a sourpuss."

Emmett took whatever was in her hand and then swooped in and gave her a huge hug. She gasped as he picked her up and I instantly reacted.

"Emmett put her down! Don't hurt her- she's half your bloody size!"

"Ah, relax dude… Bella knows she's good. I like her- she's a keeper. Now I will be back at five to pick you up... enjoy your, uh, afternoon."

As soon as he left I approached Bella. "You ok? He doesn't mean anything by his exuberance you know; he's really just a big oversized kid. Sometimes I don't think he even knows how strong he is." I ran my hands up and down her arms, feeling to see if there were any tender spots. And really just to touch her. For some reason I didn't like to observe Emmett touching her.

"I'm good … and I know – he's great. He loves you, you know that right?"

I nodded. "I feel the same way about him. He is one of the few people in this world I trust wholeheartedly."

_Again. She did it again. I don't discuss stuff like this with people. But with her? It's like word vomit. I can't stop it. _

"Now what was this about treats?" I queried trying to stop the rampant thoughts running in my head.

"Oh I um, baked some cookies this morning. I brought you some. I noticed last night you seemed to really enjoy dessert and I thought maybe you had a bit of a sweet tooth. Would you like to try one?"

_She noticed I liked sweet stuff… was there anything she didn't notice? The sudden thought filled me with dread. Noticing things would mean questions. _

_Questions __I __wasn__'__t __sure __I __would __want __to __answer.__That __I _could _answer. __Fuck._

"Edward, are you ok? You've suddenly gone white...what's wrong?" Bella's panicked voice pulled me back to the present and I forced a smile.

"Fine. I was just thinking about the performance later. I always get the jitters. And I would love a cookie."

I felt Bella's hand slip into mine, then she pulled us towards the couch. She handed me a cookie and I bit into it enjoying the explosion of flavours as they hit my tongue.

"Wow," I mumbled through the mouthful. "Best fucking cookie – ever."

That profound statement granted me another one of Bella's delightful giggles.

"Good. There's a whole container of them here for you. You can share with them with Carlisle and Emmett later."

I shook my head. 'Nope, I don't think I want to do that. I think I want them just for me. And I think I want another one now, please."

Instantly another cookie was placed in my waiting hand. Grabbing her hand before she could pull back, I turned it over and softly kissed her palm. "Thank you. Thank you for being so…thoughtful." I murmured into her hand.

Bella's hand tightened around my fingers. "You make it easy to be thoughtful. And you're welcome. But be a good boy okay and share? I really don't want you going into sugar shock from hoarding the cookies. All you have to do is ask and I'll happily make more. Deal?"

"Deal."

As with the night before, the afternoon flew. We talked. And laughed. And talked some more. I gorged myself on cookies, which I shared as promised. I did accuse both Emmett and Carlisle of having far too many reasons for coming in needing "something" from the living area, or to ask me some "urgent" question, but they both proclaimed innocence as they dug into the cookie container each time before leaving.

_Fuckers._

I relaxed after a bit knowing somehow that even if Bella had questions, she would not bring them up this afternoon. She made our time together light hearted and easy and I was grateful for that. When we separated to get ready for the gala I found myself pulling her into my arms; just holding her close with my chin resting on her head as I tucked her into my chest.

_Why __did __she __fit __there __so __well ?_

"Thank you Little One. That was without a doubt the best afternoon I've had in ages. Even if those buggers ate a lot of my cookies."

I felt her ease up on her toes and brush her lips against my chin. "It was for me as well," she whispered.

Suddenly her sweet gesture of affection wasn't enough and I leaned down, capturing her lips with mine.

Warm, soft, sweet .

Her arms came up around my neck and her fingers tangled themselves in my hair, while mine wound around her waist pulling her as close to me as possible while our lips explored each other's.

Again it wasn't enough. I needed _more._

My tongue slid along her bottom lip begging for entrance, which was granted with a small whimper and I answered it with a groan as I pulled her impossibly closer.

Sliding, tasting, exploring.

Suddenly it was too much. I broke away with a gasp but could not release her from my arms. Bending down I touched my forehead to hers and tried to bring my breathing under control.

A few quiet moments passed and I felt her pull away and I reluctantly released her.

"I'd better go get ready," she whispered. "We have to leave soon."

I just nodded, unable to form a coherent thought or word.

"Edward…are you ok?" she asked softly.

Bending down I pressed three soft quick kisses to her sweet lips, but was still unable to say a word.

Her hand reached up and cupped my cheek. "I'll be right back then."

Then she walked down the hall to the guestroom.

_Leaving me wondering…_

_What the hell I had just started?_

_And why?_

**Til tomorrow… be safe…**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**

**Update two for the week. There will be four. **

**Thank you for reading. And those of you taking the time to review I appreciate it. Your words mean a lot. **

**I own only the ideas in my mind. And really some of them I would happily give away.**

**But I would never give away my friends who help and encourage me with this endeavour every day. **

**Time to attend a gala…**

The noise level in the room was astounding. The inter-mingling scents of flowers, perfume and food was pungent. And although I had my darkest glasses on, the lighting was overpowering. I knew a headache would be arriving at some point. I just hoped it waited until after I was finished performing.

The security when entering was excellent with all the cars stopping under a closed off canopy so pictures were minimal. And only authorized photographs were being taken inside. I was grateful for this, as I didn't want Bella's picture plastered over the news.

As we entered the main room, Carlisle and Emmett were on either side of me, with Bella beside Carlisle. Without even asking she knew I would need them to get me to our table without incident. We stopped along the way many times, to be introduced, shake hands and make small talk with several people. Somehow, knowing Bella was close it wasn't as hard to smile and greet the many unknown faces as it usually would be. But I did sigh with relief when we finally reached our table near the front.

The committee wanted both Sebastian and I at the head table, which was set apart from the others and in full view of all the guests. But I refused to budge on that stipulation. It was hard enough to be here at all, navigating my way in unfamiliar surroundings without also being up on display for the evening. Thankfully, Carlisle had convinced the committee they would make more money if people knew they could sit with us at a regular table, in amongst the crowd. Seats at our tables had gone to the highest bidders.

I didn't know who was moved to accommodate Bella, but I really didn't care either. When we sat down Carlisle made sure she was right beside me and I found her nearness soothing. Luckily the people at our table were business men and their wives, so I was able to relax; not trying to ward off over zealous fans who wanted to get as close as they could regardless of my feelings. Bella proved to be an entertaining date and contributed greatly to the small talk going around the table. I sat back quietly, enjoying her witty comments and soft laughter.

As dinner was being served, I felt Emmett tense up beside me as he looked at his plate; his reaction made me stare down at my own plate trying to focus on the entrée. It took me a minute to realize the large item on my plate was indeed beef.

Which I would have to cut.

Without spilling or missing with the knife.

Internally I groaned and cursed but really had no other option except to pick up my utensils and try not to seem as useless as I was, especially in these types of situations.

I was startled when Bella's voice spoke out. "Edward, I'm sorry but this piece of beef is far too rare for my liking, would you mind trading plates? Your piece looks smaller so I'm sure it's more the way I like it."

"Of course," I murmured puzzled, but allowed her to switch plates.

I felt Emmett relax beside me with a chuckle so soft I was certain no one else had heard it. I glanced down and knew immediately what she had done. The beef on this plate was already sliced and ready to be eaten. Turning my head towards her I could see the movement of her arms as she sliced up her new piece quickly as if that was how she always ate her dinner. So nobody would be the wiser. All anyone saw was that I gave her my more thoroughly cooked piece.

She was brilliant.

Before picking up my utensils again, I reached under the table and squeezed her leg_. __I_ knew exactly what she had done. Once again she had seen something I needed and just taken care of it. Quietly and without any fuss. The feeling of being cared for brought an unfamiliar warmth to my chest and helped relax my tense muscles. I could do this with her beside me.

At that moment, I felt like I could do anything.

After dinner,speeches and Sebastian's brilliant playing, came my performance and during the entire time my thoughts were directed at her. Earlier in the afternoon I had decided to surprise her; I substituted one selection and played her favourite "Silence of Twilight". Despite my pounding head, I lost myself in the music and played just for her. No one else. When I returned to the table, the dampness on her cheeks and her sweet kiss let me know that she knew. It had _all_ been for her.

The evening was finally over and we were able to depart. My performance had gone smoothly and been well received. The duet I played with Sebastian received a standing ovation. The charity made an enormous amount of money, but for me the best part was Bella's quiet presence beside me most of the night. I held her hand in the limo all the way back to the hotel while Carlisle and Emmett discussed the evening. Neither Bella nor I added much to the conversation but were content to sit quietly.

"Is the headache bad, Edward?" Carlisle asked as we rode up in the elevator. "Do you need something for it besides your regular medication?"

I shook my head in response. Right now the effort to talk was just too great; all I wanted to do was lie down and rest for a while. The brightness of the lights had been just too much and I needed the dark and quiet to help soothe my over-stimulated nerves. I was upset that I could not spend more time alone with Bella, but at this point it was not even an option.

As we entered the hotel suite I pulled Emmett aside and asked him to be ready to drive Bella home shortly. He nodded and said he would return as soon as I let him know. Carlisle and Bella were having a quiet discussion further into the room, so I took the opportunity to go change and find my pain medication. Leaving the bathroom I was surprised to find Bella standing by the bed.

"Hey you," she said softly. "Carlisle told me that ice sometimes helps with the pain? I have an ice bag here for you. Come here, lie down and relax."

I approached her and took her hand that she was holding out to me. When I spoke I could hear the regret in my voice. "Bella I'm probably out for the rest of the night. I'm so sorry. Emmett will make sure you get home safely and..."

Bella's fingers reached up, closed my lips and silenced the rest of my words.

"No, Edward. I'm _not_ leaving you when you're in pain. Not a chance. Now stop being difficult and do what I tell you okay? I need you to lie down. Please." Her voice was firmer than normal and despite the pain, I felt a small smile tug on my lips.

I pulled myself up on the mattress and felt the other side of the bed dip down as Bella crawled onto it. She sat back up against the headboard, laid a fluffy pillow on her lap and patted it. "Here, Edward. Lie down here."

Situating myself on the pillow on her lap I rolled on my back and made myself comfortable. "Do you trust me?" her voice whispered quietly. I nodded, then felt her hand tenderly remove the dark glasses off my face. It took everything I had not to grab them back, but I fought down the feeling. I felt her place a towel then the bag of ice over my eyes and lower forehead and sighed with relief as the soothing coolness sunk into my skin. I heard the light switch off and I opened my eyes for a moment to the welcome the darkness around me.

Nothing prepared me for the feeling of her hand softly stroking over my brow and hair. I heard a groan of contentment in the room and realized it had come from me. Between the coolness of the ice and the soft rhythmic stroking of her fingers I could feel myself drifting towards sleep and I fought to stay awake.

"Shh Edward, sleep. I'm right here. Stop fighting. Relax." Then softly she began to hum and with my chest aching from the sweetness of the moment, I did what she asked of me. The last thing I felt before I fell asleep was _peace._

_Not a feeling I was accustomed to._

**Still with me? **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**

**My friends , thank you for the wonderful responses to the chapter yesterday. You all seem to love this Bella. She is certainly a caregiver. **

**Yes I promise to all the questions. Edward will talk more about his eyes- soon. All will be revealed. **

**And yes a BPOV is coming soon. **

**Midnight Cougar, Windchymes, Kitkat Cullen and Cejsmom – thank you. From the bottom of my heart. **

**Now shall we see how Edward is feeling ?**

I awoke in the early hours of the morning. The first thing I became aware of was warmth. And softness. Three things hit me all at once. The memory of the horrid headache, falling asleep on Bella's lap and the feeling of the soft rhythmic stroking that sent me into a deep, restful sleep.

Slowly opening my eyes in the still darkened room, I was pleased to feel the headache was gone, although leaving its usual aftermath of heaviness in my head. I became aware of the same soft stroking, except this time it was on the back of my head and neck. Tentatively, I raised my head to ascertain the source of the warmth and comfort. I was still resting on Bella's lap, but had rolled over at some point onto my stomach and was currently buried into the pillow on her lap, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other around her legs. I was as close as I could possibly get, burrowed into her body.

And after all these hours she was still tending to me?

"Bella?" I asked, my voice still gruff from sleep, unsure if I was indeed awake or caught in an amazingly lifelike dream.

"Hi you," she whispered back, continuing to stroke my head. "How are you feeling? Is the pain gone?"

"Yeah, better. Have you been up all night? Did you get any sleep?"

"A little- I dozed here and there. You just seemed to rest better if I was stroking your head…" she trailed off quietly.

Once again, I was speechless when it came to this woman and her actions. Unable to think of any words that would express what I was thinking I tightened my arms around her, thanking her silently. She responded with cupping my cheek softly for a moment then went back to her soothing movements. Her fingers continued to stroke the back of my neck rubbing small circles and gliding up into my hair repeatedly.

Sighing, I relaxed back into her lap just enjoying the quiet and closeness for a while. It had been a long time since I awoke with anyone with me and even longer since doing so had brought any comfort. I floated aimlessly in a cloud of contentment but eventually realized how selfish I was being. Bella had been awake all night, sitting up, watching over me, tending to my needs. She had to be uncomfortable and tired.

With a small groan I untangled myself from her warmth and sat up. Leaning back against the headboard, I turned in her direction and reached out for her hand and brought it up to my lips.

"Thank you," I whispered against her soft skin. Not able to say anything else I held her hand against my cheek; loving the feel of her softness against my coarse stubble.

"You must be tired," I finally said when I was able to form words. "And stiff from sitting like that all night. Why don't you have a hot shower and I'll get some breakfast sent up?"

"If that offer includes a pot of coffee then I could be persuaded," she giggled and nudged my shoulder.

Picking up on her playful mood I reached for her, then rolled over, pinning her underneath me.

"Consider yourself persuaded then, Little One," I whispered into her ear before kissing the soft spot behind her ear.

Bella gasped softly and I was unable to stop my lips from trailing down her neck and back up to her ear, this time drawing her lobe between my teeth and nibbling on the tender flesh. Her arms came up around my neck and drew me closer.

"Edward…" she whispered so _so_ softly.

It was the only invitation I needed and I lowered my head and captured her mouth with mine.

Everything else faded away as our lips moved together and when my tongue pressed into her mouth I was lost.

Swirling, pressing, stroking, hot, wet, needy…

_So __needy_.

This time it was Bella that broke the kiss. Gasping, we separated, my mouth immediately mourning the loss of hers. Foreheads pressed together we both calmed down as we shared small pecks, tiny nips and soft brushes of our lips.

Gently, Bella pressed against my chest and I reluctantly rolled off her to allow her to get up. Silently she walked over to the door and paused. Turning around she approached the bed again. I raised myself up on my elbows to meet her as she leaned over me.

"Best persuasion tactics _ever _Mr. Masen." And she pressed her lips to mine. Hard.

Then with another of her delightful giggles, ran out of the room, leaving me aching for her to return.

**I would like to be persuaded by Edward. Just saying. **

**Short, but as promised one more this week. See you tomorrow.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N**

**Last update this week….back on Tuesday**

**Own nothing. **

**Thank you my lovely ladies, all of you reading this and reviewing. I appreciate all of you.**

**Now… What shall today bring?**

After ordering some breakfast, I had a shower and waited for Bella to join me in the living area.

My mind was racing and my gut was churning. As per usual, when in chaos I paced.

_What the hell was I thinking? What the fuck was I doing?_

Forty eight hours ago I didn't even know this woman existed, and now I was longing for her presence when she was only a few feet away in the bathroom for Christ sake? I had let down my guard and allowed her into my private world. Why would I do that _again_? Nothing good was going to come of our time together. How had she done this? I was making out with her like I was some horny teenager. Mooning over her laughter. Letting her take care of me.

_I was being an idiot. _

I stopped pacing and pulled my hands through my hair. A new more terrifying thought entered my mind.

I had let her see me at my most vulnerable.

She knew my weaknesses. How long until she exploited them? It would be like…before. There was a shit load of hurt and pain waiting at the end. For me.

_Fuck._

A knock sounded at the door, interrupting my out of control thoughts. At the same moment Carlisle walked in through the connecting door and opened the main door to allow room service in. I heard Bella coming down the hall, her soft footsteps echoing louder as she got closer. I had no time to try and tamp down my feelings of panic.

"Ah coffee, bloody genius you are Edward. Good call. How's the head?"

"Please, help yourself Carlisle," I replied dryly.

"Already did, thanks. Head?"

"Much better- will you be joining us for breakfast also?"

"No just the coffee; just came in to tell you I've had three calls from Sebastian since last night wanting to talk to you today. He won't discuss his reasons with me, said he would only talk to you but you weren't answering your cell."

"What did you tell him?" I questioned anxiously.

"Just that I would pass the message along. And that you had probably left your phone in your jacket pocket. Relax Edward, no one saw anything." Carlisle's voice was calm.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, I will call him…after."

"Alright. I'll let you get on with breakfast."

Walking away he suddenly stopped and turned around. "Almost forgot. Paul called. The flight home has been confirmed for 10am."

And with that statement he left.

The silence was so loud in the room it almost had a pulse of its own.

Then Bella moved, stopping by the couch briefly before going to the table.

"Coffee, Edward?" she asked quietly.

Nodding, I joined her at the table and accepted a cup.

"I added the cream," she murmured.

For some reason that annoyed me.

"I am quite capable of adding my own cream Bella. I've been doing it for a while now." I snapped.

Her hand froze midair with the plate, containing what I assumed was my breakfast on it, and then softly placed it in front of me.

"Of course. I didn't think," she said quietly.

I picked up my coffee and took a sip.

_What __was __I __doing_? I needed to calm the fuck down.

I kept hearing Carlisle's voice "10am tomorrow" in my head.

Leaving.

Tomorrow.

_Leaving. Tomorrow._

Tomorrow. I would be gone. I would be without Bella.

I grabbed the croissant on my plate and took a bite, chewing angrily.

"Did you want some butter?"

"If I _wanted _some butter I would ask for it. It's my eyes that don't work so well Bella. Not my vocal cords."

I heard something metallic hit china. Looking up I could tell Bella was staring at me.

I looked away. My head was starting to ache again. And why were my eyes burning? Fuck.

"Is there water?" I asked harshly, hating that I had to have help even with something as simple as water.

I felt my breathing became shallower.

Nothing was said as I felt Bella place a glass beside me. I took my napkin and fished around the glass for some ice and rolled the cubes inside it for a cold compress. Shutting my eyes, I pulled off my glasses and threw them down on the table, then placed the cold napkin over my eyelids to help relieve the burning.

Bella got up and I heard her moving around. "The lights are off Edward," she informed me softly. "And the curtains are closed. You can relax and open your eyes." I heard the scrape of her chair against the wooden floor as she sat back down.

"I _am_ relaxed." I snapped. "I don't need to _open _my eyes. Stop telling me what _you_ think I should do. I realize you _think_ you know exactly what I need but I _assure_ you I do know how to look after myself." I growled in frustration.

"Edward," Bella's voice was soft. "What's wrong? What have I done that has made you so angry with me? I was just trying to help…"

"STOP trying to help me! I don't need help all the time! I'm perfectly capable of carrying on without you. I slammed my hand on the table and the sound of the rattling china echoed in the sudden silence.

"What do you think is going to happen tomorrow? There'll be hundreds of miles between us Bella. How will you cut my meat from there? Make sure there's cream in my coffee? Run around trying to shield my eyes?

"You won't. _I__'__ll_ do it. _By __myself_. Because that's _my_ reality.

"You'll go back to your own life and not have to worry about tending the guy with the vision problem. You can tell all your friends about babysitting the poor disabled composer."

Bella stood up so quickly she knocked the table, and the plates and cups banged together loudly.

"_That__'_s what you think? _That__'__s_ what you think of me? Why I did those things? Because I felt _sorry_ for you? Did it ever occur to you I did them just because I saw your quiet need and wanted to meet it? Without _having_ to ask for someone to do it for you? I did those things because I care for you, not because you're blind!"

"I am not _blind!" _My words were an enraged hiss, and even I could hear the venom, but I didn't care. I stood up, fast and angry, and in my fury knocked the chair over. I heard Bella gasp.

"I. Am. Not. Blind," I said again, this time through my teeth.

"Really?" Bella spat back. "How would you describe it then?"

"I have photophobia! It's well documented. You know that! I'm hypersensitive to light, and it presents some obstacles for me!"

"So your PR people say. You hide it well Edward, but there is more here than that. You can lie to the public, but I have seen too much for you to lie to _me_."

She was standing straight up, anger and hurt literally rolling off her in waves

"And what about this, Edward?" Bella hissed as I caught the movement of her motioning between the two of us. "If my _helping_ was making you so angry why didn't you say something? You didn't seem to mind _the __help_ as I sat up _all __night_ and made sure you were okay. And you certainly didn't exhibit any of this anger when you asked me to see you again. Or when your tongue was exploring my throat earlier. What the hell changed so drastically in the few minutes I was in the shower? I don't understand this! Any of this!"

"_This,_was a mistake. A momentary lapse of judgement on my part. _This_, is done."

With that I turned and walked away, ignoring her gasp of pain. I needed to get out of here now before I either said anything more hurtful or lost complete control. I could feel something building inside that I hadn't felt for a long time and I needed to escape before it reached its peak.

As I stormed towards the connecting door to Carlisle's suite, my foot caught on something and I stumbled forward, landing face down on the hard wooden floor, scraping my palms on the rough surface on the way down.

Instantly I was back to that humiliating time period years ago.

_Falling. Stumbling. Pain. Mocking laughter. Cruel words. Taunting barbs. The knowledge I would never be a complete man again. That I was lacking. And reminded of it constantly._

_I could still hear her heels clicking on the hard floor as she walked away after witnessing another one of her pranks. "Hope it was a nice **trip** Edward…."_

I was so caught in my memory of the past that I started as I felt hands on me pulling me back into the present.

"Edward, are you alright? "My bag... I'm so sorry, you fell over my bag!" Bella's voice sounded so strange, like she was far away, and muffled.

I pushed her hands away frantically. "Leave me alone, just leave me alone!" I could hear the panic in my voice as I struggled to remain in the present.

I scrambled up to my knees using the couch as leverage and looked to where Bella was sitting on the floor. Her head was in her hands, and her shoulders, her entire body, were shaking and she was making the strangest noise.

_Was she laughing at me? _

_She was laughing at me. _

I was a joke.

_Even to Bella, I was a fucking joke._

Horrified, I stood and carefully walked the last few feet to Carlisle's door. My glasses were somewhere on the table, but I wasn't going back for them.

Without looking back I opened the door to Carlisle's suite. I stopped briefly before I walked in.

"Get out."

It was the last thing I said to her.

I walked into the adjoining room, closing the door firmly behind me.

**Um… please NO rocks… they hurt badly. **

**Til Tuesday…**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**

**Early update... I am away tomorrow so am giving you this early. And I promised a certain reader who was so upset I would post early so here you go Edwards Vamp Girl. Your next one is Tuesday when I get back. **

**Usual disclaimer…own nothing as cool as Edward…although my ladies do rock.**

**And their mine. All mine. Mine. Mine . Mine.**

**So most of you were pretty upset with Edward and me the last chapter… not sure why I'm in trouble- I only write what the characters tell me. Don't shoot the messenger…. Giggles**

**And we continue.**

I sank to the floor on the other side of the door.

_Laughing at me. My Bella was laughing at me._

I could feel my chest getting tighter as I struggled to get air in. I was gasping loudly; my body a mass of shaking limbs as I was hit with a full blown panic attack.

The sounds of running feet hit my ears as Carlisle and Emmett quickly appeared before me.

"Edward! What's wrong?" I could hear Carlisle's frantic voice but couldn't respond.

"Fuck, Emmett, help me get him to the couch, NOW!"

As if I was a child I was picked up and carried over to the couch. Carlisle knelt in front of me and grasped my shaking arms. "Listen to me Edward. Relax. Breathe with me. Come on. You remember. Concentrate.

"Slow. Deep. Breaths. With me. Breathe with me."

Grabbing one hand he placed it on his chest so I could feel the deep rise and fall of his breathing. "Like this."

After what seemed to be an eternity, but in reality was only several moments, I was able to draw in a deep breath allowing my body to slow its spasms.

"Emmett, get him some water, please."

I felt the cool hardness of a glass pressed to my lips and I welcomed the cold liquid that soothed my dry throat.

"Lean your head back Edward. Take a minute to collect yourself."

I sank back into the couch feeling utterly exhausted and drained.

"What the fuck brought that on?" Emmett suddenly spoke up.

"Shut up right now Emmett, seriously." Carlisle snapped.

"Should I go get Bella?" Emmett asked anxiously.

"NO!" The word burst out of my mouth and I felt my head shaking furiously.

"Leave it alone, Em. _Now_. Go finish what you were doing. I'll stay with Edward." Carlisle spoke softly.

I could hear Emmett muttering as he stomped down the hall. Any other time I would have laughed at his childish antics, but at the moment I couldn't find a smile in me for anything.

"Edward, what the hell happened? You haven't had a panic attack for at least a year."

I just shook my head, knowing I couldn't possible explain what had just transpired.

"Fine, then. I'll go ask Bella." I felt him start to get up from beside me.

My hand shot out and grabbed his arm. "No, she…she left."

"Her leaving caused a panic attack? Fuck Edward, we can stay longer if you want. You don't have to say goodbye today."

"No, I …I told her…I told her to leave."

"You told her to leave," he repeated slowly. "Why in the fuck would you do that?"

_I had to… I had to end it her before she could hurt me. Before I had to hear her walk away. It was the only way I would survive this. _

"I don't want to talk about it." I began to get up but I found myself being pushed back down by Carlisle's arm.

"Well you're fucking gonna talk about it whether you want to or not. You just scared the shit out of me and you're going to tell me what made it happen. I haven't seen you look like this since that bitch Vicky had her claws in you."

I cringed at the mention of her name.

"We argued," I admitted quietly.

"Must have been one hell of an argument. What the fuck brought it on? Last time I saw the two of you, you were all wrapped up in her arms sound asleep looking as contented as I have ever seen you."

"What?"

_When had he seen that? _

"I went to check on you last night. You know how fucking worried I get when you have one of those headaches. You were sound asleep with your head on Bella's lap. She was so upset that you were hurting and she was determined to be there for you. She refused to leave or even move in case it disturbed you."

_What the fuck?_

"Does it really matter Carlisle? We're leaving in the morning. It was a silly, stupid impulse. Nothing could good come of it so … it's done."

"Why?" he demanded.

"Why what?"

"Why could nothing good come of it, Edward? Explain it to me, because I've seen nothing _but _good since Bella walked into the Q & A the other day."

Stalling, I took another sip of water. Shifting forward I placed the glass on the table, then sat back and sighed.

_It was simple. Why couldn't he see it? _

"You yourself told me the plane is booked for 10 am tomorrow. We're leaving Carlisle." I snapped back at his tone.

"It's _your_ fucking plane, Edward. We can change that. All you have to do is say the word."

"Until when, the next day? Next week? Still the same thing. I'd be there and she'd be here."

_Fuck, why was he going on about this?_

"So stay here and get to know her better. Sebastian is begging for you to work with him on his new charity CD. He has a brand new recording studio in his house and he wants you to produce and record with him. I can clear your schedule."

I shook my head angrily. "No."

"No?" he snorted.

"No," I repeated firmly.

"Why?"

Now I was frustrated. "Fuck, Carlisle because… because it's too much."

"Explain that brilliant logic, because this I gotta hear. "

I paused. My head was pounding and the thoughts were so overwhelming.

"She's too much. She…sees everything, she does everything, she makes me do things I don't even _know_ I _want _to do. She makes me…feel."

"And this is bad thing again, why Edward?" Carlisle's voice had lost its impatient edge and had become quieter.

"You know why," I replied as quietly.

"Edward, not every woman is like Vicky. They aren't all cruel and out to punish you for something you can't control."

I held up my hand. "Don't."

"It's true," he insisted firmly.

I took in a deep breath. "Then why did she laugh?"

"What? When did she laugh?"

"I tripped over her bag she left on the floor by the couch and fell...

"Bella sat there on the floor laughing at me, Carlisle, – just like _she_ used to."

There was a pause as I waited for Carlisle to say something.

"I find that incredibly difficult to believe from what I have witnessed these past couple days, my friend."

"And what have you witnessed, exactly?"

Carlisle sighed deeply. "I saw you respond to another human being for the first time in years. I saw you reach out to someone other than myself or Emmett. I watched you laugh and react to a lovely woman from the moment she sat down beside you. A woman who looked at you with so much adoration she couldn't hide it. Who saw _you._ Who seemed to somehow sense what you needed and just gave it to you without any agenda other than to please you."

He paused then continued in a firmer voice. "What I didn't see was a cruel, malicious person. I think you're mistaken Edward. I don't know what happened exactly but is it… possible… that you're wrong?"

Sadly I shook my head. "No, she sat there on the floor laughing so hard she had her head in her hands. It brought it all back Carlisle. All of it. _Her_ taunts, _her _way of making me feel like I wasn't good enough anymore, _her_ laughing at me. I can't let someone do that to me again. So I told her to leave."

I stopped talking and rubbed my pounding head with my sore hands.

"Edward?"

"What?"

"What was the argument about?"

_Fuck. How could I explain this properly… it happened so quickly._

"Bella was... she was doing too much. Thinking she knew what I needed more than _I _did. I told her to stop."

"Sorry, I'm missing something here I think. Doing too much? Like what?"

"Well...she added cream to my coffee and offered me butter." I started.

"Huh," he interrupted, sarcasm heavy in his voice. "Bitch."

"I don't need a babysitter; I can look after myself for fuck sakes!"

Carlisle barked out a laugh. "I don't think she felt like she was one Edward. I think she was doing what comes naturally to her."

"And what is that?" I snarled.

"Loving someone by caring for them. That's what she does Edward. She's a giver."

Bella's shouted words suddenly came to mind. "I did those things because I care for you, not because you're blind!"

I was silent.

"Edward. I love you like my own brother, so please know this is coming from the heart. I have watched you go from day to day for the past two years. Never connecting with anyone. Never opening up. Holding yourself back. Keeping everything in your life so tightly under control you have forgotten to live anymore. How to just _be_. Bella Swan unlocked something. It was like you had finally woken up."

I felt his hand gripping my shoulder shaking it, as if trying to get his words to sink in.

"I think it frightened you. I think you panicked and you found an excuse to push her away before you got hurt. And I think in doing so you got hurt anyway. Because I think you already have strong feelings for this girl."

"I don't have feelings for her. She was a distraction. And a mistake. One I won't be making again," I spat out.

"So you're just going back to not living then? Back to hiding from life?"

Now I was furious. "Fuck you Carlisle."

"No Edward, I think the one who's fucked here is you."

_I __was __done __with __this. __Now_.

I didn't even bother trying to be polite.

"This conversation is over. I'm going back to my room. Check and make sure she's gone. And get me my glasses. They're on the table."

I heard the connecting door open and Carlisle's footsteps fade. He came back a few minutes later and pushed my glasses onto my face; I was finally able to open my eyes fully.

Then he thrust something into my hand

It took me a minute to make out the object. An asthma inhaler?

Confused, I looked up.

"You god damn _idiot_. She wasn't laughing. She was fucking trying to _breathe._

"She was so upset it brought on an attack. Like your panic attack, except she needed _this_ to breathe.

"But don't worry, she's gone.

"Good job, Edward."

**So I never said this chapter would make it better…**

**See you Tuesday.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N…**

**Thank you so much for the large number of reviews. I am so thrilled you are enjoying the story and so far I have made it through alive…**

**Thank you to my ladies who encourage and help so much.**

**And now I think it's time we heard from another lovely lady…**

**Bella speaks.**

He was so angry.

_Why __was __he __so __angry?_

What could have happened in the short time it took me to shower that changed him from the sweet, tender, sexy man to the tense, furious person storming away from me?

How could he think I pitied him? That I didn't care for him?

I was so confused. I had so many questions and no answers.

I moved to follow him, to try and calm him down, when he fell. I had left my bag by the couch and in his fury, he had not been concentrating on his surroundings and he tripped over it.

Trying to get away from me.

Then my tears which I was struggling to keep at bay, started to roll down my cheeks and I felt my chest getting tight with anxiety. Crouching down close to him I was horrified to see him curled up into an almost fetal position. I could also see his beautiful large hands were scraped from breaking his fall as he went down on the hard wooden floor.

My carelessness had hurt him_. __I_ had hurt him.

I reached out to touch him and it seemed to only panic him even more. When he begged me to leave him alone I felt my heart crack open. My breathing became erratic and I knew I needed to try and calm down. Placing my head in my hands I tried to fight off the pending asthma attack. Tiny little gasps of air were all I could get into my lungs; I knew I needed my inhaler.

I felt Edward get to his feet in front of me and I held out one hand beseechingly, hoping he would grasp it. I needed him to understand what I needed, but I didn't have enough air in my lungs to form the words. I realized he was walking away and I looked up pleading at him with my eyes to help, trying to gasp out his name.

He never turned around.

He paused only for a second before saying "Get out" in a flat emotionless voice. Then he shut the door behind him leaving me alone.

Stunned and slightly dizzy, I managed to crawl over to my bag and find my inhaler. Finally, after several puffs I could feel my airways opening up and oxygen beginning to enter. I drew in some deep gasping breaths and once again buried my heads in my hands, but this time it was to muffle the sounds of my sobs. Raised voices from the other side of the connecting door startled me and I knew I had to make a decision. Stay and demand an explanation or do as Edward ordered. Get out.

Standing up on my shaky legs I knew there really was only one option. I had no idea what had just transpired in this room, but I did know two things. There was without a doubt in my mind, more to Edward's eye condition than simply being highly sensitive to light, and whatever had caused him to react the way he did was not something he would share with me.

Quietly I made my way to the hallway door, pausing briefly at the connecting door, but could only hear the sound of voices talking and could not make out what was being discussed. Having read of Edward's vile temper in magazines and just witnessing the real thing, I knew that if he walked in the room right now and I was still here, I would experience it again. I wondered if he would send Emmett or Carlisle in to make sure I was leaving. I stifled another sob at the thought of further humiliation and exited the room quickly. I stopped in the rest room on the main floor and splashed my face with cool water then donned my sunglasses to hide my still teary eyes. Out front I wearily hailed a cab and made my way home.

The cab ride seemed to take forever as I struggled to hold myself together. To stop the constant replay of Edward's hurtful words in my head. But once I was safely inside my apartment I slid down to the floor and broke down completely. Huge sobs shook my body as I went over the events of the past few hours. How wonderful it felt when he woke up this morning all wrapped around me and my name was the first word he spoke. How content he seemed to be. How it felt to be under him while his warm, soft lips and tongue played with my own. How gentle his hands had been while he held me. His whispered thank you.

And then the sudden anger.

Exhausted, I shook my head. It made no sense. When I was walking down the hall I heard him and Carlisle having their usual banter they seemed to prefer to use with each other, although I thought Edward's voice was unusually sharp. He seemed to suddenly freeze on the spot when Carlisle reminded him of their flight time the next day. I felt how my heart had dropped at the words, but I also knew it was a conversation we needed to have once breakfast was over. I had thought about little else in the night while Edward slept on my lap. It felt like the past two days had changed us both somehow and I needed to know if he was feeling it as well. Where we went from here. Or if we went anywhere. I felt such a deep connection with him it was almost overwhelming. I had hoped I wasn't the only one feeling it.

"I guess I'll never know," I whispered aloud. "I never got the chance to ask."

Pushing myself up off the floor, I stumbled into my bedroom and crawled into bed. Clutching my pillow I allowed the tears that were close to the surface again to escape. I don't know how long I cried, but when the tears finally subsided I felt the deep weariness of being awake all night; the emotion of the day crashed over me. And I drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Hours later I woke up. For a moment I felt confused and unsure of why I was in bed in the middle of the day but then the events of earlier returned. Forcing down the lump in my throat I sat up with a sigh. My eyes felt like sandpaper and my throat was dry. I padded to the kitchen for a glass of water then had a shower to try and dispel the lingering fogginess in my head.

I decided I needed to do something productive so I hauled out all the cleaning supplies and got to work. By the time I was done, the apartment sparkled and I was done with the tears.

I was angry. And not only at Edward.

I was furious with myself for allowing him to make me feel like this. I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I had done nothing wrong. The magazines and gossip rags were right. He was a temperamental artist with a short fuse. I had stupidly fallen for the outwardly charming image. And he had played me well and when he was done he cast me aside.

Screw him.

I was fine. Or I would be fine, in a few days. I would not let a weekend of romantic ideals ruin me. Straightening my shoulders I put away all the cleaning supplies I had used and opened a bottle of wine.

"Asshole," I muttered out loud.

Except he wasn't.

He was troubled, and sweet and wonderful and so very sad.

I shook my head. "Enough," I said firmly. It was done. I had to make myself stop thinking about him. I had to try. He had made it crystal clear I had no place in his life, so I had to banish all thoughts of Edward Masen from my head and heart.

I spent the rest of the evening listening to music. Not _his_. I couldn't bring myself to do that. I called and left a message at work that I was ill and would not be in for the weekly meeting the next day. My voice certainly was raspy enough from the crying so I knew it sounded believable. I fell asleep somewhere in the early hours of the dawn, on the couch, while sobbing into the pillow.

I woke up disoriented, again, and saw it was 11:30am.

Edward was gone.

His plane left this morning at 10am.

He never called. He never came to see me.

Until that very moment I didn't realize how much I had been hoping he would. That he would explain. That he would tell me he cared. That he would hold me again.

Hot tears rolled down my face but I didn't even have the energy to weep anymore. It really was over.

A soft knock startled me, then I realized it was probably Kate next door coming to see why my car was still in its spot and I wasn't at work. Wiping my tear-weary eyes I walked over and pulled the door open.

Except it wasn't Kate that stood there.

Looming in the doorway, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles were white, was Edward.

**He's baaaaaccckkk…**

**Wonder what he has to say for himself? I guess we'll find out tomorrow…**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N**

**Thank you. Really I did not expect to post early because I didn't expect to get that many reviews for one chapter. I am deeply touched.**

**Midnight worked quickly to get the re edit for this done so I could post. Thank you my friend. **

**And this is the longest chapter yet.**

**So let us listen to Edward again…**

The engines roared as we began to taxi down the runway. The loud hum matched the throbbing ache in my head. Leaning back into my seat I tried to clear my mind; to stop the incessant loop that was continuously playing like a broken record in my head.

_Bella._

_Leaving Bella. _

_Not laughing. Trying to breathe._

_Bella. _

_Leaving Bella. _

Jamming my hands in my pockets I winced as my broken skin came into contact with something hard.

Bella's inhaler.

Was she okay? Did she have another one? Had someone looked after her like Carlisle had cared for me? Did she even have someone to care for her?

_Fuck. _

"Carlisle!" I yelled as I struggled trying to undo my seat belt.

"Edward, what the fuck? We're about to take off. Sit down!" I could hear him undo his own belt and start to come over, no doubt to push me back down in my seat.

I struggled harder. Why the fuck would this belt not unclasp?

"Edward, what? What do you need?"

"Stop it Carlisle."

"Stop what Edward?" His voice was confused.

"Stop the plane. I…I can't go.

"Stop the plane, call Sebastian. Make the arrangements. I want to stay. I want to see Bella. I have...I _have_ to see her. _Please,_" I could hear the panic in my voice.

The plane was gathering speed.

"NOW, Carlisle, stop it now _please_."

"Okay Edward. Relax." Carlisle's voice was low and soothing. "We'll stop."

I heard him turn and stride away quickly. I felt the engines slow down and immediately relaxed.

"Alright Edward, we're turning back to the hanger," Carlisle's voice drew closer.

"Next time don't be such a stubborn asshole and give in a little sooner okay? This is gonna cause me a shitload of paperwork. And you know I fucking hate paperwork." He chuckled as he sat back down across the aisle. I could hear Emmett chuckle as well and I allowed a small smile to break through.

Bella. I was going back to Bella.

*()* *()*

I hesitated for a moment, and then softly knocked on the door in front of me. I knew she worked from home a lot and I was hoping today was one of those days. If not, I would just wait until she did come home. I was tense and agitated. I had no idea how she would react to seeing me.

The door opened and my tension grew. I could see her small form in front of me. Her scent swirled around me as I watched her hand fly up to her mouth, stirring the air around us. I heard her quick soft gasp as she realized who was at her door, but otherwise she didn't make a sound.

"Bella?" I whispered softly.

I saw her other hand move to her face and I heard the sounds of muffled soft sniffles.

Fuck. She was crying?

I stepped forward. "Bella?" I repeated, reaching my hand out.

She stepped backwards avoiding my touch.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" her quiet voice was rough and raspy and I knew then how _much_she'd been crying.

Because of me.

I dropped my hand in defeat.

"Please, Bella, can I come in? I want…I need to talk to you. Please."

"I think you made it perfectly clear yesterday Edward, that your _wants_ or _needs _aren't to be my concern, so I don't really think I _need _to hear what you have to say." Her pain filled voice made me cringe.

Before I could reply I saw the door start closing. In desperation, I grasped the door frame, ignoring the throbbing pain in my hands, stopping it from shutting. "Please Bella. I know you're angry. You have every right to be. Please let me talk to you. I'm begging."

The door swung back open and Bella stepped forward. Her voice was low and ragged.

"And I was begging _you_ yesterday Edward, but you couldn't be bothered to listen to me. Now you expect me to offer you the same courtesy that you denied me? You _walked __out _on me. I couldn't breathe and needed your help and you _ignored_ me and left. You told me to get out. So now I'm telling you – Get out! "

And the door slammed shut.

Stunned, I allowed my head to fall forward onto her door. I could hear that she was still on the other side breathing rapidly and sobbing softly. I could feel her pain as if it were my own.

I had to get her to listen. I had to offer her something that would make her open the door back up.

"Please Bella. I know you can hear me." I pressed my forehead harder against the wood closing my eyes.

"I _didn__'__t __know_. I didn't know you were having trouble breathing. I _swear _I wouldn't have left if I had known. I was angry and acting irrationally. I know that. I thought… I thought you were laughing at me. That you found it funny that I fell. That I was… a joke. I _couldn__'__t __bear_ the thought of being a joke to you." I shuddered, remembering the horrid feeling I had felt the day before.

"I want to be... something important to you." I paused, swallowing the painful lump in my throat knowing suddenly _how_ essential that was to me. "Please Bella, please. Let me in. Give me a chance. Listen to what I have to say and I promise…I will answer your questions. And if you still want me to go…I will. _Please_." My voice broke on the last word.

There was nothing from the other side of the door but the soft sounds of her muffled sobs. After a few minutes, I slumped my shoulders in defeat. I had my answer.

Carlisle was right. I was a god damn idiot.

I turned and began to walk away. Suddenly I heard the door open and Bella's sweet voice whisper,

"Alright, Edward. I'll listen."

Spinning around, I quickly went back to her. I stepped inside before she could change her mind and without another thought wrapped my arms around her shaking form. She pulled away instantly.

"No Edward, you don't get to choose to give me comfort _now._ You lost that right yesterday."

My chest tightened at her words. She was right, but the need to hold her was so strong I had to physically restrain myself from pulling her back to me.

I nodded silently and waited for her direction. She turned and walked away from me moving toward her living room and I followed.

"Sit down" she directed and I was stunned at the sounds that followed.

She was shutting her curtains, toning down the brightness of the room. Still doing what she knew I needed without asking. My heart soared at the thought that there was a chance here. With her.

"Thank you Bella," I murmured quietly as she sat down on the couch. Turning in her direction I saw she was not as close as I had hoped choosing to sit closer to the other end.

"Not overstepping the line Edward? It's ok for me to close the curtains? I'm a little confused regarding what is acceptable for you." I felt her shift on the couch and could tell she had drawn up her legs defensively against her chest.

I winced at both her statement and the raspiness of her voice. That seemed to be a place to start.

"Are you… okay Bella? Your asthma I mean? Did someone help you? You …ah… you had another inhaler? You left this one." Reaching in my pocket, I took out the inhaler and I leaned forward to hand it to her.

I heard her gasp and withdrew my hand quickly unsure why she had reacted like that. Unexpectedly she reached out and took my hand in hers. Her soft fingers stroked my palm gently. "Your hand. I'm so sorry about your hands Edward," she whispered.

Taking the opportunity while I had it, I closed my hand over her smaller one and squeezed gently.

"It was an accident, I know that Bella. It's not your fault I tripped. I wasn't paying attention the way I should have been. I was rather…umm…" I trailed off unsure how to finish that sentence.

"Busy over reacting?" Bella finished for me. She seemed to realize what she was doing and pulled her hand out of mine. Immediately I wanted it back. I sighed and noticed she had not answered me.

"Are you? Are you ok?" I repeated. "I didn't know Bella. I had no idea what was happening. I would NOT have left you alone no matter how angry I was if I thought you needed me. You never mentioned having asthma." I pulled my hand through my hair. "I didn't know!"

"You have already said that Edward. It still doesn't explain anything. And I'm fine now. Once I was able to get my lungs to open up I was okay. I must have dropped my inhaler in my, umm, rush to leave. Thank you for returning it."

I hated the cold formality in her voice. "I don't know exactly what to say here. I don't know how to explain...what happened, I don't know if I _can_ explain it so you understand. Help me. Tell me what you want," I begged.

"Honesty." Bella's voice was firm. "I went to have a _shower_ … and when I came out it was like everything had changed. The man I left smiling in bed was gone and someone else was there. What happened Edward? Why were you suddenly so angry at me? Make me understand."

I shook my head. "I wasn't angry _at_ you. I just _took_ my anger out on you."

Bella snorted. "You could have fooled me. You were yelling at _me_, about the things _I _do. Things I would do even if you…" her voice became very quiet, "even if you had perfect eyesight."

I immediately tensed up.

"Let me make something perfectly clear to you, Edward. I, in no way feel sorry for you. I can't imagine not being able to handle light. I know the pain is awful for you and I hate that. But I never once treated you or did anything for you because I pitied you. I'm not sure I was even conscious of some of the things I did. I never meant to make you uncomfortable or make you feel like I thought you were helpless."

"You didn't. I know I said that, but I didn't mean it. I was reacting to something else and I used your kindness against you."

"Why?"

I drew in a deep breath.

"Because I was leaving. Because it hit me that you wouldn't be there anymore to do those wonderful, caring things. And I would miss that. I would miss _you_. Because of how quickly you became so important to me. Because I was afraid you would hurt me."

Bella was utterly silent.

"And then… suddenly we were arguing and I could feel... I could feel a panic attack coming on. And I had to get out of there. I was so afraid you would see me like that and think less of me."

My heart was pounding. The magnitude of what I was saying was overwhelming; I was revealing so much and she could still reject me.

"What happened when you fell? You said earlier you thought I was laughing at you? Why would I find it funny that you were hurt? Do you really think I'm that sort of person?" I could hear the hurt in her voice.

I shook my head.

_NO._

I could feel my hands clenching together so tightly the grazed skin was beginning to crack open again.

Bella suddenly shifted closer and grasped my hands. "Tell me."

I drew in a deep breath and willed myself to speak the words.

"There was …someone in my life. Someone I thought was important. Who I thought cared. It turned out they didn't care and they… they liked to put things where I couldn't see them and watch me fall. Or change where something was kept so I couldn't find it. They found it very amusing. It became like a game to them."

Bella said nothing. She got up from the couch and I heard her footsteps fade as she left the room. Unsure what I was supposed to do, I wearily put my head in my hands, noticing the dampness on the palms. From the smell I knew I had indeed cracked open some of the scrapes again, and they were bleeding. I heard her coming back and straightened up.

She sat down beside me and touched my arm. "Hand please," she whispered.

Tentatively, I offered her my left one, unsure of what she wanted or what was about to happen. I felt the coolness of a soft cloth as she gently wiped the blood away then asked for the other hand, repeating her gentle ministrations. Then she softly rubbed some ointment onto both hands and I felt the slight sting of pressure as she pressed bandages on them.

"You have some blood on your face; I'm going to wipe off, ok?

I nodded.

"I need to take your glasses off. The light is low."

Again I nodded and felt her remove my glasses. She gently wiped at my cheeks as she spoke again.

"Were you remembering other times you…fell? Like a flashback?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"That person who was in your life Edward, are they still part of it?"

I shook my head.

"Do you want to tell me more about it?"

"Not right now, please. I will, but please now right now," I begged her.

"Alright." I heard her draw in another deep breath. "You didn't deserve that. No one deserves that. What that person did was cruel and there is no justification for it. Watching someone you supposedly care about hurt themselves tells me it was the exact opposite – they didn't care at all. If you care about a person you want them safe, you want to protect them. You want to laugh _with_ them, not _at_ them."

She paused then continued softly. "That's why I had my attack Edward. You fell over my bag. You were hurt because of me. I was already so upset and confused and then I had caused you physical pain…I couldn't take that. I would never hurt you. " Her voice broke on the last word.

"I know that Bella, I know."

"Can I ask you to do something?" Bella's voice was still quiet.

"Yes."

"Open your eyes. Please Edward. Look at me."

Slowly I allowed my eyes to open. The room was very dim and I tried to concentrate on Bella's face.

Bella reached forward and cupped my face in both her hands. "Can you…can you see me Edward?"

Slowly I felt my head shake. "Not really very much," I stated quietly.

"What can you see?"

"That you have dark hair, the outline of your body's shape, that you're not very tall. I can make out your actions most of the time but I can't…"

I paused not wanting to say the words out loud, but Bella waited patiently. Then suddenly the words were pouring out so fast I wasn't sure she could even understand them.

"I can't see you. Your features, the shape of your eyes, or any of the details that make you, _you_. And I want to. So much. I can't tell you the dress you were wearing the other night was lovely, I can only imagine it was because _you_ were wearing it. I can't see your expressions to see your mood, I can only try and sense it from your voice or your body language... I can't focus on things anymore. Most of my world is just a blur.

Reaching over I touched her soft hair and stroked my hand down the luxurious tresses.

"If the light is just right and I concentrate really intently I can sometimes get some details, but it is getting harder and harder to do so. And the sensitivity to light has only grown and intensified, so now I can't handle any getting into my eyes. I wear my glasses all the time because I'm afraid of that happening. The pain is so intense when it does happen."

The room was quiet for a moment then Bella sat back. I could tell she was studying me and it took everything I had not to close my eyes as she looked at me.

"Did this happen… because of the accident you were in?"

I just nodded, my throat too tight to speak.

"Was it immediate?"

"No," I whispered. "It happened gradually. The light sensitivity started first and then headaches. My one eye had sustained some trauma but everyone thought it was healing. But it caused the other eye to mimic the weakness. After a lot of tests I was diagnosed with _Sympathetic __Ophthalmia__**.**_

"Why do you hide it?"

"Because it's a _weakness_ on my part Bella.

"Because it makes me _less_.

"It makes people treat me differently. It gives them the power to hurt me. The dark glasses and hating light just make me more… intriguing. That I can handle." I could hear the edge coming into my voice, but was unable to stop the surge of anxiety I was feeling as I allowed Bella into a part of my life I had kept under wraps.

"Don't you ever get tired pretending Edward?"

Her question caught me off guard.

"I don't think I have a choice anymore," I said wearily.

"We always have a choice. It's making the decision to change that's so difficult."

I shook my head exhaustedly.

"Why did you come back Edward? Why are you here?"

"I came back for you. I tried to leave. I _wanted _to leave. But then the plane started to take off. And I knew."

"Knew what?" she whispered.

This time it was me who reached out and found her face, which I gently cupped with my hands. "I knew if I did it would be the biggest mistake I ever made. That I had to come and beg you to forgive me. I had to try. I want you to give me the chance to know you. To let you know me. To see what _we_ can be. I love how you make me feel. I want to feel like that all the time. I want you to feel that from me. "

"But how?"

"I accepted Sebastian's offer to work with him. I changed everything Bella. I'm staying. If you want me to. I'll be here for at least a month, maybe longer. And I want to use that time to build on _us_."

"You did all that- for me? You changed all your plans just like that to stay here?"

"Just like that."

I could feel the sudden rush of tears as they poured down her face. I pulled her into my arms and this time she wound her arms around my neck and held on just as tightly. Her body shook with sobs.

"Shh, Little One. Please. You've already cried so much because of me. Please don't. I'm so sorry."

"It's just so much," she sobbed into my shoulder. "I thought you were gone. I thought you hated me. I thought I would never see you again."

"No. I could _never_ hate you. I pushed you away because I was afraid. But I'm here. If you want me I'm here."

She looked up at me and I glided my fingers over her sweet face, touching her tenderly and letting her feel my apology in a different way. I felt her soft skin and over the small bump of her nose. I memorized the shape of her face and I wiped away her tears, and then I felt the brush of her long lashes as her eyes fluttered closed against my fingers. I allowed my thumbs to trace the softness of her lips and when she softly kissed them I buried my hands in her silky hair and pulled her to me. Once again when I met with her sweet lips, I was lost.

Our tongues met and I explored her mouth, revelling in her taste. Breaking away, I gently nipped at her lips and kissed my way over to her ear. "Tell me you want me here Bella. _Please.__" _

"Yes. Please stay."

Smiling, I kissed her again. I tucked her under my chin and felt her nuzzle into my chest; I began gently stroking my fingers through her silky hair.

"Bella, I need you to help me. I want to know about your asthma. I don't know much about the disease. What I can do to help you if it happens again. What you need from me, to...care for you." I paused, and added softly "Especially what can trigger it… besides it being aggravated unfairly by an arrogant asshole with appalling behavior."

"I'll tell you," she nodded and whispered into my chest. "Later, please? I don't think I have the energy right now."

She was quiet for a moment then added, "And Edward? I don't think you're arrogant. An asshole at times, yes, but not arrogant so much," she softly chuckled.

I had to smile at her subtle, yet humorous way of agreeing how appalling my behavior was. Thankfully though, she was here, safe in my arms and willing to give me the benefit of the doubt.

_I didn't deserve another chance. _

But I was fucking grateful to whatever power made her open that door up and listen to me.

We were silent for a few minutes and when I looked down I realized she was sound asleep. My heart filled with tenderness at the trust she was showing me and at the same time I felt a pang of guilt knowing the reason for her exhaustion was _because _of me.

Carefully manoeuvring myself around I lay down and arranged Bella into what I hoped was a comfortable position. I felt along the back of the couch and found a blanket and covered her. She stirred for a moment and I softly kissed the top of her head.

"Sleep. I've got you." I whispered to her.

I felt her nuzzle even closer.

"Edward?" her voice asked sleepily.

"Hmm?"

"You're _not _less. You're everything."

**See you next week….**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**

**Well, it would appear as though most of you decided Assward could be forgiven and has gone back to being Musicward, as many of you refer to him as, after his apology. **

**A few things… yes Edward's eye disease is real. And no, there is no cure. There are still some unknown factors with this disease so, I may use a little license from time to time… ahem.**

**Many have asked, Edward is in his early 30's and Bella in her late 20's.**

**I still own nothing to do with Twilight.**

**I still have an amazing set of ladies who help me in so many ways.**

**And my readers are amazing and your words make me smile. Thank you.**

Hours later I awoke, surrounded by comforting warmth and the soft, soothing scent of Bella. Again.

Flexing my arms to make sure this was indeed real I felt her face nuzzle deeper into my chest where she was resting. At some point I had rolled over and now she was pinned between me and the back of the couch. Her leg was thrown over mine and we were a mass of heated limbs all tightly entwined.

Slowly I opened my eyes in the dim light and tried desperately to focus. I could make out her dark hair all tumbled around her shoulders and back but her face was buried too deeply in my chest for me to try and make it out. Gently, I moved my arm and lifted her face so I could see. Her alabaster skin was so soft and its fairness contrasted beautifully with the rosy color of her lips but the fineness of her features, their detail, was not clear. As I stroked along her soft cheek, her forehead furrowed and she frowned. I could feel her eyes on me and knew now that she was awake. Leaning down I brushed my lips against hers. Immediately her hand flew to the back of my head, fingers finding purchase in my hair, holding me closely to her face.

"Hey you ," she whispered, her voice gravelly from sleep and all the crying she had done.

"Hi," I responded back as softly, continuing to stroke her downy cheek.

"I like this."

"Like what?"

"Waking up in your arms," she answered; I could hear the shyness creeping into her voice as she said the words.

"Mmm, me too," I murmured and unable to resist, pressed my lips to hers once again.

Slowly, sweetly the kiss turned deeper and more passionate. Tongues swept and danced together, exploring and breaking apart only to quickly find each other again. My hands began a circuit, running down her sides and up again in a continuous motion of needing to feel her soft curves. When they slipped under her shirt and met with warm soft skin, she gasped into my mouth but didn't pull away. If anything she pressed herself to me even more tightly. Her soft little moans were answered with deeper groans of my own. I could feel myself wanting. She could feel _my_ need.

Wanting _more_.

Deeper kisses, more skin, more Bella.

A sudden pounding startled us both and Bella pulled away quickly. Confused, I blinked then shrugged my shoulders and went to capture her lips again. I was so not ready to stop yet. And whatever the noise was _had_ stopped. Winding my hands into her hair I pulled her face against mine again and nipped softly at her lips. "Please baby," I whispered. "Come back."

Just as our lips met the pounding started again. "What the fuck?" I growled, raising my head. "Can't your neighbours keep it down?"

Bella giggled softly, pulled my head down and quickly kissed me. Then moved away before I could reciprocate. "It's not the neighbours. Someone is at the door, Edward. I have to go answer it."

I knew exactly who was at the door. "No, ignore them, they'll go away. Just stay quiet and they'll think we're not here." Grinning I lowered my head. "And I know exactly how to keep you quiet, Little One." With that I pulled her back to me crashed my lips to hers in another searing kiss. She responded eagerly and we began getting lost in each other again.

Cue pounding. This time it was followed by Emmett's voice bellowing through the door. "Open up Shortstack! We know you're in there. I'll even help you dispose of the body if that's the problem!"

I sighed in frustration as we sat up. Bella stood up from the couch and I felt her stretch. "Feels cold suddenly," she said with a shiver.

I grabbed her hand. "Seriously, ignore them and come back down here. I promise to warm you up," I smirked and waggled my eyebrows at her.

She laughed and leaned down brushing a kiss on my forehead and then ran her hands through my hair. "I'll hold you to that," she smiled into the kiss, and tenderly replaced my glasses on my face before walking towards the door.

I heard the door open and Emmett pushed his way in first. "Hey Shortstack! You in need of my muscles to help get rid of the evidence?" There was the sound of a smack followed by "Ow… just asking. No need to get rough with me."

Carlisle's voice followed behind Emmett's. "Hello, Bella. Everything…ok here?"

"We're good Carlisle," I spoke up. "Thanks for the drop in, you ever heard of that invention called the cell phone? Saves you _wasting_ a trip, uninvited I might add."

"Edward!" Bella gasped. "Don't be rude."

"Yeah Edward, don't be rude," mimicked Emmett, who was making himself at home in the chair opposite me.

I opened my mouth to prove just how rude I could be when a small hand covered my mouth.

"Edward…" Bella said sternly.

I kissed the soft palm contritely.

Carlisle laughed and sat down on the other end of the couch. "No worries Bella. We are rather used to Edward and his…bluntness."

Sitting back I pulled Bella down to sit beside me. "Well then, risking being rude again I'll ask. What _are_you doing here Carlisle?"

"Well, since you asked so _politely_, while you have been, ah, busy here and I see exactly how busy you have been…" Carlisle paused briefly with a chuckle and Bella's hands flew to her hair no doubt trying to tame the mess from my fingers running through it. I reached up and captured one of her hands, gently stilling its agitated movements.

"Crossing the line Carlisle," I growled.

"Oh, fucking relax, I'm just pleased to see that you seem to have worked things out." Carlisle retorted. "I'm just not used to seeing you so… rumpled."

Beside me Bella giggled, the sound muffled behind her hand as she tried to stifle the sound. I could feel the vibrations of her laughter where she was nestled into my side and I squeezed her tightly. "You find this amusing?" I commented dryly.

"Well your hair is rather… chaotic," she laughed.

"Um, Shortstack? You really ought to check yourself out in a mirror," Emmett joined in her laughter. "That is quite the do you are sporting right now…"

"We fell _asleep_," I snapped, feeling the need to somehow defend Bella's honour. "We were both rather exhausted…" I trailed off at a loss of what to say next.

"Ok, Edward. We know. We're just relieved ok?" Carlisle responded. "I've been calling your cell phone but you never answered. I was getting…concerned. "

Instantly I felt bad. My cell phone was on vibrate, in my jacket pocket which was somewhere other than on me. I had meant to call Carlisle but I completely forgot once Bella was cuddled into me asleep. All I wanted was to lay with her and stay close. Contacting anyone was the last thing on my mind.

"Sorry…" I started but Carlisle interrupted me with a laugh.

"Not needed. I'm glad to see you're still alive and Bella is smiling. So. While your lazy ass was sleeping I was, as usual, hard at work taking care of all the details of your life for you. Thought you might want to know what was going on."

"Do tell." I grinned at the usual snarky banter coming back and pulled Bella a little closer.

"Do you want me to leave?" she turned to me and asked quietly.

"Why would I want that?" I was surprised at her question.

"Umm, well it's your career and private life you're discussing. I thought maybe you would like to do so without me in the room?"

Forgetting for a moment that there was anyone else in the room besides Bella I leaned over and captured her face with my hands. "Bella," I said quietly "You are a part of my life now. A very important part. And what I'm planning and doing involves you in every way. I want you here. Please. Know that." Then I softly pressed my lips to hers and was thrilled to hear her quiet ok.

"Ok then," Carlisle spoke up and I could hear the disbelief in his voice. I knew he wasn't used to seeing me allow anyone into my life or decisions and was having trouble adjusting to seeing it happen. He wasn't the only one surprised at my reactions. With Bella it happened so naturally, I just did it without thinking. And I was used to thinking about everything.

"I met with Sebastian and he's thrilled about working with you. His manager joined us and we came to an agreement on timing. There were a couple of smaller projects on his schedule he wasn't agreeable to moving so we agreed to start two weeks from now. You okay with that?"

I nodded. "These projects, they were things Sebastian didn't want to put off?"

"No actually, James insisted they had to be done. I don't think Sebastian really felt inclined the same way but I could be wrong. I had the feeling he was just trying to keep peace so he could have _this_ project. This charity CD is very important to him. He really wants to work with you."

There was something in his tone that struck me as off.

"What is it, Carlisle?"

"James Colder has a reputation Edward. His relationship with Sebastian is not like ours. It's business. He is known for being all about the end result. Money. If it makes money and he is getting his cut then fine. If not, he's really not interested. I don't like him. In fact I really want you to stay away from him as much as possible. He doesn't give me a good feeling. He is brilliant at what he does; I just don't agree with some of his business tactics. And to be honest I don't like the way he treats Sebastian. But that is between them. Work with Sebastian. Tell me what you need and I will make sure it happens. Time wise whatever you want. But ignore James and let me handle him, clear?"

Again I nodded. I knew Carlisle and his instincts were always right. If there was something he told me then I would listen.

"Why would someone like Sebastian have management like that?" Bella asked. "Why would you grant someone you don't really like that kind of power?"

"Sometimes an artist signs with a manager who can help their career. They either don't realize the kind of person they are getting involved with until it's too late or sometimes they just don't see it," Carlisle explained patiently. "Sebastian has done very well considering he is still fairly new in the business. And a lot of that success is a direct result of brilliant PR thanks to James. Like I said he performs his job exceptionally well." He paused, thinking for a moment. "It's just that Sebastian's relationship with James is quite different than the one I have with Edward. Our relationship is probably different than ninety nine percent of the client/manager relationships out there."

"How so?" Bella asked softly.

I shifted in my seat as Carlisle paused briefly again. I wondered how he would explain it to Bella. I often wondered how he put up with my crankiness and short temper.

"Because Edward is first and foremost, my friend," Carlisle responded firmly. " Every decision I make is based first on what is best for him. Personally. The business part pales in comparison to that. And if needed, I would always choose Edward first. And I would fight any battle for him, gladly. Even if he is a cranky, demanding fucker," he added dryly, breaking the sudden emotional tension in the air.

"And that he is," Emmett joined in the laughter. I felt Bella laughing beside me and even I had to chuckle. He was right. But I also knew he had my back.

"Yeah whatever," I responded. "You aren't exactly a fucking ray of sunshine yourself some days."

"Can't let you have all the fun," he laughed.

"Now, back to business. Sebastian wants to have dinner with you tomorrow. Talk over your plans and set up the schedule. I want you to see the guest house and studio. If you're not comfortable with either we will make alternate arrangements. I saw them both this afternoon and I'm quite sure you will be fine but it's your call. And we need to decide what we're doing. Are we staying here until you start or going home briefly to get some things, since none of us are prepared for a long term stay? Do you want to send Emmett back?"

My heart sank. I knew I should go and get what I wanted from home. I had certain writing instruments I preferred and clothing I liked to work in, but I didn't want to leave Bella. Even for a few days.

Sensing my thoughts, she nudged me. "It's not forever Edward. Only a few days right? I'll be here when you get back," her voice murmured comfortingly.

I nodded, silently thinking and weighing the options.

"Shortstack? Aren't you like a book editor?" Emmett's voice broke through my musings.

"Yes?"

"Don't you work from home a lot you told me?"

"Umm, yes…why?"

"Then make it easy on Ed here. Come with us. You can bring your books or laptop and work from there couldn't you?"

Fuck. Not often I had occasion to say it, but Emmett was brilliant.

Smiling I turned to Bella, unable to keep the excitement out of my voice. "Can you? Would you? We can work around your schedule…please?" The last word came out almost pleading.

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

I heard the hesitancy in her voice. And I hated it. Grabbing her hand, I kissed it and held it to my cheek.

"Yes," I said simply.

"Then I'll make the arrangements," she said squeezing my hand.

"And I'll get started on mine," Carlisle added.

"Fucking excellent. Everyone's good. Thanks to me. Hey, Shortstack you got any more of those cookies hanging around? I think I deserve a reward for a job well done."

And once again I had to agree with him. Emmett was on a roll.

**OK. Four updates this week. Just for fun I won't tell you what days… oh wait I guess that is just fun for me. … giggles. **

**See you … maybe tomorrow ? **


	16. Chapter 16

**Update two for the week… **

**I have been nominated in the short n' sweet awards… maybe you would consider voting?**

**Nothing else to add… it was only yesterday I posted after all. **

**But in case you wondered… I thank you all for reading. And reviewing. They make me smile really widely and I look funnier than normal. Just saying. **

Another peal of laughter drifted out of Bella's kitchen. Just hearing it made my head swivel in that direction and I felt myself smiling. She and Emmett were baking cookies of all things, while Carlisle and I continued to go over our upcoming plans.

"Quite an enchanting little thing isn't she?" Carlisle mused. "There is something warm about her, kind of draws a person in. Emmett already adores her. And unless I am greatly mistaken, he isn't the only one."

"She's not like anyone I have ever met," I admitted softly. "She's so soft and giving, but so bloody strong. She makes me want to be _more_for her. But not because she finds me lacking, but because it's what she _deserves_."

"Maybe Edward, maybe, she is what _you_ deserve."

I shook my head. "I don't think anyone deserves the crap that is me, Carlisle."

Carlisle's next words came quickly, and there was no mistaking the anger in his voice. "Fuck off with that self-loathing shit Edward! Seriously. Give yourself a break and accept that something good has entered your life. Part of you, somewhere in there knows that, otherwise you'd be sitting alone in your house right now. But we're here. Because you wanted to be. Because _you_ chose to be. Figure it out. If you don't you're doomed before you start." I felt him get up and he began to walk away.

"Stop dwelling on what has happened before. Turn a page and start living again. Because you've been given a chance. Don't. Fucking. Waste. It."

I sat stunned for a minute. I heard him stop in the kitchen, telling Bella and Emmett he was going to make some calls and to save him some cookies.

Then he walked out the door closing it rather loudly for my benefit. Carlisle often set me straight and had no problem telling me off, but rarely did he actually get angry with me. Or at least angry enough that he actually walked out.

I sat quietly for a moment mulling over what he said. I was so lost in thought that I was startled when Emmett sat down heavily beside me, munching on a cookie. "Here," he said thrusting a warm cookie at me. "Bella said I _had _to give you one." I had to smile at his petulant tone.

"It seems to me I shared the other day," I growled snatching the cookie before he had a chance to pull back. I bit into its warm gooeyness and groaned.

_Fuck __my __girl __could __bake._My chest warmed at my thoughts. _My _girl. Yeah. I liked that.

Shaking my head at my own thoughts I turned to Emmett. I could feel him staring at me.

"What?"

"What did you do this time that pissed Carlisle off so much he had to vacate the building? That has to be a record, even for you man."

"He needed to make some calls," I shrugged. "I guess he wanted privacy…"

"Yeah, right. Cause the other room or the hall wouldn't do. We both know Carlisle doesn't keep anything from either of us, but good try Edward." He snorted. "I think I'll go look for him. He's been pretty upset over all this shit too you know. You could try giving him a break instead of being an ass."

"For fuck sakes, Em! I didn't _do_ anything. I said something he didn't like and he's the one who took exception and walked out. I wasn't being as _ass_. At least I didn't mean to be," I shrugged helplessly.

Emmett clapped me on the shoulder and stood up. "Good to hear. Still, I am gonna go look for him. I'll take him a couple cookies. I doubt anyone can stay pissed off after eating those suckers."

After he left I stood up and carefully made my way to the kitchen where Bella was finishing off the cookies and cleaning up. I paused for a moment and watched her figure move back and forth around the tiny kitchen and inhaled the aroma of the baking cookies. I found it oddly comforting. "Hey Little One, lose your helper? Sorry, but I did warn you he's like a big kid. Easily distracted, you know."

Bella laughed and finished switching out trays in the oven. She came over and wrapped her arms around my waist, pressing her warm cheek to my chest. I bent down and buried my nose in her soft hair. She smelled of Bella and cookies and a little of me. I liked it. A lot. "He was a great helper, although I certainly lost a lot of the dough before it went in the oven," she sighed.

I laughed. "That sounds like Emmett." Then I turned serious after Bella yawned again and shook slightly in my arms.

I pulled back and cupped her face in my hands. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Just…tired."

"As soon as Carlisle gets back we'll go back to the hotel and you can have a couple quiet hours this evening. I know you're tired…because of me," I said softly, hating the thought of leaving her.

"No, please, stay? We could have supper, I'll cook something up quickly, you and Carlisle can make up and then you, could…stay…here…tonight…if you wanted?" she whispered her hand covering mine.

I drew in a breath. "Bella?"

I felt her shake her head. "Oh no! That came out wrong. I'm not, umm, asking you to _stay _stay…I, umm, oh _shit._"

I threw back my head in laughter at her confusion and the unexpected expletive.

I leaned down and kissed her. "I would love to stay. I really didn't want to go back to…that _particular _room. We'll order in some supper, because I don't want you cooking again. After dinner we'll send the dream team away, and _then_ I would love to crawl into bed with you…" I paused for effect, "and _sleep_." I smiled at the added warmth I could feel under my fingers from the blush on her cheeks. "I sleep incredibly well when you're beside me," I added quietly.

"You'll talk to Carlisle?" she asked anxiously.

"Yes my little peacemaker," I growled. "Not that I did anything to apologize for…"

"Sometimes Edward, being the bigger man means taking the higher road."

I sighed. How the hell did she do that? Just cut through all the bullshit and present a solution that would end the problem quickly. And she was right. I had to apologize.

"I will Bella."

"Thank you," she whispered, lifting her face. I happily met her partway and enjoyed the feeling of her lips moving with mine. Just as I was deepening the kiss the buzzer went on the stove and Bella pulled away.

"Fucking always something knocking or buzzing around here," I groaned into her hair.

"Probably a good thing," she giggled breathlessly as she stepped away.

I pulled my hands through my hair in frustration.

_Yeah, the way **all **of me was reacting to her? Probably a fucking good thing right now. _

**Two down, two to go… wonder when they will post ? Hmmmm…**


	17. Chapter 17

**OK All….**

**Three of Four… **

**Thank you for reading and all the lovely reviews… **

**Thank you to my lovely ladies as well.  
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**Without them I am lost. **

…

I sat quietly, enjoying the comfort of the peaceful afternoon with Bella.

She sat on the other end of the couch reading through a manuscript. I could hear her pen scratching over the paper as she made notes and her under- the- breath mutterings when something either irked or amused her. The occasional "oh, for fuck sakes" made me grin widely and on more than one occasion I had to stifle my laughter. We were facing each other, my long legs stretched out, resting across her lap while she used my shins as a work area. I liked it. Every so often she would absent mindedly rub my feet while continuing to read. Every touch made me long for another; I was wondering how I could get her to stop working for a while and join me on this end of the couch. I had long given up on the notes playing through my head. I wasn't in the mood for writing instead opting to lean back and relax.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you ok? Do you need anything? Another coffee or something?" Bella asked. "You don't have a headache again do you?"

"No," I shook my head. "I'm just enjoying _this,_" I swept my arm around, indicating the room.

Bella snorted. "By this you mean lazing on my couch, while I ignore you and work? Or the fact that I'm not nattering away at you as usual? Actually allowing you some time to think? Oh, are you composing in your head?"

Smiling, I shook my head. "No, not composing right now. By this I mean enjoying being _here_, with you. Although I quite enjoy your nattering as you put it, yes, being quiet and not having to do _anything._ That's rare for me."

"Why?"

I paused trying to figure out how to answer her. We'd both had enough emotion the last couple days and I didn't want to start down another dark path right now. "I don't usually like having nothing to do. I start to…think. And remember."

I shrugged my shoulders. "But here with you I feel…peaceful. I'm enjoying that. "

"Then I'm glad," was her soft reply as she rubbed my feet once again.

I heard her pick up the manuscript again and a few seconds later the noise of the pen let me know she was back at it. I sighed softly and allowed myself to drift aimlessly.

"Why don't you take off your glasses?" Bella suggested gently after a few minutes of silence. "I have the curtains drawn and I'm using my book light. It would be more comfortable for you. It must get irritating having them on all the time?"

Immediately I tensed up.

"It's fine, I'm used to them," I snapped harshly.

"_Edward_…" I could hear the soft hurt and surprise in her voice at my tone.

"I said I'm fine Bella."

I heard the manuscript being placed on the table beside her. She lifted my feet off her lap and stood up quickly. "I'm having another coffee, do you want one or is that an offensive question to you also?"

She grabbed both mugs from the table and disappeared into the kitchen.

_Fuck._

I sat up instantly and followed her. Her back was to me as I entered the kitchen so I walked over and pulled her back against me. She was holding herself tightly and I could feel the hurt and confusion in her stance.

"I'm sorry," I murmured into her hair. "I shouldn't have snapped like that."

The mugs she was holding were slammed down on the counter. I winced at the angry noise.

"Why, Edward?" Bella's voice was tense. "I thought you might fall asleep and I just felt if you did it would be more… comfortable without your glasses on. You wear them so much you have permanent lines on your nose where they sit. I don't understand why you don't take them off when you have the opportunity."

I sighed. I could hear the tremble in her voice and knew she was struggling to hold back the tears.

"I feel…safer with them on," I admitted gruffly, hating that I was admitting to another fear.

"Safer?" she gasped and turned around. "You don't feel safe with me? What do you think I'm going to do? Snap on lights and shine them in your eyes for fun? " I could see her head shaking in disbelief and she took a step back from me, breaking the hold I had on her.

I hated the distance and I reached out for her, but she evaded my searching hands.

"Is that what you _still _think Edward? That I'm going to _hurt_ you? _Purposely_ hurt you?"

Her voice was choked and I knew once again she was crying. Because of me.

My hands went to my head and I yanked roughly at my hair.

"It wouldn't be the first time!" I fumed. My voice was shaking with sudden fury. "_Yes_ I wear them all the time. _Yes _I feel safer. Because I _have_ to protect my eyes, I have to protect _me_. If you knew how often I endured the pain before I learned my lesson, you would understand! Because… someone _did_ enjoy seeing me hurt and I can't…I can't seem to get over it… and… fuck!"

I turned away my shoulders sagging, my sudden anger leaving as quickly as it started. When I spoke again my voice was calmer.

"I told you Bella, there was someone who enjoyed playing games with me and found my pain amusing. It scarred me. I _do_ trust you. But there are times the memories over ride that and I react. Badly. Forgive me."

I began walking away when she suddenly closed the distance between us wrapping her arms around my torso, holding me against her. I could feel her tears soak through my shirt; I turned around and pulled her against my chest.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so _so_ sorry!" she wailed and continued to sob.

"Shh, baby," I crooned, confused by her apology. "It was me, not you. I get angry sometimes. I can't always control myself. You have nothing to be sorry for."

She shook her head. 'No_. __I__'__m_ sorry for what you went through. For what _that __person_ did to you. I hate the thought of someone hurting you on purpose. "

I held her closer, amazed at her for the pain she felt on my behalf.

"I didn't know Edward. I shouldn't have pushed. Forgive me too?"

I felt her lift her face and I reached up and wiped away the tears still streaming down her cheeks. Bending down I softly kissed her trembling lips. "No more crying, please? And nothing to forgive. Please, Bella."

She nodded and reached up cupping my cheek with her hand. When she spoke, her voice was sad.

"Eventually, Edward you're going to have to let me in. You have to tell me what has happened so I can understand. We have to be able to talk about it."

I sighed. "I know, Little One. Give me some time. Please. I'm…trying."

"Don't take too long Edward," she whispered.

I wrapped her back up in my arms.

And fucking prayed I had the strength to do what she asked.

We were both quiet the rest of the afternoon. Emmett and Carlisle arrived to pick us up about six, but before they arrived I had begged Bella to still come with me. I needed her beside me and I hated the thought that I had once again pushed her away with my thoughtless behaviour. She seemed to feel it was out of place for her to be part of the evening but I strongly disagreed.

"Bella, I'm doing this more so because I want to stay here and be with you, rather than the draw of wanting to work with Sebastian," I gently explained." If that was the driving force I would simply have had him come to my home studio in Vancouver. I wouldn't have agreed to stay here in Toronto. Please. I need you there tonight."

She nodded and went to get ready. I sat on the couch with my head in my hands. There were still occasions I couldn't control my emotions. Would there ever come a time I wouldn't over react and cause Bella's tears or anger Carlisle as I did yesterday? He had readily accepted my apology last night, was even surprised at it really, but it wasn't something I wanted to happen very often. He was my closest friend and good to me; he deserved better than the attitude I'd given him yesterday. And upsetting Bella was totally unacceptable. She was right. I had to open up and talk to her.

I just wasn't sure I was quite ready for that yet.

Arriving at Sebastian's private home outside of Toronto, I was rather anxious about the evening. Again I was not in familiar surroundings which always put me on edge and I was worried about Bella. She was so quiet I was afraid she had not really forgiven me for this afternoon and I hated the thought she was still upset. But I didn't have time to speak with her privately as Sebastian met us as soon as the car stopped.

We spent the next hour touring the guest house and the studio. Both would work fine for me just as Carlisle had thought. The studio was top of the line and very similar to my own at home. It was missing some of the features I had added to compensate for my sight, but I would learn my way around it quickly enough.

The guest house was open, and furnished minimally and I knew I would adapt to it as well. It was very bright with white walls and lights but Sebastian lowered the lighting and it helped. I heard Bella speaking with him quietly but was unable to make out their conversation as Carlisle and Emmett were speaking at the same time. I made a mental note to ask her later, when we were alone, what she was discussing so intently with Sebastian. I was pleased to find the guest house was actually split in two with connecting doors; much like the suites we generally stayed in so I would still have my privacy. It would work out well, as I planned on spending my free time with Bella. At least that's what I hoped.

"Where's James?" asked Carlisle as we headed into the house for dinner.

"He, um, had another commitment. He'll join us eventually," was Sebastian's calm reply, although I sensed an undertone of tension to his words.

Bella stopped beside me and bent down suddenly. I stopped walking and waited for her, seizing the opportunity I'd been waiting for.

"Those roses smell like heaven," she informed me as she joined me.

"Bella are you okay? You're so quiet…" I whispered, taking her hand in mine.

"I'm fine Edward, just taking it all in. Really, I'm fine," she assured me squeezing my hand.

Feeling marginally better we caught up with the others as they entered the house. Talk during dinner centered around various ideas and thoughts we had about the upcoming project. I was pleased that Sebastian and I were both of the same mind regarding a tentative schedule and what we wanted to see come of our time. The charitable aspect was something we both felt strongly about and I was sure we would work well together again.

Just as we were finishing the main course, James strolled in to the dining room.

"Well, if it isn't the Dynamic Duo, as I live and breathe," James remarked sarcastically as he pulled out a chair beside Sebastian.

"James, knock it off," Sebastian retorted sharply.

'Oh relax, just kidding around. Carlisle, how are you? Edward, Emmett, good to see you." James laughed snidely. "And who is this lovely lady?"

I felt Bella's already tense posture freeze even more. Protectively I draped my arm around the back of her chair leaving my hand sitting on her shoulder. As Sebastian made the introductions I was pleased to feel her small hand slip up and entwine my fingers with hers. I squeezed hers gently and felt her relax slightly.

"So I assume you're still determined to move ahead with your little charity project?" James asked, his voice dripping with barely hidden annoyance.

"_I _assume you are still not a hundred percent behind the project, James?" Carlisle volleyed back before I could retort.

"I'm never behind anything where I see the profit margin dip Carlisle. This is a business- a tough one and you have to make sure first and foremost you cover your own ass before looking after someone else." James sneered.

"I hardly think two people who want to give their time, talent and use their own resources to help out others constitutes a dip in profits. The publicity alone will increase sales of their other materials, not to mention the positive angle for everyone involved." Carlisle's voice was calm but steely.

"Of course _you_ would think so Carlisle..."

"I think it's incredibly generous of both of them," Bella suddenly interjected.

"Really…" James voice indicated his doubt in her statement.

"Yes _really._ I find it refreshing that in a business that is so focused on profit and image, Edward and Sebastian want to do something worthwhile and positive. Something that gives back. Something they both love to do that will benefit others. And that they _aren__'__t_ making a huge deal of it."

"That is not my doing I assure you, my dear." James's voice was dripping venom.

"_That_ Mr. Colder is hardly surprising, given your attitude."

There was a moments silence then James barked out a laugh

"Feisty one you have there, eh Edward? I like them feisty."

I bristled at his remark and felt Bella's grasp tighten on mine.

"No Ms. Swan, I would far rather approach this guns blazing. Go to the press with hey, _look __what __we__'__re __doing_ ….but my client here insists on the low key approach."

"Thank God for that," I muttered.

"But we do need to have some press involvement and interviews surrounding this," Carlisle interrupted. "Maybe we should start discussing that this evening and then when we get back in a few days we can set a schedule that is agreeable to all?"

Bella released my hand she had been holding in a death grip and stood up. "If you'll excuse me I'll leave you to the discussion. Would it be alright with you Sebastian if I walked around the gardens? And perhaps had another look at the guest house to get, um, some ideas on what we were discussing?"

"Of course Bella, make yourself at home. I expect to see you around a lot over the next while. I'll make sure you have a pass card for the gate so you can come and go as you please." Sebastian's voice was warm and hospitable as her addressed her.

I frowned. "Why don't you take Emmett with you Bella?"

"Don't be silly Edward. It's a private garden. I'm sure I'll be quite safe walking around. You need Emmett here in case security issues come up in your discussion. I'll be back shortly."

She bent down and brushed her soft lips to my cheek, then walked away. I hated the thought of her walking around a strange place alone even if she was right. The property was fully fenced and there was tight security. I just had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. And what project was she discussing with Sebastian?

Almost immediately the arguing began. James's idea of low key versus Carlisle's was vastly different. Having promised him I would stay out of it as much as possible, I sat back and listened to their different ideas. One thing was very clear. To James this was a business and Sebastian a commodity to be used to make the most money no matter what. I suddenly appreciated Carlisle's personal handling of me even more. I could tell Sebastian was very uncomfortable with James and his almost belligerent way of speaking. He kept shifting in his chair and I could hear him tapping his fingers on the table impatiently. Sebastian was a tall man, much like me, but heavier set. His hands, though larger than my own, could coax notes from the piano so gently it was magical to listen to. I could tell he was growing more impatient with James and was making small hissing noises when he would say something particularly offensive. But like me, Sebastian kept quiet. Suddenly James pushed back his chair and stood up.

"We are never going to fucking agree on this. I think we should pound the shit out of this collaboration but since you seem to feel _your __boy_ can't handle it we'll do it your way. We are missing some vital publicity and financial opportunities here, so if this inane project falls flat don't come whining to me. I'm done discussing this shit with you Carlisle. I have some important calls to make so excuse me."

The silence following his abrupt departure was deafening.

"Fuck," Sebastian groaned after a moment. "That was uncalled for. I apologize Edward. I'll speak to James. He is not…very happy with me at the moment and he is taking it out on you both."

I waved my hand dismissing his apology.

"Not very supportive," I murmured.

Sebastian laughed. "You picked up on that did you? Well, he can pound sand. I've wanted to do this for a while- long before we even did the duet for the gala. I do everything he wants me to do so he can just suck it up for the next while. I'm…we're doing this. And we are doing it the way we want to. Sometimes he forgets he works for me, not the other way around. I'll tell him to back off."

Carlisle laughed, breaking the tension. "I'll handle the little fucker. The two of you concentrate on doing what you do best. Make some beautiful music, and it will make _everyon_e a pile of money. Of that I have no doubt. Now I don't know about you boys, but I need a drink."

Sebastian laughed and soon we were all sitting with a brandy in hand.

"Emmett how long has Bella been gone?" I asked suddenly.

"About half an hour," he replied calmly.

"Go check on her please? I thought she'd be back by now."

"The gardens are quite extensive Edward. I'm sure she's fine." Sebastian offered.

"I'm sure she is," I nodded. "But I want to make sure. Please Emmett, now."

About ten minutes later I heard the door open and caught the sound of Bella's voice talking softly to Emmett. I sighed in quiet relief and pulled her chair back out beside me.

She sat down and I reached over for her hand. She was holding herself stiffly and I could feel the anxiety rolling off her.

_Was she angry I sent Emmett after her?_

Leaning forward, I quietly asked her if she was alright. She nodded in return but didn't say anything.

Fuck. She _was _angry.

Carlisle was entertaining Sebastian and Emmett with one of his amusing stories so I tried again.

"Bella? I was just worried. I'm sorry. I just wanted Emmett to make sure you were ok. You didn't have to come back if you weren't ready. I'll go back with you if you still want to be outside." I whispered to her pleadingly.

"I'm not angry Edward. I'm glad you sent Emmett. I got… a little…lost. I've had enough of the gardens for tonight."

I was confused. Her tone wasn't angry but her body language was so tense. There was something she wasn't telling me.

"Bella?"

"Please Edward, leave it. I'm fine. Emmett brought me back. Please."

I could hear something in her tone that made me pause. Was it _fear_? A thought occurred to me suddenly.

"Did you run into James out there? " I hissed.

I felt her nod slowly.

"Did he do something?" I asked, getting angrier by the second.

"No, he just …" she trailed off.

"Just what, Bella?" I snarled.

"Stop it Edward. He makes me uncomfortable. But he just mouthed off some more of his opinions. He likes to hear himself talk. Emmett interrupted him and we came back. End of story."

By now our voices were loud enough the others had heard.

"Emmett?" I questioned.

"Yeah man, he was just going on. I think Shortstack was glad to see me show up and steal her away."

I stood up with my fists clenched. I could feel Carlisle and Sebastian looking at me.

"I don't care who that fucker is. I don't care which of the two of you do this. But tell him to stay the fuck away from Bella. Is that clear? .. Or this project is over. Are we clear on this?"

I saw them both nod in agreement and heard Carlisle's answering growl.

"I'll make it crystal clear, Edward. Crystal."

**Oh Edward is pissed. And protective. **

**Protective Musicward.**

**Hot. **


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers! I hope you all had a great day.**

**Although we celebrate our thanksgiving on October here in Canada I still gave thanks today for my lovely readers and all the wonderful reviews. **

**And I gave huge thanks for my lovely ladies. Windchymes, MidNight Cougar, Kitkat and Cejsmom…. I adore you all… **

**Last one for the week… this one is….lemony. For me anyway.**

After my declaration at Sebastian's I was certain I was in for another argument from Bella. We left with Sebastian's promise he would speak directly to James and make sure he understood the ground rules. The ride back to Bella's was silent except for the clicking of Carlisle's blackberry. After agreeing on a 9am pickup time, we parted ways for the night.

Once in Bella's apartment I braced myself for her anger, but was surprised and relieved when she simply informed me she was able to handle herself. I was told firmly I need to learn to control my tendency to over react, especially when she was involved.

"It's impossible to think I won't run into James over the duration of time you're collaborating with Sebastian," she stated matter of factly.

"I'll make sure Emmett is with you at all times," I insisted, knowing she was right. James was bound to be around, much to my dismay.

"Edward, don't be ridiculous. He's a pompous, narcissistic ass and was trying to prove how much smarter he is, that's all. He thought I had insulted him and was trying to even the score. I doubt he'll even pay any attention to me now."

She walked over from where she was leaning against the kitchen counter and cupped my face. "I appreciate you wanting to…protect me. I do. But it's _not_ going to happen Edward," she insisted gently. "I will not become a burden for you; someone you feel you have to have escorted from place to place. We're all grown-ups here. Sebastian and Carlisle will talk to him and _if __I_ feel it's needed I will ask Emmett to come with me, but that's as far as it goes. Understand?"

Grimly I nodded; actually relieved she didn't have more to say on the matter. I had quickly come to realize she was fiercely independent.

But I planned on talking to Emmett anyway.

The plane trip home was uneventful, especially in comparison to the last aborted trip. Bella was rather taken back that I had my own landing strip behind my house but I explained how much easier it was to come and go from here instead of the usually busy crowded airports. Out of country flights I still had to use commercial air, but my private plane was used otherwise whenever we travelled.

I was nervous of her reaction to my house. It was a large bungalow with an open great room area and kitchen situated in the middle. Glass doors off the dining area lead to a large covered deck and swimming pool. The hallway to the left led to my private bedroom and bath, while the hallway to the right had two guest rooms and baths. Deeply tinted windows, which were also covered with automatic blinds, allowed me both privacy and light reduction. The entire basement was a huge sound proofed, custom-designed recording studio. Both Carlisle and Emmett had their own houses on the grounds. The entire property was gated, highly secured and well protected. This was the one place I could relax and just be me. I wanted Bella to be comfortable here. I heard her quick intake of breath as we entered; I remained quiet while she wandered around the great room for a few minutes.

"Well?" I asked hating the anxiety in my voice.

"It's huge, Edward."

"It's not that big in comparison to some," I laughed.

_Was it? _

"Your kitchen area is bigger than my entire apartment," she pointed out.

I walked over and wrapped my arms around her waist. "I was rather hoping you would break the kitchen in while we were here. Maybe a celebratory dinner or two and …hmmm... cookies would be in order?" I whispered in her ear then nuzzled her lobe causing a shudder to run through her. Grinning I continued the nuzzling, running my lips up and down her neck softly as she giggled.

"I'm so happy you're here Bella. Thank you for coming with me."

She turned in my arms and lifted her face for a kiss. Happy to oblige I bent down and took her bottom lip gently between mine, my tongue sweeping softly over its fullness. Gasping, she wound her little fingers in my hair and pulled my face closer, her lips parting and her sweet breath swirling around my senses. Losing myself in her once again I was hardly even aware of lifting her up and her wrapping her legs around my waist as I perched her on the back of the sofa. I was nestled tightly in between her thighs as my tongue explored the sweetness of her mouth and when she arched against me neither of us had any doubt as to how much I wanted her. Groaning, I thrust forward desperately wanting closer. Bella's answering whimper only intensified my desire and I deepened the kiss even further.

Then the front door flew open startling us apart.

"Hey Edward, what do you want….fuck. _Sorry_…" Emmett's voice boomed out.

"Ever fucking heard of knocking?" I growled feeling Bella's head bury itself into my chest. I bent down and kissed the top of her head in a silent apology.

Emmett burst out laughing. "Honest, sorry. It's not really been umm, necessary before."

Bella's embarrassed giggles rose up from her buried face; she then sat back and looked up at me grinning. I knew there would be a rosy hue to her cheeks and couldn't resist a soft brush of my lips on her warm skin to confirm my thoughts. My grin was instant as the added heat of her skin touched my mouth. Her reaction was adorable.

"What was it you wanted Emmett?" she asked in a much calmer voice than mine.

"I was heading to the grocery store and wanted to know if there was anything you wanted… but I think maybe I'll come back…later?" Emmett started to slowly back out the door.

"No wait, I'll come with you!" Bella jumped off the back of the sofa.

_What? NO! I wanted her back on the damned sofa. NOW._

"I'll just go get some things Edward. It'll give you a chance to...umm... _relax_, and I can get what I need for dinner. Cookies too, ok?

Fuck.

I nodded petulantly.

Leaning forward she kissed my cheek then spoke softly in my ear…

"And…perhaps an …_encore__…_ later… _Maestro_…"

And with a giggle ran out the door after Emmett.

_Minx._

Dinner found us witha full table. Both Carlisle and Emmett joined us at Bella' insistence. Her homemade pizza was a huge hit with all of us and for the first time since I had moved into the house it felt like a home. The laughter at the dinner table, the aroma of Bella's dinner and fresh baked cookies wafting through the air; her simple presence beside me filled me with a sense of warmth.

Finally Carlisle and Emmett left, but not without taking handfuls of cookies with them for later of course. I was just happy to see them leave and made sure to remind Emmett of the need for knocking from now on. Both he and Carlisle were laughing as I shut the door gratefully behind them.

I made my way over to the kitchen counter and watched Bella as she stored away the leftovers. "Why don't you leave that and come sit on the sofa with me?" I asked quietly.

"Almost done. I certainly wouldn't say no to a nightcap?"

I grinned. "Perfect. Meet you at the sofa then…"

Ten minutes later I was happily ensconced on the sofa with Bella tucked into my side and some soft music playing. The peace of the moment settled over us like a gentle mist as I sipped my brandy and watched Bella as she played with the fingers of my hand that rested gently on her thigh.

"Edward?"

I looked over at her quizzically. Her voice was hesitant and I knew she wanted to ask something, and was afraid of my reaction. Given the last time she tried to ask me something, I really couldn't blame her. Taking a deep breath I reached up and removed my glasses, placing them on the table in front of me then turned to her.

Blinking in the dim light, I smiled at her and simply said "Yes, Bella?"

Her soft gasp of delight told me I did the right thing. This small gesture told her I _did_ trust her.

"Umm, how long have you lived here?"

"Just over a year I think, why?"

"Well, your kitchen is very well appointed, but not used very much from the condition of the appliances and…"she trailed off.

"And what?" I prompted wanting her to know I was open to her question.

"You don't have much furniture or anything really personal around… I was just wondering, um, why that is? If that's okay to ask?"

Leaning forward I kissed the tip of her adorable nose. "Carlisle had some kitchen expert come in and outfit the kitchen. I rarely use it. However, the microwave and I, are best friends. And you should see what I can do with a toaster."

Bella's delightful giggle rang out in the room. "I'm more than happy to break it in for you."

I grinned at her. "I'm more than happy to _have _you do that as well. Let your creative side flow…please."

But then my voice turned serious. "The rest Bella? I just don't know. It's never mattered before. I have my piano, a place to sit, somewhere to sleep and the rest just hasn't registered. The most important thing in the house is my recording studio. It's the only place I have ever really felt at home…for a long time."

I heard a soft oh from my side and felt Bella's fingers stop her gentle stroking and grip my hand fiercely.

"Hey…what is it Little One?"

"I hate thinking of you here alone… not feeling at home in your own surroundings? It upsets me."

I shrugged. "To be honest, until tonight I don't think I even realized it."

Bella's forehead furrowed in confusion. "Tonight? I don't understand…"

I smiled gently. "_You_, Bella. Tonight you were here. You filled the house with laughter and great smells; and fed me and the people I consider my family. Tonight Bella, tonight I felt like I wasn't _alone_, I felt like I _was _home."

With a muffled sob, she launched herself at me and I caught her happily. Crashing my lips to hers I poured everything I was feeling into kissing her. And she reciprocated as eagerly. Tongues stroked, lips moved, hands wandered and soon we were both panting with want.

"Tell me to stop Bella," I gasped against her neck, nipping on the soft skin there and following my teeth with swirls of my tongue.

"No please… don't stop," she whimpered.

Lifting us both from the sofa I carried her to the bedroom, my lips never leaving hers. Placing her on my bed, I hesitated then pulled my shirt off. She reached her arms out for me and I swiftly joined her and pinned her down on the soft comforter. I could feel her shaking and I whispered the first thing I could think of to calm her.

"Shh, Little One. Just lay with me. That's all... please don't be scared."

She shook her head. "I'm not scared. I want you Edward… I do. I'm just…"

"It's okay, I know…"

"No, I want... I want to be yours…"

"Oh Bella, you _already_ are. Mine. _My_ Little one..."

I covered her trembling mouth with mine and softly kissed her with tiny light caresses of my lips.

I felt her relax, tilting her head to deepen the kiss. Quickly the flame was ignited again and soon we were both lost to each other.

"Edward…please…"

"Tell me what you need Bella, tell me," I growled.

"More... please, " she moaned.

Slowly I sat up pulling her with me. Holding the bottom of her shirt I waited until I saw her nod then pulled it over her head. Gently, I stroked all the soft skin that was now on display for me. Leaning down I ran my lips over her collarbone and down into the hollow between her breasts. My hands ran over the delicate lace of her bra, stroking her, cupping her and beneath the lace her nipples hardened with my touch. I felt her arms move behind her, the lace came away, discarded on the floor and then my hands felt the glory of her sweet flesh. Using my hands and lips as my eyes I memorized her curves and dips listening to her reactions as I explored her perfection. Each tiny moan and soft sigh brought me closer to the edge of a precipice I knew I was soon going to fall from.

Her hands were exploring my chest running up and down in a small circuit, then around to my back touching and tracing the muscles.

She was so gentle I wanted to weep.

It had been so long since I had been touched so lovingly, and I couldn't contain my groan of pleasure.

Slowly we sank back into the bed and my hands reached for the bow on her yoga pants. I felt her hand cover mine and her body tense up.

"Please baby… just let me touch you. Let me make you feel good," I begged." We can stop anytime you need to …please."

Her hand stilled and moved away. I pulled the bow open and felt Bella lift her hips allowing me to pull her pants off her body. Then in a move I didn't expect she reached down and grasped the waistband of my sweatpants and pulled. I gasped her name as the cool air hit me and then relished my skin sliding along hers.

Slowly, softly we touched, caressed and discovered each other. Kisses became deeper, touches became bolder, whispered words of adoration became pleading, wanting. Bella's little noises were something I never wanted to live without again. Her touch blazed through my body and I craved more of it. I would never get enough. My hand drifted lower to where she was wet and wanting for me at the same time she found me hard and throbbing in need for her.

"Edward!" she gasped out as I moved my hand over her, loving her responses.

"Yes, Little one," I encouraged her continuing to stroke her gently. "You're so beautiful. Come for me," I groaned in response.

Suddenly she tensed and with a soft adorable mewl, she fell apart under me.

Even through her orgasm, her hands never ceased their rhythmic stroking and I could feel my own need rushing through me like a freight train. Burying my face in her neck I groaned her name loudly as I found my release.

Rolling to the side I pulled her into me and cradled her in my arms. I couldn't say a word. My emotions were so close to the surface I wasn't sure what would come out if I tried to speak. I continued to stroke her soft back and press small kisses to her head. Her hands were cradled against my chest and her legs were entwined with mine. I felt her shiver after a few moments and I pulled the comforter over us.

Unexpectedly, her adorable giggle burst from her lips.

Looking down at her I tried to make out her expression. "You find something amusing?" I asked dryly.

"I was just thinking…" she trailed off with another giggle.

"Are you _trying_ to wound my ego Bella? I know it's been a while but I think with some practice…" I teased her.

Leaning up she kissed me passionately. "Yes," she agreed . "Lots and lots of practice. Please. But's that not what I was...umm… thinking of."

"Tell me."

"I was just thinking…that was the best nightcap…_ever_."

Laughing, I pulled her even closer. "Totally agree, Little One. A new tradition I hope."

Feeling both satiated and peaceful, and wrapped around each other, we drifted into asleep.

**So…. They are getting closer… LOL**

**Ok, did anyone else giggle at the hidden innuendos of the house size?**

**See you next week !**


	19. Chapter 19

**Happy Sunday to you all. **

**Hope this starts you week off with a smile. **

**Windchymes pushed me on this one big time. She made this one my favourite chapter by making me see what was missing and helping me so much with her guidance. Thank you my friend.**

**Midnight worked her magic on my bad grammar and corrected so much and added to the overall chapter. Thank you my lovely. You are so important to me. **

**Kitkat681 has an amazing fic in the works called Curse which I am proud to beta. Please check it out.**

**Cejsmom continues her quest of providing support and new readers and keeping me smiling.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing. **

**Lemony... and emotional... just saying...**

I groaned in utter contentment. I was surrounded by the soft scent and feel of my Bella, who was sitting and reading. My head was buried in her stomach, my arms wrapped around her hips and her little hand was softly stroking my head. Her legs were wrapped around my waist creating a Bella cage.

I liked it.

"Edward?" she asked softly, her hand ceasing it stroking.

I refused to answer, burying myself deeper into her fragrant skin…

"_Edward_…"

I shook my head in response this time. Reaching up, I found her hand and placed it back on my head. She sighed and began the soft caresses once again.

"I know you're awake…" her voice was softly amused.

Slowly raising my head, I blinked in the dimness and looked up at her. "Not really," I grinned.

She laid down the tablet she'd been reading and cupped my face. I nuzzled her palm with my lips and asked what time it was.

"Three."

"Wow – I was out for a while then, sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I finally got some work done."

I laughed. From the moment we had woken up I had been all over her. Everywhere she was, so was I. I couldn't be close enough to her. I had even texted Carlisle and Emmett and told them both to stay away. I wanted her entirely to myself today.

And the day had started slow. Bella had sat down after a late breakfast and tried to do some work but it wasn't long before she stood up, announcing she couldn't get comfortable on my sofa. She decided to take her tablet to the bedroom to sit and work on a new manuscript there.

"What's wrong with my sofa?" I had asked incredulously. "That sucker was expensive. I had it custom made so I could lay down on it for naps."

"Edward, have you ever done that? "

I thought about it. "Um. No."

So I had tried. It was plenty long enough for me. I held out my arms and asked Bella to join me. I pulled her down onto my chest and tried to get comfortable. I had to admit it was rather stiff compared to the deep plushy sofa in her apartment. I rolled over, taking her with me so I could copy the position we had woken up in on hers and promptly fell off the slippery leather, leaving Bella laughing and alone.

_Well __fuck_.

Not only was it _not_ comfortable, it was rather narrow.

I needed a new sofa.

A deep comfy one I could nap on _with _Bella.

Still laughing, she went to the bedroom, making herself comfortable on the bed, setting up her tablet and book light. I stood at the end of the bed unsure what to do next. Smiling, she put a pillow on her lap and patted it in invitation.

I crawled up the bed grabbing a blanket and pushed the pillow away. Then I unbuttoned _my _shirt that she was wearing and pushed the fabric aside, making myself a Bella bed and using her bare stomach as my preferred pillow. I covered us both with the light blanket, worried she would get cold with her bare legs. I could feel her entire body blush at my actions and as I'd drifted into sIeep, I smiled at how adorable she was in response to me and my actions.

"Is this manuscript better than the last one?" I asked, bringing myself back into the present.

"Much," Bella laughed, as she snapped off the light over her tablet and gazed down at me.

The light in the room was a soft molten gold in the late afternoon. The dimness was easy on my eyes and I blinked slowly and looked back at Bella. Then my eyes widened in shock.

"Bella!" I gasped. "Don't move. Please, just… don't move."

She froze, staring down at me, looking terrified.

"What?" she whispered.

I couldn't speak. I shook my head and lifted my hand to her cheek. My fingers trembled as I stroked her downy skin while my eyes remained fixed on her face.

"I…I can _see_ you right now, Bella. I can see you."

She gasped, and I watched enraptured, as her fear faded away and an expression of intense tenderness crossed over her features. She was so beautiful. Even more so than I imagined. I smiled as I stared. She was as beautiful outside as she was inside... and that was saying something.

"Little One, you are so lovely, so utterly lovely."

"Oh Edward," her voice trembled, but she remained still for me.

My fingers continued to stroke over her cheek... I knew this wouldn't last long; this wonderful vision and my eyes drank her in as I committed it all to memory. The shape of her face, her adorable button nose, the set of her cheekbones. I could see how her hair framed her face but it was her eyes, her beautiful wide blue, expressive eyes that held me. The way she looked at me..._me..._the emotion, the tenderness, the _love_ I saw there took my breath away. This was truly such a gift and my heart beat so hard in my chest it almost hurt. I tried to speak but couldn't find the words. I traced my fingers over her lips which trembled as she whispered my name again. She kissed my fingertips.

"Bella..." I whispered and my voice broke now.

As the focus slowly dimmed I scrambled to my knees and kissed her with everything that I had. Tears I hadn't even known were forming rolled down my face unheeded as I cupped her cheeks and bent my body over hers.

"Oh Bella..." It was all I was able to say through the lump in my throat. Then I was crushing her to me. Her arms wound around my neck, pulling me closer, as close as she could get me, and I could taste the salt of her tears, mixed with mine, intermingled with the sweetness that was just pure Bella.

The longing was gone. Emotions I had not felt in so long, or _ever,_ tore through me.

Excitement.

Joy.

Elation.

Desire.

Need.

Want.

_Love. _

They all came crashing together.

I needed her.

_Now._

My hands tore the shirt away from her body. Her underwear was next. Her tiny hands were just as busy tearing away my clothes and then she was reaching for me. I felt her hands wrap around my throbbing need causing my head to fall back with a groan.

"_Bella."_

Leaning forward I picked her up and straddled her on my lap. Our mouths met again in a series of frantic, needy kisses. Teeth clashed, tongues stroked and explored and both of us were panting. I broke away and ran my tongue down her neck, swirling hot circles over her damp skin. She arched back as I lowered my mouth to her breasts, nipping and lathing at the hardened peaks, going from side to side not wanting to miss an inch of her beauty.

"_Edward_…"

"Bella, I _need _you ... all of you, _please_."

"Yes…_God._..yes…"

Covering her mouth again I lifted her then slowly lowered her down to where I was aching for her. I felt her warm centre open for me as I slid in, inch by glorious inch until we were flush against each other. Both of us were still for a moment at the intense feeling of being joined so intimately. Then Bella rolled her hips. The guttural groan that escaped my throat as I felt myself drawn deeper inside her warmth was loud. Wrapping my arms around her back and holding her shoulders, I began to move within her slowly, giving her a chance to become accustomed to me.

"More Edward… _more_," she softly gasped.

I began thrusting in earnest, setting a deep steady pace. It had been a while for me, so I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back for long, but I was determined to bring Bella pleasure before I let go. She met my thrusts with her own and soon I felt her inner walls clamping down on me.

She buried her head in my neck and I felt her bite down, gasping my name, while her orgasm hit her.

_Fuck. _

She marked me.

The sensation of her teeth in my skin was the hottest thing I had ever felt.

I followed soon after, holding her tightly to me as I spilled into her. Her name was like a prayer on my lips and I chanted it again and again.

Slowly coming down to earth, I gently leaned forward laying her down and straightening her legs. As I started to move away she tightened her arms.

"No, stay," she whispered.

"Bella, I'm too heavy for you…"

"Please, just for a moment. I'm not ready to let you go yet. "

I eased myself down on her so we were completely joined. She fit perfectly under me.

Regretfully after a few minutes I pulled out of her and rolled to the side. Immediately I gathered her up and held her close.

"Are you ok, Little One?"

"More than ok, I'm…perfect."

"Yes, yes you are," I agreed, smiling at her giggle that followed.

I rested my chin on top of her head enjoying the quiet peace of the moment.

"Edward?" she whispered.

I looked down at her.

"Does that…happen…a lot? Being able to see like that I mean?"

"No," I shook my head regretfully. "Rarely anymore. The few times it's happened, I've been alone and what I could see wasn't really of much importance. There was no one with me." I softly stroked her hair off her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"What just happened…that, to me Bella, was an unexpected, wonderful gift. To _see_ your loveliness and not just imagine it, to be able to see how _you_ look at _me_? There are no words for that...to tell you what it meant..." I broke off, unable to finish.

I felt her hand cup my cheek. "_Those_ words were perfect, Edward."

I covered her hand with mine.

"Nothing could ever be as precious to me as seeing your sweet face. I'll have it with me forever now. A treasure to covet for my entire life."

I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "And it will always be my favourite image. _My_ Bella."

**Thoughts? **

**Should I have added a Kleenex warning to this one?**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello, and happy Monday to you all. Another update for you.**

**Not sure how many this week. It's a busy one and I am behind in my chapter fixes from my lovely beta MC... but we will see how it goes. At least one more… maybe two.**

**And to answer the question that came up several times in the reviews. Yes. Bella's eyes are blue. It was not a mistake on Edward's part. I am partial to blue eyes. Same as in Simply coffee. A blue eyed Bella there also. Imagine that. **

**So… here we go.**

"You look…well rested today Edward," Carlisle drawled, from the chair, unable to keep the humor out of his voice.

"Fuck off with that shit," I hissed. "I don't want Bella uncomfortable."

Carlisle had dropped by unannounced just before lunch. Bella was working at the table while I was relegated to the sofa going through some voicemails. I was far too much of a distraction it seemed. I had grinned despite the banishment. I liked being a distraction to Bella.

"Bella looks quite fine to me," he laughed, not even bothering to hide it this time. "I'd say you were the umm… uncomfortable one at the moment."

"Smug bastard," I mumbled under my breath. Or so I thought.

"_Edward_," Bella's lilting voice was close to my ear. "He's teasing you. Be nice. Beside you do look well rested." I smiled as her soft lips brushed against my cheek.

"That's all I was saying," retorted Carlisle before breaking back into laughter.

"Did you _want_ this plate of cookies Carlisle?" Bella asked sweetly. "I could just leave them with Edward and he can decide if he wants to share."

Grinning at my girl's subtle threat, I had the unabashed need suddenly to stick my tongue out at Carlisle. So I did.

"Bella! Did you see what that well rested fucker just did?" gasped Carlisle.

"Oh I give up with the two of you buggers. Go ahead and act like children. I'm going to go work." sighed Bella, putting down the plate of cookies between us and walking away. "Don't beat each other up while I'm gone…"

"No Bella, wait. Come back for a few minutes. I'd actually like to talk to both you and Edward."

Something in his tone alerted me this wasn't simply a social call. "What's up?" I asked while pulling Bella down on the sofa beside me.

Damn it, this thing _really _was uncomfortable.

"I think we may have a small problem and I want to get in front of it."

"What problem?"

I've had a lot of inquiries this morning…about your upcoming project," he paused.

"How Carlisle? I thought we were keeping the project under wraps. At least for now." I was annoyed.

"That's not all, Edward.

"I've had even more about the new lady in your life."

_Fuck. _

I groaned and hit the arm of the sofa with my hand.

"What the fuck Carlisle? How are they getting this information? There were no unauthorized pictures at the gala and none taken with Bella. Somehow I highly doubt any of the people _there_ were blabbing to the gossip rags."

"I have my suspicions," Carlisle stated mildly.

Instantly I knew. James.

"That fucker," I growled.

I felt Bella put her hand on my leg. "Edward I'm sorry. I know you value your privacy."

"No Bella, this is not on you," Carlisle jumped in. "James is doing this because it's what he does. It's free PR to him regardless of who he may upset because of it. And he's getting what he wants without taking credit for it. Or the blame. "

"Did you ask him?" Bella asked innocently.

"Of course. He denies it."

"What do you suggest Carlisle?" I asked feeling calmer than I thought I would.

"We talk about the project. Make it the most important thing. Play up the collaboration with you and Sebastian. Make Bella a lesser issue." He paused. "No offense Bella."

"None taken," she laughed.

"But we should be prepared. If James continues to feed this we need some answers."

I understood what he was saying. And I hated it.

I sighed and turned to Bella. "What he's saying Little One, is we need to do up a press kit about you. Some facts and information. So that Carlisle has what he requires should the need arise."

"Why would anyone want to know anything about me? " Bella seemed puzzled." I'm nothing. My life has been very simple and boring. Certainly nothing news worthy."

"Don't say that. YOU are not _nothing_," I growled, kissing her hand.

"No, I mean I'm not a celebrity. Who would want to read about me?"

"Because you're with me now." I answered softly, hating she would be put through this because of me.

"Ah…" she said. "Guilt by association. Got it." Leaning forward, she kissed me then laughed.

"So worth it. Ask your questions Carlisle."

I was amazed at her acceptance. No tantrums, no anger. Just what was needed.

Suddenly I wanted her alone. Again.

I listened quietly as Carlisle went through the basic facts with her and asked her some personal questions.

"Bella," he said gently after the questions were done. "Is there anything in your life that could come out, anything that I should know about?"

I tensed immediately. I wanted to tell her she didn't have to answer. But I also knew Carlisle had to ask.

"Well," she hesitated. "I'm not sure exactly how to say this. It's so embarrassing…"

"It's better I know now, than to find out after," Carlisle assured her quietly.

My heart was thumping so loudly I could hear it.

I felt her sit up and straighten her shoulders.

_Shit,_ this was gonna be bad.

"It hasn't happened for a while, I was young…"she began, "and I knew it was dangerous and reckless, I tried to stop, but I just loved doing it so much… most of the time I wasn't even aware of what I was doing."

I turned to her and grasped her hands tightly. "Doing _what _Bella?" I asked dreading the next words out of her mouth.

"I got four speeding tickets the first year I had my license. And a few more after. But none for the last two years."

I blinked.

There was silence.

Then Carlisle burst out laughing. And so did Bella. After a minute of gaping at her so did I.

"You should have seen the expressions on your faces… what did you think I was going to say? Took drugs? Slept with half the city? Had three or four little bastards running around somewhere?" She gasped out.

"I had no idea," Carlisle admitted still laughing. "But I think I can work with that. Nothing better for me Bella? No strings of broken hearts? Nobody going to come forward and say you dumped them for Edward here?"

Suddenly I wanted to hear _this _answer.

"No Carlisle," she shook her head. "One boyfriend in high school who broke up with _me_, and married a new girl he fell in love with the day she moved to town. And one in college who decided after a while he, umm well he wanted to switch teams. A few casual dates and that is my love life. God, it sounds even more pathetic saying it out loud."

I released a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding in. Leaning over I whispered, "Their loss, my gain," and softly kissed her warm cheek.

"Okay, you finished torturing me Carlisle?" Bella teased as she stood up.

"Thanks kiddo, you made that very easy. I'll try and keep your lead foot out of the headlines if I can," he chuckled.

"Good to know. I'm going to go and read."

"Bella, Edward and I can go to my place if you want to stay here and use the sofa. I didn't mean to make you go hide in the bedroom to do your reading."

"Nope," she chuckled. "I'm good. Really."

"Tell him Edward," she called over her shoulder as she walked away.

"I need a new sofa, Carlisle. This thing is uncomfortable as hell. I even fell off it while trying to roll with Bella yesterday."

"Whoa. TMI, Edward. I don't want to know about you and Bella rolling. Trust me."

I laughed again. "No, I really fell off it. It's narrow and slippery and fucking hard. I want a new one. One like Bella's."

"Then get one Edward. Get any fucking sofa you want. Get a hundred sofas if it makes you happy. I'm going to assume Bella made you notice how uncomfortable it was? "

I nodded.

"Thank God, I hate that thing. It's like sitting on a plank. And really, it's fucking ugly. Why do you think I always sit in the chair? Not that it's a lot better, but at least my ass can be somewhat comfortable. Do something else for me…?"

"Um, sure?"

He leaned forward suddenly serious.

"The girl who is making you notice these things? Actually notice your surroundings and react to them? Be good to her Edward. She's right for you. She _gets_ you. I can't remember the last time I heard you laugh this much. I like it. I feel like _you__'__re_ coming back. And I've fucking missed you."

I was stunned.

"Now enough Dr. Phil bullshit. Back to business…"

**Ah Carlisle. I love him. Seriously. Who doesn't want a Carlisle in their life? A fierce, loyal, funny friend. Nothing better.**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N… **

**Well a lot of you love Carlisle. Good thing. I do too. He is fun to write and is a great buffer for the darkness Edward has been**** struggling with. We should all have a friend like him. My favourite line so far has**** been_, __Whoa. __TMI,__Edward. __I __don__'__t __want __to __know __about __your __rolling __with __Bella_. I giggle every time I think about it as I can hear his horrified voice trying to stop more information coming his way…**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing. Your words make me smile. **

**And my lovely ladies ,so many thanks and hugs… **

**Nothing Twilight is mine. But Musicward and Snarky Carlisle do belong to me. But I am happy to share.**

I made my way down the hall, wanting to talk to Bella about what Carlisle and I had discussed. I pushed open the door and was surprised to find her fast asleep on my bed. She was curled up sideways and didn't even stir as I snuck up beside her and pulled her into my arms. I removed my glasses and closed my eyes feeling weary myself. The corners of my mouth twitched up into a smile as I thought about the reason for us both being rather tired. The past couple days had been rather eventful, as well as… physical for both of us. No wonder she was tired. I hadn't let her get much sleep last night with all the "practicing" we had done.

I felt myself drifting into sleep in my favourite place in the world.

Beside Bella.

In what felt like just a few minutes, I felt Bella stir awake beside me, then roll away and stretch. Reaching out, I tugged her back into my arms.

"No way Little One. You're too warm and perfect right here. Stay." I grinned but didn't open my eyes. I felt Bella shift and soft little kisses rained all over my face as she did her best to make me release her. I grabbed her face and kissed her thoroughly before finally cracking my eyes open. Her eyes were staring right at me and she was smiling.

"Something please you?" I smiled back down at her.

"Hmm mmm," she whispered back. "You."

My heart beat a little faster at her simple declaration. I held her a little tighter and allowed my head to fall into the crook of her neck, breathing in her soft scent deeply. She ran her hands up my back into my hair caressing me softly. I sighed deeply; loving the warmth I felt when she touched me like that. It was still an unfamiliar feeling for me and I revelled in it.

After a while I raised my head, and kissed her gently. "Thank you."

Confused she tilted her head. "For what, exactly?"

"For this morning. For being accepting and going with it. For being _here_ when I came in looking for you." I kissed her softly three times, one for each reason.

Propping herself up on her elbow she smiled and cupped my face, stroking my cheek tenderly.

"Did you want something when you came looking for me?"

I groaned remembering why I had come to find her after Carlisle had left.

"What? What is it?"

"Carlisle convinced me we need to have a press conference after we go back to Toronto on Monday. And he told me if I agree to a meet and greet which James wants to arrange, he will back off and let Sebastian and I do our thing and not interfere. Fuck. I HATE those. "

"The press conference or the meet and greet? Or both?" Bella asked laughing, already knowing the answer. "I thought the last meet and greet you did went rather well…"

I joined in her laughter.

"Yes it was pretty unique as far as they go … But this is an autograph signing one. People line up and get something signed and take pictures etc. I especially hate them because I never know what will happen next. "

"You won't be alone will you?" she asked anxiously.

"No, Carlisle will be there and Emmett will be in the room. Carlisle makes sure I'm set up properly and what I'm signing is acceptable since I can't really make it out. If he's called away, Emmett steps in. It's the noise, the bright lights…and the crowds. And the unexpected." I shook my head.

"Flashes from cameras that happen without warning." I continued, feeling myself edgy at the thought alone. "They throw me off. I'm always highly apprehensive but apparently it's the only thing that will satisfy James, and if it means he lets us get on with what we want to do then I'll do it." I exhaled heavily.

"How long do they last?" Bella inquired.

"This one will be a couple of hours. That's all I agreed to. Sebastian will be there longer."

"Did you… did you want me to come with you?" Bella asked hesitantly.

"Yes," I responded quickly. "Please. I'd feel better knowing you're close to me." Leaning forward I kissed her gratefully. "I was hoping you would offer." Then I chuckled. "So was Carlisle. He seems to be of the opinion I'm not as much of an ass to deal with when you're around."

Bella's sweet giggle bubbled up and she clapped her hand over her mouth to cover it.

I reached over, pulling her hand away. "Don't cover up that sound, it's one of my favourite things about you." I whispered, brushing her mouth with mine.

Bella whimpered.

"And that sound right there? " I murmured huskily, "That sound is my second favourite."

"What's your first?" she whispered breathlessly.

"_You,_ moaning my name."

With that said, I crushed her to me, planning on hearing that sound. NOW.

*()* *()*

"Need another nap?" I grinned into Bella's hair. She was sprawled out on top of me, tucked under my chin, after I had, indeed, heard my favorite sound, more than once.

And added a few new ones to the list.

Raising her head she laughed. "Well I certainly don't want to move away from you or get out of bed at the moment…" her voice trailed off softly as she cupped my cheek, stroking gently.

"Excellent. Me neither." I was perfectly content where I was.

Bella's hand continued its stroking slowly edging upwards. Closing my eyes I enjoyed her light touch until I realized her one finger was tracing the long jagged scar which ran out from under my hairline to just below my eye. Without thinking I grabbed her hand and pulled it away.

She didn't say a word. After hesitating, I released her hand and once again she stroked my cheek slowly. I could feel my chest getting tight. As her fingers once again touched the scar I growled her name in warning.

"Edward, it's me." She whispered soothingly, continuing to touch me. "Relax, please."

I let out a deep sigh and tried to relax. After a few minutes her touch didn't seem as distressing as it had before and I calmed a little. Adjusting herself she reached up with her other hand and stroked my hair which she knew I found soothing. She didn't say a word until she felt me completely relax under her.

"Why?" she said simply, quietly.

Without giving myself a chance to think, I said the first words that came to mind.

"It's hideous and a permanent reminder of the start of a dark, painful time in my life."

"Your accident? When you lost your parents?"

I cringed at the mention of that day. Bella and I had not discussed it, but the whole country had known about Edward Masen's tragic accident. It had been all over the papers and the news for weeks.

Unable to speak I nodded. Bella continued with her gentle touches allowing me the quiet I needed.

"Will you tell me Edward? Please?"

I drew in a deep breath.

_Could I? Was I ready to start telling her?_

"You have to talk to me, Edward. You have to start. Just tell me what you can. I promise I won't push. But I want to know. I _have_ to know what has made you like this. To understand. Please."

Her voice was pleading and soft. Slowly I nodded against her hand. She waited patiently for me to speak.

I gathered her close before I started. I needed to feel her warmth around me.

"I was on tour and at that point we were in the States. The shows were huge; with a full symphony orchestra every night. It had been a while since I had seen my parents and they flew in to surprise me." I paused remembering how happy I'd been to see them. "Life on the road was fairly isolating at times and things hadn't been so great for the past while before they showed up.

"I, uh, I hadn't been married very long at that stage and my, uh spouse was with me but she wasn't really enjoying the tour much… I thought having my parents there would be a boost for both of us and would give them a chance to get to know her …better." I swallowed and fidgeted some, feeling uncomfortable discussing this with her. Bella didn't question my odd choice of words and I was glad. Spouse sounded cold, I knew that, but I couldn't bring myself to refer to her as my wife.

"They didn't know her?" she asked quietly and I could hear nothing but gentleness in her voice. "I seem to remember the papers said you eloped."

"No, I'd only met her a short time before and we were married while I was on the road. She... uh …she was a dancer. No big wedding or anything. I had promised her one once the tour was over…" I trailed off. Just another promise I hadn't lived up to.

I shifted onto my side taking Bella with me. Once again her hand stroked through my hair which somehow kept me grounded to her, to the present.

"We were in Chicago. It was a multi night gig. My parents wanted to do some sightseeing. I insisted on driving rather than hiring a car. I wanted some time with just _us_, no strangers, and no body guards around. Just some time with my family. That was all I wanted. It seemed so little to want."

"Shh, Edward," Bella's voice was suddenly close to my ear. "Here, have a sip of water."

Confused I looked at her, and then realized the strange noise I was hearing was my own short sharp breaths. Gratefully I took a sip of water from the bottle she had taken from the table beside her. Then, like Carlisle had done the other day, she placed my hand on her chest. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing.

"Deep breaths Edward. Slow deep breaths."

After a minute I opened my eyes, feeling calmer.

"Ok?"

I nodded. Then let it all come out.

"The other car came out of nowhere. One minute I was driving and talking to my parents, and the next minute I woke up in a mangle of crushed car. People were shouting and yelling... I couldn't see anything because of the blood in my eyes. I…I called out for my parents and ... my spouse… and there was nothing. No one responded. Then I blacked out."

I paused, remembering the pain, the confusion and the noises. My arms were no longer around Bella. My hands were clenched into fists and pushing down into the mattress trying to control the panic I was feeling as I relived the memories. I could feel my entire body start to shake.

Her soft voice and touch brought me out of the panic before it totally shut me down.

"Shh, enough. Stop now Edward. Just relax."

I shook my head.

"No. I want to tell you." Now that I started I couldn't stop. Not yet.

"I woke up in the hospital. Carlisle was there. He told me… he told me they were dead. My parents hadn't survived. My spouse was in surgery. I had head trauma and broken ribs and cuts; this one by my eye being the worst. It goes a few inches up into my hair. It never healed well." My hand drifted up and I traced the deep scar.

"One _instant _Bella." I could hear the pain in my voice. "It all happened in one instant because some ass wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and barrelled through a red light. He took away everything that had really mattered in my life. And unjustifiably walked away with a broken leg, and a few years jail time. He got to go back to _his_ family."

"Your wife made it through surgery though?" Bella asked quietly. "You still had her. That was a blessing."

Those words were my undoing. I couldn't tell her anymore. Not today. It was too much. Burying my head into the nape of her neck I shook my head. "No more please. I _will _tell you, _I __will_, but please not right now."

"Shh, ok. It's ok, Edward."

We were quiet as Bella slowly soothed me again with her soft caresses. Slowly I felt myself calm down.

Raising my head I felt her looking at me. "Thank you for telling me," she whispered. "I know that must have been difficult to relive."

I nodded. "There is… more. But I can't…" Bella's finger on my lips stopped my mumbled apology.

'I know, Edward. I'm here when you're ready. We'll take it slow, ok?" Her soft voice was reassuring.

Silence enveloped the room and slowly I relaxed back into the comfort of Bella's embrace.

"You know I saw you perform during that tour," she whispered softly.

"Really?"

"It was so amazing, Edward. The whole concept. A stadium show with a live orchestra and classical music, blended with more modern pieces. With the addition of the incredible singers and the lights…such a different experience."

I snorted. "Yeah, I was rather...theatrical back then, to say the least."

"No really, it was breathtaking."

Surprisingly I wanted to talk to her about it. "I wanted to bring classical music to more people. More than me sitting at a piano in front of people wearing tuxedos and wishing they were somewhere else. Carlisle and I worked on the concept of classic with a twist and although many people said it would never fly, we proved them wrong. Luckily I was already a well-known name and Carlisle found some backers… then we were off and running."

"Do you miss it?" she asked quietly.

"No. It was exciting and what I wanted at the time. But it was also a great deal of work and the constant travel was wearing. We did it for a few years but …" I hesitated briefly, "I was already planning on a break when …when the accident happened."

I took a deep breath and shifted. "And now it's not possible. And not something I'm interested in anymore. I enjoy the producing aspect and writing. I get to work with some amazingly talented people and pick and choose what I do. I record what I want to record and play what I want to play. And occasionally perform in public."

"It was lovely hearing you play the other night," Bella's voice was soft. "And I love watching you. You are so utterly engrossed in your music when you play, Edward. It's as if the music flows right through you. It's mesmerizing."

I leaned down and kissed her forehead allowing my lips to linger briefly. "I had special inspiration that night Little One. You were there."

Bella sighed softly. Her arms tightened around me and we were both quiet just enjoying the softness of the moment.

Then Bella's phone rang.

Groaning, she kissed my chin before getting up to answer it. From her greeting I knew it was her publishing office calling her. She grabbed her robe and padded down the hall as she spoke. I could hear from her voice she was not pleased about something as she came back into the bedroom a short while later. I watched her pacing form and caught the end of the conversation.

"Fine. I'll meet her in Edmonton. I'll call you with the details."

I sat up.

Meet who? Where?

_She was leaving?_

"Bella?" I asked struggling to keep my voice calm, despite the sudden panic in my chest. "What's going on?"

"One of our authors, Esme Platt, is on a book tour and her assistant has fallen ill. I've worked with her before and she has specifically asked for me to replace Rose while she's out. I have to go Edward. I'm sorry."

I struggled not to over react. I took in a deep breath.

"Esme Platt, the journalist?"

"Yes, you know her?"

"No, just of her reputation and some of her work. She's a great journalist." I paused.

"Can't they get someone else?" I questioned hopefully. "Surely there's someone else who could do it?"

Bella sighed and shook her head. When she spoke her voice was calm and patient. "She is rather a big deal, Edward. It's her third book, and I worked with her and her team on her first two. She is asking for me, and they wantto give her what she wants. Plus she and Rose are both good friends of mine, so I would like to help her."

I nodded in understanding, even though I really wanted to beg her not to go. "How long?"

"Ten days or so."

I closed my eyes at her reply. My chest suddenly felt heavy.

She was leaving. She was leaving me. I'd be alone again.

_No, she would be back. _

As if she knew my agonized thoughts, she hurried to reassure me.

"I don't _want_ to go Edward, I have to. It's part of my job. Not often, thank goodness, but still… I'll be back in Toronto soon. And think how much more you'll get done without me here to… distract you all the time."

I knew she was trying to make this easier on both of us. But nothing she said or did would make this easy.

"When?" I asked tightly.

"I'll check into flights for later tonight," Bella's voice was quiet.

I shook my head. "No. I'll have Paul fly you. Carlisle will arrange it."

"That's not necessary."

"Yes, yes it is. Then you can fly later or even in the morning. It will be faster and I'll know you're safe. Please."

Bella sighed and walked over to me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close. I buried my head into her chest, already feeling lost.

"Please Bella," I whispered softly.

"Why is this so important to you, Edward?"

"Because _you_ are important to me. Because doing this gives me a few more hours with you. You can leave right from here," I answered honestly.

"Alright, then," Bella murmured. She paused and I could tell she was thinking. "Luckily I don't have much to pack. I brought one dress with me I'll use tomorrow and then I'll go out and buy a few things to get me through."

Leaning over with one arm, I grabbed her inhaler I knew she kept there, off the nightstand. "Don't forget this please. Do you have an extra one with you in case?"

"Yes, I always do."

"Good, otherwise I'll worry even more."

Grasping my face she kissed me firmly.

"It's only ten days Edward. Shorter if Rose gets better. I don't _want_ to go. I want to stay here. With you. You know that, right?" She waited for me to nod before continuing.

"You understand I'm not _leaving _you, I just have to go and work? Tell me you understand that, _please_?" Her voice broke on the last word and I gathered her even closer.

Fuck. She didn't _want_ to go any more than I wanted her to.

She wanted to be here.

_With __me_.

Suddenly I realized how selfish I was being. She was hurting as well.

"I know Little One." I assured her. "I'm going to miss you. So fucking much. Just come back to me as soon as you can. Promise me that," I pleaded softly.

"I'll miss you too Edward. More than I can say. And I promise."

I held her as closely as I could, breathing her in. I didn't want to let go.

_Suddenly ten days felt like forever. _

**Uh oh. Little One is leaving on a jet plane. Musicward is not happy, but he did open up to her some…**

**There may be another update this week...**


	22. Chapter 22

**Well now, so many of you thought Edward would fall apart and get all cranky pants on Carlisle. Poor Musicward- such a bad rep he has. And so many jumping on the fact that Carlisle might meet Esme and how you want him to have someone. He is touched.**

**My ladies rock my world. Every day.**

**Thank you for all the reviews and kind words. I am so glad you are enjoying this. And welcome to the new readers... so many suddenly... how lovely.**

**Now I think maybe Edward and Carlisle need some friend time… you think?**

The music swelled and slowly tapered off to its quiet end.

I made some small notes with the equipment I used for recording before I forgot and then closed the lid of the piano. The notes echoed in my head as I sat silently, absorbing the scope of feelings the music elicited in me.

Hearing the sound of footsteps approaching, I looked up and watched as Carlisle appeared. He handed me a bottle of water and sat across from me. We were both quiet as we drank for a moment.

"That was utterly mesmerizing, Edward. So buoyant and euphoric in places. Something new you're working on I assume?"

I nodded, not looking up from my water.

"Have you named it yet?"

Again I nodded.

"Care to share with the class my friend, or do you want me to just fuck off now?"

I raised my head quickly, but relaxed when I saw he was simply trying to joke with me and not really angry.

"Wonderment," I said quietly.

"Ah. Brilliant. Do I really need to ask if you wrote it with someone in mind?" he asked softly.

I sighed. "It's how she makes me feel Carlisle. Filled with awe and wonderment with the things that make her, _her_. She makes me forget about the bad stuff. When I'm with her, I feel...hopeful. She makes the simplest things new and different. She cares _so __much_ about everything. And how she looks after me? Fuck, even how she looks after you and Emmett." I shook my head in disbelief.

"I miss her." I admitted abruptly.

I leaned forward, my arms resting on my thighs trying to explain to both Carlisle and myself. "She was only here for a few _days_ Carlisle. I've only known her for such a short time. I don't understand how I could miss her _so __much_. How empty the house is without her laughter. How she made this house feel like a real _home_… just with her presence. How she made me feel like I mattered. How empty I feel without her." My voice trailed off.

"I think Edward, you're in love with her."

"How, Carlisle? How could I fall in love with someone so quickly? Is that even possible?" I asked, really wanting him to explain this to me.

"I don't fucking know Edward. I'm certainly no expert when it comes to relationships. But I do know this. I have never seen you react to a person like this. Or care about their welfare the way you do about Bella's." He paused for a moment, and drew in a deep breath. When he spoke again it was slow and deliberate." You never even showed this much emotion or caring for your wife, Edward."

I sat up immediately anxious. And knew instantly he was right. I nodded slowly.

"I know," I admitted quietly.

"Have you told Bella, Edward? Have you told her what happened? "

"No, I started to but I only got so far and then I had to stop. It was just too much all at one time. Then she got the call to leave. It wasn't something I wanted to tell her as she was getting on a plane."

He nodded in agreement. "You have to tell her though, you know that right?"

"Yes, I know. What if… what if she sees me differently after Carlisle?" I expressed my fear out loud.

"Not going to happen, Edward. She feels as strongly for you as you do for her. It's obvious in everything she does. Surely you must sense that?"

I frowned. "I think so. I want to Carlisle. I was so wrong before…"

Carlisle's voice interrupted me. "You were also, young, immature and stupid. You married for all the wrong reasons, Edward. Love wasn't one of them. Lust, foolishness… loneliness even maybe, but not love. She was wrong for you on so many levels. Don't base this relationship on that experience."

"Please Carlisle, don't hold back, tell me what you really think," I said dryly.

"I'm being exactly what you need right now Edward. Honest. You've had a connection with Bella from the moment you met her. It frightened you enough you were stupid once. Don't be stupid again. Stop questioning why. Fight for it. Fight for her," he snapped curtly.

His voice softened before continuing. "She is bringing you back Edward. You are waking up. I see it in how you are with her. The protectiveness, the caring you show for her. I hear in it the music you're playing. There's real emotion. There's _life_. Grab it."

I sat back stunned. He had been more vocal on my relationship with Bella than he had ever been on any personal matter, ever.

Carlisle stood up. I followed suit and was surprised when he suddenly reached out and hugged me hard then turned and strode away.

One again he broke the intense mood with levity. "I've been waiting for you to come back Edward. Don't fuck it up. She makes fucking awesome cookies and I'd miss those."

I had to join in his laughter. Again the fucker had the last word.

*()* *()*

Five days. Bella had been gone for five long days. Voice mails, texts and phone calls helped but I missed her soft presence in the house. I missed her curled up beside me in bed, her sweet laughter than rang out freely so often. I missed her taste and scent of summer rain that swirled around her. I kept busy with music and writing but my thoughts invariably strayed to her.

"Edward is this everything?" Emmett's booming voice interrupted my sad musings.

"You got everything we packed from the studio?"

"Yep – already on the plane. Have you packed your stuff yet?"

"Almost…"

"Okay I'll go load this – you'll be ready when I get back?"

I nodded and got up to go finish packing. My phone vibrated and rang out with Bella's ring tone.

I answered with a smile on my face. "Hey, Little One."

"Hi you," she answered softly. "I just called to wish you a good flight."

"Thanks. How's your day? Busy? You sound tired. You okay?" I asked worriedly.

"I'm okay. I just … I have never liked these tours, even though Esme is great to work with. I just…" she sighed quietly.

"Just what?" I prompted.

There was silence for a minute and I pressed my ear harder against the phone. Was she crying?

"Bella? Is something wrong? Baby, are you crying?"

"No," she lied through a soft sob.

"Bella, tell me. _Please._"

"I just … I miss you Edward. I know it sounds silly, and I don't understand why but I just miss you so much! I want to be there with you, not here. I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you and cry. I wanted to hear your voice but now that I have I miss you even more," she whispered her voice breaking on the last word.

"Don't apologize, Little One. I miss you as well. So much." I comforted her. "Five days Bella, in five days you'll be back with me. I'm counting them. And I'm driving Carlisle and Emmett crazy. I'm pretty sure they're counting them down also."

Her soft laughter made me smile. "Good to know."

"Are you okay, otherwise? Everything alright for you? Do you need anything?"

"Just you."

I was silent. How did she make me feel so loved, _so needed_, from so far away? I made an instant decision.

"Do you want me to arrange a layover? I could come to you today Bella. Just tell me." I offered.

She gasped. "No Edward, no. Don't do that. The next few days are crazy for us. And you're right – five more days. I was just being… an emo girl. I'm fine. Really. But…thank you. The offer alone helped."

"Anything. Anytime. Just tell me." I replied, wishing she had said yes.

"I have to go Edward. Esme's interview is ending and we have to head to another one." Bella's voice was once again sad.

"Call me later tonight?"

"I will… I…I umm… I'll talk to you then." And she hung up.

I had the distinct impression she had been about to say something else. As I finished packing I mulled over our conversation. I hated that she was feeling sad, yet I was pleased to know she missed me as much as I missed her.

_What was she going to say at the end? _

Carlisle's voice came from the doorway. "You planning on packing that shirt Edward or are you just saying a long goodbye to it?"

I flipped him off as I added the shirt into the bag.

"Ah… brooding again are we?"

"I just spoke with Bella… she was crying," I snapped at him.

Instantly he was serious. "What's wrong? Is she okay?"

I sat down and rubbed my head. "She _misses _me Carlisle. She misses me as much as I miss her. I'm just having trouble comprehending it." I shook my head in disbelief.

He laughed. "True that. How anyone could miss your cranky ass is unbelievable."

He came forward and sat beside me. When he spoke his tone was serious. "What do you want to do Edward? Change the plans and fly to her?"

I shook my head. "I offered, but she said her schedule is full. She'll be in Toronto on Wednesday. Only five days away. But I want to do something. I just don't know what. Something to make her smile."

I heard the tapping of his keypad and looked over to see him studying something on his phone. "She's in Montreal on Saturday, Ottawa on Sunday and Monday then a couple smaller places Tuesday and Toronto on Wednesday. Since she is overnighting on Sunday why don't I arrange for some flowers for her room and a spa treatment for her and her friend? I'm sure she'd like that and probably could use a good massage after all travelling. The hotel they're at has a great spa, from the information I can see."

I gaped at him. "How do you know all this?"

He laughed. "I asked her for a copy of her itinerary. I knew you would want to do something or want to know where she was so I thought it would come in handy. I even called one day just to check in, and ended up speaking with Esme instead. Charming woman that Esme Platt, I might add. Lovely to speak with. We've, ah, had a few fascinating conversations. She's keeping an eye on your girl as well. She is very fond of her."

I shook my head. "I never thought to ask for a copy. You never mentioned this to me, at all."

He chuckled. "Learn from the master, Edward. And if I sat and told you everything I did for you I could be here for hours at a time. It's part of my job to anticipate something you might need or want. And to take care of it. Besides I know how sad she was leaving you. I wanted to make sure she was okay."

"And if she wasn't?" I asked curiously. "What would you have done?"

He stood up. "One of two things. Either rearranged everything and flew you to her or if that didn't work, I would have helped her in any way I could to cover her responsibilities, if she had wanted to come to you. I keep telling you Edward. You. Come . First. Bella is important to you, therefore she is now important to me. But I also knew she was strong and would be fine. She is missing you and is quieter than normal according to Esme though. So I agree a nice surprise for her would be a wonderful idea."

I was speechless. And grateful. And knew without a doubt none of it was part of his job. It was what he did to look after me.

I stood up and extended my hand which he grasped firmly.

"Thank you Carlisle," I said simply.

"My pleasure," was his firm reply.

"Finish packing. I'll make the arrangements before we leave. And let Esme know. She'll be delighted."

As he walked down the hall I heard him start to laugh. "I'll certainly be delighted to speak to _her _again. And before you get your knickers in a knot when you think about it, I'll request a female masseuse. "

He continued to laugh. "And while I'm at it Edward? I think it's bonus time for your manager. I'll schedule that talk for next week."

I had to join in his laughter. He was right. On both counts.

**Ah. She misses him, he misses her. Carlisle rocks at his job and wants a raise. And enjoys chatting with Esme…. Hmmm. Emmett is lifting stuff. Sounds about right.**

**No more til next week… you are getting spoiled. Maybe Sunday…Maybe Monday… who knows when the fancy will strike me to hit that update button. **


	23. Chapter 23

**OK a huge surprise- an early update. And I am asking a favor. Awaken is up for fic of the week on the Lemonade Stand. Would you please vote? The news came as a huge surprise to me and I only found out yesterday. Voting ends TODAY. Please ? **

**www tehlemonadestand blogspot com**

**insert a . where the spaces are Please ?**

"Are we done here?" I heard my voice snap in impatience.

Fuck, my head was pounding.

James and Carlisle had been going back and forth for what seemed like hours over the details of the press conference and the meet and greet. Every time I thought we were finally done James would throw yet another ludicrous idea out there and then he and Carlisle would start debating again. All I had wanted was to sit with Sebastian and go over some of the new ideas we both had for the CD but it hadn't happened. And certainly wasn't going to happen now. Now all I wanted and needed were some pain killers and a dark room. Any creative flow had been totally squashed by James's incessant arguing. We had accomplished nothing productive in the time I had been here thanks to James's constant meddling and interruptions.

"Something wrong there, Eddie boy?" James asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I slammed my hand on the table and stood up. "Don't fucking call me Eddie," I growled.

"Enough," Sebastian stood up as well, his voice steely. "James, I asked you to work _with _us on this. I don't understand why you are choosing to make this so difficult for everyone. This project _is _happening and it is going to happen how I,_how __we_, _want_ it to happen. We are not turning this into a media circus. And that is not just Edward's opinion. Either get on board, or take a vacation until it's over. Those are the two options. The only two." He paused. "And apologize to Edward."

I waved my hand dismissively. "No need," I snapped. He wouldn't mean it anyway.

"Okay everyone. Let's calm down. Edward and Sebastian, you guys are free to go. James and I will figure this out so everyone is satisfied." Carlisle's voice was firm. Sebastian began gathering his things; he was an anxious to get out of there as I was.

Leaning forward Carlisle spoke directly and quietly to me. "Go get some pain meds. NOW. I can see you're hurting. I'll deal with this and we'll start fresh tomorrow Edward. I'll check on you later."

Nodding I left the room, with Sebastian following me.

"I apologize again Edward," Sebastian's voice was low. "Fuck, I feel like that's all I do these days is apologize for James' behaviour."

"Is he always like this?"

"Lately it seems, yes. I keep telling myself its business and I don't have to like him as long as he does his job, but sometimes…" his voice trailed off. "I see how Carlisle works _with_ you and I think maybe it's time for me to try and find someone else, you know?"

I nodded silently.

"Is your head bad today, Edward?"

I tensed slightly. Then nodded again.

I had not enjoyed the past couple of days. We were staying at the same hotel as last time, the same rooms even, and they held bad memories of how I had behaved towards Bella. I found myself unable to relax while we were there. With the travelling, and the bullshit with James, the strain of the last couple days was wearing on me. I was anxious to get on with this project and the stalling upset me. Plus the fact I was still feeling strangely lost without Bella.

"Well, the guest house is ready for you finally." Sebastian's tone was lighter now. "Sorry you had to stay in a hotel for a couple days but now you can get settled in and tomorrow we shall start fresh, yes? Come on, I'll walk with you to the house."

A few minutes later we walked in through the doorway of the guesthouse. I could immediately smell the faint odour of fresh paint. Carlisle had told me some work had to be done to the guest house which was why we stayed in a hotel the first couple days. The room seemed dimmer than I remembered, even though the blinds were not all pulled down. I looked around trying to determine the reason for the change.

"Bella suggested to me that if the wall color was more muted than the white walls, it would be easier for your eyes," Sebastian stated quietly. "I had the whole place painted in a color she suggested. I want you to be comfortable here, Edward. Also at her suggestion I had the area rugs removed."

My chest clenched immediately. _That__'__s_ what she had been talking to Sebastian about the first night we were here. With everything else that had happened I had forgotten to ask her. Once again, seeing something that would make me more comfortable and making it happen. Quietly.

Suddenly, I missed her even more. I felt my hand curl around the cell phone in my pocket needing to hear her soft voice. Needing to tell her just how much I missed her.

"She is very…protective of you my friend," Sebastian said quietly, breaking my musings. "You're a very lucky man. You obviously mean a great deal to her."

"And her to me," the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Good to hear. But I had already figured that out," Sebastian laughed clapping me on the shoulder. "You are… quite different with her.

"Now before I forget Edward, when they were painting they found a leak by the door behind you so the wall had to be redone with new gyproc. It's not quite dry enough to paint but will be done this week. I'll make sure it happens while we're working."

"No worries, Sebastian. I appreciate the effort you've made here on my behalf. Thank you. I think I can live with an unpainted wall," I chuckled at my friend.

"I will leave you. Get some rest Edward. We'll leave those two to battle out the details, and tomorrow we'll start working. I'm so anxious to get this underway. The material you sent me already is marvellous. I know it's going to be amazing."

And with that I was left alone. Immediately I pulled out my phone to call Bella, but only got her voice mail. I hung up without leaving a message. Somehow I couldn't say the right words in a message.

*()*

I woke up hours later still groggy from the medication. Groaning I buried my head back into the pillow. I wanted to go back to the amazingly life like dream I'd been having. Bella had lain beside me whispering softly that she was back and stroking my head with the gentle caresses I loved so much. I had leaned into her softness and inhaled her sweet scent and allowed the peace she brought to soothe me into a deep restful sleep. Waking up alone was even harder after the vivid dream. I swore I could still smell the fragrance of her skin. I shook my head. I was definitely alone. The darkness of the room indicated I had been sleeping for a while. Not bothering with any lights and needing to clear away the residual cobwebs in my head, I made my way into the ensuite and had a hot shower. I felt better after and left the bathroom wearing just a towel wrapped around my waist. Sitting on the edge of the bed I grabbed the bottle of water on the table and took a drink of the cool liquid.

And froze in sudden awareness.

It was cold. As if it had just been put there. I couldn't remember bringing a bottle of water with me earlier, and if I had it would be warm by now. How did the bottle get there? If Carlisle had brought it in he would have let me know, and I would have heard him. He was rarely subtle. Whoever had left it had done so quietly, anticipating I would need something….

My breath caught in my throat. My heart began pounding in anticipation.

"Bella?" I called out hopefully.

"Hi you…" came softly from the doorway.

I have no idea where the bottle of water ended up. I stood up quickly and opened my arms as I stepped forward. And just as quickly Bella rushed forward and propelled herself into my waiting arms. Her arms wound around my neck as mine wrapped around her waist, pulling her as close to me as I could get her. For a few blissful moments I held her tightly with my head buried in the crook of her neck breathing her in deeply.

She was real. She was here.

"How?" my voice was muffled.

"Carlisle and Esme did something… I don't know …but Esme insisted I fly here today and just meet her on Wednesday for the last day..." her voice trailed off and I could hear the tears she was holding back.

Releasing her I cupped her precious face in my hands and traced her features with my fingers. I wiped away the dampness under her eyes before leaning down and capturing her sweet lips with mine. Instantly her taste filled my senses and I lost myself in her. Groaning I pulled her closer and her answering whimper filled me with desire. Her hands pulled away my towel as mine tore off her shirt and pants, our lips never separating.

The thought that she must be tired and the knowledge that my head was still fuzzy were both easily dismissed as her hand wrapped around my aching need and she pushed me back on the bed.

"Bella," I gasped feeling her lowering herself on me. Her slick warmth surrounded me and I groaned deeply. "Fuck, baby I've missed you so much," I hissed at the pleasure of being inside her again.

"Make me yours again, Edward. I need you."

Rolling us over, I grasped her hips as she wrapped her legs around my waist. We both moaned at how deeply I was inside her and I began thrusting in long deep strokes. The sounds of slick skin sliding together and soft adoring words filled the room.

Please…

Yes…

More...

I missed…

I want…

I need…

_I love..._

My orgasm thundered through me suddenly as I felt Bella's muscles clenching me tightly when she reached hers. Panting softly I continued to move in her until we were both sated. Rolling on my side I tucked her under my chin and held her tightly as we returned to earth. I stroked the damp skin on her back marvelling at the pure joy I felt having her back with me.

Tilting back her head she smiled up at me while stroking my cheek.

"So… hello," she whispered. "I'm going to go out on a limb and assume this was a good surprise…"

I laughed and kissed her thoroughly before replying. "Without a doubt Little One. Best surprise- ever." I assured her. "I imagine I'm going to owe Carlisle something huge for this one. "

"I think maybe his reward might be meeting Esme on Wednesday. They've been chatting… a lot… it seems these days. More than was necessary for him to check up on me… as if I didn't know he was doing it," she snorted. "Did you ask him to do that?"

"No I didn't. He did that on his own accord." I kissed her forehead. "He was worried about you as well."

She snuggled closer. "I missed you so much," her voice was soft. "I didn't expect to miss you as much as I did. I felt…lost somehow without you."

I took in a deep breath. Reaching down I lifted her face so she could see me. I needed her to see the emotion on my face even if I wasn't able to see hers.

"I missed you more than I can express in just words. I was lost as well, Bella. I know we haven't been together very long, but that doesn't lessen what I feel for you. "

I paused, stoking her face softly with my fingers.

"I am falling in love with you Bella," I confessed in a low nervous voice. "So quickly, but so deeply. You have become the most important thing in my life."

Her breath stuttered in a soft gasp. Her hand reached up and covered mine resting on her cheek. I felt the dampness of her tears as they streamed down her soft face.

"Oh, Edward. It's the same for me. I love you. I don't understand. But I do. I love you."

Time seemed to stand still. For the first time in so long I felt perfectly…content. Happy. Safe.

Lowering my lips to hers I murmured the words that were swirling around in my mind.

"Stay with me Bella. Be mine."

"I already am," she breathed as I captured her lips with mine and showed her just what she meant to me.

Again.

**There. I am leaving you in a happy place. **

**And Kyla... this is to make you feel better as well. Take care my friend.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Sunday again... to me the start of a new week... so you get an update. **

**I love how you all are enjoying this story and love E & B, Carlisle and the gang. **

**Thank you for reading. For reviewing. For those of you who voted on the Lemonade Stand. Awaken came in fourth. How awesome is that?**

**I am still up for fic of the month at the Notebook.. would you vote one more time for me? Voting ends tomorrow.**

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**For my lovely ladies... I love you much. Thank you...**

The room was dim and quiet. The soft fragrance of Bella's flowers wafted through the air from their place on the coffee table in front of us. I had sent them to her and apparently "she could not leave them behind" and they made the trip back with her, all intact.

I let my head lean back on the arm of the sofa, enjoying the unexpected gift of time with Bella. Her head nestled against my chest felt so right. Occasionally, I would lean down and brush a kiss to the top of her head earning me one of her delightful little hums. Better yet was when she would tilt her head up and pull my face down to hers for a soft kiss. The moan in the back of her throat was another of my favourite Bella sounds. Otherwise we were both quiet and quite content to allow the feelings between us to smoulder. Raising my glass I took a sip of the Courvoisier Bella had brought me as a gift. I savoured its flavour as it trickled down my throat and enjoyed the warmth that permeated my chest. I had to wonder however, if the warmth was entirely due to the alcohol or the feeling that seemed to have taken up residence in my chest since Bella has appeared so unexpectedly this afternoon. The quiet pleasure was not something I was used to feeling.

A knock on the connecting door startled both of us out of our bubble. Bella began to get up but I pulled her back into my chest not wanting to lose her closeness.

"It'll be Carlisle. Relax Little One," I whispered into her hair, and then I called out for him to come in.

"Ah, found him did you kiddo?" Carlisle laughed as he bent down and kissed Bella's cheek. "How's the head Edward? Found something to make you feel better?"

I stuck my hand out and found his waiting. "Yes. The perfect antidote. Whatever you did, Carlisle, thank you."

I could hear his chuckle as he sat down across from us. I felt Bella squirming, so I regrettably released her from my arms. She got up from the sofa and disappeared into the kitchen, but came back quickly with a glass of Courvoisier for Carlisle and resettled herself beside me.

"Thanks kiddo. This is a treat. I have no idea what you're referring to Edward. I know Esme mentioned there were personal things needing attention here before she returned. Then she told me Bella was on her way to handle them for her. I simply arranged for transportation."

Bella snorted beside me. "_Oh __yes_, highly important. God knows her dry cleaning may have disappeared if I didn't pick it up tomorrow instead of her getting it Thursday. Or check on her plants to see if they have withered away in her _long_ absence. Such _urgent_ personal items on the list she sent me this afternoon. Good thing she didn't have to divulge the list of things she _needed_ so desperately before sending me here to the office…"

I joined in her laughter. "Whatever Carlisle. I owe you… and Esme. Maybe you could take her out for dinner… on me of course… to thank her? If that wouldn't be … _too __much_ of a bother for you?" I asked with a smirk.

"Well Edward," Carlisle sighed. "Damn good thing I take my job so seriously. If that's what you want… I suppose I have no choice. You're the boss… therefore I will suffer for the night and take her to dinner."

"I am so telling her you said that," Bella's voice was a sing song. "You are in SO much trouble now…"

I laughed at Carlisle's answering groan and pulled Bella closer beside me. "You tell him Little One," I whispered into her ear, enjoying his obvious discomfort at the thought of being in trouble with Esme Platt.

"Have mercy," he groaned. "It'll be hard enough to convince her to have dinner with me. Please?"

It was Bella's turn to laugh. "Well…although I doubt it will be _that _difficult….okay, Carlisle…but you so owe me."

"Deal," he chuckled.

I shook my head once again at the warmth and laughter Bella brought with her. It was like a circle of light that drew you in. As if in agreement with my thoughts Emmett suddenly appeared.

"Shortcake! Thank God- now maybe we can get something coherent out of moody man here aside from a bunch of moaning…" he laughed as he too leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

I pulled her closer again, not sure if I liked all this kissing around her.

She was mine.

I grinned to myself.

Yeah.

MINE.

Bella's soft voice brought me out of my inner musings.

"I told you stop calling him names Emmett. He tells me he pays you well to put up with his bullshit."

I started to nod my head in agreement then stopped short. I turned gaping at Bella.

"What? I said what?"

All three of them burst into laughter and eventually I joined them. Bella was being funny this evening. When they finally stopped I used the firmest voice I could muster. "She's right Emmett. I do pay you well. What she said. Stop calling me names."

"Or you'll…?"

I grinned, having the perfect threat. "I'll tell Bella and she won't make you any more cookies."

"Fuck, Edward. No need to get ugly. I'll stop." He laughed and threw up his hands in a gesture of surrender. And we all knew he didn't mean it. But it was Emmett.

"Did you iron out all the details with James?" I asked changing the subject.

"As best I could Edward. He is not… the easiest person to try to work with. The press conference is Thursday and the meet and greet is Saturday. Then he promises to leave you alone to work in peace," he paused.

"Until he changes his mind again," Carlisle added dryly.

"Why? I don't understand the sudden interest when he seemed happy enough to ignore it when we were here last?"

Carlisle sighed. "He heard some of the material you sent Sebastian, Edward. And the work Sebastian has been doing to add to it. He is convinced this is going to be bigger than either of you predicted. And all he sees are _his_ dollars disappearing. Going somewhere he doesn't want them to go. Namely not his bank account. He wants you to change your mind, both of you, and record this entirely for profit. And do something else for a charitable cause."

"Fuck him," I said roughly. "Not his decision."

"I agree," he replied mildly. "I'm just telling you what I see. He is going to ride Sebastian the whole time and try to get to you too. Stay away from him Edward. Do _not _react. Do your thing. Make your music. Ignore him. I'll keep him away as much as possible."

I nodded hating the fact there would be discord around me while trying to work.

Carlisle stood up and sat his glass down. "Alright. See you in the morning Edward. I assume it will early for you as usual?"

I nodded.

"Buzz me when you're ready. I'll head over with you and make sure you guys are set."

Bella got up and followed Carlisle and Emmett to the door wishing them good night. I heard the low murmur of Carlisle's voice and Bella's soft thank you before he left. Emmett hugged her and she quietly shut the door behind them. I held out my hand and she returned to my side. Pulling her down next to me I ran my fingers down her soft cheek, feeling the warmth of her blush.

"What did Carlisle say that caused this?" I asked softly.

"He... umm... he thanked me for the idea of the wall color and the rug suggestion," she said shyly. "He said I was …an angel for you."

I smiled at his words. "He's right. I told you earlier Bella; no one has ever been as thoughtful. No one has ever cared so much about my comfort the way you do." I waved my hand indicating the walls, "This is just one of the amazing things you have done for me since I met you. I know I thanked you earlier but I don't think I can ever really thank you enough."

She turned to me and pulled my head down to her lips. Her voice was husky and low. "I liked your thank you earlier Edward. But…if you want to _thank _me again… feel free, please."

**()**

It was early. The room was still dark and outside the air was still. I lay quietly adoring the feeling of waking up with Bella beside me again. She was curled into me, her head on my chest, and my arm encircled her holding her warm body close. I buried my face into her soft hair and breathed her in. So lovely. I didn't want to get up and leave her, but I knew I had to meet Sebastian shortly. And I wanted her to get some more rest before getting up and starting her day. Softly kissing her brow I regretfully moved away from her.

Not long afterwards, I made my way back to the edge of the bed ready to leave. As I leaned over to get my glasses off the table, I was unable to resist and I nuzzled Bella's soft cheek goodbye. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Edward? You're leaving?" she whispered groggily.

"Shh, sorry I woke you Little One. Go back to sleep. I'll see you later." I whispered quietly and kissed her softly.

Her hand shot up holding my face close to hers.

"Don't go yet…"

I allowed myself to be pulled down to meet her seeking lips.

Soft, tender kisses became deeper. Harder.

Tongues met and stroked.

Hot, wet, needy.

I groaned.

Bella's arms pulled me closer. I went willingly.

Desire sparked.

Blistering need filled me.

"Baby, I have to go, Sebastian is waiting…"

"Edward, I need you…"she whispered nipping at my ear. "Please…"

Her hand was suddenly gripping me. Stroking me through my trousers, feeling how much I _needed_ her back. I hissed with pleasure as she worked her palm over me.

"Bella…"

I crushed her to me at her answering whimper. My tongue dipped back into her mouth needing to taste her sweetness again. Over and over I savoured her. Pulling apart, I looked down at her gasping.

"Fuck Sebastian," I groaned out loud. He could wait.

"No Edward," Bella breathed deeply, her voice throaty with want... "Me...Fuck _me_…Now."

Overwhelmed at the words she had just uttered I gaped at her, and then grinned in delight at her sudden naughty side.

"_Anything _you want…"

Leaning forward I nipped at her neck before grazing my lips to her ear.

"Hang on tight, Little One…I aim to please."

**()**

"Edward?"

I shook my head and brought myself back to the present. It seemed no matter how hard I tried I could not stop thinking about earlier this morning.

Bella.

Soft. Wanting. Pleading.

Vixen.

Grinning again I turned to Sebastian. "Sorry…have some notes playing around in my head. What was that again?"

Sebastian laughed. "Yeah, notes. Sure my friend. If I looked like that every time I had notes playing around in my head I'd be arrested. I think the only notes you have in your head are B…sharp."

I had to laugh with him.

Busted.

Behind us, Carlisle chuckled. He had spent the last couple hours working away making arrangements for the press conference, making various calls and whatever else he did to make my life easier. I did notice he left the room a few times when his phone rang out with a ring tone I was not familiar with.

"How's Esme this morning?" I asked wanting to draw the attention from me.

"She's well, Edward. Looking forward to meeting you tomorrow. She was, um, checking with me that Bella had her lists."

I snorted. "Yeah. Of course she would check with _you_, not Bella. Nice try Carlisle."

"She tried Bella's cell but she didn't answer. I told her she might be running a little …late this morning. That seems to be a theme today." His voice was filled with barely hidden amusement.

I growled.

Both Sebastian and Carlisle laughed.

Carlisle stood up and clapped me on the shoulder. "Get back to work. I am off to do some more boring manager stuff. I think you two are good without me now. I'll be back in time for lunch."

He left and I could hear him laughing as he walked down the hall.

I shook my head. "Fucker."

Sebastian chuckled. "Be grateful, my friend. He cares about you. I wish I had half the relationship with James you have with Carlisle."

I nodded. I knew now, more than ever, I was lucky on that score.

"Still thinking about a change?" I asked quietly.

"Perhaps. I'm getting tired of the constant belligerence. Which seems to have gotten worse lately."

"Because of me?"

"I wondered about that. " Sebastian admitted. "Have you ever had dealings with James?"

"No," I shook my head. "Carlisle has always represented me. We went to school together. As well as Emmett. We've been friends for years."

I thought about it some more, then shook my head. "I have met James on a couple of occasions. In social settings. Never any business dealings that I'm aware of. He certainly seems to have a dislike for me though. Sorry if that's making your life more difficult my friend."

"Not your issue Edward. His. I agree there seems to be more here than just the disagreement of recording this together for charity. But he needs to watch himself. I'm growing rather weary of it all."

I could hear the distress in his voice.

"Screw him. Let's concentrate on this. I think this piece will be the pinnacle of the entire grouping."

Sebastian leaned forward eagerly.

"It's brilliant Edward. You're right. My favourite so far. Have you named it?"

I smiled and nodded.

"Wonderment."

**Ah, his tribute to his Bella. Yes more updates this week...**


	25. Chapter 25

**Happy Tuesday! Another update for you…**

**Thank you so much for reading this and letting me know that you are enjoying. Your words make me smile and want to do even better for you. **

**Nothing has changed- Twilight… not even close to being mine. But you my readers are and I like that!**

**And to my lovely wonderful ladies I bow to you… for without you this story would not be as good. **

"Alright my friend, I'd say today has been a successful day," Sebastian yawned and clapped me on the back. "We've got most of the material, we know how we want it to sound and _you_ know how to make it magical."

I grinned and stretched as well. It had been a good day's effort. Tomorrow we would start the actual process. Just then I remembered the CD I wanted him to hear.

"Oh shit, I had something I wanted you to listen to. It was an idea I had that would showcase your more contemporary style for a solo piece. I only got as far as the basics with it. I ...umm forgot it this morning when I …umm overslept."

He snorted. "Overslept. Right. That's what we're calling it?" He chuckled and stood up. "I'll walk back to the guesthouse with you and get it. I'll listen to it tonight and we'll discuss it tomorrow."

We both packed up for the evening and set out towards the guest house. It was still light outside though overcast. As we neared the guest house Sebastian slowed down and asked if I was expecting company.

"No."

"Well there's a couple cars out beside the house I don't recognize. Perhaps Bella has visitors?"

"She never said anything," I replied, suddenly worried.

I quickened my steps and as I neared the door heard a deep male I didn't recognize voice coming from inside. I quickly opened the door and stepped inside with Sebastian following me closely.

I could make out the outline of a tall man standing in the middle of the room. Beside him was a much tinier figure and they both turned as we came in.

For a few seconds no one said a word. Then suddenly Bella appeared.

"Edward! I wasn't sure when you would be coming back," she exclaimed as she made her way over and threw her arms around my neck. Automatically I pulled her to me and kissed her forehead and asked quietly if everything was alright.

For a second she seemed confused as she pulled back from me then she laughed. "Yes. Everything is fine. I got some unexpected company this afternoon.

"Edward, I would like you to meet my best friend Alice. And my father, Charlie."

_Her__… __father?_

_Fuck_.

I straightened my shoulders and stepped forward, holding out my hand, feeling suddenly like a teenage boy on prom night wanting to make a good impression. I wish I had some time to prepare for this but since that wasn't the case I had to try and do my best. But my hand was met first with a tiny one that shook mine enthusiastically and came with a high, sweet sounding voice that giggled h_ello_. Alice. I smiled and greeted her back which was met with another giggle. Then I swallowed nervously and turned in the direction of Bella's father. His form seemed big and solid, and his handshake was firm, short and certainly not as enthusiastic.

"Edward. I've heard a lot about you today." His voice was low and gruff.

I was instantly on edge. What had he heard? Was it from Bella? Why was he here? I realized the room was silent; no doubt everyone was waiting for me to respond to Charlie's greeting. I donned my performer mask and made the effort to appear at ease. "A pleasure, Chief Swan. I've heard a great deal of you as well from Bella."

"Hmmmph," was the only reply I got.

Bella introduced Sebastian who shook Charlie's hand then reached over for Alice's and seemed to freeze momentarily before clearing his throat and uttering a hoarse hello. He seemed to take forever to let go of Alice's hand and I wondered what had suddenly made him so tense and uneasy. Then Bella informed us she had coffee ready so we all moved into the living area. Bella sat beside me and leaned over and briefly squeezed my hand offering me her silent reassurance.

"I hope it's okay Sebastian; I let them in with the pass you gave me." She said. "When my dad found out I had come home early he wanted to see me and arranged to meet Alice as well as a surprise. I haven't seen them in a few weeks …" Bella trailed off uncertainly.

"No… not a problem at all Bella. I want you to be comfortable here. Your family…and your friend is certainly welcome. I mean friends. Your friends are welcome as well. Of course. Yeah, that's what I meant."

I turned towards Sebastian. He rarely ever stumbled over his words, and his voice sounded rather off. As if he had been running. I was about to ask him if he was okay when Bella suddenly squeezed my leg – tightly, as if to tell me to shut up. So I remained silent.

I sat quietly listening to Bella chat with Alice and father. Neither Sebastian nor I said much, only answering the odd question directed at us. I enjoyed hearing Bella interact with people she was close to. Bella asked about his trip down from Bracebridge, how the traffic was, neighbours and friends and the amount of food Charlie had in his freezer, wondering if she needed to take a trip out to fill it for him. She was engaging and happy; laughing often and genuinely listening as they spoke. I could feel Charlie's eyes on me more than once and I fidgeted under his scrutiny. Bella's hand absent-mindedly rubbed my knee in quiet comfort and I could feel his gaze take in the gesture. I started thinking about this morning and knew if Chief Swan had any idea what I'd been doing with his daughter earlier I wouldn't leave this room alive.

_Suddenly the room seemed warmer. _

"You doing okay baby girl?" Charlie's voice broke through my thoughts. "You look good, but you seem rather…tired? You've been working too hard? Too many late nights?"

The coffee I was attempting to swallow suddenly stuck in my throat.

_Fuck, was he a mind reader?_

"Um, yeah Daddy, the book tour with Esme was grueling. Lots of travelling, late nights, and generally just kind of a…hard…grind." Bella replied with a straight face.

Now I was choking.

_What was she doing?_

"Edward, are you alright?" Bella asked solicitously, once again stroking my knee.

I nodded as I coughed into the napkin she handed me.

"Went down the wrong way," I gasped, still in shock at her barely concealed innuendo.

"Well try and get some more sleep. You know you get run down," Charlie ordered gruffly.

I was grateful when Alice unexpectedly spoke up diverting attention from Bella and me. "Your house is lovely Sebastian, and the gardens are magnificent! And I only saw a little of them as we drove up. Do you enjoy them a lot?"

"Ah…yes. I often walk through them to think or just to enjoy the colors. "

Abruptly he stood up. "Would you like to see them? I'd be pleased to show them to you?"

Just as quickly Alice stood. "Yes, please." I could hear the eagerness in her voice. "I'd like that so much."

And they both quickly walked out.

I looked over to Bella.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked confused.

"That, was romance Edward. I think they're smitten with each other."

"But they just met – like ten minutes ago…they hardly even spoke!"

Bella laughed and leaned closer. "How long did it take you, Edward?" she said tenderly, in a quiet voice.

I had to smile. She was right. I leaned forward and grazed her lips with mine only to pull back quickly at the sound of a clearing throat.

_Fuck, I forgot we weren't alone. _

Bella's cell phone sounded from the kitchen and she excused to herself to answer it. "It's Esme," she called over her shoulder. "I'll be back in a bit."

And she left me alone with her father. Her gun toting, retired cop father. Who may or may not know what had transpired between Bella and me. How awful I had been to her. Or perhaps even worse, all the times since when I hadn't been awful but desperate to show her how very much I wanted her.

I swallowed shallowly. I could feel my head getting damp.

_Really, it was getting warm in here. Really, really warm. _

"So Edward," Charlie began in his low voice.

"Yes…sir?" I shifted uncomfortably.

_Fuck did my voice just…squeak?_

"My daughter had some interesting things to tell me when I spoke with her this morning. So interesting that I decided to drive down all this way and see her in person. And meet the individual behind these interesting stories."

_Fuck,__I __was __a __dead __man_.

As unobtrusively as possible I felt my pockets for my cell phone. Emmett. I needed Emmett.

Then I remembered. My phone was with the CD I left in the bedroom this morning. Which I forgot because…

_Oh. Shit. _

"Sir?"

_Definite __squeak_.

"Tell me Edward. How do you think I felt when my only daughter, my only child, tells me she is in love with some man she has known for a few weeks? Someone I have never met? Or heard of before today? Some big name star who jets around in his own plane? Who for all I know, is just messing with her?" He shifted forward and I heard the zipper of his jacket open and I was sure I glimpsed movement by his belt.

_He was going for his gun. He was going to shoot first and ask later. _

"Maybe we should wait for Bella to join us and we can all talk together." I said desperately. "She's just in the next room. She'll be right back!"

And suddenly, unexpectedly he was laughing. Huge belly laughs.

I sat back weakly. Maybe he wasn't going to shoot?

"Sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have done that. You just looked so terrified. God, Bella is so going to kick my ass over this."

Charlie got up and sat down beside me. When he spoke again his voice was friendlier.

"Seriously Edward, sorry. Just messing with you. I did speak with Bella this morning and she sounded happier than I've heard her in a long time and I wanted to come and see it for myself."

"You're an ass," I snarled, but feeling highly relieved.

He laughed. "Yep."

His voice once again became serious but still friendly. "Now. Tell me, Edward have you discovered Bella's gift?"

I was confused.

"Umm, Sir?"

"Stop calling me Sir. Jesus, you make me feel about a hundred years old. Charlie. I'm Charlie."

I smiled and relaxed a little more.

"Fine then, _Charlie_… which gift exactly are we discussing? I think she has many."

"Good answer Edward," his voice much warmer than before. "Let me tell you about my little girl. Her mom died when she was eight. Overnight she went from a child to miniature grown up. Her mom always said she had an old soul and she was right. Always trying to look after me. She taught herself to cook. To bake. She organized grocery trips. Kept track of my hours and fussed over me. Made my lunches. Took care of me. Nothing I did stopped her." He paused briefly and rubbed his hand over his face with a deep sigh.

"She cares about everything and everyone around her. Deeply. And once she gives her heart, it's a hundred and ten percent. She sees things and does things without even thinking about them. Things no one else would notice. It's like a gift with her. Before you even know you need it, you have it."

He paused again and I broke in softly. "I have experienced her gift already Charlie. Many times in fact. She's…she's amazing."

"Glad to hear you think so. I've never heard her use the word love when it came to someone outside her closest friends or family. She says she loves you. That is a huge deal. And if she loves you then she must see something very good in you. She doesn't love easily. And she is rarely wrong on her assessments of people. So I'm going to trust her on this. But know this. If she loves you then she is all in. You understand me? All. In. I don't want to see her hurt." His voice was serious. Her father was very much present. Not Chief Swan, not Charlie. Her _father._

I nodded and turned to face him. "I understand Charlie." I hesitated for a moment then added, "I love her too. She has brought so much joy to my life I can't even begin to explain it to you. And I don't want to hurt her. I want to make her as happy as she makes me."

"Keep that up and we'll have no problems then."

Before I could respond, I heard Bella coming back down the hall. "Sorry I was working out tomorrow with Esme. You two okay?"

Charlie laughed. "We're good, right Edward?"

I nodded. I felt Bella behind me and she ran her hand over my forehead. "Edward, you're sweating! Are you ok?" Then she gasped. "Daddy – what did you do?"

"What makes you think I did anything?" He responded and actually had the gall to sound innocent.

"Edward?"

I was grateful suddenly for the dark glasses.

I grabbed her hand from my head and kissed it.

"Nothing's wrong Bella. We were just talking. Your dad was telling me stories from when you were little. I drank my coffee too fast that's all," I lied.

"Hmmm... Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm watching you. Just so you know. I'm going to go get some more coffee. Mine is cold."

I had to smirk. As she left the room I leaned over. "You owe me," I said lowly.

"I know."

_Huh. Not such a tough guy when Bella was around now was he?_

_I smirked. _

_Good to know. _

A short while later, Charlie stood up and announced he had to leave. He had a big poker game that night with some fellow retired cops. When I asked about Alice he informed me they had brought two separate cars since she lived closer and had planned on staying longer to visit with Bella. I laughed. Alice had yet to return from her "walk in the garden" with Sebastian. Some visit.

I quietly excused myself to give father and daughter a chance to say goodbye in private. I splashed some cool water on my face and discarded my glasses on the counter. I had been trying to leave them off more to show Bella how much I trusted her. When I returned a few minutes later Bella was walking back in the doorway. I walked over to her and pulled her into my arms and kissed her thoroughly.

"Not that I'm complaining but what was that for?" she whispered breathlessly.

"Payback. Hard grind Bella? You chose _that_ expression … in front of your father who was already burning a hole through my head with his stare? I could feel the heat… it was like a fucking laser."

She giggled. "Sorry. Couldn't resist. You looked so… terrified. He wasn't going to do anything. And you sat there looking all sexy and worried."

Her voice dropped. "And then I started thinking about this morning and it just…came out."

I growled. And leant down and captured her lips with mine again. Her arms wound around my neck and into my hair pulling me as close as possible. Her soft whimper fanned the quiet flames of desire that had been smouldering all day and suddenly turned them into a burning inferno. Grasping her thighs I lifted her up and pressed her into the wall by the door.

I wanted her. Now.

Tongues met, stroked, savoured. Teeth nipped and skin was soothed with swirls of wet heat. Clothing was discarded. Hands adored, fondled and caressed. My body surged forward driving itself into her softness again and again.

Whispered words of passion and love filled the room.

Burying my face in her neck, I begged her to find her release. "Come with me Little One. Please…I need to feel you…"

I felt her muscles clamp down on me and her soft gasps filled my ears like the sweetest of notes. Almost immediately my orgasm raced through me and I groaned her name into her ear over and over again.

For a moment we were silent except for the sound of winded breaths and tiny whimpers. I tenderly kissed her as we revelled in the closeness. Then slowly I backed away, pulling my hands off the wall where they had been braced and releasing Bella from the cage of the hard wall and my body. As her legs unwound from around my waist I steadied her while she found her balance. Pulling her into my arms I reached up and stroked her hair as she nuzzled sweetly into my chest.

Then I frowned. Why was her hair all…tacky? Drawing back I looked down at my hand. There was something all over the palm. Realization washed over me and I gawked over at the wall in horror. With everything else that had happened I hadn't even noticed.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Did they come fix the wall today?"

Instantly she spun around. And gasped. Then burst out laughing.

"Oh God…Edward…" It was all she could get out between giggles.

"We…you... just… imprinted us…right into the damp paint."

She leaned forward and ran her hand over the wall. "There are your hands…my head…shoulders… oh my God…"she stopped.

"My ass is imprinted into someone's wall," she whispered sounding horrified.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her back to my chest. "And a lovely ass it is," I whispered. Thankfully she giggled again.

"I can even make out the top of your head over my shoulder. I can't even fix this. We'll have to ask Sebastian to get them back. Another giggle burst forth. "We are NOT going to live this down. Oh God, Carlisle is going to have a field day with this!"

I groaned. "Banner day. Your father basically threatens to shoot me and now I'll have to listen to all of them about my redecorating skills." I shook my head. "And I don't even get to see it myself," I laughed ruefully.

Bella reached out and grabbed my hand and traced my fingers over the depressions on the wall. They were rather…deep. I had to grin.

"Well, at least we did a thorough job."

Bella's laughter filled the air again and this time I joined in. "I am so taking a picture of this," she announced. "But first I'm taking a shower. Join me?"

_I nodded._

_A wet slippery Bella? I was so there. _

**Giggles. Loved Charlie. And the wall ? Had that one in my head so long and was dying to use it. I'd call it a work of art myself and frame the thing. Who's with me on that one ?**


	26. Chapter 26

**Yeah ! Some fun times for E & B… nothing better than a little hands on remodelling! Glad so many of you found Charlie amusing… poor Edward. Psyching himself out. Thank you for your comments – so many of them made me laugh!**

**Read on…**

"Is it really going to make a difference Bella?" I asked softly from the sofa.

She was desperately trying to erase some of the traces of our 'wall art' with a wet cloth. She had been scrubbing the surface for a few minutes, grumbling under her breath.

"Should have done this _before_ the extended shower…now there are indents…dried indents."

"I'll call Sebastian and get the name of the company; we'll get them to come back and repaint it. It'll be gone by tomorrow." I used my most soothing voice.

"I know. I just wanted to try and erase the outline of my _ass_ Edward. I can't come up with an explanation of how this got here with that being so…noticeable."

My lips twitched. But being fairly smart, I kept the laughter in.

"There." She stood back and I could see her move her head back and forth inspecting her work.

"Success?"

"Well, obviously something rubbed up against the wall but I think I managed to smear it all enough so we can say I fell into it while it was damp or something. You know… I think it's only fair that I get the chance to imprint _your _ass on that wall Edward."

I couldn't stop the laughter this time. She was so adorable.

I leaned back on the sofa and opened my arms. "Come here Little One."

Once she was comfortable between my legs I pulled her tightly against my chest and kissed her still damp hair. "Although no evidence was left behind, I think you already demonstrated how it felt to be pinned against a wall …" I whispered making my way down to her ear before pulling the lobe into my mouth and nibbling softly. "You were…quite thorough in the shower. But if you insist…" Her breath caught in her throat. Her head fell back on my shoulder allowing me access to her throat, as I rained small kisses up and down the smooth column; smiling the entire time at the thought of our shower and Bella's unexpected actions.

While trying to scrub the paint off my hands in the shower, Bella, in a move I hadn't anticipated, had suddenly pushed me against the tiled wall, stood on her tiptoes, and pressed her lips to mine. She nibbled and lapped at my bottom lip begging for entrance, which I granted her instantly. Her kisses were passionate and deep and I felt myself hardening in need for her again. Breaking away from my lips she kissed her way over to my ear and growled softly.

"Let's see how _you_ like being pinned against a wall, Edward."

Leisurely she made her way down my body licking and nipping as she went, her hands caressing me. Every so often she would stop and lean up kissing me passionately again, letting her hands continue to fondle and stroke me where I so desperately, urgently wanted to feel her mouth.

"Please baby…"I begged as she deliberately tortured me yet again with the circuit of her hot swirling tongue.

When I finally felt her lips wrap around my throbbing need, my head fell back against the tile with a groan so loud I should have been embarrassed. Her stroking hands and warm, wet mouth had me gasping out her name in record time. Her ministrations left me feeling breathless and weak leaning against the tile as she rose, kissed her way back up my torso and whispered that she hoped I would remember _her_ pinning lesson. Then she nibbled my earlobe, backed away and continued her shower as if nothing had just transpired.

Bella's voice brought me back to the present.

"What are you smiling about?" she glanced up at me, stroking my cheek with her small fingers.

I captured her hand and kissed it. Then I leant down and kissed her softly.

"You," I smiled. "You've been…active today. And rather…wickedly naughty."

"Too wicked?" she asked shyly.

"No…I like you wicked…and naughty," I admitted with a smirk.

Her soft giggle was delightful.

We were quiet for a few minutes when suddenly she turned back towards me.

"Did my dad give you a hard time?"

_Oh shit._

"A hard time?" I stalled.

"Edward," her voice held a warning. "What did he say to you? Why did you say earlier you thought he was going to shoot you? What would give you that idea?"

I shifted under her gaze.

"He was joking around with me. I…umm... I heard his jacket open and I thought he was going to pull out his gun. I didn't know at the time he was pulling my leg."

"You…thought… he…was, Oh my God." Bella snorted. "Edward, do you really think he carries a gun around and just pulls it out whenever he feels like it? "

"I don't know," I exclaimed. "He seemed so serious and I was feeling like he was going to do… _something_. I assumed it would be shoot now and ask later."

For a few seconds there was silence. Then Bella exploded with merriment. Peal after peal of laughter filled the room.

"Well I am so glad my terror amuses you," I grumped, trying to sound angry, but only managing to sound slightly whiny.

Bella turned and clasped my face in her hands. "Edward. My dad is retired. He doesn't carry a gun. Ever. I have no idea why you would assume he does. And do you think I would really leave you alone if I thought he would shoot you? And why would he shoot you anyway? He just met you."

"I'm pretty sure he knows we're sleeping together," I blurted out.

"I'm pretty sure you're right. I'm twenty eight years old my darling man. My dad stopped asking me about my personal life the day I got my first period. That alone frightened him enough he sent me to the guidance counsellor to explain the birds and bees to me; then offered only one piece of advice."

"What was that?"

"To be safe, carry pepper spray and please not make him a grandfather until he was much much older."

I chuckled. "Sounds like a fatherly thing to say."

Suddenly her voice became serious. "I love you Edward. So much. I told my Dad that. He'll get to know you and love you too. Promise."

I felt my throat tighten. Without me even saying my fear out loud she knew, understood and soothed it.

I smiled, unable to say anything at the moment. I tenderly kissed her cheeks, forehead, adorable nose and finally her soft lips. "I love _you_ Little One," I whispered.

She turned and made herself comfortable against me.

The silence was warm and I basked in it.

"You know, covering for him today…you're already on his good side. Soon he'll want to take you fishing…"

And once again, my girl had me laughing.

*()* *()*

Our little bubble burst soon after with the arrival of Emmett and Carlisle. They had just arrived back from dinner and were checking in before retiring for the night. Both were in a good mood and sat laughing and talking with both of us. I loved listening to Bella interact with the two other important people in my life. She was witty and could easily keep up with their banter.

A perfect fit in my world.

"You okay for tomorrow Bella? Have everything you need? "Carlisle inquired.

"I'm good Carlisle. I'm meeting Esme in the morning and we have a fairly full day of signings and a couple of interviews and then we're done. I'll take her back to the hotel and meet her again on Thursday to go over a few things. Then officially it's done. She can go back to her condo and I'll go back to editing. I understand you're having dinner with her tomorrow?"

I turned in his direction and tilted my head. He hadn't mentioned that detail.

"Ah. Yes. I'm taking her to dinner. To say thank you for being so…kind and generous this past while. I told Edward I would." Carlisle's voice seemed unusually nervous.

"She's looking forward to it," Bella teased gently.

"Oh…well that's good. I am as well. She seems…lovely."

I felt my eyes widen.

He _was _nervous.

I opened my mouth to say something, but felt Bella grab my arm in warning. So I shut up.

"She is lovely Carlisle. I'm sure you'll have a great evening," she assured him.

Emmett huffed suddenly. "This sucks. You get Bella. Carlisle meets Esme. Sebastian is outside kissing some short assed woman. And I get nothing."

Bella gasped. "Sebastian is kissing Alice?"

"Well, if that's the pixie's name then yeah. They were out there by the car and going at it when we pulled up."

Bella jumped up and ran to the door, flinging it open and disappearing through it.

"What did I say?" Emmett asked. "Who's Alice?"

"Bella's best friend," I chuckled. "She, uh, met Sebastian this afternoon and they disappeared not long afterward. I think we kinda forgot about her."

"Been busy have we Edward?" Carlisle smirked.

"Having dinner with a new _friend _Carlisle? " I smirked right back.

Bella walked back in the house. "She left. I saw her car leaving. She didn't even come and tell me. I am so calling her and giving her a piece of my mind," she huffed as she shut the door behind her none too quietly, then walked towards the kitchen where she'd left her cell phone.

We all chuckled. She was too adorable when angry.

Emmett suddenly stood up and strode towards the door. "What the hell happened here?" he asked in an incredulous voice as he stared at the wall beside it.

Bella froze.

_Oh fuck._

"I had a little accident after the painters left," Bella rushed back, talking quickly. "I tripped and fell right into the damp paint and smeared it all. We have to get the company back to repaint."

The room was quiet for a minute.

"Are you hurt Bella?" asked Carlisle kindly.

"Oh, no…I'm fine. I broke the fall with my hands mostly." I could hear the relief in her voice.

I was impressed. She must have done a pretty good job with her smearing.

"Well that's good. I'll get the number from Sebastian in the morning and we'll have it fixed," Carlisle said smoothly. Maybe too smoothly. "Let's go Emmett."

They both moved towards the connecting door and I heard Bella's sigh behind me.

"Oh fuck, no fucking way!" Emmett burst out, startling both of us. "I can't ... I can't Carlisle!"

"Emmett," Carlisle growled warningly.

_Oh __fuck. __He __knew.__They __knew.__The __smearing __was _**not** _a __success._

"What?" cried Bella behind me as I jumped up off the sofa.

"Emmett, let's go…" Carlisle growled.

"You fell into the wall… my ass! Or should I say _your_ ass Bella? I _know_ those hand prints and they're not yours! You'd have to sprout a good foot length wise and double the size of your hands for that story to work. And the only way those impressions got into the paint were with _repeated _fallings!"

"Emmett stop it!" I yelled. Bella would be horrified. I quickly made my way around the back of the sofa and tried to pull her into my arms. But she stepped away.

"Bella..."

She held up her hand. She moved past me. She cocked her head to one side and stood looking over at the wall.

"Well, _fuck_. I thought I had erased the outline enough you couldn't tell what it was," she grumbled.

Then she giggled.

Turning to me, she shrugged her shoulders. "Busted, Edward." And then snorted.

I gaped at her. Then threw back my head in laughter. Wrapping her in my arms I kissed the top of her head. She never failed to surprise me.

"Got anything else to add Emmett?" she asked through her laughter.

He stood looking at us. Then shook his head. "Shoulda used sandpaper Shortcake. Would have smoothed it out better."

"Damn. Never thought of that. I'll make sure to get your advice next time Emmett," Bella retorted.

_Next time?_

"Our little boy is all grown up Carlisle," he said before bursting into laughter.

"Thank God for that," Carlisle said dryly. "Can the two of you try and keep the property damage to a minimum please? Really… I'm too old for this shit." But I could hear the barely concealed laughter in his voice.

"We'll try," promised Bella.

I could hear them still laughing as the door closed.

"You okay?" I asked softly, looking down at Bella.

She nodded. "Slightly embarrassed, but at least it made Emmett forget his woes," she giggled.

"I told you he's just a big kid, I'm sure this isn't the last we'll hear of it."

"I know. It's okay Edward, I'm a big girl. I can give as good as I get."

I waggled my eyebrows at her. "Yes, I know Little One. I've experienced your…giving."

"Is that so Mr. Masen?" she whispered in a husky sounding voice.

"You know, I'm feeling...inspired… after viewing your _work_ again Edward," she nodded towards the wall. "Why don't we go to bed and see what I can come up with to _give __you_ when we get there?"

I bent down and scooped her up into my arms.

I couldn't get to the bedroom fast enough.

She was _extremely_ giving.

**So… the fun sexy times are courtesy of MidNight cougar who insisted they needed them… so thank her for the pinning lessons. **


	27. Chapter 27

**OK my friends, last update this week. That's 4. More than I get in a month from some of my favorites. Damnit. You are all spoiled.**

**You have all loved the fun times, but our Edward is not over his ass like tendencies quite yet. He's still growing. **

**Thank you for the reviews, the pm's and the comments. I appreciate them all. **

A soft noise woke me up. Startled I sat up; I could make out Bella's form moving around the room in the dark.

"Bella?" I questioned my voice sounding gruff from sleep and loud in the quiet.

She came over to the bed and leant down to kiss me softly. "I'm sorry. I was trying to be quiet."

"What time is it?"

"Just five," she said softly.

"Why are you up so early? Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to my apartment. I need to pick up some things. I'm getting rather tired of the few clothes I have with me and I need an outfit for today and tomorrow for the office. I thought if I did that and got it out of the way then I could come back again tonight… if you wanted me to."

_If I wanted her to?_

"Of course I want you back tonight, Bella. I want you here every night."

"Well, that's something we'll have to discuss later. But I have to go so I can beat the traffic and get ready to go get Esme."

Instantly I was alert. "Wait- what do you mean something we'll have to discuss?"

"Edward, not now please. Let me go to work. You go and be creative with Sebastian. Carlisle is going out with Esme tonight and we can talk. Promise."

"No," I said firmly. "I want to know what you mean. Is there a reason you can't be here every night? Am I crowding you? Do _you_ not want to be here?" I could hear the edge in my voice.

Then another thought hit me. My voice got sharper. "Were you even going to say goodbye before you left?"

Bella sat down beside me with a sigh. "Stop this right now Edward. _Of __course_ I was going to say goodbye. I didn't say I wasn't staying here, I just said we had to talk about it."

She paused, and then whispered, "Please don't do this Edward. I'm _not __her_. I'm not leaving you."

_Fuck. I was doing it again. _

I pulled her into my arms. She was stiff for a moment then relaxed into my embrace. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm being an ass again."

She nodded into my shoulder.

"Sorry," I repeated.

She stood up. "Let's try this again shall we? I'll see you tonight. We can have dinner and talk- how about that?"

I nodded and smiled despite the worry I was feeling.

"Tonight."

Leaning down, she kissed my cheek softly. "I have to go Edward. Please. Have a great day with Sebastian."

I nodded but said nothing. I didn't trust myself not to snap at her again. I heard her soft sad sigh as she left the room and knew I was the cause of it.

I heard her footsteps fade away as she departed. The front door opened and closed softly. I sat there and listened to her car start roughly and then the sound of the engine ebb away as she pulled away from the house. I flopped back down on my pillow, rolled over and grabbed Bella's. It smelt of her soft fresh rain scent and I breathed in deeply letting it flow through me, soothing me as it always did.

I groaned. I was such an asshole. Instead of sending her off with a smile and promises of seeing each other tonight I totally ruined her day before it even started. And I didn't even tell her I loved her.

My next thought shook me. If something happened to her, I would never get that chance again.

_Fuck. _

I had to send her a text. I needed her to know I was an ass. An apologetic one, but an ass none the less. And one that loved her.

I got up and made my way down the hall and searched the counter with my hands until I found my phone. Just as I was turning it on the door opened and I spun around wondering who was coming in at this hour.

"Edward?" Bella's voice was surprised. "What are you doing?"

I dropped the phone and met her as she crossed the room. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly. Then I grabbed her face and kissed her deeply.

"I love you," I said roughly, my lips still attached to hers. "I'm a fucking ass who doesn't deserve you, but I'm so fucking grateful I have you."

"Wow," she whispered. "I think I'll just leave and come back and see what happens that time, okay?"

I smiled and kissed her again.

Then I pulled back. "Wait. Why are you here? Did you forget something?"

"No," she sighed. "Something is wrong with my car. It sounds dreadful and sort of died just as I got to the gate. I need to call a tow truck and a cab to get home. I'm already running behind schedule."

"Stay right here." I commanded and went into the other half of the house. I made my way to Emmett's room and knocked on the door, loudly. Once I had roused him up enough to get him to stop cursing at me and explained I needed him to help Bella, he was alright with being woken at this "fucking ungodly hour no human should ever see".

By the time I came out of his room, and returned to my side of the house, Carlisle was awake and talking to Bella. "Did you get Emmett?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"No! You woke Emmett up?" Bella gasped in horror. "I'll get a cab home. Once I'm there I'll get a car for the day. I don't want to cause a bunch of problems for everyone." I could hear the distress in her voice.

Before I could react, Carlisle spoke up. "You are causing zero problems here Bella. Emmett will drive you and he is yours for the day. I'm here with Edward today finalizing all the details for tomorrow and Saturday. Emmett is free to help you all day."

"What if you need him?" I could hear the indecision in her voice so I stepped forward and took her hand.

"Sebastian has a driver as well, Bella. If we need something we can use his services. Please Little One. Let us do this for you. Emmett will take you wherever you need to go with Esme and he can bring you back to me at the end of the day. Please."

"He can bring Esme with you and we'll go out from here," Carlisle interjected. "She wanted to come here anyway to meet Edward so this works out well. I'll wait a while and call her to let her know. And if you tell me the name of your mechanic I'll take care for the car for you as well Bella. Then you can concentrate on the busy day I know you have ahead of you."

Bella started to protest, but stopped as I squeezed her hand and uttered a quiet please.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Emmett appeared behind us. "Hey Shortcake! How excited are you – the whole day with me?"

Bella laughed. "Thanks Emmett- I appreciate it. Sorry you had to wake up so early."

He leaned over and hugged her. "Not an issue for you. Now let's hit the road woman. I need coffee."

Bella turned and hugged me. "I love you," she whispered quietly in my ear.

I tightened my hold on her. "Love you Little One. Have a good day and hurry back to me."

"I will,"' she whispered and kissed my cheek. I could feel the dampness on her face and pulled back.

"Bella?"

She shook her head, and cupped my cheek briefly. "This is a much better way of leaving you for the day. Thank you for looking after me, Edward." And she turned around and walked away.

Emmett followed, bellowing he would be in touch and they departed.

Beside me Carlisle groaned. "Should I ask?"

"What?" I asked crossly, knowing what was about to happen.

"What did you do Edward? Bella doesn't cry that easily. And no matter how much she loves you I can't believe she'd cry over being apart from you for a few hours." He snorted. "In fact, she is probably looking forward to the break."

I sighed. He was possibly right.

"I over reacted this morning to something." I admitted. "Bella called me on it and said she thought I was comparing her to…the past again."

"Were you?" His voice was soft.

I shook my head." Not consciously."

"What about unconsciously?"

I was silent for a moment. I shrugged. "I don't fucking know Carlisle. Maybe I _am_ waiting for the other shoe to drop. For her to decide this is not worth it. _I__'__m __not __worth __it_."

"You need to stop thinking that way Edward. How many times do I have to tell you this is different? _She _is different. Fuck, you know this. Stop looking to the past. Bella is your future. I'm sure of it."

I nodded slowly. I knew he was right. But sometimes knowing and believing were two different things.

"So how did you resolve it?"

"I was coming to get my phone to text her, to apologize again. I felt terrible with her leaving on a bad note for the day. I wanted her to know that. But then she came in and I told her instead."

"Good. I am glad you recognized it. Edward… I know you've told her some of your past, have you told her …everything yet?"

I was shaking my head before he even finished his question. "No. I know I have to Carlisle. I will. And I plan on it. I want to get this week done and on Sunday… I will tell her everything. And pray she still feels the same way about me after I do."

"Okay Edward. She needs to hear it from you. Soon. And as for feeling the same way, I think it will only strengthen her feelings for you."

I could only hope he was right.

*()* *()*

As we approached the studio a short time later I could hear raised voices coming from inside.

"Ah, James…" sighed Carlisle. "Working his usual charm on Sebastian. Bastard."

"What now?"

"I have no idea, but I am sure we'll find out soon enough. Perhaps Sebastian had the audacity to cut his hair or change his socks without James knowing." Carlisle commented dryly. "He is a controlling fucker. It's disturbing actually."

I shook my head. "Guess I won the jackpot when it came to managers then didn't I?" I smirked.

"You have no fucking idea my friend. No fucking idea at all…" Carlisle laughed, clapping me on the shoulder. "Still planning on that bonus meeting there, Edward."

I laughed. "Draw it up Carlisle. Whatever you want. It's yours."

We were still chuckling as we entered the studio.

"Well isn't that so…sweet." James sneered. "The two amigos…"

I could feel Carlisle tense beside me. I straightened my shoulders and glared in James' direction. Sebastian was clearly reaching his breaking point as he slammed his hand down on the counter and snapped. "Fuck. Enough already James. I'm warning you…" he trailed off his voice angry.

James voice was low and irate, but I could hear what he said to Sebastian. "Don't threaten me. I can break you so easily. You listen to _me_. I _own_ you."

And with those menacing words he stormed out of the studio. Sebastian sat down heavily and put his head in his hands. The air around us was tense. Carlisle moved forward and sat beside Sebastian.

"What's going on?"

"This project, what else?" Sebastian sighed wearily. "He wants final say over what goes on the CD. He wants to hold back some of the material for my next CD. He wants me to hurry up and get this done and move on. He informed me I should stop thinking about having a personal life. He wants… fuck. He wants everything I don't want."

"What do you want?" Carlisle asked quietly.

Sebastian stood up and started pacing the room in long angry strides. As he spoke his arms gestured wildly indicating the level of tension he was feeling. "I want to make this recording amazing. I want to do some other collaborations. I want… I want to take some time off and relax. To enjoy what I been blessed to acquire so far in my life. He insists I can do that later that I have to keep 'hitting while the iron is hot'. He is on me constantly right now. And I made it worse last night."

"How?" I spoke up.

"I, ah… I blew him off and had dinner with Alice. We talked for hours and I so enjoyed just being me for a while."

"And he's against that? Why?"

"Because he feels it takes my attention away from what he considers should be my focus. Making money. And according to him, Alice is not news worthy," he snorted. "He told me to get with someone famous and he'll approve. Lots of free PR you know," he finished bitterly. "That's all I am. His meal ticket. I'm just fucking tired of it."

I had no idea how to respond. Carlisle had always been with me so I had no experience with dealing with an uncooperative, controlling manager. And I never considered Carlisle just my manager. He was my friend. My family.

Carlisle stood up. "Sebastian, I believe you have some thinking to do and tough decisions to make. Let me ask you something, if I may? How iron clad is your contract with James? "

"I had my lawyers write in some loopholes last time," Sebastian said quietly. "Things were already tense and I wanted a way out if I needed it."

"Then maybe it's time you exercised those loopholes and found yourself new representation. What he is doing is nothing short of mental abuse. He's lost sight of the big picture… if he ever really saw it in the first place. It's obvious his vision of what is best for you is completely distorted. Think about it. I can look around discreetly and help you find the right fit. Just let me know."

Carlisle came over to me. "I'm going in the other room to finish up tomorrow and Saturday's details. I'll find James and go over the final plans. I'll handle this. The two of you concentrate on the music. That's all. Got it?"

I nodded silently.

I made my way over to the console where Sebastian was sitting, his shoulders slumped. Things had been moved around since last night so I was careful as I moved forward. I could see he had been listening to one of the scores with the headphones. I tried to think of something to say that would help him but came up with nothing adequate. If Bella was here she would know exactly what to say. Inspiration struck.

"Soo… Pixie Alice then?" I smirked at him, slapping him on the shoulder. Instantly he sat up.

I continued before he had a chance to respond. "Some walk in the garden my friend. Bella was thinking her friend had been kidnapped…" I teased.

"Oh shit. Yeah. We …umm… walked… yeah… for a while and then started talking and before we knew it hours had gone by. Then we ended up in my kitchen making sandwiches and talking more. I guess we, ah, Alice forgot to call Bella."

"Yeah she did," I laughed. "So forgetful in fact that when you were saying goodnight at _her __car __beside __the __guest __house_ you both forgot Bella was right there. I guess that happens when you are saying goodnight… with your tongue," I snickered.

Sebastian gasped, and then joined in my chuckles. "Can't let you have _all _the fun Edward."

He paused then became serious. "Alice is amazing. I haven't connected with someone like that – ever. I'll remind her later to call Bella. Is she really angry?"

"No," I shook my head. "Just wants to make sure Alice is okay. I'm sure they'll connect. I know Bella was going to call her so we'll leave it to them okay? Let's concentrate on some music. I think we need to forget everything else right now."

"Okay. Let's make some music."

*()* *()*

I listened to the playback of the last piece we had done and smiled. It was exactly what I wanted when I wrote the piece. A perfect blend of my preferred classical with Sebastian's more modern approach. I pulled off the headphones and waited for Sebastian's reaction.

"Fucking perfect," he said happily.

"Done," I agreed.

Despite the horrendous start to the day for both of us we were able to move ahead with the compilation's outline. I was pleased with the progress, as was Sebastian. But I could see he was starting to fidget and kept looking at his wrist every few minutes. "In a hurry?" I asked dryly, already knowing the answer.

"Umm, yeah I'm meeting Alice at seven. It's six now."

"Go," I laughed. "I'm going to work on a couple things here and I will see you in the morning. Did you want a …later start tomorrow, perhaps?" I smirked at him.

"Ass. The usual time will be fine. I don't imagine we'll get a lot done with the press conference tomorrow anyway." I could hear the dread in his voice.

I groaned. "Almost forgot about that. Should be a blast."

"Well we'll get through it together my friend. One down, one to go, then we'll be able to just concentrate on this. Great work today."

He began to walk away then turned back. His voice was filled with mirth. "And by the way Edward? Alice and I did come back briefly to the guest house last night. Nice…_work_… on the wall. We didn't hang around since you seemed… otherwise _occupied_ in the other…room. I had already called the painters to come back before Carlisle mentioned it earlier. No doubt Alice will have lots to tell me tonight after she's spoken with Bella. And Edward? Just a thought, perhaps stay away from the wall tonight- it's still damp."

And laughing loudly, he left.

I groaned. Somehow I had a feeling Bella would have a lot to say tonight as well. Then I chuckled. She was so right. We were not going to live this one down.

I quickly set to work, wanting to finish my ideas before I went back to the house to meet Esme and have the evening with Bella. I had just about finished when the door opened behind me.

"Forget something?" I asked sarcastically, "Or just come back with some wittier wall remarks?"

"Hardly. Where's Sebastian?" snarled James.

I tensed up. Automatically my hand went to my pocket for my cell phone. "He's left. He had plans." I said as calmly as I could, remembering Carlisle's advice of not provoking him.

"No doubt to go out with the little gold digger. Another fucking distraction I have to thank you for."

I stood up. This was going to get ugly and fast. I pressed the button on the side of my phone knowing it would instantly alert both Emmett and Carlisle that I needed them.

"_That_ gold digger is a friend of my lady's. I don't appreciate the tone or the name. And as for distracting Sebastian perhaps if you got your head out of your ass, you would see the benefits of this and how he feels about it. Not that the likes of you understand feelings. Unless they're your own selfish ones of course."

"Lady," sneered James. "Some lady. Didn't take long for her to crawl into your bed did it? You're as stupid as he is. Some pretty little thing fawns all over the has-been blind man and he falls for it. How pitiful."

"Don't you ever fucking talk about her that way!" I stepped forward shaking in anger, ignoring his other insults and focusing on his disrespect towards Bella. "You don't look at her, you don't talk to her, you don't even think about her!" I roared.

"Not up for a little healthy competition anymore Eddie?" mocked James. "I doubt you could win twice, especially since you're not firing on all cylinders… so to speak."

_What the fuck was he talking about? What did he mean? Twice? _

I could hear footsteps quickly approaching outside.

"I don't know what your problem with me is James. I don't care either. Stop riding Sebastian. Leave me the hell alone_. __Stay __the __fuck __away __from __Bella_." I growled emphasising the last sentence.

"What are you gonna do _Eddie_?" he taunted. "You gonna hurt your pretty hands and try to hit me?" he snorted with laughter. "If you can find me that is?"

"I _can _see you James," I growled, refusing to rise to the bait. "And I guarantee you _when_ I hit you, _not __if_, it'll hurt you a lot more than it's going to hurt me." I promised darkly just as the door opened.

Both Carlisle and Emmett walked through the door. "Edward what the fuck? We're waiting for you." Carlisle demanded as though he was here for reasons other than my panic button.

James immediately lost his arrogant, over-confident stance. "I was looking for my boy too. Apparently I missed him."

"Stop calling him boy James," Carlisle snapped. "He's a grown man. They both are. Show some fucking respect."

"Jesus you guys are uptight. I'm out of here. I'll see you tomorrow at the press conference. Don't be late." James barked back and stormed out of the door.

I sat down heavily.

Carlisle was by my side instantly. "What the hell happened Edward?"

I repeated the conversation to him and Emmett. "Have I dealt with him before Carlisle? Have you? What the fuck is his problem with me?"

He shook his head. "No. But I think I need to find out some more information on him. Something is off. I'll call Demetri in the morning and get him working on it. He'll dig deeper."

He stood up. "Now let's go back to the house. There are some lovely ladies waiting for us there. One particular brunette who seems anxious to see you."

I smiled at the thought.

My Bella was waiting for me.

Nothing else really mattered.

**Ah what a treat James is. Total prick. So many interesting theories you have about him. **

**Time will tell… **

**Til next time, be safe… **


	28. Chapter 28

**Happy Monday… Well as happy as any Monday can be!**

**Three updates this week, and a couple before Christmas and once the holidays are over we will continue and finish with the story, yes?**

**My ladies… thank you. For everything. Midnight – please feel better.**

**Thank you for reading, for reviewing and your support. Awaken was 4th in the Lemonade Stand and also placed 1st in the notebook blog poll. How utterly amazing is that! Quite overwhelming. Thank you for voting. **

**And we continue…**

As we had approached the guest house the door flew open and Bella came barrelling out and launched herself at me. I caught her happily.

I sighed softly. I was home.

"Edward," Bella's voice was urgent in my ear. "Are you alright?"

Setting her down, I cupped her face and kissed her softly. "I'm fine Little One."

I realized she was shaking. I pulled her back into my arms. "Bella? What's wrong?"

"I was so worried. We were sitting and talking and suddenly both Emmett and Carlisle's cell phones made some strange noise and they both left quickly. I knew it had to do with you. I knew something was wrong."

Her fear of something happening to me was moving. But I didn't like to feel how upset she was. I kept my voice calm and soothing. "No, I'm fine. Really. I just needed some…backup."

"Backup?" her voice was confused.

"I'll explain it after. When we're alone. I promise." I kissed her softly after each sentence.

"Okay… but I'm holding you to that."

"I'm sure you will," I kissed her one last time before we went in the house.

Inside, I met Esme. She was warm and gracious and obviously fond of Bella. She was taller than Bella, with lighter colored hair from what I was able to ascertain and had a lovely low register to her voice. I judged her to be about the same age as Carlisle, who was four years older than I was, so about thirty five. Her assistant Rose was with her. Bella had taken over for Rose while she had fallen ill. She was tall, and very blonde. And she had a wicked sense of humor and a commanding voice. I noticed a lot of her wit seemed to be directed towards Emmett who seemed uncommonly quiet. As we sat around talking briefly, Esme asked how we all met. I sat back listening to Carlisle tell the story. Bella was beside me and I could feel the tension she was holding in her stance. Something was still on her mind and I was apprehensive again about the talk she wanted to have.

"It was my first year at college," Carlisle was saying. "I had to wait to go for a couple years in order to earn enough money for tuition and books. I was already older than most of the seniors never mind the other freshmen and I was hoping to live off campus- I couldn't take the thought of the dorms. I answered an ad I saw at the store looking for roommates and met Edward. We seemed to hit it off well. Later that day Emmett showed up. Another freshman. And what a group, an athlete, a musician and a business major." Carlisle chuckled remembering the first few weeks of our rooming together.

"By the end of the first week we had burnt enough meals to have to replace the batteries in the smoke detector twice. And never mind what damage we did to the laundry machine. I don't think any of us had ever really fended for ourselves before. But by the end of the month not only had we settled in and figured out what we could do properly and what we needed to learn, we became fast friends. Somehow we all meshed."

His voice became softer. "I also knew I had met two people I would care for the rest of my life. Two people who would always be there for me. And I wasn't wrong. Truly my brothers in every sense of the word."

Then he laughed. "And we're still together. They both keep me busy… especially Edward."

I laughed with him. He was right.

Carlisle stood up. I saw his hand extend out towards Esme. "Shall we go to dinner? I think if I stay any longer smelling whatever delicious dish Bella has going I'll lose my resolve to leave."

Esme laughed. "I was thinking the same thing. I don't know how you did it Bella, worked all day with me and still made that heavenly smelling dinner."

Bella shrugged. "It's just a simple casserole. You're welcome to stay, but I have a feeling Carlisle has a lovely evening planned. You shouldn't waste it. Especially with Carlisle looking so handsome and all."

Carlisle chuckled. He had his black suit on with his favourite shirt. A vivid blue one which he always insisted was his lucky shirt. The color made it easy to spot for me. Inside I was smirking. I wondered if he hoped the shirt would be lucky with pretty ladies as well.

"Alright. Enough flattery. Emmett you're taking Rose back to the hotel, yes?"

"Yeah I am."

"Excellent. Everyone have a pleasant night."

"Wait," I stood up. "If Emmett is driving Rose how are you getting around?"

"I borrowed one of Sebastian's cars. He was very generous, and I've been dying to drive the Ferrari," Carlisle chuckled.

I laughed. "No doubt you were equally persuasive with him."

"You know it."

I reached out to shake Esme' s hand and was surprised to find myself pulled into a tight hug. "Take care of her tonight Edward. She's had a bit of a bumpy day," she whispered before pulling back.

I nodded feeling uncertain.

How could I make her day better? And why was it a bad one? Because of me?

As they were leaving Emmett turned to me and asked quietly if I needed him at all tonight. I shook my head and asked why.

"I… I thought I would take Rose to dinner before I dropped her at the hotel. If she wants to, of course. She doesn't know anyone here, and she's been sick. I thought it would be nice?" His voice was nervous and unsure, unlike anything I had ever heard come from Emmett.

Beside me Bella spoke quietly. "I'm sure she would love to have dinner with you Emmett. That's a lovely idea. We're good, right Edward?"

Again I just nodded. So many things were happening around me. People pairing off left right and center.

_Was __there __something __in __the __water __here_?

I looked down at Bella with what I was sure was a confused look on my face. She giggled and quietly promised to explain everything later.

*()* *()*

The lights were dim and we were together on the sofa, sharing our day with each other.

"…and so now she refers to him as "Jazzy". _Her_ Jazzy actually, I believe were her exact words. Because Sebastian is just too formal. Who knew his middle name was Jasper?" Bella sighed.

I chuckled in agreement. Indeed, who knew?

"I think she's smitten. I've never seen her act like that with someone, ever. She talked non-stop; I barely got a word in edge wise. Even her teasing about the, um, wall art was minimal. She had far more _pressing __matters_ on her mind."

I laughed at her quip, finding her sense of humor as usual, delightful. I was also quietly relieved at the small reprieve from the teasing we had both taken.

"Sebastian... or umm... _Jazzy_ seems equally as smitten. He was rather anxious to meet up with her again this evening," I grinned and took another sip of brandy.

"Speaking of smitten, what happened today with Emmett? I've never experienced _him_ acting like this…almost anxious and shy…" I asked with a smile.

"I know, one minute he was being goofy Emmett and the next... well it was done in like five minutes, I swear," Bella laughed softly. "We walked in, Esme introduced herself and Rose to Emmett and he froze like a deer in headlights. He took Rose's hand and I had to literally pry it off for her. And the rest of the day he never was more than three feet away from her. It was actually rather endearing to watch."

I laughed. "What is it with the women you know?"

Bella chuckled. "I was about to ask you the same question regarding you and your friends actually. All of you gentlemen seem to be able to sweep girls off their feet..."

I leaned over and pulled her into my lap. "I'm only interested in sweeping one girl off her feet, thank you."

She sighed and nuzzled into my chest. "Good to know."

"Tell me what happened today," she whispered after a brief period of quiet.

I sighed and told her the whole story of my brief altercation with James. Her tension, which had dissipated a little during dinner returned. I could feel her growing even more apprehensive and I hated adding to her stress.

"Who is Demetri?"

"He is a private investigator we use on occasion. I do thorough back ground checks on all the people I employ. He is, ah, very tenacious."

"Please be careful Edward. I don't like James. There is something so…vile about him. He gives me the creeps."

I drew her closer. I didn't like the underlying tone of fear in her voice. "It's okay Bella. I'll make sure both Carlisle and Emmett are close by. For _both_ of us."

She nodded but didn't say anything. Her face remained burrowed in my chest.

We were both quiet for a moment. Bella reached up and stroked my face softly, causing me to sigh as I leaned into her tender touch. I pulled my glasses off as her fingers reached the lenses, knowing that was what she wanted. As her fingers went higher and felt my scar I began to pull back out of habit but forced myself to stay in place. I closed my eyes allowing the peaceful room with the fragrance of the burning candles and Bella's own soft scent to soothe me.

"Edward, why did you tell me this scar was hideous?" she murmured quietly.

"It's disfiguring and ugly," I whispered, repeating what I had been told so often in the months following the accident.

Bella sat up and moved away, then pulled up her pant leg. Saying nothing, she grabbed my hand and placed it on her skin. I felt the puckered scar that ran down the side of her knee. Then she shifted and pulled her waistband of her yoga pants down and did the same thing to a long scar on her right side. "These are two of my scars Edward. Only two. Do you think they're ugly?"

"No," I insisted. "They are part of you. Part of your past, of what made you…what you are today." My voice trailed off at the end.

_Was that how Bella saw my scar? Not just the one on my face but the others as well?_

"Yes it is."

I started, realizing I had spoken out loud.

"I don't know for sure who told you your scars were hideous Edward. I have a good idea though. But they aren't. None of them. They tell me you survived something. They're part of you as well. And that makes them beautiful in my eyes."

I sat motionless for a moment, completely stunned. Once again she tore down another fear with her soft touch and simple truthful words. Reaching out I crushed her to me and kissed her with everything I had. I poured all the feelings that were tearing through me into the kiss.

_The wonder_

_The awe_

_The passion_

_The tenderness_

_The fear_

_The peace_

_The total complete love I felt for her._

I kissed her until I was dizzy.

Breaking away from her sweet lips, I gathered her closely and willed myself to calm. We needed to talk and if I kept this up no talking would be happening in the foreseeable future.

Slowly we both calmed. I took in a deep breath. I had to start this.

"Bella? Why would you think I didn't want you to come back here tonight? That I don't want you here every _fucking_ second you can be?"

She sighed softly. "Well, that's one way to start a conversation Mr. Masen."

Then she moved off my lap kneeling on the sofa facing me. I didn't really like that. I reached for her hand and she entwined her fingers with mine.

"I've been thinking about this all day, longer in fact. I want to be here with you. I do. But we haven't talked about it and I didn't want to assume that was what _you_ wanted. Or if it is the best for us, for me, in the long run."

"Why?" I demanded, my chest hurting at the last sentence.

Bella was quiet for a moment.

"Bella? Why?" I prompted again. "Why would being together be bad for us? I don't understand."

She abruptly stood up and paced the floor in front of me. I didn't like the set of her shoulders or the way I could see the movement of her hands as she twisted them in front of her over and over.

Finally she stopped in front of me. Then she knelt down to eye level with me, and I could feel the heat of her stare. Her voice was low and timid. "Because Edward, it's not permanent. One day soon you'll get on your plane and fly back to BC. And I'll be left here trying to remember how I existed before you were here. And I don't know how I'm going to deal with that. I'm afraid if I stay here with you, when you leave … I won't know how to live again without you. If I can survive without you. And it scares me."

I could hear the fear and the pain behind every word.

And I knew.

She was as afraid of losing me as I was of losing her. She was insecure as well. And only _**I**_ could stop her fear this time.

Leaning down I clasped her sweet face in my hands and stroked her cheeks with my thumbs.

I smiled softly down at her. "Ah, my Little One. That's _not_ going to happen. I have no plans on leaving here without you in my future. Even if you're not on that plane with me the day I leave, it will be waiting to bring you to me whenever you want to come. And I'll come back as often as I can. And if you asked me not to go… I wouldn't go." I paused, stoking away the tears I could feel running down over my hands and allowing the chance to let my words sink in.

"I know I told you I was falling in love with you, but I shouldn't have said that."

Bella's body instantly froze. I cupped her face closely to stop her from moving away. My voice deepened when I spoke again.

"I'm already _in_ love with you, Bella. So much so it astounds me. Yet, every day I seem to fall a little deeper. I don't want you to think I don't feel as deeply as you do." My thumbs stroked her cheeks again, silently begging her to hear me clearly.

"Have you not figured this out yet, Little One?"

She shook her head.

"You are the most important thing in my life. Nothing is as vital to me. Nothing. Just the thought of being away from you crushes me. I can't live without you either, Bella. Already I can't. I know how new we are and I know we have a lot of work ahead of us… especially me. But I also know without a shadow of a doubt whatever my future holds, you are part of it. I love you."

Pulling her up off her knees into my lap again, I held her closely. "Nothing is going to keep us apart Bella. I won't let it. I will rearrange my entire life for you if that's what it takes."

Her soft sobs became intense weeping and I rocked her and held her tightly. How long had she been worrying about this? Is this what Esme meant when she said she had a rough day? God, I hated to hear her cry like this. To feel her little body shaking with sobs. A rush of tenderness I had never experienced before flooded through me. I stood up taking her with me. She was soft and limp in my arms and so trusting. I brushed repeated kisses over her head as I walked us carefully down the hall. I made my way into the bathroom and sat her down on the counter.

"What are you doing? She questioned in a soft gruff voice.

"Taking care of you," I replied kissing her one more time.

I leaned over and fumbled around until I figured out how to fill the tub. As the steam of the water rose around us, I turned around and smiled ruefully at Bella.

"I know girls like stuff in their bath, but I don't have anything like that."

Bella stood and rummaged around in her bag and I saw her hand extend towards me holding a container. "What's that?" I asked doubtfully.

"Just bath salts Edward. Very little smell. They just help stop your skin from drying out. I, um, brought them from home with some more of my things." She replied quietly and moved past me to add them to the water.

My chest tightened at her words. She was staying. She had already decided to before we talked, even though she was scared.

Reaching over I pulled her back to my chest. "Can I join you?" I whispered.

"I was counting on it."

I smiled and helped her undress then slip into the tub. I discarded my clothes and slid down behind her, pulling her closely to my chest. We sat there in the warm water, quiet and together. I urged her forward after a few minutes and rubbed her tense shoulders and back before letting her lean back into my chest. Her small moans would normally have filled me with desire but all I felt was the deep need to take care of her. To calm and soothe her as she had done for me so often. Not a word was spoken the entire time. The only sounds were of Bella's quiet contentment as I tended to her. I stroked her arms and shoulders continuously. I poured the warm water over them making sure she didn't get cold. I nuzzled her neck and whispered words of adoration into her ears. I dropped small gentle kisses on her sweet lips. I wrapped her in my arms and held her closely.

As the water cooled, I stood up and grabbed one of the large towels. I helped Bella out of the tub and wrapped us both in the soft fabric. We stood swaying together for a minute as Bella let her head rest on my chest. I gently patted her back dry then stood back and slowly ran the towel over the rest of her body. I moved over her shoulders and arms, down to her breasts and belly. Her soft sighs let me know it felt good.

I knelt down and gently leaned my forehead against her belly as I paid attention to her legs and feet. All the while I felt her hands stroking softly through my hair. When I finished I placed a soft kiss on her stomach before standing and lifting her back in my arms.

"I _can_ walk Edward," she whispered in a half-hearted protest.

"Hush. I'm doing this my way," I whispered back, silencing her protest with my lips.

Once back in the bedroom I lifted the covers. She slid under them and I followed. Again I wrapped myself around her and let her anchor herself to me.

As we lay nestled together in the serenity of the quiet room, I slowly stroked up and down her back with my hands in gentle soft circles. Her own hands were softly rubbing my back as well. I smiled into her head that was nuzzled into my chest.

Her head lifted slowly. "Thank you."

I softly stroked her lips with mine. "Anything Bella. I...I'm not very good at taking care of someone else. I've never done it before. Fuck, I can barely look after myself." I paused, shaking my head. "But I want to learn. Tell me how. Teach me what you need. Tell me if I screw up. Because I will. But don't give up on me. Please."

"Never Edward," she whispered. "Never."

**Ah, Musicward is trying. He wants to be there for her. Another update in a couple days… I'd love to hear what you are thinking ?**


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you for the reviews… so many last chapter! You all love Musicward when he is sweet don't you? Welcome new readers! So pleased you decided to check out my story. **

**Thank you to my ladies. I adore you. **

**And so, the longest chapter yet btw….**

Bella stirred restlessly in my arms. Neither of us had slept very well. Her unexpected emotional outburst had shaken me last night as had my reaction to it. Feelings I had never experienced before left me reeling. The desire to care for someone else, to put their needs above my own was new to me.

All night she had tossed and murmured softly in her sleep. I heard my name a lot. Once she had sobbed but I was able to soothe her back into sleep. I knew we would have to talk more and that I had to find a way of reassuring her how important she was in my life.

That she had become my life.

The sky was lightening up outside although I knew the forecast was for a rainy, dark day. I decided to text Sebastian that we would not be working this morning. Bella was meeting Esme at the office this morning and then the two of them would be meeting us at the press conference later. I would stay here this morning with Bella until she left. Quietly I got up and watched Bella sigh and burrow deeper under the covers. I softly stroked her head for a minute, then grabbed some clothes, and headed down the hall to find my phone. I sent a text to Sebastian and before I could put the phone down, had an immediate voice mail reply of "Good idea, not in the right mood anyway". I grimaced. Neither of us enjoyed the PR that went along with the territory. And given the hostility we were dealing with concerning James I knew the afternoon would not be a pleasant one.

I went through the connecting door, surprised not to find Carlisle sitting on the couch or pacing around. Normally he was an even earlier riser than I was. I stood for a minute listening. That entire half of the guest house was still. As if it was unoccupied. I didn't even hear Emmett's usual blustery snores. Curious I went down the hall and listened outside his room. Nothing. I knocked and opened the door. The room was empty. I went to Carlisle's door which was open and saw it too was empty.

Where the hell were they? Where would they have gone at this time of the morning?

As I made my way back towards the other side of the house a thought struck me.

Did they not come back last night? Either of them?

I chuckled. This could be fun.

Just as I reached the connecting door I heard someone come in behind me. Turning around I was able to ascertain it was Carlisle.

"Edward! Um…looking for me? I was… ah, outside getting some air. Lovely day out."

I bit back a smile, playing along. "I just came to tell you I was staying here this morning. Sebastian and I decided to forget about trying to work. Neither of us are in the right frame of mind."

"Good decision. Bella still asleep?"

I nodded. "Emmett outside with you?" I asked innocently.

"Uh…no. He was still … sleeping when I went out."

"Ah." I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from grinning.

Just then the door opened and Emmett walked in. He stopped short seeing both of us standing there.

"Hey," he mumbled.

"You're up early…" I grinned.

"Yeah,…ah couldn't sleep. I was outside…getting some air. Nice morning."

I burst out laughing.

"What?" he demanded crossly.

"To quote Bella, BUSTED!" I snorted.

"First off Carlisle, it's a little hard to believe _your_ story when you're still wearing the same lucky blue shirt from last night that even _I _can spot, and second if you were both outside getting some fresh air you would have seen each other. And even I can tell it's not _lovely_ outside. It's gonna fucking rain all day! Emmett, we all know you are _never_ up this early unless it's some sort of crisis. Both of you are just getting home! And sneaking in like teenagers afraid of being caught. Oh my God, you are both such …delinquents."

I shook my head. "Seriously, there _has_ to be something in the water here."

We all started laughing. I suddenly felt Bella's arm snake around my waist and I pulled her close.

"What's so funny? She asked sleepily, looking around. Then she gasped.

"Carlisle… are you…are you just getting home? Oh my God you're still wearing…you still have that shirt on!" Her head swung around towards Emmett. "And you as well?"

I leaned over and whispered "busted" into her ear. She clapped a hand over her mouth but the laughter was still easy to hear. She shook her head.

"I really can't handle all this…overload this early. I'm going to make coffee. And I have some calls to make. Seriously both of you? And even Sebastian? And with my friends? It's just too much…" she grumbled walking away only to start laughing again. "This is going to make an interesting wrap up meeting with Esme. I'm not sure how I'll word 'witnessed multiple hook ups' in the report."

"It _wasn__'__t _a hookup!" Carlisle groaned at the same time Emmett yelled, "I slept on the sofa Shortcake! Honest!"

I laughed. Bella just kept walking.

*()* *()*

"Are you having anything besides coffee?" I asked softly in between bites of breakfast. "Share with me?" I picked up the other half of my bagel and offered it to Bella.

"No, I'll have something later. Esme and I will probably grab something before coming to the press conference. She paused and shut the lid of her laptop. "Edward, are you _sure_ you want me there? Maybe if I'm not in the room you won't get any questions you don't want to answer about me, or us."

"Do _you_ not want to come Bella?" I asked gently. "I _want_you there. Without a doubt. But not if that's adding to your stress or you simply don't want to."

"I'm not…stressed. I just don't want to do anything that will detract from your project or make you uncomfortable."

I leaned over and clasped her hand tightly. "Knowing you're in the room will make me _more_ comfortable. And Bella, they can ask me about you all they want. I won't divulge information about my private life. If it comes down to that Carlisle will end it. The press conference is about the project, the charitable aspect of it and Sebastian's and my collaboration. Carlisle will be right up there with us and he'll control it."

"That's right kiddo," said Carlisle walking in.

"Is that coffee?" he groaned as he helped himself to a large mug and took a deep swallow. "I needed that. I'll keep the questions flowing towards the right subjects. I'm sure some will try but after they get shut down enough, they'll give up. They'll all want photos after and they piss me off enough I might forget to let them in for that."

He took another sip of coffee and sighed. "If you're worried Bella, you can be in back room so you can hear and even view it on the closed circuit monitor so you know what's going on but not be visible."

"No, as long as my being there isn't going to pose a problem. I don't want to hide."

"Good. You shouldn't. Alright, oh almost forgot here are your car keys. Good as new." I heard the keys jingle as Carlisle handed them to Bella.

"Thank you Carlisle. For taking care of all of it for me. It helped so much not worrying about it. What was it? I just had a tune up and oil change done a few weeks ago. I haven't been having any problems."

"Something about some loose wires. The mechanic said it was uncommon but not unheard of. He also said your tire pressure was low in all the tires which seems strange if you just had it looked at. Keep an eye on them, okay? I'm glad it broke down inside the gates, not when you were further away."

I nodded in agreement thinking of Bella stranded on a road somewhere. Alone. The thought filled me with dread. Suddenly I didn't want her driving.

"Let Emmett take you again today Bella. We'll go with Sebastian." I urged.

She shook her head. "No Edward. My car is fine. I have so much to do today and I don't want to take Emmett away again."

"You're not…" I started.

"I said no," Bella stated firmly.

I knew I'd lost. "Make sure your cell phone is charged then. You keep forgetting."

"I'll plug it in the car. Promise."

I nodded. Despite my worry, I had to be satisfied with that.

Bella gathered up her supplies for the day and leaned down and kissed me softly. "I'll be there later Edward. Promise."

After she left, Carlisle and I sat finishing our coffee.

"Bella okay?" he asked quietly. "She's not…upset about Esme and I, is she?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't think she really has a problem with you and Esme. Or Emmett. Or Sebastian even."

"What's up Edward?"

I told him.

Everything.

He was quiet for a moment. "I'm not really surprised she's feeling a little overwhelmed right now. And scared. Somehow I don't think the events of the past while were something she ever contemplated as being part of her life. And it has all happened rather quickly, for _both_ of you. I'm glad she talked to you about her fears though. And you did well. Taking care of her. She needed that."

"It wasn't much," I sighed. "I drew her a bath and put her to bed. It was all I could think of."

"And you listened to her, reassured her and cared for her. Your actions spoke volumes Edward." Carlisle's voice was firm. He paused and spoke again, this time softly.

"Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?" I asked confused.

"That you would rearrange your entire life for her."

"Instantly," I replied with no hesitation.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that."

"I'm still worried about her," I admitted softly.

"Goes with the territory. You love someone, you worry. Be patient with her. And yourself. It'll all work out."

Leaning forward he clapped me on the shoulder. "Finally getting it Edward. You're finally getting it. Now let's go and have some fun with the press shall we?"

*()* *()*

The room was far too hot. And bright. I felt like I was being hurtled face first into the sun.

"Jesus, Carlisle, can we tone down the wattage?" I hissed quietly.

"I'll take care of it. Relax. Let's go meet up with Sebastian."

As we made our way through to the lounge area, I caught a scent that stopped me in my tracks.

I felt my entire body lock down and I stood frozen.

"Edward?"

I shook my head.

Carlisle grabbed my arm. "What is it?"

"Who's in this room?" I could hear the panic in my voice.

"Just some staff finishing the set up and putting out the refreshments. Why?"

I inhaled, but there was nothing. Yet I felt uncomfortable. And not only with the scent. It felt as if I was being observed.

"Edward, what the fuck is going on? You're as white as a sheet."

"I thought…I thought I could…"

I couldn't say it out loud. It wasn't possible anyway.

I shook my head. "Nothing Carlisle. I'm fine. Let's go."

As soon as we made it to the lounge I sat down heavily on the closest chair. I felt a bottle of water being pressed into my hand and I drank it trying to relieve the sudden dryness in my throat.

Carlisle's voice was quiet and concerned as he stood close to me. "We still doing this, Edward?"

I nodded.

"Is Bella here?"

"Not yet. I know when I spoke with Esme the meeting that they were at ran late. She'll be here soon. Want me to call her?"

I shook my head.

"Okay. I'm going to go sort out those lights and the fucking temperature. I don't remember asking for them to have a fucking heat wave for us. You okay here? Emmett will be here as soon as he parks the car. Sebastian is doing an interview in the other room. I don't think James has arrived yet. Big surprise."

"I'm fine."

I sat back and tried a few deep breaths. I concentrated on the slow inhaling and exhaling of my chest and felt better.

Fuck.

My nerves must be worse than I thought.

I drained the last of the water and stood up to toss the bottle. And felt the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. Someone was watching me.

And then again, there it was. That...fragrance. The one that still filled me with intense loathing when I caught the scent of it.

I shook my head. This was _not _possible.

I moved towards the door, just as Emmett strode in. I grabbed his arm.

"Em, do you smell _that_?"

I heard him sniff the air. "Um, I smell coffee?"

'No, a woman's perfume- can you smell it?" My voice was rising.

"No Edward. I can't. What's wrong?"

"Who was by the door when you came in?" I demanded.

"No one. Carlisle is out there with some maintenance guy and some of the press and staff are milling around- that's it. What's going on?"

I couldn't answer. I struggled to remain calm repeating to myself over and over again it was just my nerves. It wasn't possible.

I needed to remain composed.

Bella. I needed Bella.

Emmett shook my arm. "Fuck Edward," he hissed. "You're freaking me out. Talk to me."

My voice was rough. "Find out where Bella is. Please. And Emmett, don't leave me alone. Please."

"I'm right here Edward. Not leaving."

I nodded and sat down before my legs gave out on me.

The room became busier. Sebastian joined me on the sofa but was equally quiet. James came in shortly after and other than saying something quietly to Sebastian, he ignored me and then left the room again. Emmett came over to let me know Bella was almost here. When I heard Carlisle enter the room a few moments later and then heard Esme's voice talking to him, I relaxed, knowing Bella would be beside me any second. Rose joined Emmett briefly and said a quiet hello before moving away.

Carlisle came over and sat beside me. He spoke quietly. "I can stop this – just say the word my friend."

I shook my head. "Bella?"

"She's parking the car. She'll be here any moment. We start in five. Are you _sure_ Edward? Obviously something is wrong. Tell me."

"Later. I just need Bella."

"She's coming."

I waited. A few minutes passed. I repeatedly ran my hands through my hair.

Fuck._ I needed her._

Where was she?

"How far away was the parking lot Esme?" I snarled.

"She was going to the one right here in the hotel, I don't understand. She should be here by now. I just tried her cell, but it went straight to voicemail."

My stomach lurched.

She _should_ be here by now.

Was she okay?

Carlisle stood up. "I'll delay the start Edward. Emmett go find her. Maybe she's lost downstairs. Keep trying her cellphone. Esme, would you stay with Edward please?"

"Yes, of course." She sat down beside me. "I'm sure she's fine Edward. Maybe she ran into someone she knew or got a phone call which is why it's going to voicemail."

I nodded knowing she was trying to help. Another five minutes went by. I could hear the impatient level of the noise in the other room rising. By now my hands were clenched so tightly they were aching.

Where could she be?

Carlisle came back. "Emmett is still looking for her, but we need to start. Are you in or out Edward?"

I took a deep breath. I knew what I needed to do, even though I had no desire to do so.

I turned to Carlisle. "Let's go."

*()* *()*

The room was still hot, but the lights were slightly dimmer. My head was beginning to ache from the stress of the day and I knew it would only get worse as the afternoon wore one. As we took our places and introductions were made, I willed myself to be calm. I had to get through this.

I half listened as Carlisle spoke about the collaboration between Sebastian and myself. He talked about the charitable aspect and the various reasons for the project. My mind was too busy thinking about what the fuck was going on around me. Why did I smell that horrid scent? Where could Bella be? What could possibly have delayed her from the time she left her car to coming up to the auditorium? Was she hurt somewhere? God, what if she needed _me_? Just the thought of her hurt made me cringe. The ache in my head intensified.

A sudden smack on my leg from Carlisle broke my inner tumultuous thoughts. Questions were starting and I had to pay attention. Pushing aside every other emotion I slipped into the role of Edward Masen, professional musician. For the next few moments Sebastian and I took turns answering questions about the project and our thoughts on what we were doing and why it was so important to us. I wasn't prepared or happy with the number of flashes going off all around us. Photos were supposed to be taken after and not during the press conference as the constant lights were so disturbing to me. Carlisle always arranged it.

As Sebastian was talking I leaned over to Carlisle and asked what the hell was going on. "James authorized it apparently. There's nothing I can do at this point. Close your eyes." His abrupt voice let me know he too was not happy with the situation.

His phone vibrated between us, he grabbed it, studied the screen briefly and sighed. He leaned back towards me. "Emmett has Bella. She's fine. They're in the back."

I felt my body sag in relief. She was here. She was okay. But where has she been?

A loud, grating, high pitched voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Mr. Masen, is one of the reasons you are doing this project because of your failing eyesight?"

My head snapped up. I felt Carlisle nudge my leg in warning. His answer was smooth. "Edward's eye condition has not changed. He has photophobia, and it's well documented. Check your facts.

"Next question."

The voice continued on loudly.

"I have it on good authority that your eyesight _is _worsening. And that the reason you have stopped appearing in public is to hide this fact. Is there a reason you're ashamed to admit you're blind?"

I tensed even further in my chair and growled under my breath. Carlisle again denied the statement stating firmly that "Mr. Masen is not blind, now I will ask again that we move on." He went on to say the line of questioning had nothing to do with the project we were working on. That was the reason we were here. Beside me I could feel Sebastian shift uncomfortably.

"Is it true you hired Ms. Swan as a caregiver? That she is posing as your girlfriend to cover up the fact you are almost helpless now? Also that you are given to bursts of violent, uncontrollable anger? Is that the reason your wife left you?"

The noise level suddenly exploded with voices all trying to ask questions about my sight and relationship with Bella. The flashbulbs were constant no doubt trying to capture whatever expression was on my face or those around me at the line of questioning. The entire purpose behind the press conference was being ignored and had now turned into a circus.

"Shut it down," I hissed to Carlisle. "Now."

Both Sebastian and I stood up. We left the table as Carlisle informed the press it was over. The questions were still being thrown at us as we made our way to the lounge. I heard Carlisle announce there would be no pictures taken after. That seemed to spark even more accusations being shouted my way. As we entered the room and closed the door behind us, I shook my head.

_What the fuck was that?_

Carlisle walked in and I turned on him.

"What the fuck just happened out there? Who the hell was that woman? Where is she getting this?" I spat out angrily.

"I don't know Edward, but I'm going to find out."

I pulled my hands through my hair. "It was like a fucking frenzy out there suddenly! How could you lose control of it so quickly?" I shouted.

"Calm down." Carlisle snapped. "Getting pissy with me is not going to help. I can't control what they ask. I tried to defuse it. It didn't work. And I was dealing with other things besides the press conference I might add."

"Making sure your new girlfriend had a good seat for the show?" I hissed.

He grabbed my arm.

"No, making sure we found _your_ girlfriend. I know you're upset. So I'm going to let that uncalled for remark pass. But you are acting like an ass. Stop it."

I shook him off. The door opened and James walked in.

"Well done. That was an enjoyable little spectacle. Considering how low key you insisted this be, that was quite the show you just put on. "

"Go fuck yourself James," I snarled.

"Actually I think you just did that to yourself, rather well I might add."

I felt my hands curl into fists. I wanted to hit him. Hard. Now.

Carlisle brushed past me and I saw James step back.

"What the fuck James? Who gave you permission to change the no picture policy? And who the fuck was that reporter at the end? It wasn't anyone on my list."

"I thought some candid shots would be good. I guess I forgot to mention that. I have no idea who that reporter was…probably a last minute add on."

Carlisle' voice was low and threatening. "I had better not find you had anything to do with that James. I'm warning you. I will end you."

James laughed. "You'll end me? Your boy here can't handle a few tough questions so you're gonna _end _me? Seriously get over yourself."

"Enough." Sebastian spat out, stepping forward. "I have no idea what's going on. Or what just fucking happened. But it not only embarrassed Edward, it embarrassed me as well. You better not have had anything to do with it. It was disgraceful and the questions were uncalled for. I don't care where this hostility is coming from but it needs to stop...it ends now."

"Or else?" snarled James

"You know what else," Sebastian stated quietly. "I made myself clear already."

The room was silent for a minute as Sebastian's implied threat lay heavy in the air.

The door opened suddenly and Emmett strode in followed by a small cluster of people. Immediately I recognized Bella's form. She made her way quickly over to me.

"Edward I'm so sorry…"

"Where were you?" I hissed angrily.

She stepped back at my tone.

"I ran into a problem."

"And you didn't think to call? To let me know? To let anyone know?"

"I... I couldn't," she whispered.

"Why?"

"I forgot to plug my cellphone in and it was dead," she admitted quietly.

Anger exploded through me. Without thinking I grasped her arm tightly and pulled her closer. She gasped softly but I ignored it.

"I _told _you this morning to plug it in. I reminded you. Specifically."

"I know…I forgot."

"You forgot? And what kind of problem was it that was so huge you couldn't go to a payphone and just let one of us know where the fuck you were? We were all worried. We delayed the start waiting for you. Just one phone call Bella. It would have saved us all a lot of trouble."

She pushed my hand off her arm and stood back, anger evident in her stance. "First off the parking garage was full so I had to park a few blocks away. I ran all the way back in the rain. And secondly, your numbers are programmed into my cell. I don't know them off by heart yet. And yes, I made a mistake. I forgot. It happens to us mere mortals," she paused briefly.

"And the problem was my name was not on the fucking list so they wouldn't let me upstairs! I argued and argued with him but he refused to even help me. He even threatened me with having security escort me out of the building. I went to a payphone and called Alice and got Sebastian's number, but it went straight to voicemail. I was just about to give up when Emmett found me and brought me up."

"I was _trying_ Edward," she added softly.

I turned back to Carlisle. "She wasn't on the fucking list? Of all people you forgot to put _her _on the list?"

"Of course she was, Edward. I'm going to go get to the bottom of this. Let's go Emmett," he growled before storming out the door.

I turned back to Bella but she had moved over to where Esme was sitting with Rose. She was sitting in between them, no doubt for protection.

Sebastian came over and spoke quietly. "There is a message from her on my phone Edward. She's very upset on the voicemail. I think we should all leave and give you some privacy as soon as we know what happened. You need to clear this up."

I sat down. What a fucking disaster today was. I leaned forward with my painfully aching head in my hands. All my anger was gone leaving only the bitter taste of regret behind. I had done it again. Reacted and lashed out instead of thinking. I had insulted Carlisle. And hurt Bella. Again. Like a never ending fucking cycle. Sebastian sat beside me quietly offering his silent support. The atmosphere in the room was stifling. Even James was silent.

The door opened and I raised my head wearily. Sebastian stood up. "Did you find out anything Carlisle?"

Carlisle didn't answer right away. I could see his head was bent over a piece of paper he held in his hands.

"This is a different list," he murmured. "Bella's name was on the original, but not on this one. A few other names are missing as well." He looked down again. "Mike says he was given this new list…by my _assistant_." He sounded as confused as I felt.

I looked up. "What fucking assistant?"

"He says her name was Jane. Can't remember her last name. All he remembers was she had proper credentials, seemed to know what she was talking about and told him not to allow anyone to get past him or she would make sure _I_had him fired." Carlisle paused. "And that she had red hair."

My blood ran cold.

**Uh oh. WTF ? Not only is he confused and upset he reacted again… badly. **

**We all knew this was bound to happen. He is still new at this. And let's face it – what an awful afternoon. **

**And in case you were interested… Coffeeward has a story to tell you… look for him in the next few days. Make sure I'm on alert…**


	30. Chapter 30

**Last update for the week my friends.**

**I will be posting a Christmas Simply Coffee this weekend for you.**

**Two updates next week and then a little break until after Christmas. **

**Thank you for reading. Reviewing. Your thoughts and words mean a great deal.**

**My lovely team of Ladies. There are not enough words. Ever. Thank you.**

My head fell back into my hands.

This wasn't happening.

"Sounds like you have an overzealous fan there Edward. Maybe she wants Bella out of the picture," James laughed. "Not my problem thank fuck. Let's go Sebastian. I need to see if we can salvage anything from today's clusterfuck."

Sebastian stopped and spoke quietly with Carlisle before leaving unobtrusively. He stopped briefly beside me and told me he would see me later. I was barely able to acknowledge him.

The throbbing ache in my head had now turned into a steady hard pounding. The steely shards of piercing pain stabbed me again and again.

Carlisle came and stood beside me. "Edward, we're taking you back to Sebastian's. I'll keep looking into this."

I tried to shake my head. Carlisle leaned down and spoke softly. "It's done Edward. We'll get past it and move on. I'll figure out what happened and find out who this woman was that was taunting you. Let me get you out of here and we'll get you some pain meds. It's really bad isn't it? Worse than normal?"

"Yeah," I hissed out quietly between clenched teeth.

People were moving around the room. I heard the door opening and closing. Voices were talking in low tones. I tried to locate Bella's voice but couldn't. My heart clenched suddenly. Had she left? I lifted my head and fell back against the couch a groan escaping my lips. A few minutes later I felt the coolness of a wet cloth being placed on my forehead and my hand reached out in desperation. "Bella?" I whispered, wincing at the effort of speaking.

The wrong hand captured mine and laid it back on my lap. "No Edward, its Esme. Don't talk. Carlisle is getting things organized. He'll be back."

Another kind of pain tore through me. She wasn't here. Bella had left. I had treated her so poorly and acted so atrociously again that she had left.

But I couldn't blame her. She didn't deserve my anger. I over reacted as usual and let my frustrations and confusion override my need to pull her into my arms and let her know how happy I was she was safe.

I was a fucking idiot. Again.

I gave into the pain and drifted. I heard movements and felt myself being shifted. I didn't even try and resist or acknowledge what was happening. I knew I was in a car and we were travelling but I didn't care. I felt myself being moved again and heard an unfamiliar voice asking me questions. The pain was so strong I couldn't respond. I felt a burning sensation in my hip and then the swirling, welcome darkness closed in. The last thing I heard was my own pleading voice whisper one word.

"Bella."

*()* *()*

I struggled through the fogginess surrounding my brain. There was something soft stroking my still aching head.

"Shh Edward, sleep," a sweet voice whispered, as the darkness pulled me back under.

*()**()*

Consciousness came back slowly. Still groggy, I knew I wasn't alone. There had been quiet voices murmuring around me. "Bella?" I begged hopefully, my voice dry and rough.

My head was lifted up and a bottle of cold water was pressed to my lips and I drank greedily. When I was done my head was placed back on the pillow softly and I felt the coolness of a compress go on my forehead. I reached out and felt for the hands that were tending me.

Bella's hands.

_She was here. _

Unheeded tears ran down my face as I realized she was beside me again. Caring for me.

"Shush, Edward. You'll make it worse. Is the pain still that bad? Do you need some more pain killers? The doctor left some."

I shook my head. "No," I gasped, still unable to fully wake up or form coherent sentences. I _had_ to tell her the tears weren't from pain. They were relief and joy.

"Need you." I managed to get out.

"I'm here. Sleep."

Clutching her hands like a lifeline I drifted back into slumber.

*()* *()*

My eyes opened slowly. The room was dark. I was on my side clutching Bella's pillow with my face buried in its scent filled softness. I sat up carefully, unsure of the slight dizziness that seemed to linger. The room was empty. Had I imagined Bella earlier?

Rising gradually, I made my way to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I still felt groggy and unsteady as I made my way back to the bedroom.

How much pain medication had I consumed? I could barely remember anything after the press conference. Except my own horrendous behavior.

A noise by the door had me squint up. Bella was standing in the doorway holding a tray.

I felt my entire body sigh in relief. She quietly approached, sat the tray on the bedside table and turned on the soft light.

She leaned behind me and fluffed up the pillows. I remained motionless even as my arms screamed to pull her into them. Somehow her body language told me this action would not be welcome.

"Sit back," she instructed quietly.

Once I was settled she placed the tray on my lap. "Dr. Banner said you needed to eat something when you woke up. It will help. Are you feeling groggy?"

I nodded. "Dr. Banner?"

"You were in bad shape Edward. You couldn't even walk. I called my doctor and Carlisle spoke with him, then he contacted your specialist for instructions. He was kind enough to come see you." Leaning down, she moved the tray closer. "He gave you a pretty strong shot. You've been out for hours."

That explained the memory of the strange voice and the hip pain.

"Eat please, Edward."

Bella began to move away and I reached out and found her hand. "Stay," I pleaded softly.

She hesitated, and then sat on the edge of the bed. She pushed the tray closer to me and handed me a sandwich which I obediently began to eat.

"I thought you were gone," I whispered after the silence seemed to scream in its intensity. "I listened for your voice…I couldn't hear it."

"I went out to call Dr. Banner. And then I left so I could be here when he arrived. Carlisle and Emmett stayed with you and brought you back."

"How? I don't remember getting here."

"Emmett carried you to the car."

I stopped, sandwich midair, in horror. I could only imagine the photographs that would appear now.

"Relax Edward, no one saw. Emmett and Carlisle took care of it." She stood up. "Your cover is safe."

Admittedly, I was relieved. But her tone of voice was unnerving.

"Where are you going?" I asked as she walked away.

She stopped but didn't turn around. "It's getting late. Emmett is going to sleep on the couch. If you need anything he'll get it for you. Finish eating and you can go back to sleep."

"What? Why is Emmett sleeping on the couch?"

I stopped as I realized what that meant without her answering.

"Where will you be?" I asked trying to remain calm and not succeeding.

"I'm going home, Edward."

"_No_ Bella, please. Let me apologize."

She turned finally and approached the bed. I pushed the tray away and began to get up.

"No, stay there." She pushed me back down. "You need to rest."

I looked up at her, pleading desperately with my eyes, my whole face.

"Please Bella. Don't do this. I'm sorry. _I__'__m __so __fucking __sorry_. I was so worried about you and …strange things were happening and I needed you and we couldn't find you," I pleaded my voice shaking.

"And then the disaster at the press conference. I said things… You didn't deserve them. I know that. Please. Stay. Talk to me."

"You're right Edward. I didn't deserve them. I made a mistake. And I know things were bad, but it still didn't give you the right to treat me like that. Or Carlisle," she said sadly.

Then she softly added, "I can't do this."

My heart stopped. "You're giving up on me?"

She shook her head. I could see the tears on her face reflecting in the dim light. I wanted to reach out and sweep them away but she was standing out of reach.

I didn't understand. "But… you took care of me again. You're here."

"Of course I took care of you. I love you Edward. You needed me earlier."

"I need you now. Always." I hastened to assure her.

"But _what __I __need_ is to be alone. I need to think. I'm so…confused. I don't know if I can handle your temper every time something goes wrong. Especially when you direct it at me. It hurts Edward."

I shut my eyes at the pain in her voice. Pain which I had once again caused.

"I know. It was inexcusable. But, Bella something strange happened today. Something I can't explain. It triggered something and I reacted. Please. Stay and let me tell you. Don't … Don't leave me." I held out my shaking hand and she accepted it. I pulled her closer and rested my head on her stomach. Her arms came around me and held me briefly, then I felt her bend down and gently kiss the top of my head.

Her voice was so sad when she spoke. "I have to Edward. I have to separate myself right now. Decide what I'm feeling. And I think you need to do the same thing. And you have to decide if you can finally let me in and tell me everything you are hiding. Because until you do you can't move forward. _We_ can't move forward."

Her voice became even quieter. "I think, maybe Edward, you need to talk to someone. Someone who can help you deal with whatever it is that causes this strong a reaction in you, that makes you lash out at the people around you who … who love you."

Her arms left me and I felt her hands grip my wrists, pulling them away from her body as she stepped back.

"Emmett and Carlisle are here. They'll look after you."

My heart was threatening to pound itself right out of my chest with the ache that was growing inside. She was leaving me. And I didn't know if she'd be returning to me this time.

"I'll check in with Carlisle. Please look after yourself." I saw her move towards the door.

"Bella, wait." She stopped but didn't turn around.

"I love you. So much Little One. And I'm truly sorry. I know it doesn't mean much right now but I am." I paused trying to stop the tears that were tightening my throat.

"I'll miss you." I whispered.

Her voice caught on a sob as she lowered her head. "I'll miss you as well."

And then, she walked away.

**Oh my. Edward. **

**What happens now…?**

.


	31. Chapter 31

**Busy week for everyone I'm sure. Next update on Wednesday and then all will be quiet til after Xmas day.**

**All the usual disclaimers….blah blah blah**

**Thank you my wonderful lovely friends for helping me with this. **

**Bless you for reading and reviewing.. and caring so much about the characters.**

**Well you are quite divided on your feelings about Edward after the last chapter. Some of you were angry at him, some of you were understanding. And much the same as your feelings for Bella. **

**So let's hear from her again…**

I looked over at Edward, who was sitting with his head buried in his hands, still in shock over his abrupt, angry behavior toward me yet again. My mind replayed the events of the morning.

I _had_ forgotten to plug in my cell phone. The morning had been so busy. Traffic was heavy with the usual morning commute around Toronto and the added diversion of the rain made it worse than ever. I was already late picking up Esme and Rose for the wrap up meeting only to have the meeting run late. Then trying to get here for the press conference had been another nightmare. It was one thing after another. I totally forgot to plug in the phone after calling Esme and it shut down while in my pocket.

As I ran through the rain trying to get back to the hotel, I was already upset enough at being late and I knew I would be lucky if I even got a moment to be with Edward. I hoped that Carlisle or Emmett would see me and at least he would know I was there. I had not expected the debacle at the reception desk or the refusal of being admitted. Also, it wasn't until I reached in my pocket for my phone that I realized I had no way of contacting anyone inside. And without being able to get through to Sebastian, I had no idea what to do next. Pleading and trying to cajole the attendant only resulted in him threatening to have me removed from the hotel. I had just about given up when I heard the welcome volume of Emmett's voice shouting my name.

However, once upstairs I watched in growing horror from the back, as the press conference turned into a disaster. I couldn't believe the aggressive questions being asked from one reporter who not only refused to drop the line of questioning, but became even more scathing and personal.

As Edward and Sebastian stood up, signalling it was over, Emmett grabbed my arm. "I need to get you out of here, now. If the press see you here, things are gonna go from bad to worse." And he quickly pulled me through a door along with Esme and Rose and led us to the back lounge area via back hallways. Just as we were about to enter Emmett informed me how worried he was; Edward had been acting very strangely since they had arrived.

When I first came into the room, I knew instantly he was in an enormous amount of pain. I could see it etched deeply into his pale face. And I knew something was terribly wrong. Something besides the pain. I immediately went to him, hoping my presence would somehow calm him. I was sorely mistaken, giving the scene that followed with Edward. I knew he would be upset, but I didn't expect the anger. And when he grabbed my arm, he held it so tightly I knew there would be bruises when I looked.

I stepped back from him as Carlisle and Emmett left the room and sat down by Esme. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder comfortingly and whispered reassuringly everything would be okay. I shook my head. How could it be? Once again I had been subjected to Edward's anger and had done very little to provoke it. And once again I was left hurt and confused.

After I heard Carlisle speak with Edward he stood up and looked over at me. I pointed to the door and we both headed out into the hall.

"I don't know what to say Bella…" he began.

"I don't want to talk about that right now. How much pain is he in?"

"More than I've seen in a long time," he answered quietly. "He needs strong pain medication, but I don't know if I can convince him to go to a hospital for it. His regular prescription won't do."

I thought quickly and in a few minutes had my doctor talking to Carlisle who supplied him with the name of Edward's specialist. Then as a favor to me agreed to get the right narcotic and come administer it to Edward therefore avoiding the hospital and a possible leak to the press about his condition. Carlisle promised both doctors Edward would be seen by his specialist as soon as he returned home.

After I returned his cellphone to Carlisle I told him I would go back to Sebastian's to wait for Dr. Banner.

"Will you still be there when we arrive?" he asked softly.

I nodded wearily. "I'll look after him."

"And after?"

"I don't know Carlisle," I whispered. "I just don't know."

He shook his head sadly. "I think that might kill him Bella."

"It won't be so good for me either," I whispered, staring down at the floor, not wanting to see the sadness in his eyes. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to cope with that tight now.

He pulled me into a hug. "I'll get Emmett to get you out to your car safely. I'll see you back at the house kiddo."

*()*

It was all I could do not to sob as Emmett carried Edward into the house, limp and pale in his arms. Dr. Banner did a quick check and tried to get Edward to talk but he was unable to respond aside from some low groans of pain. I helped get him settled and watched with relief as the medication took effect quickly and his brow that was so deeply furrowed with pain smoothed out. My heart clenched as he breathed my name just before succumbing to sleep.

I sat beside Edward, softly stroking his brow as Carlisle and Dr. Banner spoke quietly. He gave me some instructions on what to expect when Edward woke up and some different pain pills to give him if needed. As he was leaving I hugged Dr. Banner and thanked him for caring for Edward.

"For my favourite patient ... anything. And I want you to get some rest. And get out of these damp clothes. I don't want to see you walking into my office next week. You won't do yourself or your man over there any good if you're sick," he admonished before leaving.

Was he my man?

I sat wondering as I continued to stroke his head. Studying his strong face that seemed so much younger in sleep, I found myself thinking of my life before meeting Edward. I had my job, some good friends, a dad who loved me and I was… content. A few dates here and there, but it never really bothered me. I was alone most of the time, but I was never lonely. I read a lot, listened to music and kept busy.

And then Edward entered my life like a thunderstorm. Dark and tempestuous, yet strangely beautiful in its intensity. I could sense his need and his overwhelming loneliness behind his mask of aloofness he presented to the world. His incredible vulnerability drew me to him and I knew without a doubt how lonely I would be without him. He filled me with such great emotions the thought of going back to simply content was appalling. Yet… I didn't know if I could live with the constant hot and cold that Edward seemed to vacillate between as his moods shifted. Or if I was strong enough to help him find his way to a place of peace.

Edward stirred and moaned. "Shh Edward, sleep," I whispered, continuing to stroke his brow.

I lost track of time as I kept up the repetitive motion and my mind churned with thoughts. I jumped as a hand touched my shoulder and saw Carlisle standing beside me. "Why don't you lie down? He'll be out for a while. And Dr. Banner was right- you look exhausted," he suggested quietly.

I shook my head. "He may wake up and need me."

Carlisle sighed. "Lay beside him then. At least that way you can relax."

"In a while."

Carlisle pulled up a chair beside me. "How about a little company then?"

I smiled sadly. "Not very good company right now I'm afraid."

He leaned over and hugged me, squeezing my arm as he did so. I gasped at the unexpected pain that shot through my upper arm.

"Bella?"

I rolled up my shirt sleeve and for a minute we both stared at the perfect imprint of Edward's fingers etched into my skin.

"He didn't mean it," I whispered.

Carlisle shook his head. "I can tell you with every fiber of my being he _didn't_. I have known him for years Bella. I have never seen him so much as threaten to hurt someone, especially a woman. And he would _never_ deliberately hurt you. He'll hate himself for this. He wasn't… he wasn't himself today." He sighed. "I know he can be temperamental and since his accident he has had some trouble with bursts of anger but nothing like I saw today. He usually blows for a minute or two and then it's done. And he is never physical. Ever. Today was… today was a first." He shook his head and looked at me. " You aren't the only one he took it out on today."

"What happened earlier?"

"I don't fucking know. He started acting strangely when we got there. It got worse when you didn't arrive. And I can't even begin to explain the press conference. I can't seem to find out whom that woman was asking those invasive questions. Nobody seems to be able to identify her."

"Could James be right?"

Carlisle shrugged. "I suppose. It's something we have to consider. Whoever it is went to a lot of trouble to either not have you up there or at least delay you. And if it is the same person who was asking those fucking questions, I'd say she has it out for Edward and wants him upset."

Edward suddenly jerked on the bed and groaned out my name, his voice rough. I reached under and lifted his head as Carlisle handed me a bottle of water. After he had drank some I went and got a cold compress to lay on his head. His hands lifted searching aimlessly in the air and I took them to calm him. I was shocked to see tears coursing down his face. Terrified, I looked at Carlisle. Was the pain worse?

Leaning down I whispered gently, "Shush, Edward. You'll make it worse. Is the pain still that bad? Do you need some more pain killers? The doctor left some."

He shook his head slowly and whispered no. He licked his lips and then groaned out, "Need you."

My heart ached at hearing his words. "I'm here. Sleep."

It took a while before his hands relaxed enough I could get mine out without disturbing him. I looked over at Carlisle who was observing me intently.

"He does need you Bella."

"I need him too, I just don't know if it's enough," I whispered sadly.

*()*

Hours passed and I could see Edward was slowly beginning to stir. He rolled over and buried his face in my pillow. I got up and went to make him something to eat, since Dr Banner told me he would need it when he woke up. Both Emmett and Carlisle were on the sofa talking softly when I entered the room, setting my bag down that I never really had a chance to unpack fully.

"Bella…" Carlisle said sadly.

I help up my hand. "I need to sleep. I need to think. I can't do that here. I have to go and be alone. Please don't make this harder…" my voice trailed off.

He nodded in understanding.

"You'll look after him?" I pleaded.

"Of course. Are you leaving now?"

"No. I'll wait until he wakes up and eats. I can't just walk away without speaking with him first."

"Thank you," he said quietly.

I shook my head.

*()*

"I'll miss you," he whispered brokenly.

It was all I could not to turn around, fling myself in his arms and just let him hold me.

"I'll miss you as well," I managed to get out. Then I walked down the hallway, grabbed my bag and walked past Carlisle and Emmett. I had to get out of there before I broke down.

I stopped short outside. Esme was standing by my car. She held out her hand and I walked forward and grasped it.

"I'll drive you home. Carlisle, well, none of us, want you driving right now."

I nodded, not having any desire to argue with her. Or even ask her how long she had been there. I silently got in the car and closed my eyes.

Neither of us spoke the entire drive. Esme came upstairs with me and when we got inside told me to sit down. A few minutes later she came out with a cup of tea and handed it to me.

"Drink it."

I took a sip and was surprised at the flavor. I looked over at her. "Brandy," she smiled softly. "It will help you sleep."

Brandy.

Edward loved brandy in the evenings. He always tasted like brandy when I would kiss him at night. I brought him some as a gift…was that only just a few days ago?

My control broke; tears spilled out of my eyes and I heard the loud weeping coming from my mouth. Esme leaned over, took the cup and pulled me into her arms. She rocked and soothed me. Except I could not be soothed.

What had I done? I had left him. I promised not to and I had. I had promised not to give up on him yet I was here and he was there, alone. Despite his begging I had walked away. I loved him. And yet I still walked away. I heard myself telling all of this to Esme in between loud gasping sobs. She let me talk and cry until I was silent. I got up from the sofa and went to wash my face. I barely recognized myself in the mirror. Pale and ashen, and without any spark. Just how I felt. Empty.

Returning to the living room, Esme handed me my tea back. "Drink it," she pleaded. "I heated it up."

I did as she requested feeling the brandy warm my chest.

I looked over at her. "How will you get home?" I asked my voice raspy.

She smiled. "Carlisle will be here soon. I am going back to the house with him. We just wanted to make sure you got home safely and that I got you settled." She paused and clasped my hand. "You did the right thing Bella. You need to figure this out. Dealing with Edward is never going to be easy."

I felt the need to defend him. "Today was the exception Esme. He isn't like this normally. He is very… loving towards me. He's…wonderful actually. I just don't know what happened or why he reacted like that. He, umm... scared me a little today."

"Carlisle said the same thing. That today was not normal behavior. But you are tired, stressed and hurt. You need to sleep and think. I understand that. Sometimes Bella, we just need to be alone and think things through. That's what you're doing. You didn't desert Edward. You cared for him all day. Even after he scared you. He knows how you feel. And he's not alone. He needs to do some thinking as well."

I nodded, feeling the tears fill my eyes.

There was a soft knock at the door and Esme got up and let Carlisle in. He came over to me and pulled me into a comforting embrace.

"Is he okay?" I whispered.

"I gave him some more pills and he fell asleep. That's what is best for him right now."

"He must be so upset with me again," I sighed.

"No Bella. He knows this is on him. He is upset but _not _at you. He is… confused. I'll talk to him in the morning when he is more alert. Just promise me you'll look after yourself. If you need anything you will call me, yes? And you won't make any hasty decisions?"

I nodded.

"Will you be alright on your own?"

"I'll be fine. Will you…will you let me know how he is in the morning?" I asked my voice trembling.

"Of course. I'll look after him. You look after you."

I nodded and walked them to the door, wanting to be alone.

After locking up I crawled into bed and lay in the dark thinking how twenty four hours could change your life entirely. Last night Edward was wrapped around me telling me how much I meant to him and we would be together no matter what. Tonight I was alone here suffering and confused, and he was in pain in a room across town, also alone. The tears began to flow. I missed him. I missed his warmth and sighing breath on my neck as he pulled me to his chest before falling asleep. His whispered words of adoration as he wrapped his arm around my waist. My sobs deepened. How quickly I had gotten used to him beside me at night.

A thought hit me. I may never feel him beside me again.

For the first time in my life I felt lonely. And wondered if I would feel this way for the rest of my life.

Without Edward, I was pretty sure I would.

**Oh my…**

**So sad. See you on Wednesday…**


	32. Chapter 32

**Last update till next week. The last chapter certainly showed how invested you are with your strong opinions. Wow. Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you think. I know you are all hoping I leave them in a happy place before the holidays…I'll apologize in advance. But please remember… HEA. **

**For my ladies… thank you. So much. This would not happen without you and your valuable input but more importantly your treasured friendship. And Zam... thank you for your generous offer. I may take you up on it after this.**

**Here we go…**

Carlisle was standing in the doorway. He knew I was awake. I knew I was awake. Neither of us wanted to admit it though. Finally he sighed and came over to the bed.

"How's the head Edward?"

"Better. Still slightly groggy," I admitted gruffly.

"Yeah, the doc said you might be. There's coffee. Esme made it so it's way better than the shit I brew. You want some?"

I nodded and sat up slowly. He handed me my glasses and told me he would meet me in the kitchen. A few minutes later I was sitting at the table sipping some coffee.

"Where's Em?"

"Sleeping. We took turns last night. He took the middle shift so he's napping now."

"You didn't have to…" I started to say when he cut me off.

"Yes, we did Edward. Your pain level was off the charts; I've never seen you that bad. You're seeing Dr. Newton as soon as we get back home."

I nodded. It had been worse than I could ever remember.

He continued. "You scared the shit out of us. Between your behavior and the headache there was no fucking way we were leaving you alone last night. Besides, I promised Bella."

My head snapped up at the same time my heart clenched in pain.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Edward. Despite everything you did yesterday, _she_ was the one who got her doctor to help you and she was still here caring for you all day. She made me promise to look after you, in fact she has already texted me this morning as well."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"I'm not sure I deserve her caring right now," I muttered, then reached over and laid my hand on Carlisle's shoulder. "Or yours for that matter."

I felt him shrug, but he didn't say anything.

"Carlisle, I apologize. I didn't mean it. I was out of line and a complete ass. I know what happened yesterday was in no way your fault. I was…out of my mind in pain and upset and I took it out on you. And Bella." I sighed remembering my reaction to her. "Instead of just doing what I should have done, which was hold her and tell her I was glad she was okay, I yelled at her and embarrassed her. Fuck, what was I thinking?"

"You did more than that Edward," Carlisle growled.

I was confused. What else had I done?

"You grabbed her. Hard. You left marks."

My stomach heaved.

_I had hurt her?_

I heard my own gasping breaths as I tried to process what he said. I remembered being angry and her telling me she forgot to plug in her cellphone. I remembered reaching out to her…

Oh God, her arm. I grabbed her arm. And pulled her towards me in anger.

I barely made it to the sink before I lost the coffee I had just drunk. As I heaved, I suddenly recalled the feeling of knowing I was grabbing too tightly yet not stopping. Then I remembered her small gasp. Again my stomach lurched.

Carlisle stood behind me when I was done and guided my shaking legs back to the table.

"It's over. She can't forgive me for that. She shouldn't," I said quietly. "What the fuck is wrong with me Carlisle?"

"Tell me what happened yesterday Edward. All of it."

I took in a deep breath and told him about the fragrance. The feeling of being watched.

"I'm sure lots of women wear the same perfume Edward," he pointed out.

"No. This was something that was made exclusively for her. It was created and purchased for one person only. It was unique. It was overpowering. I hated it. She stopped wearing it for a while then started to wear it again…after," I informed him quietly. "She knew I loathed it. That's why she wore it again. I will never forget that scent."

"Edward, there has to be a logical explanation. You know it's not possible."

"Then explain it to me. _That __s_cent? A _red __headed_ woman messing with your lists? Who knew what she was doing? And then those questions? All directed at me? It felt pretty personal. Explain it to me Carlisle. Because I don't like the way it sounds in my mind."

"I don't know Edward. We'll get to the bottom of it. Something or someone is messing with you. I'll call Demetri, maybe he can dig something up on the perfume."

I nodded in silence.

"Edward, you need to deal with this. With your past. You need to talk to someone. If a scent can set you off like that then you obviously haven't moved past this. At all. I should have insisted on this before."

"Bella basically told me the same thing," I admitted quietly.

"She's right. But first you need to tell her. I don't think it's over Edward. She cares too much. I watched her yesterday, her heart was breaking over _your_ pain. But it can _never_ happen again. And she needs to understand. And the only one who can make her understand is you."

"How do I get her to listen to me right now? She left. I don't know what to do."

"Give her some time. Be patient. She's confused. And doubting she's the right person for you."

"She is the right person. Fuck Carlisle, _I __love __her_. But knowing I've hurt her? Physically hurt her? I'm not sure she should give me another chance. I never thought I was capable of that." I pulled my hands through my hair tugging on the ends tightly.

"It was an accident Edward. She knows that; she even defended you. But aside from your actions, your words were equally as hurtful. You need to figure out a way of dealing with this."

I nodded. I knew he was right.

"Carlisle, Please accept my apology. I… fuck I don't even know how to say it strongly enough. I didn't mean it. Any of it," I begged.

"Like I said yesterday Edward, it's done. We move on. Apology is accepted."

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "How bad was the fallout?"

He chuckled. "Well, thanks to Sebastian not as bad as it could have been. He released a statement saying he was fully behind you walking out since the questioning had nothing to do with your project and was insulting, inane and based on lies. And that you were truly gifted and a pleasure to work with."

"I'm surprised James let that one go…" I mused.

"Oh, he didn't. Sebastian did this one himself. I sent it out on his behalf. I could hear the yelling from the house last night. James was not overly pleased at his handiwork."

"Anything from us?"

"Just a simple statement saying you believed one hundred percent in the project you are working on with Sebastian, but would not subject yourself to gossip mongers. And that I felt the questioning had gone beyond the boundaries of the intent and made the decision on your behalf to stop."

"What's happening tomorrow?"

"That's up to you Edward. It's still a go as long as you're okay with it. I wanted to see how you were feeling before I pulled it."

I stood up and began pacing. "What if it happens again Carlisle? What if … I smell it and freak out again?"

"This time we'll be watching Edward. I'll make sure you're not alone and as soon as anything out of the ordinary happens tell us. One of us will be by your side at all times."

"Okay. Do you… do you think Bella will come?" I asked softly.

He sighed. "I don't know Edward. She was still pretty shaky sounding this morning. I didn't ask her. I'm sure she'll call again. But I'm not pushing her on this."

"No, I don't want you to…" I sat down heavily. "I just want to talk to her."

"When she's ready, Edward. I mean it. Give her some time."

"I will. I'm going to go lie down. I'm feeling rather tired."

"Not a big surprise. I will check on you in a while. I'll leave the door open. If you need me I'm here."

He got up and left. I could hear Esme's voice greet him softly. I sat for a few minutes and then heard both Emmett and Rose's voices join in a conversation. I grimaced at the sudden realization. The two couples that were together through the walls were there because of Bella and I. And we were apart.

I shook my head in sadness.

I had fucked everything up so badly.

*()*

I lay on my bed, holding my cellphone. I wanted to call Bella. But I promised Carlisle I'd give her some time. She probably wouldn't pick up anyway. But I wanted her to know I was thinking of her. So I sent her a text.

_Thank you for caring for me for yesterday._

That was all it said.

But it wasn't enough.

_I hope you got some sleep._

Send.

_I miss you_

Send.

_Everything __about __you_.

Send.

_Your __laughter,__your __voice,__your __smell, your touch.__You. __I __miss __you_.

Send.

_I didn't mean to hurt you._

Send.

_I'm sorry_

Send.

_More than I can say._

Send.

_I know what I did._

Send.

_Can you ever forgive?_

Send.

_I__'__m __lost __without __you_.

Send.

_I need you._

Send.

_I'm empty without you._

Send.

_I love you Little One._

Send.

I couldn't stop. Every few minutes I sent her my words. Words I couldn't say in person, but couldn't wait to express. My phone was silent in between each message.

Then suddenly my phone alerted me to a voice activated text.

I hit receive.

_Please. Stop._

I dropped my phone and let it lay on the floor.

And I knew then what I had lost.

**Yeah. Sad. I know. Please trust me…**

**I wish you all a lovely holiday season. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Season's Greetings. **

**May your days be filled with peace, joy and love. **

**Until Monday… **

**Be safe.**


	33. Chapter 33

**I hope you all have a lovely Christmas day. **

**Two updates this week…**

**Many thanks to my lovely ladies, especially MC. For going above and beyond.**

The day seemed to pass by in a daze. All I could think of was Bella. How badly I had fucked up. How strongly I knew she wouldn't forgive me this time. I stayed in my room, pretending to sleep. I heard Carlisle and Emmett come in to check on me but I gave no indication I was aware of them in the room. Later in the day I heard soft footsteps coming towards my door and my heart rate picked up.

I sat up instantly.

Bella had come.

But to my disappointment, it was Esme who came into the room, bearing a tray. I slumped forward as she sat the tray down on the bedside table, but I didn't say anything. She sat down beside me and unexpectedly put her arm around me drawing my head to her shoulder. It was such a motherly gesture that I was momentarily taken back, then sighed and relaxed, accepting the kind gesture.

"You have to eat Edward. You have an important day tomorrow. I know you're hurting right now but you have responsibilities. You've made commitments to Sebastian and Carlisle," she scolded gently. "You can't let them down."

I nodded silently listening to her advice. I knew she was right.

"Do you love her?" she asked quietly after a moment of silence.

"So much."

"Then have faith in her. Give her some time to recover and think. All of this has been so much to take in. In the meantime, do what you need to do. Make her proud."

She stood up and moved to the door. "You also owe it to Carlisle, Edward. He deserves your full attention to this."

I sat quietly for a few minutes after she left. She was right. I had to handle this as an adult. I had made commitments to Sebastian and Carlisle. I had to finish what I started. No matter how I was feeling.

*()*

I ate the sandwich, thinking it wasn't as good as Bella's. But nothing was. Then I had a shower and made my way into the living area where I could hear voices. Sebastian and Carlisle were talking quietly. They both stood up as I walked in. Sebastian approached me, hand extended. "Edward, how are you feeling my friend? I've been worried today."

I grasped his hand firmly. "Feeling better thanks. I…I apologize for my behavior yesterday. I wasn't myself."

"Yesterday - that was one fucked up day. Not at all as planned was it? I don't know who that horrid woman was, but she certainly had her own agenda, and it had nothing to do with what we were there for. But I'm glad to see you upright and talking. You were neither when I was here yesterday."

"You were here yesterday?" I asked surprised.

"Yes, I dropped in to check on you. Your lovely Bella was sitting beside you tending to you."

I nodded quietly in agreement.

"I also owe you my thanks for your... supportive statement. I understand it didn't sit too well with James."

Sebastian chuckled darkly. "That's one way to say it. He was in fine form last night. But has been utterly silent today. Which is a relief."

Both Carlisle and I chuckled at the statement.

"I'm going to go and work on some things in the studio, you interested?" I asked, knowing I had to do something to occupy my mind.

"Ah, normally yes, but I have an engagement…" his words trailed off softly.

I had to smile at his sudden reticence. "With a small dark haired pixie, perhaps?"

"Well, now that you mention it… um, yes. I am picking her up shortly. She's spent the day with Bella and I'm picking her up there."

My heart suddenly hurt. He would get to see Bella, even briefly.

"Good," I said softly. "I'm sure she appreciated having a friend with her today."

He stepped forward and clasped me on the shoulder. "Cheer up. She'll be back in a couple days. Alice says her cold isn't that bad."

I was immediately alert. I turned to Carlisle concerned. "Her cold?"

"She's a little under the weather, Edward. She got wet in the rain yesterday. But Alice is with her and says she is resting. It's just a cold. She'll be fine."

I remembered her saying she had run back to the hotel trying to get to the press conference on time. She must have sat in her damp clothing too long.

Because she was focused on me.

My needs.

_Fuck._

"Is there anything we can do? Should we call her doctor?"

"No Edward. Relax."

Sebastian seemed confused. "You didn't know?"

I shook my head. "Bella is…upset with me. Rightfully so. I was a complete bastard yesterday. I haven't spoken with her today. I'm surprised Alice didn't tell you."

"She only said she was with Bella as she wasn't feeling well. They had a girl's day, whatever that is. I'm sure you'll work this out Edward. You both care… far too much… to let this go so easily."

I nodded silently. And I hoped he was right.

*()*

After Sebastian departed and I made Carlisle promise he would check on Bella, I made my way to the studio. Once there I sat quietly for a while and allowed the feelings I was holding in to start forming passages in my head. Not surprisingly they were fairly powerful and dark, but I gave into them and started playing what I was feeling. I lost myself for hours working on a piece I knew I would keep for my own ears. This wouldn`t be on the current CD. It was far too personal. I wasn`t even sure as I listened to the playback if I would ever use it or just keep it for my own, playing it only occasionally, as I had with some other pieces. The score ranged from sweet and tender to dark and angry with an overall sadness permeating the entire piece. Exactly like I was feeling. I recorded it on my own equipment I had brought with me, a portable device that was very useful for me. I was so intent on what I was doing I was startled when a sarcastic voice spoke behind me.

"Sulking into your music, are we Edward?"

_Fuck._

"What do you want James?"

"Maybe I don't want anything. Maybe I was just walking by wondering who was working in here this time of day. I thought Sebastian may be working on something."

"Sorry to disappoint. Sebastian is…out."

"Yeah and I am pretty sure I know _who_ he is out with."

I didn't want to get into that with him again. I refused to rise to the bait.

"I didn't know you were here. Sebastian didn't mention it."

"Why should he? I come and go from here as I like. I don't check in like some lapdog. I'm not like Carlisle."

I tried to remain calm. I knew he was trying to pick a fight with me, again. I turned towards him.

"Carlisle is not my lapdog. He's my friend. And my manager. I find your attitude towards him disrespectful." I growled. "Watch your mouth when you talk about him."

James laughed. "How touching. The two of you and your _friendship_."

"Exactly what is your fucking problem with me James? You've been on my case from day one. We have perhaps met what two or three times before Sebastian and I started working together? I don't recall ever doing anything to insult or upset you, but you seem to have a hate on for me and I can't figure out why that is exactly."

He stepped forward, his voice menacing. "I have many problems with you Masen. You and your fucking little protective bubble. Poor Edward Masen. Tragic past. Lost his parents in a car accident and became disfigured and broken. Drove his poor wife away. And made fucking millions while doing it," he hissed with such cold hatred in his voice the temperature in the room dropped.

I stood up. "My past has nothing to do with you," I spat out. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"Oh I know more than you think, Edward. You think you're entitled to everything don't you? "

"What the fuck?" I snarled, past caring anymore that I was supposed to stay away from him. He had crossed the line.

"People like you make me sick. Take. That's all you do. So pathetic. Ruin people's lives and then just walk away. You've done it before and you'll do it again and again."

I was truly confused. What the fuck was he talking about?

"I don't see your little tramp around today. Has she actually come to her senses and realized what a complete self centered selfish bastard you really are? That the money and lifestyle aren't worth the stress that comes with it – mainly you?" he taunted.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up. James." I stepped forward.

"Or maybe she realized she needed a real man. Not someone she had to look after like a child. Like a clinging helpless child. Someone who can't even look after himself properly."

Echoes of painful memories stirred.

I could feel my fist tightening. "Get out, now."

"Maybe I should give her a call…show her what a real man is like…"

Three things happened at once.

My fist made contact with James's face – hard.

James fist shot out and made contact with my upper cheek knocking my glasses off. Pain exploded in my eye.

Carlisle and Emmett walked in the door.

Immediately I was engulfed by Emmett's arms. And Carlisle stepped in between James and me.

"What the fuck is going on?" he roared, holding James back.

"Get him the fuck out of here," I panted.

James shook Carlisle's grip off.

"This is not your house or studio Masen. You don't tell me what to do. Or where to go."

"James, just leave," Carlisle said wearily. "You've done enough damage tonight."

He snorted. "I haven't even gotten started," he threatened darkly before turning and stomping off.

"Let me go Emmett," I growled.

I sat down on the nearest chair. Carlisle knelt beside me. "Emmett, go get some ice please. There's some in the fridge down the hall."

"Don't start without me! I wanna hear this…" Emmett demanded as he went through the door.

Carlisle leaned over and picked up my glasses. "Good thing you have more than one pair. These are toast."

I shrugged. The glasses were the least of my worries.

Emmett returned with the ice and I held it against my eye.

I winced. "Fuck, that hurts."

Carlisle chuckled. "Looks real pretty too. So does your hand. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't."

"Obviously. What the hell happened?"

I told them about the strange conversation. When I got to the part of the slur about Bella they both growled.

"I hope you hit him hard enough to break his fucking chin," Emmett spat out.

"Well, his fucking chin may have broken my hand. Jesus, it was hard."

Carlisle checked my hand over. "I don't think it's broken, but it's definitely bruised and going to be painful for a couple days. So is your face."

I grimaced. "Carlisle, has Demetri come up with anything on James? Anything? "

"He called earlier and said he found something interesting and was digging deeper. I'll call him and tell him to push it. And expand his search. Whatever he needs. There's something here we're missing. Something isn't adding up."

He stood up. "Come on; let's go back to the house. Seriously, leave you alone for a few hours to compose and this is what you do? Fuck, Edward you haven't thrown a punch since that bar brawl in college."

Emmett laughed. "Oh yeah… that guy called you a girly man for playing the piano and you started throwing punches. That was awesome."

Carlisle laughed. "Yeah, so awesome when we had to spend the night in jail and then got our asses reamed by the Dean. Good times."

"Well hey; we had to have Ed's back. Couldn't let some ass make fun of him. Even if he did play the piano real pretty like."

I shook my head at the memory.

Then winced. Fuck, James could hit.

I turned to Carlisle, suddenly serious. "Have you spoken to Bella? How is she?"

"A little sniffly, but fine Edward. She was more worried about you than herself."

Of course she would be. But I was grateful to hear it. Maybe she would let me talk to her.

"Don't say anything about this," I indicated my eye. Hopefully when I could get her to see me again, it would have faded enough so she might not notice.

He laughed. "You think I want her coming after James? Because she would. His gonads wouldn't be attached anymore."

"Yeah, Shortcake is vicious when provoked…" Emmett snorted.

"Just keep her away from him Carlisle. I don't want her anywhere near him."

"Not going to happen, Edward. She's safe." He stood up.

"Come on Rocky. Let's go and ice your hand and eye up again at the house. Can't have you all messed up for tomorrow."

I had almost forgotten.

The Meet and Greet.

Without Bella.

_Fuck._

**Ah the meet and greet… That should be interesting, true?**


	34. Chapter 34

**Another update for you. **

**I hope you all have a great New Year's**

**Thank you for reading. Thank you for your reviews and pm's. They all mean a great deal. **

**For my ladies who encourage, kindly fix my many errors and make sure I keep the story straight – my deepest gratitude and much love. **

I woke up, already dreading the day. I had not slept well, tossing and turning most of the night, my mind chaotically rethinking the events of the past couple days. I was still confused over James' strange accusations, but it was especially the unresolved situation with Bella that kept me awake most of the night. I was determined that once this horrid afternoon was over, I was going to find some way get to her and fix this. She was too important to me to simply accept that this, that_ we_ were done. Regardless of how short a time she had been in my life, she had become the focus of it. I needed her to know that, and so much more.

I knew I had fucked up and had to apologize for that, make it right, and to do the one thing she needed more than anything. Tell her everything.

Sighing I got up and prepared myself for the day. In the shower I winced as my hand made contact with my upper cheek. Touching it gingerly, I knew without being able to see it that it was bruised all the way up and around my eye. The knuckles on my hand were bruised as well. I hoped James' fucking chin was aching too. At least my glasses would cover up the one on my face I thought wryly. At least I hoped so.

I dressed in my black suit, white shirt, no tie. I fucking hate ties. I was adding my cellphone to my jacket pocket when I felt a large folded piece of paper inside it. The suit had just come back from the cleaners the other day, so I was confused. I always check my pockets before sending things to the cleaners and I didn't remember leaving anything it the pockets. And I didn't know how anything could survive the dry cleaning process intact. I pulled out the paper and unfolded it. There was a large heart on it in red and some writing which I could not make out, although I tried to. There was only one person who would leave me something with a heart on it. Bella. My chest hurt suddenly and I pressed my hand against it trying to make the pain go away. I hesitated for a moment, but I wanted to know what it said. Bella would know I needed help so she wouldn't put anything on the paper that couldn't be shared.

_Would she?_

Curious, I walked down the hall into the living area where Carlisle and Emmett were talking.

"Nice shiner Ed! It's a great tough image for you." Emmett laughed. "Hope fuckhead's jaw is aching this morning."

"You're not the only one," I replied dryly.

Carlisle noticed the paper I was holding. "What's that Edward?"

"It was...umm... in my jacket pocket. I…I can't read it," I admitted quietly as I handed Carlisle the paper.

I heard the paper being unfolded. He was silent for a moment.

"Is it from Bella?" I asked anxiously.

"Yes, it is. Um… it's a love note, I suppose."

My heart clenched.

"What does it say?"

"Well there's a heart…" he trailed off laughing.

"I could see _that_… what does it _say_?" I growled.

"I love you. I'll be there later. And always when you need me." He paused then chuckled. "PS, I know you're reading this Carlisle so I kept it clean."

I had to smile. So Bella. Sweet _and_ funny.

"I told her I was wearing this suit to the press conference the other day. She must have put it in the pocket, but I changed my mind at the last moment." I said sadly as I held my hand out for the note. I wanted it with me.

"I'm going to see her later."

"Edward…" Carlisle began.

"No. I am. I have to."

"I'll take you," Emmett said quietly, who had remained surprisingly quiet during my exchange with Carlisle.

"Thank you." I took a deep breath of relief. I would see Bella later.

*()*

We entered the staging area. It was hot and bright. Again.

I groaned; I was already tense even without a replay of how the other day started off.

Carlisle stood, studying the setup of the room. "For fuck sakes," he muttered.

"What?"

"He's changed it. All of it. James has set it up as two separate areas. You on one side and Sebastian on the other. With the merchandise area in the middle. The exact opposite of what we agreed on. One signing area would have been easier to manage and control." He snorted. "Of course he would put the emphasis on the money making aspect. No matter where you go, you have to pass through the merchandise area. Fuck, it's larger than anything else."

"Can we change it?" I asked, my concern growing with Carlisle's reaction.

"No. It's been rather…ostentatiously set up. Draped and roped. Huge signage and photos. Fuck, all that's missing are blinking neon lights. It would look like the strip at Vegas then." Carlisle voice was angry. "I should have known. Come on; let's go find James and Sebastian. "

Before we entered the lounge, Carlisle stopped. "Stay away from James, Edward. We don't need another fist fight today."

I nodded grimly. I had no intention of getting remotely close to him.

Behind me Emmett chuckled. "But last night was totally awesome."

Carlisle growled.

Emmett snickered. "Just saying, that's all."

Sebastian stood up as we entered the room.

"Jesus Edward, your face. What…" his voice, which was tense and strained, trailed off and I could see him turn in the direction of where James was at the back of the room talking on his phone.

"Well that explains a few things," he muttered darkly. "Do I need another conversation with him?" he indicated with a jerk of his head.

"Leave it Sebastian," advised Carlisle quietly. "Not here. Not now."

Sebastian shook his head as he walked away and sat down heavily on the sofa. Obviously he was not having a good day either. And my glasses were not hiding the bruises as well as I had hoped.

Needing to wear off some of my nervous energy, I began pacing. My hands found their way into my hair regularly pulling on it in nervous tension. Emmett remained standing in the centre of the room keeping me a safe distance away from James. Carlisle was at the back of the room talking with James. His low voice was cold but calm in comparison to James' belligerent tone. Slowly the level of both voices rose in anger, and although I was still unable to make out all of what they were saying I could catch some of the words. I stopped my pacing in surprise at the venom I could hear in Carlisle's usually composed tone. Normally so calm, his impatience was rare especially when dealing with someone other than myself. I watched as he called Emmett over to join in the conversation and I made my way over to the sofa beside Sebastian.

"Do you know what's going on?" I questioned quietly, my apprehension growing even more at the tension in the room.

"Something about a shortage in the security staff that has been arranged. Fuck, I wish we'd never agreed to this. It's like a huge…fucking…carnival. Did you see the setup out there? "

I nodded.

"Are you...okay Edward? Are you hurt badly?"

'No, I'm fine. Don't worry. Let's just get through this."

Sebastian sighed. "Honestly right now Edward? I'm more jealous than worried." He leaned forward.

"Tell me it felt good. Because right now I need to live vicariously through you."

I couldn't help the small smirk.

"Somewhat satisfying, yes" I admitted. "Having a bad day?"

"You could say that. A bad day which is only a continuation of the bad night that happened after I got home. I'm about …done with this, Edward."

I patted his shoulder in quiet sympathy. If James was waiting for him when he got home last night I can only imagine the scene that took place.

James brushed by us, ignoring us both. Carlisle and Emmett came over and sat down across from us.

"What's going on?" I asked with a sigh.

"Apparently the security crew is short. James has been working the phone and found some replacements but we are still not entirely covered." Carlisle said shortly." Given what has transpired, I need to have Emmett at the door with James. Which only leaves me to oversee the two of you. And you are either side of the room from each other."

"Not as issue Carlisle. You stay with Edward. I can handle myself," Sebastian stated.

I growled. "I'm not helpless. We both know if there isn't someone there with some authority things are going to get bogged down. And what if you run into problems?"

Sebastian voice was kind but firm. "To be blunt Edward, you require more...aid than I do. I can manage. James is usually absent during these things… off somewhere, tallying totals no doubt."

Fuck, I was tired of being treated like a child.

I shook my head. "No. Not happening. I don't need someone holding my fucking hand. We both need the support."

Carlisle spoke up. "Shut up. Both of you. Listen to me. There is more to this than just that. First off I will go back and forth. Yes, I'll be with Edward more. But I'll be there with you also Sebastian. I have a call in to someone for help. If they can get down here in time things will go better than I am predicting right now."

I shifted my position.

_Who had he called? _

"Edward, nothing was posted about your limited time here. You're here for the duration. You understand? "

I nodded, not happy with that piece of news, but not wanting to add to the problem.

"Pictures are allowed of both of you, but not _with _you. James has set up an area for photos after. People who want their picture taken with you have to pay for it."

I slammed my hand on my leg. "What the fuck?" I snarled, my already overwrought nerves beginning to unravel at all the information.

"It's going to charity Edward. Relax. That's why I agreed to it. And the time is short. Only so many will be sold."

"There's going to be a lot of flashes Edward. All afternoon. Keep your eyes down as much as you can."

"This is like amateur hour," I muttered.

"Yeah, more than you know. Emmett, keep your eyes open. Anything, and I mean anything, you get me. Understand?"

"Yep."

"Edward, keep your phone close. You hit that button if you need to. You got that?"

I nodded.

"Sebastian, I need you to work with me on this. Let me take the lead. Can you trust me?"

"Without question."

"Okay, All of you. We need to get through this, make it look great and put it behind us. Alright?" Carlisle stood up.

We all stood up in agreement also.

"Now let go get you situated. We start soon."

*()*

Once back in the overly hot, brightly lit room, I listened intently as Carlisle helped me familiarize myself with the layout and where everything was on the table. He described the traffic flow of the lines and where the person would be standing to get their autograph. There would be one person at the head of the line who would ensure a continuous flow and one person who would move them away once I had signed their item. Carlisle would be to my one side guiding me. He pointed out quietly where the container of sharpie pens was located, as well as my water and a pile of hand wipes.

"How many pens?"

"The usual dozen. And I have more," he assured me.

I was constantly amazed how many pens we went through at an autograph session. They were taken simply because I had touched them. The concept made me shake my head.

"You good to do this Edward?" he asked, his concern evident in his voice.

I nodded.

"I'll stay as much as possible."

"I know Carlisle. I just want it done. Then I wash my hands of James."

"We _both_ do. I don't like this. It's been badly handled, highly unprofessional," he muttered.

"For someone supposedly so versed in this business he seems to fuck up a lot, especially when it involves me," I commented sarcastically. "Almost as if… he does it deliberately."

Carlisle chuckled without humor. "After dealing with him the past few weeks that, my friend, is an understatement."

He straightened up. "Here we go. Stay calm Edward. Above all stay calm."

*()*

Thanks to our years of working together we quickly established our routine. Carlisle would quietly inform me what was being handed to me to sign and where to sign it. Or if a flash was about to happen.

Upper right.

Bottom left.

Anywhere.

Camera.

He did it so well no one even noticed him dropping the hints. When he would go to check on Sebastian he would try and leave me with the information of the next few waiting in line. If he was gone longer than he thought, by concentrating very hard and taking my time to uncap the pen or say hello I could often make out the correct placement. CD's were the easiest since they were small enough I could write anywhere. Carlisle had made the people watching the line announce continually if they had a CD they wanted signed, they had to remove the sleeve from the plastic container.

I relaxed somewhat, my stomach loosening its tight grip. Despite the bad organization, things were going along well, although I felt more comfortable when Carlisle was beside me. The noise level in the room prevented anyone from trying to strike up a conversation so aside from a pleasant hello, getting their name and a thank you I didn't have to say much. Carlisle had situated me at a slight angle so the bruising on my face was not as noticeable. It could be blamed on the shadows in the room. I kept a smile glued to my face and my eyes downcast to avoid the seemingly endless flashes. Occasionally there was a lull when the capacity of the room reached its limit and they weren't allowing more people in. It gave me a chance to wipe my hands, sip some water and grab a new pen.

"An hour down, two to go Edward," Carlisle encouraged me quietly. His phone rang and he turned away to answer it.

"Fuck, I have to go to the door. You'll be okay? I think you have a few more minutes before the next onslaught."

"Problem?"

"Not for long…" he assured me as he strode away.

I closed my eyes briefly and took another sip of water. I heard someone stop in front of me; long nails tapping out an impatient rhythm on the table.

Some few minutes I thought to myself, as I forced a friendly smile on my face and sat down my water. I reached forward to get the item the woman was so anxious to have signed and was about to ask her for the name when the words froze on my tongue. There it was.

That overpowering nauseating scent that filled me with dread was emanating from the woman standing in front of me. My head snapped up and I stared in horror at the long red hair I could see looming in front of me. Leaning closer she spoke. Her voice was low and mocking.

"Hello _Eddie._"

I tried to speak. I could feel the panic rising in my chest and cutting off my airways. The pen I was holding fell out of my hand and rolled away.

_This wasn't fucking possible_.

As if in slow motion her hand came up and tapped my cheek with her bright red talons.

"Miss me?" she purred.

I couldn't breathe. The scent of her was all around me, choking me in its intensity.

I could hear the small gasps of air that were escaping my lips. I knew I was in a room filled with people yet at that very moment I was entirely alone in my panic. I closed my eyes to shut out the image in front of me.

The scent dissipated, only to be replaced with a softer, warm scent.

"Edward?" A soft calming voice spoke in my ear as a gentle hand cupped my face.

Bella.

Bella was here.

*()*

I reached up and grasped her hand in distress, clutching it tightly.

"Shh, Edward. Calm down. I'm here," her voice remained close to my ear. "People are coming closer." She grabbed my free hand and placed it on her chest for a moment. "Breathe with me. Do we need to leave for a minute?"

I pulled air into my lungs and nodded still unable to speak.

Bella removed my hand from her chest and pressed a bottle of water into it. "Drink" she ordered quietly.

I gulped down the liquid.

"Carlisle. Get Carlisle," I whispered urgently.

"He's coming Edward."

I felt Bella turn around and say something to the crowd waiting. I couldn't hear over the echoing pounding of my rapid heartbeat in my ears but laughter followed her words and she leaned down.

"Okay I've bought us a few minutes. Carlisle is here. Can you stand?"

I nodded and got to my feet.

"Come on, we'll go to the back," Carlisle urged me along, breaking my grasp free of Bella's hand. He guided us quickly behind the curtains and I turned, my hands frantically searching for Bella. Immediately her arms wrapped around my neck, stroking my hair. I wound my arms around her waist and pulled her as close to me as possible, burying my head in her neck breathing her in and trying to get control of my shaking limbs. I could hear Bella telling Carlisle about the woman she has seen quickly moving away as she approached the table and had known from the expression on my face something was terribly wrong. Her hands never ceased their gentle movements on my neck. I could feel myself calming.

I raised my head. "It's her Carlisle. She was still wearing that perfume."

"It's someone pretending to be her Edward," Carlisle assured me.

"How?" I asked. "Why?"

"I don't know, but know this my friend, I'm going to fucking well find out," he snarled.

Bella cupped my cheeks softly forcing me to look at her. "Who, Edward?"

"Victoria…" I whispered.

She gasped. "Your wife?"

I grimaced even now at her being given that title. It wasn't right. But I nodded silently.

Carlisle stepped forward. "It's not her. That's impossible," his voice was firm.

"You know this. She _can't_ be here Edward. She's dead."

**Oh my.**

**Your thoughts for the last time in 2011…I'd love to hear them.**

**So... see you next year?**


	35. Chapter 35

**Happy 2012 My Friends. I promised an update early in the New Year. I think this counts as such. It's Jan1st after all.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing. It means a great deal you are enjoying this. I was informed by many of you I had left you with a horrid cliffie… and you were right. I did. Here's a nice long chapter to make up for it. One more update later this week. **

**Now where were we?**

**Oh yes. **

**Victoria is dead.**

Despite the heat of the room I felt chilled to the bone. There was a chair beside me and I sat down heavily, trying desperately to make sense of what was happening.

Victoria was dead.

I knew that.

I had still been listed as her next of kin, so it was me they contacted after her accident. Carlisle had the death certificate.

How could she be here? Standing in front of me, touching me?

Just the thought of that cold, brief touch earlier brought a deep shiver from me. I could hear people talking to me but I wasn't listening...I needed to think. I had to figure this out.

But it seemed Victoria had other plans, even now.

That smell, that hideous fragrance, lingered in my nostrils and her mocking _Hello Eddie_ replayed in my mind again and again. Other taunts began to filter through and join the never ending loop… _so useless... you're not a man anymore…disfigured_… they went on and on and I couldn't stop them. I couldn't stop _her._

I grimaced and closed my eyes, dropping my head into my hands as I told myself it wasn't possible. Victoria wasn't back. She was gone, but if it wasn't Victoria...then _who? _And why?

That bone-deep chill seemed to go even deeper. I felt another shiver race through me.

A sudden weight on my lap startled me. Warmth and softness surrounded me. Gentle hands grabbed and held my face tightly.

"Edward." A voice… a firm but soft soothing voice kept repeating my name. "It's Bella. Edward, come back to me, Edward."

Bella?

Bella.

I wrapped my arms around her, _my Bella_, pulling her tightly to me. I buried my face into her neck breathing in her scent to cleanse my mind of the other one. Her hands stroked the back of my neck soothingly.

My arms tightened around her in a silent thank you. She was here. She was real.

_This_ was real.

For a few moments, I just allowed her warmth to ease the iciness that had settled over my body.

Leaning back I looked at her, trying to see her sweet face clearly.

"Bella… you came." My voice was filled with relief.

She nodded. And suddenly I needed to tell her everything and my words came out in a rush.

"I was coming to you after… I need to talk to you. I have to apologize. I have to explain. You need to know everything, the whole story. NOW. We have to talk now." I looked around wildly for Carlisle. "Where is he? He needs to stop this. We need to go."

"Shh, Edward. He is making some excuses to the people waiting out there for you. Listen to me. You have to finish this." I began shaking my head. "Edward. I'll be right here. I'm not leaving. Ever again. I'll help you get through this and then we'll go and you can talk. I'll listen. For however long you need. But you need to see this through."

She was right, of course.

"You'll stay?" I could hear the plea in my voice. Bella's lips softly grazed my cheek.

"I'll be right beside you Edward. I won't leave. I promise."

"Okay. Give me another moment. I just need to …yeah, just another moment. Please." I whispered quietly pulling her back into my arms so I could feel her warmth. Slowly, with Bella in my arms, I could feel lucid, calm thought returning. She was right, I could do this, and then we would talk.

And I would tell her everything.

*()*

"Edward."

I looked up from Bella's embrace. Carlisle was standing close, clearly concerned.

"You okay to finish this? I can call it off. Just say the word."

I shook my head. "I'll be okay." I looked at Bella. "Just…don't leave me alone. Please."

Bella stood up and grasped my hand. "I won't leave your side Edward. Promise."

I took in a deep breath and stood up.

"Let's do this."

*()*

I suddenly had an entire posse around me, thanks to Carlisle's phone call. Alice stayed with Sebastian and Rose and Esme helped out at the entrance while Carlisle and Emmett scoured the building looking for some trace of this mystery woman. Bella never left my side and quickly picked up on what I needed. Her quiet presence was what enabled me to get through the rest of the event. Outwardly I appeared calm. I smiled, greeted people, signed autographs; all on auto pilot. Inside my mind was racing and my entire being was in chaos.

Who was the woman?

Why was she here?

It couldn't be Victoria …it couldn't.

Doubts crept in. No body was ever recovered. Nothing but some identification had survived the wreckage. Was it possible…

No.

Someone was pretending...

But why? And how?

How did she know about the perfume? The nail color…. The hated nickname…

"Edward."

Bella's voice once again brought me back to the present.

"Drink."

I took the bottle from her hands and sipped gratefully.

"Now, stop composing music in your head again and sign this nice lady's CD," she instructed firmly. Turning to the woman in front of me she sighed. "He does this all the time… loses himself in a world of notes in his head."

The woman waiting laughed and I realized I had been lost in my dark thoughts again. Shaking my head to clear it I smiled bashfully and reached over and squeezed Bella's hand playing along... "With inspiration like this beside me, it can't be helped." The chorus of aahs that greeted my statement was loud.

Bella leaned down. "Almost done. Stay with me Edward." I nodded.

*()*

The noise level was dropping and it appeared the crowds were thinning out. I took the opportunity for another drink of water and then looked up at Bella who was standing close.

"Bella?"

She leaned down and spoke softly. "What do you need Edward?"

"You came because Esme asked you to?" I asked anxiously.

"No Edward, I was coming anyway. I couldn't stay away. I never should have left in the first place," she sighed softly, her breath sweet on my face.

"When Esme got the call from Carlisle, we all decided to come together and help."

"You'll… you'll stay after? Will you give me a chance to apologize? Can we go somewhere and be alone? _I need_ to talk to you." I took in a deep breath. "I was coming for you after this was over. Emmett was going to bring me. I found your note. I had to see you, to talk to you. I'm ready... to tell you everything. Please?"

"That's why I came to you Edward. I'll listen. I told you I would. I'm not changing my mind."

I squeezed her hand. She turned and coughed harshly, suddenly, and I realized I was being selfish yet again.

"You're sick. You should be resting." I stood up and laid my hand on her forehead.

"Bella, you're warm. And your voice is raspy."

"I have a cold Edward, so my throat is dry. And I'm warm because the room is like an oven. Stop fussing. I'm fine."

She gently pushed me back into my chair. "This is almost done. Finish it. Show James he can't mess with you. Then we can move on and take care of us."

I sighed in relief. She said _us_. As in we had a future together… _us._

"Okay." I nodded. "Whatever you want Bella. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

She leaned down, just as what I hoped, was the last grouping began lining up. Her voice was soft but serious. "Without a doubt, you're going to tell me why you look like you went a round or two with James and he messed up your face Edward. Don't think I'm so distracted by everything else I failed to notice _that_ small detail. Or the large swelling he has on his chin either. I'm pretty sure the bruise matches the one on your hand."

I shrugged self- consciously. She wasn't going to be happy to hear it was me that threw the first punch. Or why I had done it. She wasn't going to like the entire conversation we were about to have.

Neither was I.

*()*

The noise level was finally down to a manageable level. The doors were closed and the event was over. I could hear various activities around the room taking place. The merchandise area was being dismantled, sales tallied, the room being cleaned. I took in a deep breath. It was done. I leaned back into Bella who was standing behind my chair. Her soft hands came up and stroked my brow and I was quietly enjoying her touch when Sebastian approached with Alice. He leant over and kissed Bella on the cheek before addressing me.

"Edward, are you alright? I heard… I heard there was an …issue."

I nodded, capturing one of Bella's hands with mine, and kissing it softly before she moved away to talk with Alice. "I'm …confused. But I'm okay." Nodding in Bella's direction, I smiled softly. "Now I'm okay."

He leaned forward speaking quietly. "Do you have any…thoughts…ideas about what's going on?"

I shook my head. "I have no fucking idea my friend. None." My voice dropped. "But it's messing with my head, Sebastian."

"That is hardly a surprise Edward. If someone I thought was dead seemingly showed up in front of me, I'd be a little messed up as well."

"Did you see…anything?"

"No. No one resembling the description Carlisle gave me."

I felt Bella's hand on my shoulder. Reaching up I grasped her hand tightly. I took the opportunity to say hello to Alice, and thank her for helping today and for being with Bella yesterday. Her voice was soft but cool when she answered me back. "I'm always happy to help a friend Edward. Especially Bella. And she needed me so of course I was there."

I nodded feeling the guilt from the unspoken reminder of why Bella needed her.

"Alice…" Bella's voice was a soft warning.

"No, she's right Bella," I interrupted her. "I'm grateful you were there, Alice. You shouldn't have had to be. I should have behaved better. I'm glad she has a friend like you to help her."

Bella coughed. I frowned not liking the rasping sound that accompanied the cough.

I stood up. "We need to get you home. You should be resting."

"Are you returning to the guest house?" Sebastian inquired.

I looked over to Bella for guidance.

"I think, if you don't mind Edward, I'd rather go home to my apartment."

My stomach clenched.

_She was going home?_

She leaned down. "Please come with me, Edward? I have things I want to say as well."

Relieved I nodded.

Carlisle and Emmett walked over to the table, with Rose and Esme.

"Sebastian, James is looking for you," Carlisle informed him. "And he is in a foul mood, my friend. Just saying."

Sebastian sighed deeply. "He'd better watch himself. Today was a massive cluster fuck on his end. I can't believe he went behind our backs and rearranged everything at the last minute. I know none of this was how it was supposed to be set up. I saw the plans. He's lucky you were able to fix it so the event went forward." He paused. "He has a lot of explaining to do, and I have some decisions to make."

He turned to Alice. "I have to take care of this. I'm sorry sweetheart; I'm not sure how long I'll be. Can I arrange a ride home for you?"

Alice shook her head. "I have my own car here Jazzy. I'm parked not far from Bella."

Emmett spoke up. "We'll make sure she gets to her car and home safely, Sebastian. No worries."

Sebastian and Alice moved off to the side to speak privately.

Carlisle came closer. "You okay Edward?"

I nodded. "Anything? Did you find anything?"

He shook his head. "Nothing much. A few people remember seeing a red headed woman but there were a few of them here. But none of them tall like Vicky was. I have the security tapes coming down."

Bella spoke up. "The woman in front of Edward, when I showed up, wasn't tall Carlisle. She moved away quickly so I never saw her face, but she wasn't that much taller than I am. Maybe 5'6". I didn't see where she went. I was too focused on Edward."

I felt a wave of relief. Victoria was 5' 11''. Very tall for a woman and extremely thin. She always watched her weight obsessively.

"Well, that's interesting." Carlisle mused. "And I think it puts one theory to rest. Now we just have to figure out who it is and why."

I nodded wearily.

"I need to take Bella to her place. We… we plan on spending the evening together. She needs to rest."

Carlisle leaned closer and spoke directly to me. "I'd feel better if you went to the guesthouse Edward. Emmett and I can keep an eye on you there."

I shook my head. "No Carlisle. Bella's not feeling well and we need some privacy. And she wants to be in her own place. We have to talk. Send Emmett home with us to look around and I will lock us in the apartment."

"I don't like it."

"Then hire a bodyguard for outside the door. But Bella wants to go home, so that's where we're going." I insisted firmly.

He sighed. I softened my voice. "She'll be more comfortable in her own surroundings Carlisle. She needs that right now."

He nodded. "Emmett checks out the apartment before he leaves. And you don't leave there without him. Understand? You aren't alone until we figure this shit out."

I agreed.

Bella coughed again. "Now Carlisle. I'm taking her home now."

Carlisle called Emmett over and spoke to him quietly. Emmett nodded and reached over to Bella.

"Give me your keys please Shortstack. Tell me where your car is and I'll go get it and bring it out back. Then I'll take the ladies wherever they want to go and we'll get down to business. We'll figure this out.

Esme's voice suddenly spoke. "Carlisle, you can't just take me home and drop me off like nothing has happened. This is serious, it affects Bella as well as Edward, so I'd like to stay and do whatever I can to help."

I was shocked as I heard both Rose and Alice agree with Esme.

Carlisle chuckled. "Fuck, I feel like Charlie. I've got my own fucking set of Angels."

"Okay, Emmett to get Bella's car. We'll follow them to her place. And you can take them upstairs. Edward you go with your girl and look after her. I'll take the tapes and the crew back to Sebastian's and we'll get to work. I had a text from Demetri so I'll get in touch with him."

I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and drew her close to me. She still felt warm. I gently pushed her down into the chair I had been sitting in. She didn't protest, instead simply leaned her head into my side. I knew she must be feeling worse than she was letting on.

I started to ask Carlisle to make sure to keep me informed when voices raised in anger reached my ears, followed by the slamming of a door. I could make out a figure moving through the room quickly.

"Well, I'd say Sebastian and James were…chatting," observed Carlisle sarcastically. "And obviously James didn't like what Sebastian had to say. Pulling his usual trick I see... running away."

I shook my head. "I think his days are numbered."

Carlisle snorted. "Not soon enough. Here comes Sebastian. He looks worn out."

Sebastian joined us. "You okay my friend?"

He sighed. "Edward, could I … speak with you and Carlisle tomorrow perhaps? Or even the day after. I need to discuss something important with you. I know now is not the time."

I hesitated, glancing down at Bella. I heard her sigh softly. "I'll be fine Edward."

I looked up and nodded silently. Carlisle's phone rang with Emmett's ring tone and he walked away while he answered it. I could hear his voice lower and become angry. I was puzzled. Surely Em was just calling to say he was downstairs, why would that anger him?

He hung up and came back over.

"Problem Carlisle?" I asked tensely.

"Emmett can't bring the car around."

Bella raised her head. "Why? Is it acting up again?"

"No." Carlisle's voice was stressed. "Someone slashed your tires Bella. All of them."

_Fuck. _

*()*

Emmett came out of the apartment door. "All clear, Edward."

I nodded and walked in with Bella, Carlisle following closely. After the police had been contacted and dealt with and Bella's car was towed away, we were finally able to bring her home. Alice had taken Sebastian, Esme and Rose back to Sebastian's house. Bella went directly to her room to get changed.

"Is this connected Carlisle?" I asked quietly. "The tires being slashed, this woman? Maybe even the strange problem with her car the other day?"

"My gut tells me yes Edward. I really would feel better if you were at the house."

"No. We're good here. I'll lock the door. I won't let anyone in. And if anything feels off or I need you I will get in touch right away. Bella needs to be here Carlisle. This…conversation is going to be hard enough on us as it is. We need the privacy and she needs to feel grounded. In her own home. I'll check in."

Carlisle exhaled heavily. "We'll get this figured out Edward. I think whoever this is wants to mess with you not attack you. If I thought that you'd have no fucking say on this."

"I know. I appreciate you bending on this."

"Stay safe. Look after Bella. And tell her Edward. All of it."

I nodded and they both left after saying goodbye to Bella, who double locked the door behind them.

She came towards me and I pulled her into my arms; we then stood quietly together for a few minutes.

"Bed, Little One?" I whispered. "You need some rest."

She shook her head. "No, you said you wanted to talk. I want to listen."

"Are you sure you're up for that right now? What if you lay down for a bit, and then I promise. We'll talk. I'd feel better knowing you had some rest."

She sighed and I heard the wheeze as she exhaled.

I drew back. "Have you used your inhaler?"

"Yes Edward. And taken some cold tablets. And cough syrup. Anything I missed?" she grumbled.

I grinned despite myself. She was adorable when she was putting me in my place. Quickly bending down I swept her up in my arms. Her surprised squeak brought another grin to my face. I carried her over to the sofa and lay down on it bringing her with me. After making sure we were both comfortable and covered I kissed her head.

"Yes. You missed rest. Sleep. I'm right here and when you wake up we'll talk. Doctor's orders."

"Hmmph," she grumped, but allowed herself to relax in my arms. Reaching up, I softly stroked my hand through her hair repeatedly enjoying the softness of the strands between my fingers. I felt her arm move and reach up to pull the glasses off my face. I heard the soft thump as they landed on the table in front of us. "You too Edward," she mumbled.

I wrapped her still too warm body up in my arms and started humming softly. Slowly I felt her getting heavier as sleep found her. Once I knew she was resting I relaxed and tried to put my thoughts in order.

So much to tell her. To relive and explain. Things I never allowed myself to think of anymore. Feelings I had shut out. Pain I refused to acknowledge. I would have to bring it all to the surface for her. I would have to open all the wounds I sealed shut years ago and feel the pain again.

Bella whimpered softly in my arms and nestled even closer. My hand found its way to her head again softly caressing her. I looked down at the small woman asleep in my arms, wondering how someone could become so incredibly important so quickly that I would change everything just to keep her with me.

Bella.

My Bella.

For her I would do it.

Otherwise I would lose her, and I knew that was a pain I would never recover from.

**Together. See. I promised. **

**See you later this week. **

**Be safe.**


	36. Chapter 36

**Edward finally speaks about his past.**

**Thank you to my lovely Windchymes and MidNight Cougar for helping me with this chapter.**

**Thank you for reading.**

**Tissue warning…**

Soft kisses danced across my face. I opened my eyes slowly to see Bella's form bending over me. Instantly I was awake. How did she move without me knowing? How long had I been sleeping?

"Bella?"

"You rolled over again only this time the other way. And we've only been sleeping a couple hours. It's about 7pm. I made some tea."

Obviously I had spoken my thoughts out loud. I sat up and held my hand to her face. "You're still warm."

"It's fine Edward. Just a cold, with a little fever. It will break soon. Drink your tea."

I frowned, not liking the raspy sound to her voice. I sipped at the honey laced beverage, gathering my thoughts. Bella sat beside me quietly. The room had only the light glowing from the kitchen to keep it from being dark. Bella turned to me pulling up her legs and I mirrored her position. I drew in a deep breath suddenly intensely aware of what was about to happen. Bella leaned over and cupped my face. "Are you ready to talk?" she asked quietly.

I nodded slowly. "I don't know where to start," I admitted.

"Would it help if I asked you some questions? Just to start you off?"

I thought about it briefly and again nodded.

Bella set her empty mug down and reached for mine. She clasped our hands together. "I'm right here, Edward. I'm not going anywhere. Not ever again."

I leaned forward and brushed her lips with mine.

"How did you meet Victoria?"

I sighed. "I was in Vegas. We were doing an extended run of the show. A month. We had been there a couple days for set ups and rehearsals, and I was out at a show one evening where she was dancing… and I met her after. She was very striking. We, ah started a relationship." I shifted uncomfortably. Bella squeezed my hands encouragingly.

I looked over at her. "I'm not the same person I was back then Bella. I was younger, cocky, rather thoughtless at times and arrogant. I was recognized a lot and I liked it. A lot. It fed my ego. _She_ fed my ego."

Bella nodded. "We all grow up Edward. We all make mistakes. I know that."

I snorted. "I was also incredibly stupid. Victoria played me well. She looked good on my arm. We were photographed together, a lot. She said all the right things, did all the right things. Carlisle warned me she was using me. I refused to listen. In fact, I think the more he warned me, the more stubborn I became about her. Like I was trying to prove him wrong. We fought constantly and she was always at the center of the arguments. And she was always there afterwards. Encouraging my anger and supporting me. Or so I thought."

I paused, remembering the angry words between Carlisle and myself. His continued pleas to open my eyes and see what was happening. My refusal to do so. The wedge I was allowing her to drive between us.

"As the run in Vegas was coming to an end, Victoria became …downcast, clingy. She said she hadn't planned on anything except a short term relationship with me and now couldn't even see staying in Vegas once I left."

I gripped Bella's hands tighter. "She seemed so genuine. Like she really cared. And I dreaded the thought of going back on the road without…companionship. Without realizing it I had become dependent on her for support and backup. And like I said, I was stupid Bella. Two days before the show closed we got drunk one night…really drunk and I woke up the next day married to her."

"Did you regret it?"

"I didn't think so. Not right away anyway. I had done it freely, so I thought I wanted it. Carlisle was angry. Furious. Emmett didn't like her either so he was not too happy with me. But I was determined. She was willing to give up her career. She wanted to come on the road with me and be there for me, she said. I thought they would eventually get to know her. Which in hindsight was stupid. _I _didn't know her, how could I expect them to? She was abrasive at times, but I always put that down to how competitive her lifestyle was. I thought once she relaxed, some things would be better."

I released Bella's hands and ran mine through my hair. Bella stood up and came back a few minutes later with a bottle of water for me. I heard her unwrap a throat lozenge and could smell the menthol as she popped it in her mouth.

"Are you okay, Little One?" I asked, leaning over to stroke her cheek. "Is this making you too uncomfortable?" She caught my hand and kissed the palm.

"I'm fine Edward. I'm well aware you were married. Continue. What happened when you were on the road?"

I laughed darkly. "It wasn't what she thought it would be, of course. When you're in one place you can do things, go out and such. On the road, even if you are stagnant for a few days there is very little of that. It's a lot of work. She thought we'd continue as we were in Vegas. Lots of press, lots of pictures, nights out. She wasn't very happy with the reality. I tried to make it better for her. To take her out, even if I was tired, but nothing I did seemed to please her. She became very demanding on those around me. Carlisle, Emmett, everyone. She spent money hand over fist. She needed a special diet, specific beverages, and certain amenities everywhere we went. She always wanted...more. I was at my wits end. And then one night she informed me what the show needed was some dancers. Extravagant ballroom dancers, twirling around the stage as I played. With her as the main focus, of course. I wasn't happy with the idea of changing the performance but I thought perhaps if she was happier and busy maybe things would be better for us. So I told her I would work on it."

"Did that help?" Bella asked quietly.

I shrugged. "I told her it would take some time to incorporate, but it seemed to at least appease her enough she stopped being so difficult all the time."

"Did you love her Edward?"

I drew in a deep breath. I had to be honest. "I thought so Bella. I know better now, but at the time I thought I did; I know I did care. I … I certainly enjoyed the physical aspect of our relationship at the start. And at the beginning I soaked up the attention she seemed to want to give me. I think maybe I was lonely and she fed on that. Took advantage of it. I was certainly egotistical enough to dismiss the idea she was just using me. I wasn't a good husband by any means. I know that. I had no idea how to be one with her. I was too busy being me. And to me that meant you just became part of what I was. "

Bella was silent.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked quietly.

_Was this already too much for her?_

"I think you're too hard on yourself," she murmured. "It takes two people to make it work."

I shook my head. Already defending me.

"What happened Edward?

I stood up and began to pace.

"I was trying; even Carlisle was working on the idea of adding her into the show. Probably just to help me. He hated the idea, but he was trying. I thought even if it was a small piece it would make her happy. Then it all went from bad to worse. The accident happened. I lost my parents. My… Victoria was injured. She was told she would never dance again. It seemed, at the time, I came out of it the least physically hurt. Victoria was all I had left. I was so lost Bella. _So_ lost. I clung to her. Like a child. I tried to take care of her. I hired the best therapists and care givers. I separated myself from everything I saw as the root causes of the nightmare I was in. My music. Carlisle and Emmett. I felt I could make it up to her by focusing on her. I never allowed myself to feel anything except the guilt. It was my fault she couldn't dance. My fault my parents were dead."

Bella appeared in front of me suddenly stopping my frantic pacing. She reached up and disentangled my hands that were pulling on my hair. I hadn't even realized I was doing it. "Stop Edward. The accident was not your fault. It was exactly that. An accident." She insisted quietly.

She pulled me over to the couch, holding my hands and stroking the knuckles softly. I could feel my rapid heartbeat begin to slow at her gentle touch.

"Tell me."

"After she had recovered enough, Victoria wanted to go away. Get away from the publicity. It wasn't pretty pictures and fun times being documented anymore. Carlisle wanted me to stay at home, where I was in BC. There was a new CD coming out soon, of the live show, and another studio recorded one after, that already completed. He wanted me to promote both of them, do something positive; he felt I should get back into life. I was so torn, but my guilt decided for me. I rented a place in Europe. We left. I told Carlisle to leave me alone. I signed over power of attorney to him for all the business side of my finances and let him do what he wanted. I didn't care."

"Wow, in the wrong hands that could have been dangerous."

I nodded. She was right. But at that point I wasn't even thinking clearly. I was too busy trying to make something that was so wrong, right. An impossible task.

"Shortly after we left, I started having headaches. Bad ones. I noticed lights seemed brighter. Almost like they were burning my eyes. My one eye starting hurting all the time. Things would blur but then clear up. I thought it was just the stress and lingering after effects of the accident. Victoria would get impatient with me if I said too much about the headaches or the pain, or if we couldn't go out somewhere. She always seemed angry with me. She somehow reminded me every day about her injuries, her pain. How if I had just done as she wanted and hired a driver, none of this would have happened. She commented constantly on how hideous my scars were to look at every day. How much I had changed. How weak I was. How I'd become a recluse. She spent a lot of her time having spa treatments, shopping and going out at night. Without me."

"What did you do with your time?"

"There was a piano in the villa. On the days I was able to, I composed. I thought I wouldn't want to, but it was comforting. Something I _could_ do. I took a lot of walks on the beach at night. I wrote journals. I tried to figure out the future." I was quiet for a minute remembering how incredibly isolated I felt.

"Did you have contact with Carlisle?"

"Some yes. He kept me informed of the CD sales, which were huge and tried to interest me in other aspects he was handling. I wasn't really very engaged at the time. I sent him pieces I had written with other artists in mind and he took care of the dealings. I still refused to do any promoting of myself though. I kept both him and Emmett on the payroll. The rest were gone." I paused for a drink of water. "Carlisle continued to manage my affairs brilliantly. He was, however, very vocal on the excessive amount of money Victoria seemed to be spending. But I couldn't stop her. The one time I tried to discuss it with her, it led into a huge argument which only resulted in her throwing it in my face how she had lost her ability to dance. Because of me. And that I owed her." I sighed. She always remembered to tell me it was my fault.

"One day I was sitting in the living area and I must have fallen asleep waiting for her to come home. When she did she turned on the light directly beside me and it startled me awake. When my eyes opened the pain was intense. So bad that she actually became concerned enough to get a doctor."

"How kind of her…." Bella muttered.

"I was tested for a lot of things. The doctor I saw sent me to an eye specialist and a neurologist. Things were quickly going from bad to worse. Constant headaches. My vision was blurry all the time, first in the one eye, then soon the other. And light. Light was painful. I started wearing dark glasses even in the house. I tried all the pain meds they gave me, but nothing seemed to help. Victoria thought it was all ridiculous. Psychosomatic, she liked to tell me. She accused me constantly of trying to focus the attention back on me. And I let my guilt impair my judgement of her comments."

Bella suddenly stood up and left the room. I looked in the direction she went puzzled. Unsure what to do I sipped my water and waited. Maybe she had heard enough.

She reappeared a few minutes later going directly to the kitchen. I got up and went to find her. I could smell more menthol. Obviously she had gotten another throat lozenge. But I could see how tense she was from the set of her shoulders.

"Do you want tea?" she asked. "It helps my throat."

Her voice was heavy with unshed tears.

Fuck.

I stepped forward. "Bella?"

She whirled around. "I wish she wasn't fucking dead." She hissed.

I leaned back in astonishment at the venom in her voice.

I raised my hands to capture her face. "Bella?" I repeated unsure of what she was thinking.

"I'm not a violent person Edward. But I want her here in front of me so I can hit her. Again and again. Until she's bleeding. Until she hurts the way you were hurting. With no one to comfort you. You had nobody to look after you. To care for you. She was so selfish! That fucking bitch…" her voice trailed off with a sob.

I pulled her shaking form into my arms. I was amazed, once again at how deeply she felt for my pain. We were silent for a moment as I felt her tears soak into my shoulder. I felt something hard press into my chest and I pulled her hands from between us and picked up the object she was hiding.

"Your asthma inhaler? Are you having trouble breathing?"

"I was getting… upset. I just needed a dose to help open up my air passages." She admitted quietly.

"I think we should stop now Bella," I whispered. I hated seeing her this distressed.

"No." She shook her head. "I want to know all of it. Now Edward."

I nodded. I knew that tone. After her tea was ready we went back to the sofa together. I tucked her into my side. I needed her close and I also wanted to be able to tell if she was becoming over stressed again and for that to happen I needed to feel her body's reactions since I couldn't see her facial expressions.

I started again. "Finally I was diagnosed with _Sympathetic Ophthalmia._ Incurable. Untreatable basically except trying to find the right combination of pain pills to manage the headaches. I was told my eyesight would worsen, that there was a chance of becoming completely blind. I was in shock. Nothing had prepared me for that."

"What did she do?"

"Not much…at first. Then she became more bitter and angry towards me. Now not only was I not able to look after _her_, I was a burden, nothing more. And the lifestyle she wanted was gone. No famous husband to be photographed with, to help her become well-known, no travelling around the world. To her all she saw was what I couldn't do, couldn't be. What I couldn't give her." I sighed. "I hadn't told Carlisle what was happening. He always assumed the medical bills were for Victoria and I didn't tell him any different. I did it all under false names to avoid publicity. I didn't want to say anything to him until I knew what was happening.

"I wanted to come home. But she refused saying she at least had some sort of life where we were and wanted to stay a while longer. I felt like I was stuck. I had no choice but to stay. I was caught between a rock and hard place. And either option was unacceptable. Be a burden to Victoria or one to Carlisle."

I paused and took in a deep breath. "Things became…bad.

"It seemed the more my eyesight deteriorated the angrier she became. She loved to do things that... confused me or hurt me. She started wearing that perfume I hated so much again. Just the scent of it made me shudder. She moved where things were located so I had to try and find them. Searching with my hands. Sometimes even on my knees. Little things at first, like my coffee cup, my shoes, or my phone. Then it became bigger objects like a table so I would run into it. Then she would suddenly add something to a room. Something I wouldn't necessarily see until I literally fell over it. A rug. Or a stool. One of her overly large handbags. She did that lot. She took great pleasure in laughing at me as I lay face down somewhere. "

Absent mindedly I rubbed my knees. I could still feel the bruises I had on them for so long from the constant falling.

"Another one of her favourite pranks was to hide my glasses. And then suddenly flick on a light when she knew I wasn't expecting it. The pain was excruciating at times. I tried to be on my guard but she always managed to get me at some point." I was quiet for a moment.

"And then there was her most dangerous weapon. Her words. She loved berating me. Telling me how this was all my fault. How I killed my parents. Ruined her life. Deserved what I got. The loss of my eyesight was justifiable retribution, she said. How, now I was so useless. Not a man. Disfigured. Worthless. They went on and on."

The words were now pouring out of me.

Bella shifted and straddled my lap. Her arms wrapped around me tightly and her voice was firm in my ear.

"No Edward. No. NONE of that is true. None. You are NOT useless. You are so worthy of life. Of love."

I pulled her close and breathed her in. I let her comfort me with her warmth and sweet words. I needed them and her so much. I could feel myself shaking from the effort of remaining calm.

Bella sat back, but remained on my knee.

"Then one day I came back from some overnight testing at the hospital to find she had the walls painted - a brilliant shiny white. She had even added sort of extra strong bright lights. She said she needed the airiness for the room. I couldn't even sit in that room now, even with my glasses. The one room with any sort of comfort for me. It held the piano. Most of the time after that I stayed in my room."

Bella hissed angrily, and then she spoke.

"Why didn't you call Carlisle?"

"I hadn't heard from him in a while. The day I had got the diagnosis he had called and I was angry. I wasn't ready to talk about it and I thought he was being overly inquisitive. I, ah... I got livid and told him to stop bothering me and to fucking leave me alone. So, I wasn't overly surprised when he wasn't calling. I thought he was angry about my attitude and wanted a break from me. What I didn't know was Victoria had changed his ring tone and was constantly intercepting his calls, telling him I didn't want to talk to him." I shook my head. "I should have known better. And then she took my phone. Or hid it. I could never find it. I was just so confused by everything." I paused briefly. "And I was so drugged up most of the time that sometimes the effort to think clearly was just too great."

Bella's voice was horrified. "Was she drugging you?"

I nodded. "I couldn't see which of the medications I was supposed to be taking. They had been trying some different combinations, and she was adding to the mix. I was easier to ignore when I was passed out. And easier to hurt when confused."

"Oh Edward…" Bella was shaking her head, disbelief evident in her voice. "I don't understand. If she was so angry and miserable, why didn't she just leave? Why did she have to hurt you?"

I smiled grimly and reached over and stroked her soft cheek, which I felt was still too warm. "Money, Bella. If she walked away, she would lose the money. She wouldn't get the kind of money she wanted in a divorce settlement. We hadn't been married that long nor had she exactly been the ideal wife. If I died she would be my widow. She would inherit my estate. It was simple. Greed. She felt she was owed that by me. I doubt her plan would have worked but I don't think she was exactly rational."

Bella's entire form was shaking. Both of her hands covered her mouth in revulsion. I could feel her rapid heartbeat from her distress. I hated knowing my words were causing it. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly stroking her back to calm her. When I felt her muscles loosen I sat back still holding her, and regarded her quietly for a minute.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No. Tell me."

My arms squeezed around her and I continued.

"She would leave for hours and days at a time. In my often drugged up state, I would stumble around trying to look after myself. Making a simple sandwich was difficult, I have no idea how often I cut myself with the knife just doing that. I'd be afraid to do anything that might cause a headache since I couldn't always find the medication. Or know if I was taking the right amount. Then she would reappear, probably hoping to find me dead, I think. And the taunting and anger and the accidents would start all over again. And then the bad became…worse. "

"She'd put things at the top of the stairs. I fractured an ankle after one fall and when she came back from wherever she'd been she laughed and said it was a pity it wasn't my neck. Then she told me to watch where I was going."

"And did you get help for your ankle?" I could hear Bella trying to control her voice. She was talking through her teeth.

"She'd taken my phone long ago, so no. I strapped it myself. And took more pain meds. And checked the stairs using my hands and knees every time I used them. Not that I was able to get around much after that."

"How long did this go on?"

I shrugged. "Weeks… I think. Really, I had lost track of time. Eventually it happened. I gave up. What was the point? No one was going to help. It seemed as if everyone I knew had deserted me. Even the doctors I had been seeing. It was simpler just to let her do what she wanted and …fade away."

Bella's voice was barely a whisper. "You wanted to die?"

"It seemed…easier than to continue to fight when no one seemed to care. I wasn't myself. I was depressed, and I was in pain constantly. I could hardly see or look after myself and it felt like I lived in constant anxiety waiting for whatever she would do next. Even not being able to see her I knew when she was there. That scent would announce her arrival." I shuddered. "God, I fucking loathe that scent."

My hand reached out and found Bella's. I gripped it tightly and brought her wrist up to my nose inhaling her soft smell. So soothing. So Bella. I sighed and continued.

"She was gone for a couple days and I heard her return. I waited but she didn't acknowledge my presence. When she finally appeared in my door it was to tell me she was leaving me. For good. She was tired of my pathetic ass. She had met someone and was going to go and live her life. Someone who would give her the life she deserved. A real man who would take care of her. She said a bunch of things actually. None of them very pleasant. One included the fact that this time she didn't have to drug the groom to get him to marry her. Which explained a lot about my total memory loss of marrying her that night. The last thing she said before she left was I'd be hearing from her lawyer. Then she stormed out."

"What did you do?"

"I was in shock I think. I sat for a long time just doing nothing. Then I heard something. A phone was ringing, but I couldn't find it. I heard it again after a while and I followed the sound. I finally found my phone in the back of a drawer in the kitchen, but again it had stopped ringing. It rang again not long afterward and I answered. It was Carlisle."

I leaned my head back thinking of the intense feeling of utter relief I had felt when I heard his voice.

"He was angry and confused. He told me he had been trying to get hold of me for weeks. That Victoria would pick up and say I didn't want to speak to him. Or the phone went straight to voicemail."

"What did you tell him?"

My voice grew uneven as I recalled the next few minutes of what had happened.

"I told him I was hurt. Alone. And I needed him."

"And he came…"she whispered.

"Yes, he came."

*()*

Bella's soft hand drifted over my head. I had been silent for a few minutes reliving the chaos of the following days after Carlisle's phone call. "Do you want to stop now?"

I raised my head. "Not stop, but just a break. I need a drink. Please."

Bella began to get off my lap but suddenly I didn't want her to go. I pulled her back down surprising her and she gasped. I wrapped my arms around her and held her closely needing to feel her. She wrapped herself around me tightly and whispered soft words into my ear as she allowed me to cling to her. Her scent swirled around me and her warmth calmed me. Eventually I allowed her to extricate herself and go to the kitchen. When she returned she had more tea for her and brandy for me. After she sat back down beside me she was quiet for a few minutes.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"How are you being so calm telling me this?"

I sat silent for a moment. She was right. I had remained fairly calm. Instead of breaking down while telling Bella what had occurred, it was like slowly allowing a toxin to drain out of my body. As the words left me the pain didn't seem as constricting.

I reached for her hand. "Perhaps Little One, because you're here. Listening. Comforting me. Letting me get it out. You seem to know when I need you close to bring me out of the pain." I sighed. "Maybe you're expressing enough anguish for both of us. I don't like you so upset."

"I hate the thought of you alone. Hurt. Scared. Needing help and being denied it," she admitted softly. "It kills me." I watched her head shake slowly.

"Can I ask you something?" Her voice was hesitant.

"Yes." I leaned down and kissed her softly. "Anything."

"Why don't you refer to her as anything but your spouse? You hardly ever even use her name."

I grimaced and when I answered my voice was gruff. "She _doesn't _deserve the implied adoration and respect the term wife has to me. She was never truly a wife in any sense of the word. And her name is just a … reminder." I paused. "I remember my mother saying something about knowing how someone feels about who they are married to if they are introduced as a spouse rather than a husband or wife, and it always stuck with me. Legally she was my spouse. That's all. She was _never _my wife. Towards the end she was barely human."

For a moment there was silence.

"Can you tell me the rest?"

"Some of it you'd have to ask Carlisle about. I passed out talking to him. He was already in Italy. He and Emmett had enough of listening to her excuses and were coming to find me. He had a bad feeling. Victoria was spending money but it was as if I had disappeared. And he figured out the medical bills were for me, not her. He knew where the villa was since he had access to my financials. Thank God. When I woke up I was in the hospital and he and Emmett were both there. I was never left alone from then on. Once I was able to, I told him the whole story; everything from my eyes to her. There was so much wrong with me." I shook my head remembering my slow recovery. "I was severely dehydrated and undernourished. They had to break and reset my ankle. I had a lot of various drugs in my system. Carlisle had brought bottles from the villa to the doctors there, for their examination and testing. There was so many. He was appalled at my appearance. I had lost a lot of weight and basically looked like shit. At least that was his medical term for it." I stopped for a minute and when I spoke my voice was quieter. "He took care of everything. Getting me home. Finding the best specialists there who confirmed the diagnosis. He made sure I had everything I needed. That I was safe and looked after. He…he saved my life Bella."

"Why wasn't she arrested? She tried to _kill_ you Edward! At least she should have been charged with neglect and abandonment- or something… she just walked away- how could Carlisle let that happen?" Bella cried in horror.

"Shh, Bella." I implored her. "It's okay." She was far too upset. "We were making a case against her. Gathering information. But she was killed in a plane crash while I was still in the hospital. Her and her new lover. "

"I hope it hurt. I hope she was so fucking scared and knew she was going to die. I hope she's burning in hell." Bella whispered furiously.

I reached over and pulled her into my arms. Her body was wound up so tightly it was almost immobile. I rocked both of us slowly needing to feel her as much as she needed to feel me right then. I could feel the hot tears once again soak my shirt. I tried to get her to lift her face, but she remained buried in my chest. I slid my hand up under her hair and stroked her neck softly trying to comfort her. The depth of emotional pain she felt on my behalf was over whelming. Her tender spirit was so beautiful to me. I held her until I felt her body relax and her soft sobs stop.

"I don't care where she is," I murmured. "She's gone. And she's not coming back."

"I'm so sorry you suffered like that," she whispered hoarsely. "You didn't deserve it. Any of it. Thank you…for trusting me…for telling me. I understand more now. I hate knowing it, but I understand."

She always understood.

"Bella," I whispered suddenly fearful. "What happened the other day… will _never_ happen again. I'm so incredibly sorry. I wasn't myself. I didn't realize how strongly I could still react to just the thought of…her. I'm going to get help. I promise."

"I know," she said softly.

"Is there still an_ 'us'_ Bella?" I asked; my throat tight as I voiced my biggest fear.

"I want there to be Edward. I've never stopped wanting that. I was just so confused the other day…I shouldn't have walked away from you." Her voice dropped. "I regret that. So much. I'll never walk away from you again."

I caressed her cheek. "You did the right thing. We both needed to think. I understand, Little One. I do. We're here together now. That's what's important."

I hesitated for a minute. "Do you feel differently now, after you know…everything?"

Her voice was soft. "Why would that change how I feel about you Edward? I don't understand."

"You don't look at me and see a weak man?" I whispered. "Someone who should have known better… fought back instead of allowing her to break me?"

"Break you? Edward, she didn't break you. Scarred you, yes. Someone you cared about, you depended on, treated you horribly. Hurt you. Blamed you for something that was not your fault. Made you pay again and again for something you had no control over." Her hand drifted softly over my cheek before cupping it. "You survived that. You came back. And in my mind that makes you stronger than most men. You've allowed yourself to trust again. To feel love. You are _not _weak Edward. You amaze me. I feel nothing but pride and love for who you are."

I sat stunned into silence. My chest felt like it would burst from the deep emotions coursing through me. Relief flooded though me. There was the sudden lessening of the fear I had always felt inside. The love I felt for this woman eclipsed all the negative feelings left behind by Victoria.

I crushed her to me and allowed the pain out. This time the tears were cathartic. Healing. And the entire time I cried I was wrapped up in the protective healing circle of love emitted through Bella's arms.

**So…I think we can all agree .**

**What. A . Bitch.**

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	37. Chapter 37

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Slowly I regained control again. I had no idea how long I had been encased in Bella's embrace while I let out years of emotional pain I had been holding in. I pulled back gingerly wondering how she would react to my unexpected outburst. Her little hand reached up and wiped away the lingering tears on my face then softly she brushed her lips over my cheeks.

"Better?" she whispered.

I nodded silently.

Her next words confused me. "Thank you."

"Thank _me_? I think it's the other way around Bella."

"No. You were honest, you opened up and let me in. I know how painful that must have been but you told me everything and you allowed yourself to show me your pain. And to help you. That means a great deal to me Edward."

I shook my head. This woman would never cease to amaze me.

She stood up and extended her hand in a silent invitation.

I reached up and let her pull me up from the sofa. Obediently I followed her into the bathroom.

"Close your eyes, please. There's no window and I need to see what I'm doing, so I need the light on."

Again, I did what she asked of me. I gave her my complete trust.

I heard the squeak of the taps and the gush of water as it hit the bottom of the tub. The hard rush turned into a softer rainfall sound as the water was diverted to the shower. I could feel the air getting warm with the steam. Bella was suddenly in front of me undoing my shirt.

"What are you doing?" I asked halting her hands.

She reached up and kissed me softly. "Returning the favor from the other day. I'm taking care of you." Then she moved my hands out of the way and discarded my clothes. Once she was sure I was in the shower, I heard her remove her clothing and snap the light off before she joined me. She gently pushed me under the warm spray.

"Let the day wash away Edward," she whispered softly. "It's over and like Carlisle says, we move on from here."

I sighed deeply and allowed the warm water to cascade over me. Bella's soapy hands turned me around and she worked on my back, kneading the tight muscles as best she could and talking softly the whole time. Nonsensical little ideas about going for a picnic in a couple of days, wanting to hear the latest tracks from the CD, baking me some more cookies, how much she loved me. Sweet, loving thoughts to replace all the dark ones that lingered in my head. Turning to her I pulled her close. We stayed silent for a moment just enjoying the feeling of one another under the warm spray, and then she reached up, pulled my head down closer and kissed me. Softly at first, then her tongue trailed over my bottom lip and I granted her entrance. Groaning, I pulled her impossibly closer. The kiss deepened. What had been comforting and loving was quickly becoming passionate and wanting. I felt myself needing her. Hard and throbbing with a desperate desire to be with her. I broke away from her panting.

"We have to stop…"

"Why?" she breathed.

"Baby, you're sick…it's been such an awful day…we don't have to do this. We _shouldn't_ do this."

"No. I want you…I want to make the day better…"

And suddenly she was on her knees in front of me, her warm mouth surrounding me. I groaned. Her name fell like a plea from my lips.

Her hands came up around my hips, holding me close to her as she worked her tongue around me.

I was lost in the sensations. My hands found their way into her hair, holding her softly, moaning her name.

The intense warmth of her mouth suddenly left me and her head drew back. I couldn't make out the expression in her eyes, but I could feel her gaze.

He voice was low and throaty. "Did she do this for you?"

I froze. Then shook my head. "Not often. Only when she wanted something and I had refused. But _never _like this Bella... never with love…"

"_I_ want something Edward."

I tensed, and then quietly asked her.

"What do you want Bella?"

"I want you to scream my name when you come. Forget she ever existed. You're mine. Do you understand? Mine."

Her words hit me like a lightning bolt and hot pulsating desire shot through me. I wanted to be hers. I _was_ hers. I groaned out a yes as her mouth closed around me.

And once again did exactly what she asked of me.

*()*

I sighed quietly in the comfort of Bella's arms. Last night I didn't know if I'd ever feel them around me again. Just the thought of that made me shiver and I quickly pulled her closer and brushed my lips over her forehead, then frowned. She was way hotter than she was before. I leaned back and laid my hand on her forehead.

"Bella, you're burning up."

"I know Edward, I can feel it. I probably shouldn't have kissed you. You shouldn't be here," she replied quietly.

_What?_

"You want me to leave?" I asked, my throat closing up.

"No, I just don't want you to get sick as well."

"I don't care. I'm not leaving you while you're sick. If I get it then I get it," I sat up. "What can I do Bella? What do you need?"

"Nothing. I took some Tylenol for the fever and I have a drink here. And I…" her voice trailed off uncertainly.

"You what?" I prompted.

"I really don't want you to leave."

I relaxed and pulled her back into my arms.

"Good. Not planning on it."

We were quiet for a while. I could hear her soft wheezing as she breathed.

"Have you called Dr. Banner?" I asked quietly.

Bella shook her head. "It's a cold Edward. I'll be fine. I don't think it's settled in my chest."

I ran my hand over her hair. It was still damp.

I sat up. "Where is your hair dryer?"

"What? Why?"

"You shouldn't be laying here with wet hair. I'll dry it for you."

"Edward…"

I interrupted her firmly. "Bella. Please. Just tell me where it is."

There was a pause, and then she finally answered me. "In my top dresser drawer."

I nodded and climbed off the bed. I could see the low dresser easily against the pale wall and I made my way over to it.

I opened the drawer and reached in, but it wasn't a hair dryer I found. I began to smile as my fingers delved deep into a pile of soft silk. I must have inadvertently opened the wrong drawer. I pulled out a pink lacy camisole that was most definitely _not _a hair dryer.

_She did say top drawer right?_

Bella's voice was softly amused behind me. "Wrong side of the drawer Edward."

Unable to stop the grin on my face I turned around holding up the camisole. "Perhaps, Little One, when you feel better you could wear this for me? I would absolutely love to …_feel… _what it looks like on you."

Bella's soft giggle spurred me on and I spent a few minutes holding up a few other pieces of her lingerie imagining out loud how they would feel under my hands.

A deep cough from behind me reminded me of the task at hand and I regretfully folded the soft garment I was holding back up and felt around on the right side of the drawer for the hair dryer. Bella directed me to the plug beside her nightstand and it only took me a second to plug in the dryer. Then I climbed back up on the bed, sat against the headboard and patted the space between my legs. She sat down and turned the dryer it on to the setting she liked and handed it back to me. I slowly made my way through her heavy tresses lifting them and blowing them dry. When I was satisfied I handed her back the dryer and she switched it off. I pulled her back against my chest and held her closely.

"Thank you."

I squeezed her slightly.

"Edward…"Bella's voice was hesitant.

"Hmmm?"

"Are you… was I … was I too aggressive, umm... earlier? In the shower?"

I smiled into her soft hair. "No…I'll admit it was unexpected, but to be honest, it was extremely hot Bella."

Bella giggled softly. "Really?"

"The woman you love taking control of your pleasure, telling you who you belong to, yeah, pretty fucking hot. The only question I have is why. What brought that on?"

I felt her shrug. "I suddenly had this urge to erase everything about her from your mind. I wanted to fill you with me. Just me. I can't explain it. I just wanted you to lose yourself to me."

I leaned forward and brushed her ear with my lips. "It worked, Little One."

I felt Bella shiver.

I did it again except this time caught her lobe in my teeth and tugged softly. "Listen to me. Just for the record Bella, and so you understand this completely, I have never thought to compare her to you on that level. On any level. There is no comparison. _You_ are untouchable. What I have with you is so deeply emotional… the physical manifestations of my feelings are so intense they're off the charts. I never had any of that with her. With anyone. Ever. Am I clear on that?"

Bella nodded breathlessly. I continued quietly in her ear.

"Your touch calms me Bella. Your voice soothes me. Your presence is vital to me. Your body calls to me…constantly. I want you all the time. I love you. I. Am. Yours. Completely. I have been from day one. Never ever doubt that. So were you too aggressive? No. Was it needed to prove something? No. Am I sorry you did it? Fucking no."

Bella's head fell back on my shoulder, her hair soft against my skin. She sighed softly. "I wasn't trying to prove anything. I just suddenly wanted you… like that. I was feeling…possessive suddenly? I'm not even sure why I asked you that. Caught up in the moment maybe?"

I nodded quietly, thinking.

"Bella, do you know what one of the worst things about her was?"

"Tell me," her voice soft.

"She never asked for anything. Ever. She demanded. Everything was an order. A command. She used every manipulation to get what she wanted. She screamed. Yelled. Used guilt . And in the beginning, sex. And I was too stupid to see it at the start." I took in a deep breath.

"It's one of the things I love so much about you. You give, constantly. You have never demanded a thing from me. Or anyone around me. You rarely even ask. And I want you to. Whatever you need or want I want you to ask me. I will give you anything Bella. Anything. Just ask me and it's yours. As long as you don't demand it from me it's yours."

"I have everything I want right here, Edward. I have you."

Once again overcome at her simple expression of love, I held her tightly, stroking her hair. I felt her grow heavier as she relaxed and fell asleep. Carefully manoeuvering us both, I managed to lie down and have her still close to my side. I felt her forehead again. Still hot. And I really didn't like the wheezing sound she made when inhaling. If she was no better in the morning I would get her to call her doctor. I settled quietly, relaxing beside her, enjoying the feeling of her presence.

*()*

Bella's fever got worse about three o'clock. From then on it kept spiking higher. She became restless and groggy and would drift into an uneasy slumber only to startle herself awake crying. I held and soothed her every time she would wake, weeping, calling my name, lost in her fever. I kept a cool cloth on her head and made sure she sipped away at cold water, when she was lucid enough to do so, to keep her hydrated. Luckily the Tylenol was on the bathroom counter and I got her to take some. I spent the rest of the night pacing around her room desperate to do something to relieve her fever, but I had no idea what else to do. I had no clue where anything was in the kitchen, so I couldn't even make her a cup of tea. When she started coughing deeply, I panicked. I couldn't locate the cough syrup in her bathroom and the cough sounded painful. How something so loud and deep sounding could come out of someone so small, I had no idea. And it progressively got worse. By seven o'clock I was beside myself with worry and I called Carlisle. Half an hour later he arrived with Esme who went straight into Bella's room. I stood in the living room running my hands through my hair. I heard Carlisle moving around in the kitchen and a few minutes later Esme joined him. A minute later she came out to the living room. "Carlisle is calling her doctor Edward. You were right to call us."

I groaned and sat down heavily on the sofa. "Fuck, Esme. I knew it. I wanted her to call him last night. She said no. I didn't know what to do. I tried to cool her off, I kept her drinking…and I gave her some Tylenol. But I couldn't do much else. I couldn't find the cough syrup or make her tea. Fuck, I'm so useless…"

Esme knelt down in front of me, her voice firm. "Stop it Edward. You did just fine. And calling us was the best thing. Carlisle has her doctor's number." She voice became softer. "Now stop saying you're useless or I'll tell Bella and she will so kick your ass when she's feeling better. She hates it when you run yourself down."

I nodded, smiling briefly at her threat. She was right. Bella would kick my ass. Carlisle came in. "Dr. Banner is on his way. He says Bella gets ill easily because of her asthma. He's glad we called."

He clapped me on the shoulder. "He'll get her fixed up Edward. His words."

Esme stood up. "I'll make some coffee and sit with Bella until her gets here. Edward, you should lay down. Have you slept at all?"

I shook my head. "I'll sit with her Esme. She keeps calling for me and crying. I should be there. She needs me. I'll sleep later."

"I'll bring you some coffee then," Esme leaned down and kissed my cheek and left the room. Once again her strong maternal ways touched me.

"Are you okay Edward? Did you…talk last night?" Carlisle asked quietly.

I nodded. "I told her. Everything."

"And?" he prompted.

"You were right Carlisle. She was amazing. But she was so horribly upset. God, it hurt listening to her cry over my pain. I hope the stress of everything I told her didn't make her worse," I admitted anxiously.

"She'll be fine Edward. Go sit with her. We'll be right here."

I nodded and went back to where I needed to be. Beside Bella.

*()*

Dr. Banner arrived shortly after Carlisle called him and I stepped out to let him examine her privately. When he came out of her room, after what seemed an eternity he sat down on the sofa to have a cup of coffee with us.

"Does she need to be in a hospital?" I asked anxiously.

"No, Edward. I already picked up her antibiotics and a different type of inhaler for her. This is quite normal for our girl, I'm afraid. She gets ill very easily because of her asthma, it makes her more susceptible to infection. I've given her something for the fever and it should break soon. It's already coming down. And the antibiotics will knock it out of her."

"Does this happen a lot?" Carlisle asked quietly.

"Not as often as it used to. She takes good care of herself and knows to avoid some of the triggers, but unfortunately cold and flu viruses are unavoidable, so it still happens," Dr. Banner shook his head and took a sip of coffee. He leaned over and clapped me on the shoulder. "You did well Edward. You kept her hydrated and cool. And you called me. It's a good thing you were here. And I'm glad to see you're feeling better."

I nodded; grateful I was here as well. "What are the triggers?"

"Getting herself overtired, stressed, not eating properly, forgetting to take her second puffer regularly. If one occurs usually it's no big deal, but usually when one happens the others follow. Her immune system gets compromised. Most people would get a cold. Bella winds up with bronchitis or worse, pneumonia. But we've caught it early. A couple days rest and her antibiotics she'll be fine."

I shook my head silently. I knew what had caused the triggers this time. The last few days had been hell on us both and now Bella was sick because of it. I could feel guilt creeping its way up my spine.

Dr. Banner stood up. "I'll come by to check on her in a couple days. You have my number if you need me before. Be sure she takes her meds."

I shook his hand and went to check on Bella. She was resting and when I laid my hand on her forehead I was grateful to see it did indeed feel cooler. Her eyes fluttered open and her hand drifted up to clasp mine. She pulled on my hand and I sat down beside her, then leaned down and brushed a kiss along her cheek.

"Hey you," she whispered hoarsely.

"Shh, Little One. I know your throat is sore. I'll get Esme to make you some tea and honey okay? Then you can go back to sleep."

She nodded but pulled me closer. "Thank you for taking care of me last night."

I clasped her face and kissed her softly then wrapped her up in my arms holding her carefully, needing to feel her against me. I held her closely, rocking her gently. Then I lightly laid her back down on the pillows. Esme came in with a cup of tea before I could even go ask. She shooed me out of the room saying she was going to get Bella settled. As I stood up Bella's hand once again stopped me. "NOT your fault Edward." She whispered roughly, squeezing my hand. "Okay?" Nodding silently, I kissed her again before leaving.

I sat down heavily on the sofa. Carlisle came over and sat beside me.

"I can feel the guilt rolling off you Edward. Stop it. I know it's been rough. On both of you. Wallowing is not going to help either of you."

I straighten up and nodded. He was right. I needed to concentrate on Bella.

"Any news from Demetri?" I asked quietly.

Carlisle leaned back. "Yeah. Interesting shit. The name James Colder only exists as of a few years ago. The trail goes cold. It looks as if James Colder was someone else before. And his first few clients don't want to talk about him. At all. And all of them, Edward, were in Vegas. I found that very curious, since that's where you met Victoria. Demetri is now digging deep. Esme and Rose did some digging of their own last night so he has a lot of new information to go on. They are fucking brilliant at research. He thinks he may have a lead on the perfume. Esme found the name of the company you told me about and he has "persuaded" someone there to give him the name of the purchaser. It cost you. Big. But I figured you wouldn't care. We should have the name shortly. And he is digging through James' cell records. And bank records. He expects to have more for us this afternoon."

I nodded. "Whatever it takes Carlisle. Do it. I want to know what the fuck is going on."

He nodded. "I'm meeting with Sebastian this afternoon Edward. He'd like you there."

I hesitated. I wanted to be here with Bella. Just when I was about to tell him no, Esme came in.

"She's sleeping Edward. The fever is breaking. She'll probably sleep most of the day. Rose will come over and we'll stay with her. Go with Carlisle and when you're finished you can come back. I'll make sure she's okay. You need to do this."

I saw Carlisle's hand reach out and Esme grasp it. He pulled her down beside him, then leaned over and kissed her. "Thanks, my love."

I grinned despite everything going on. I had never seen Carlisle demonstrate tenderness like that towards anyone.

He caught my grin and growled at me. "What?"

I grinned harder. "Nothing."

"Fucker," he muttered.

I smirked.

"Carlisle," Esme's voice was scolding.

"He started it," he muttered.

Then I was laughing.

*()*

Before leaving I went in and saw Bella. She was sleeping and as I felt her forehead, I sighed in relief that her temperature felt closer to normal. This time she didn't stir as I kissed her cheek gently. She was probably exhausted. "Back soon Little One," I promised softly before I straightened up and left. Esme promised she would call if anything happened or changed, comforting me as Carlisle and I left.

Once back at the guest house I showered and changed, then we left to meet Sebastian. Emmett joined us as we were walking towards the studio where we were meeting Sebastian. He had dropped Rose, and the supplies Esme requested, off at Bella's and informed me she was still sleeping. I was thanking him for the update as Carlisle's phone rang. He stayed behind to answer it, waving us on.

Sebastian was sitting by the control panel, his shoulders slumped. I approached him and sat down next to him. "What's going on my friend?"

He raised his head and shrugged wearily. "I've been on the phone with my lawyers. I'm done with James. I told him last night."

I sat back feeling both shocked and relieved.

"What was the deciding factor?" I asked quietly. "Yesterday?"

"It was the one of the last straws. The huge fight we had last night was the kicker. It got ugly. I had enough. Of all of it. Carlisle's right. We're on two different pages."

Before we could continue Carlisle walked in rapidly, anger evident in his body language. "Edward does the name Joe Turner mean anything to you?" His voice was tense.

I thought about it briefly and shook my head. "No. Why?"

"What about a shortened version? JT?" He pressed.

A memory stirred and I searched my brain for the reference.

My head snapped up. "Victoria used to talk about someone named JT when we were … um…dating. I think she referred to him as her friend, or maybe her ex-manager, I don't quite remember."

Carlisle snorted. "He was a fucking lot more than her manager Edward. They _lived _together. He's the person that created and bought her that perfume. Three bottles of it were purchased. All by him. And until a few years ago James Colder _was_ Joe Taylor."

**Uh oh. Bella is ill and James isn't James…**

**The plot thickens…**

**See you later this week…**


	38. Chapter 38

**So the gig is up for James. Let's see what else they've discovered.**

The room was silent for a moment as we all processed what Carlisle said.

He turned to Emmett. "Go to the guest house. Demetri is sending a fax through. Don't leave until it comes and then bring it here. Go. Now."

"Fuck, yeah." And Emmett departed quickly.

"She _lived _with him? But she was living in the hotel…" I trailed off. She told me that anyway, but she always met me downstairs…

Carlisle laughed bitterly. "I think she told you a whole bunch of shit that wasn't true Edward."

I shook my head. "I don't understand. She never mentioned James…or JT other than in passing. Why would he change his name? What has this got to do with me?"

Sebastian spoke up. "James is a possessive, controlling fucker Edward. I know that first hand. I can only imagine what it's like when there are... romantic feelings involved. He no doubt thinks you took Victoria away from him."

"But I didn't know she was involved with him… or anyone… and why now? After all this time?"

Carlisle sat down beside me. "That's what we're going to find out Edward." Then he turned towards Sebastian. "Where's James now?"

"God knows. We had a huge argument last night. I told him he was done. I was done. Things got…heated. I kicked him out and told him he could talk with my lawyers." Sebastian sighed. "It was ugly."

"Did it get physical?"

"Not quite- some shoving, lots of screaming and threats. Some of things he said. Holy shit. I had Alice stay here so I knew she was safe. He was so angry. Irrational even. My lawyers know what's happening. They expect a lawsuit to be filed. I'm actually not sure what to do next."

Carlisle stood up, pacing the room. "Who hired your security team?"

"James."

"Fire them. All of them. We'll get new ones in place today. Emmett has some good contacts."

Carlisle continued thinking and throwing out questions. "Your house staff? Anyone loyal to him?"

"No. I hired them all. James didn't seem to care who looked after the house, or my personal needs."

"You trust them?"

"Without a doubt. None of them like James at all."

"Good, they can stay." "Your passcodes, bank accounts, personal records, musical recordings- does James have access to those?"

"The passcodes yes, and the recordings also have passwords etc, James knows some of them I think. He was involved with setting up the security system. He has access to a few of the business accounts."

Carlisle's voice was firm and decisive. I could feel his thought processes as he mentally ticked down a list of what had to happen and in what order of importance. "Those all need to be changed. The passcodes need to be reset. Your computers need to be locked down. Kill his access to your accounts. Change the security system or upgrade it. ASAP. Somehow, I don't think James is going to go quietly into the night."

Carlisle stopped pacing suddenly. "Sorry Sebastian. Perhaps I'm talking out of turn?"

Sebastian shook his head. "No. Please. I trust you Carlisle. I need some help here."

"Okay, when Emmett gets back we'll get him on the passcodes, passwords and your security system. He'll lock it all down. He's a whiz at that."

I nodded in agreement. He had full control of all my security and I trusted him totally.

"You need new management. You need to issue a statement right away. Distance yourself from him."

Without even thinking I spoke up. "Why don't you step in, temporarily at least, Carlisle?"

Stunned silence greeted my suggestion.

Sebastian's voice was hesitant. "I would be grateful for that…if you could, Carlisle."

"I've only ever managed you, Edward…are you sure about this?" Carlisle stood in front of me.

I nodded. "We're working together right now. You've been handing the bulk of it anyway. And you trust him Sebastian?"

"Without question," Sebastian confirmed.

"Smart man. He'll look after you well. Just like he does for me. If of course, you're interested Carlisle?"

"Yeah…I am."

I nodded. I knew he would be.

I leaned forward. "Sebastian, I heard James threaten you once. He said he owned you. What was he talking about?"

Sebastian stood up and started pacing. He had the same nervous reaction both Carlisle and I had when tense or needing to think. I wondered wryly if habits were catchy.

"I met James a few years ago. I was playing piano at some smaller bars and clubs, hoping for a break and he approached me one night. Said he could help me. That I had a lot of talent etc etc. Told me he was originally from the States but had tons of contacts here. It was exactly what I wanted to hear. He introduced me to a lot of people and seemed to have a game plan…long story short, I signed him on as my manager fairly quickly. Too quickly in retrospect. I should have checked him out more thoroughly. I was thrilled to get a recording contract not long after. It seemed too good to be true."

He stopped pacing for a moment and looked over at us.

"I was young and stupid. And pretty wet behind the ears. I found out that James had bribed people... to help me. Record execs, disc jockeys etc. He had paid people off to help me climb the ladder faster. And he told me how he made certain the paper trail led directly back to me, not him. He's been holding that over me. I've only been successful for a few years, he keeps reminding me of that fact and how he could break me as easily. Destroy my reputation."

Carlisle snorted. "Sebastian, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but he is not the first manager to bribe someone to help them along. It happens a lot. He has nothing on you. The people he bribed would not that want the information to come out anymore than you do. And if it meant keeping themselves out of the media and making sure his mouth was shut they would be willing to point the finger at whomever they really dealt with, I'm sure."

Sebastian stood still for a minute. "Guess I'm stupider than I thought aren't I?"

Carlisle walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Not stupid. You trusted someone. He betrayed you Sebastian. Not the other way around. It sounds as though James was looking for an insurance policy to hold you to him."

I stood up. "Put your trust in Carlisle, Sebastian. He won't let you down. I guarantee it. Whatever happens, he'll have your back. So will I, if that helps at all."

Sebastian's voice was relieved. "It does, Edward. It does."

*()*

Carlisle and I were sitting alone in the studio while Emmett and Sebastian were working on the list Carlisle had prepared. Not only had I loaned out my manager but my security as well it seemed. Sebastian only had two security personnel and both had been let go; their passes and privileges revoked. Emmett was now working on all the computer related items, locking down everything in case James gained access.

I sat back, shell-shocked, as Carlisle went over everything Demetri had uncovered. Now that he had a name he was able to access a ton of information. James had known Victoria – for a long time. Demetri had even got hold of some old phone records which indicated Victoria had stayed in touch with James after we were married, right up until a few weeks before she left me in Italy. Past records indicated they had lived together off and on for a few years. Carlisle went through the records of Joe Turner and followed them through to the creation of James Colder and his career since then. One number kept showing up on the current cell phone record James was using and Demetri traced it to a Jane Volt, a small time actress here in Toronto. "Perhaps our pretend Victoria," mused Carlisle. There were so many lies built within all the information it was hard to piece it all together. Demetri had indeed been busy digging.

"Why Carlisle? I still don't understand why he changed his name. Why he pretended not to know me. And if all this torment has been him, why? What's the point? Victoria is dead. Why would he want to make me think otherwise? If he was so pissed about her marrying me why not just tell me and beat the fuck out of me or something? What is he getting from all this? It's just so…fucking complex." I shook my head wearily. It had been a long day already and I was going on very little sleep. I reached in my pocket for my pain meds, thinking if I took a couple it would stave off the headache I could feel coming on. Carlisle's hand stopped me as I was about to put them in my mouth.

"What are those?"

I looked at him confused. "My pain meds. I feel a headache coming on."

"Where did you get them Edward?"

"From the bottle in my pocket Carlisle. And before you can ask, this bottle was in the bathroom like it usually is. Why?"

"_This_ bottle Edward? There's more than one?"

"I have another one on my bedside table. The headaches are so bad lately I have been carrying one with me all the time."

"These aren't _your_ pain meds Edward."

I stared down at the pills in my hands. They were blurry but I could make out they were whitish in color. They looked like my regular pills.

Carlisle took them from me and I could see he was studying them closely.

"Edward, how long have you been taking these? This bottle I mean?"

"I was running low a few days after we got here. I called Dr Newton and he ordered a new prescription I could get here. Emmett picked it up for me."

"Have you noticed anything different?"

"The headaches are constant it seems. But I thought it was all the stress. I've been trying to stay ahead of them and when I feel one coming one I take a couple of these."

"Do you have any of the others left?"

"Yeah. They're in the bottle on my bedside table."

"That's the bottle Dr. Banner saw. I didn't know you had another one," Carlisle's voice was low.

"Someone switched your meds Edward. I don't know what they are exactly but I'm willing to bet these wouldn't help you at all. They probably have been messing you up even more, giving you worse headaches. Someone, James I suspect, wanted you in pain."

"But how would he…?"

Carlisle laughed darkly. "Easily. He had access to everything here. All the doors use pass cards. Most days we were here in the studio. He could slip into the guest house, change out your pills with something that looked similar so you wouldn't know and no one would be the wiser."

I thought about it for a moment. "I thought I was getting immune to these. I was going to talk to Dr. Newman about it when we got home. Yesterday I used the ones Dr. Banner left. They worked. It seemed to confirm what I was thinking. I didn't want to take too many of them though, they're so strong and they make me rather groggy."

Carlisle's hand slammed down on the table between us. "That fucker! He has been messing with you from the get go. I didn't fucking see it."

He stood up and started walking around the room, muttering angrily. Grabbing his phone I heard him talking to Emmett asking him to confirm James' pass card was used to gain entry to the guest house. When Emmett confirmed his theory he picked up the nearest object and threw it at the wall. i jumped as the object shattered and listened to the pieces hit the floor in an explosion of anger.

He stormed out of the studio, slamming the door behind him. I sat back dumbfounded. Never had I seen Carlisle in a fit of rage like that. Unsure if I should follow or not, I sat waiting for a few minutes. I used the time to text Esme checking on Bella. Her brief reply was that she was fine and still sleeping for the most part. And her fever was subsiding. After listening to her response I felt some relief knowing Bella wasn't getting any worse. But now I was worried about Carlisle. I waited a little longer then decided I needed to go find him. Just as I made my decision I heard footsteps approaching and could tell from the firm step it was Carlisle. He entered the room far more quietly than he had exited it and sat down beside me. Neither of us said anything for a minute.

Unable to take the silence anymore I spoke. "You…uh…done there Hulk Hogan? Anything else you want to throw or slam around?"

He chuckled lowly. "Yeah. Sorry."

I leaned forward. "Seriously Carlisle. Are you alright? What the fuck was that about?"

He drew in a deep breath. "That was me being angry at myself."

I shook my head. "Angry at yourself? Why?"

He reached into his pocket and withdrew a bottle of pills which he quietly sat on the table. "These are your pain meds from the bedside table Edward. Your new bottle has definitely been tampered with. They look very similar. I spoke with Dr Banner and sent him a picture of these. They are nitroglycerin; totally ineffective for you. They would have made the headaches worse." He paused. "I didn't see it Edward. I knew James was an ass, but I never saw what was lurking under the surface. I didn't see how dangerous he was. I had no idea what he was capable of."

I was shocked at his admission.

"None of us did Carlisle. Not even Sebastian. How could you possibly know?"

"But don't you see Edward? It's my job to protect you. I failed you with Victoria and now I've failed you again."

I leaned forward and grabbed his arm.

"NO." My voice rose in desperation. "No, Carlisle you didn't. You tried to warn me again and again about her. I wouldn't listen. I was too fucking pig headed. But when I needed you, you were there. You fucking saved my life. None of us had a clue about James. Why would we? There was nothing to connect him to me or to my past. And that's what this is, _my past._ Now we just have to figure out the why. I need you again Carlisle."

He nodded, but remained uncharacteristically silent.

"I don't hold you responsible. At all. NONE of this is your doing or your fault. I don't want you blaming yourself. I need your cool headed thinking."

"He could have been poisoning you Edward," Carlisle stated quietly.

"Yeah, he could've. But he didn't. Do you think he wants me dead? Or just suffering?"

"Suffering."

"Okay then." I was amazed at how calm I sounded. "Let's figure out why and stop this shit. We need to find him."

Carlisle stood up. "You're right. Let's go talk to Sebastian."

*()*

We found Sebastian and Emmett in the office of the main house. Alice was with them, her hands on Sebastian's shoulders protectively as she stood behind him. When we walked in, she came over and hugged me tightly. I was taken back for a moment then I hugged her back. I was still not used to the freely given affection of Bella's friends, but I found that I liked it. She turned and hugged Carlisle quickly as well then returned to her post behind Sebastian. I saw the movement of his hand lifting up to clasp hers. Instantly I longed for Bella wanting to be able to hold her as well.

"How's it going?" Carlisle's question interrupted my thoughts.

"Almost done," Emmett sighed. "James had all sorts of hidden shit in here. Tracking stuff, extra passcodes etc, but I think I have them all. Even when he was off the grounds, he knew what was happening here, who was coming and going. Scary shit. The security company will be here soon to upgrade the entire system so anything else he has won't work anymore. A brand new set of pass cards will be issued. He or anyone else with an old card won't be able to gain access to the grounds."

He sat back with a sigh. "I've got the music stuff all locked down tight – no outside access will get in. And Sam and Seth will be here soon to meet Sebastian. Luckily they're between gigs right now so they can step in if Sebastian is good with them."

"If you recommend them, I'm sure I'll be fine," murmured Sebastian.

"They're stand up guys. I've worked with them in the past. Edward's used them on occasion as well."

I nodded. "Real professionals. And surprisingly funny."

Emmett laughed. "Yeah, that they are."

Carlisle spoke up.

"Can you take a break Em? I want to fill you in on everything else. You as well Sebastian."

"I'm going to go and make some sandwiches and coffee. When you're done, come to the kitchen," Alice announced and left the room.

The three of us sat down and Carlisle filled them in on everything. I could feel Emmett beside me getting angrier by the minute, his body getting tenser with every new discovery Carlisle revealed. When he was done telling them all we knew Emmett exploded. Expletives and threats poured out of his mouth as he jumped up and started pacing the room in long angry strides. Listening to his ideas of what he would do to James once we found him was partially amusing and somewhat horrifying. Finally I stood up, once I knew he had gotten some of the anger out of his system.

"Emmett," I yelled.

He stopped mid stride.

"Much as I agree about wanting to see him strung up by the balls and covered in honey inside a grizzly bear's cage I think we need to focus on finding him first," I stated wryly.

"Yeah, okay," he huffed and came back to sit down.

"Listen, Edward," he began quietly.

I held up my hand. "No Em. Don't say it. You don't need to. No one in this room had any fucking idea. No one missed anything. Nobody is to blame. Understand me?"

He nodded and leaned over clapping me heartily on the back. Which almost sent me flying to the floor.

"Fuck Em…" I growled.

"Sorry girly man… forgot my own brute strength."

"If I can interrupt your moment…"Carlisle said dryly, "Sebastian do you have any idea where James would go? I doubt we'll find him sitting at home."

Sebastian shook his head. "Other than his condo I have no idea. He never discussed his personal life and what he did outside of working for me. I tried his cell earlier, but it went straight to voice mail."

"Maybe Demetri will have something for us. Meanwhile, we need to prepare a statement and try to figure out his next move. I'm quite sure he's not done yet."

A thought occurred to me.

"Is Bella safe? Esme? What if he's after them?" I stood up in sudden terror. "They're alone at the apartment."

"Edward. Relax," Carlisle's voice was calm. "I already called Esme. She won't answer the door unless it's one of us."

Emmett spoke up. "I already thought of that. Bella's name and address are unlisted. He doesn't know where she lives. And Rose is there as well and she's a black belt. If he walked in he wouldn't be standing for long," he laughed. I could hear the pride in his voice. "She is probably safer there right now than she is here. There are still too many 'if's' right now with all the security stuff. I'm monitoring them."

I sighed in relief and sat back down. "I want to get back to her as soon as I can."

"Soon Edward. Let's go get a sandwich and I'll get this statement done. Then we'll call Demetri for an update. As soon as things are settled here I'll take you back. And as soon as she is feeling better and we're secure, you're bringing her here. In fact all the girls should be here. Just to be safe. Until we figure this out."

I nodded. He was right.

Safety in numbers.

**Oh my. James is a total bastard.**

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**See you next week…**


	39. Chapter 39

**Happy Monday! **

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**Now lets see how Bella is feeling…**

Bella was curled up under a blanket asleep on the sofa. Leaning down I stroked her head softly. I was glad to feel her skin a normal temperature under my hand, but even in the dim light I could see she was shockingly pale. The contrast between her skin and dark hair was like the keys on my piano, the brilliancy of the white showing up against the stark black so vividly.

I made my way back to the kitchen where Esme and Carlisle were standing. His arm was around her waist; his head bent low to hers as she quietly conversed with him. Despite my concern about Bella, I couldn't help the smile that tugged on my lips again seeing him so attentive. They both looked up as I walked in but made no move to separate.

"She's so pale Esme. Is she really doing all right?" I asked worried.

"She's exhausted Edward. The fever took a lot out of her. And she coughs – a lot. Dr. Banner left her some cough medicine that helps her to sleep, but he wants her coughing in the day. It, ah, helps get all the congestion out of her lungs. It tires her out though."

I nodded.

"She had a steamy shower which also helped. Then I gave her some cough medicine so she could rest a bit. Just so you know Edward, when she starts coughing, leave her be. She hates it but she needs to get the congestion out. Don't follow her into the bathroom. Don't fuss. When she comes out just make sure she gets comfortable again. It takes a lot out of her."

I nodded, suddenly understanding exactly what she was telling me. "Should I, um, hire a nurse or something?"

Esme laughed. "Only if you want her to kick your ass, Edward. She says this is normal for her. And just between us, I called Dr. Banner and he confirmed it. It actually frightened me earlier. I couldn't believe the cough that came out of that little body. But he reassured me. Once the congestion in her lungs clears up she will start feeling better. "

"Are you sure you can do this Edward?" Carlisle's concern was evident in his voice.

"Yes, just show me where everything is so I can look after her Esme, please?" I asked quietly.

Twenty minutes later I knew everything I needed to know to actually care for Bella properly. Where the tea and honey were, the medications, the soup Esme had made. Fresh sheets, how to work the shower, fill the tub plus a whole bunch of other questions I pressed on Esme. Finally she held up her hand.

"Bella can talk now Edward. She'll tell you what she needs. Or where something is. And you can call me. Just make sure she rests, has plenty of liquids and takes her meds. And really, just having you here will make her feel better. After I told her you were on your way is when she finally seemed to relax enough to sleep."

I silently agreed. Just knowing I would be back beside her had made me relax on our way here.

Carlisle spoke up. "Seth is outside. You call me if you need anything. Alice is with Sebastian, and Esme and Rose will be with us at the guest house. I'd feel better if you and Bella were there also, but I understand not moving her right now. So until you can come there, someone will be here, at least until we find out what the fuck is going on with James. No matter what his statement said I don't think he's remotely supportive or done with you. It was simply a PR move to save face."

"What statement Carlisle?" Esme asked confused

"I'll fill you in on everything in the car," Carlisle assured her. "But I sent out a statement earlier on Sebastian's behalf that he was no longer being represented by James. Surprisingly James also issued a statement not long after saying he had enjoyed his working relationship with Sebastian but they both were seeking different goals in the future. He also wished Sebastian and his new management nothing but the best."

"And you don't believe the sincerity of his his statement I assume?"

Carlisle and I both shook our heads, but he answered. "No, my love. He is up to something. With everything we have found out about him, it's obvious he has huge issues with Edward. I doubt he has suddenly decided he is over it. And until we figure this out I want everyone safe and secure."

Esme laughed softly. "So this means I need to stay close does it? What torture that will be for me."

Carlisle wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her and announcing firmly it did indeed mean exactly that. Smiling I left them alone and went back to the living room to check on Bella. She was still asleep, although I could see she had been moving some and kicked her blanket off. Gently I pulled it back up covering her. I wondered if I should carry her back to bed.

"Leave her here for now, Edward."

I started, not realizing I had spoken out loud or that Esme was behind me. "I put fresh sheets on the bed while she was in the shower once her fever had broken. I think she just wanted a change of scenery. She can go back to bed when she wakes up. Maybe you can get her to eat some soup."

"Okay," I agreed and then walked them to the door. Seth and another member of their security team were outside. He assured me one of them would be there until further notice. They were working in teams around the clock, taking turns doing perimeter checks and making sure the entire area was James free. I felt better knowing he was there, although I knew Bella would hate it. As soon as she was feeling better I wanted to get her back to Sebastian's. She would be the safest there with Emmett watching over her as well as this security detail. After promising to check in with Carlisle, I bid them goodnight and locked us safely in Bella's apartment.

Thinking ahead I went into the kitchen and set the kettle to boil. I slowly made my way around and found the tea and honey and got it all ready to make Bella a drink when she woke up. I heard a sudden noise and I quickly went into the living room to check on Bella. The blanket had been kicked off yet again. I leaned over and began the process of untangling her legs and tucking her back in, frowning the entire time. Bella was not normally this restless when sleeping. When I had finished I moved up to feel her head worried suddenly her temperature had risen again. But her forehead was cool, although it felt clammy. As I was pulling my hand away, Bella whimpered my name and her feet moved kicking the blanket away. Leaning down I whispered softly into her ear. "It's okay, Little One. Relax, I'm here."

Her eyes flew open and she gasped my name roughly. I could see the glint of tears running down her face and without thinking I gathered her up in my arms and sat beside her, holding her closely.

I could feel her body shaking with soft sobs. Her arms were wound around my neck and her face buried in my chest. Incoherent words were pouring out of her mouth, and I couldn't get her to lift her face so I could hear them clearly. Finally worried I pulled away and forced her tear stained face up with my hand under her chin. "What Bella? What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry I left you," she whispered brokenly. "I didn't know what to do… I was feeling …so many things and I was so…confused but I shouldn't have left you Edward." Fresh tears poured down her cheeks. "I'm so, so sorry. I said I wouldn't and then I did. And your texts were so hard to read and I wanted you to stop beating yourself up. But I didn't tell you that correctly either. I kept crying and I didn't type it properly and then it was too late…I screwed it all up. Please forgive me," she sobbed and began coughing in her effort of getting a breath in.

"Hush. Stop," I pleaded as I reached over and grabbed the glass on the table, getting her to drink some of the liquid. I also picked up and unwrapped a lozenge and popped it in her mouth. Then I rubbed her back soothingly trying to calm her down.

I shook my head confused. "You're already forgiven Bella. As hard as it was for me, you were right to try and distance yourself. I shouldn't have been angry and grabbed you. Finding out what I had done and you leaving made me realize how much I do need help to get over …" I drew in a deep breath, "…Victoria. And I called Dr Newton and he is going to help me find someone."

"You did?" She sniffed quietly.

"Yes. I will _never _allow myself to touch you in anger again. You were right Bella when you said I needed help to move forward."

I waited another minute giving her a chance to calm further. "What brought this on?"

Her voice was shaky as she replied. "I had a dream I woke up and you were leaving. You changed your mind and you were walking away. I kept trying to come after you but I was weighed down and couldn't move."

Ah, that explained the blanket being pushed off.

I gathered her closer and wrapped us both up in the blanket. "I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. "

She shuddered softly, burrowing back down into my chest.

"I know we have a lot to work through Bella and to talk about, but right now we are going to get you better and then we'll work on the future, together." I kissed the top of her head. "Okay Little One? Together? "

She nodded. "I like together," she whispered.

I smiled as I held her tightly.

I did as well.

*()*

"Oh, Edward," Bella's voice was tremulous as I told her about James switching my medication. "He could have… Oh God," her voice trailed off.

"He didn't. Carlisle's right. He wanted me in pain. To suffer. Let's face it if he wanted me dead he had complete access to carry that wish out anytime," I hastened to assure her.

We were sitting on the sofa, beside each other as I filled her in on everything that I had found out that day. In one hand Bella held a mug of tea I made her and the other hand was clutching mine. Her grip had gotten progressively tighter as I told her everything. So had her body. Leaning forward I took the mug out of her hand and carefully placed it on the table, then pulled her tense form into my arms. I stroked her back softly and hummed into her hair until I felt her relax a little. "Enough for now. You should be resting."

She leaned back and shook her head. "No. Tell me everything."

I sighed. "So stubborn." She didn't reply at all, but I could feel her gaze. "Fine. But first you are having some soup."

Her little huff indicated her lack of patience at my stalling tactics. But she ate the soup I brought her as I finished recapping everything.

"I don't understand why," she whispered sounding as confused as I was.

I took the bowl from her hands and placed it on the table. I slipped my hands over her shaking ones and squeezed gently. "Nor do I Bella. And until we know the why and what is going on in his head, I need you to be cautious. As soon as you feel better I want to take you back to the guest house. I need to know you are safe. Emmett has the place locked down and he'll be there. Seth is outside here right now but I would feel better knowing Emmett was close."

Bella nodded, and I was grateful she didn't try arguing. "Maybe tomorrow?" she said wearily.

"Not until you feel up to it," I insisted. "I won't make you worse by moving you around. We'll wait until you feel better.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this Bella," I said softly, leaning forward and cupping her cheek. "I had no idea what I was involving you in. What I was involving everyone in when I agreed to work with Sebastian."

Bella sighed softly, and turned to nuzzle my palm. "How could you Edward? You had no clue yourself that James even existed in your past until recently. Don't blame yourself either."

"I want my hands on that fucker," I growled, suddenly angry. "I want to find out why and then beat the shit out of him."

Bella's hands were suddenly on either side of my face, her voice shaky. "No, Edward. You stay away from him. I can't stand to see you hurt and I can't lose you. Do you understand? I don't like the bruises he already left."

Immediately my anger deflated. I wondered when she would bring my face up. I didn't think I was lucky enough that she would forget to ask.

"Tell me what happened."

I quietly told her the truth. I waited for her anger which never came. Instead she leaned forward, pulled off my glasses and softly kissed the still tender bruises. Then she picked up my hand and did the same.

Still holding my hand to her cheek she whispered, "Thank you for defending me."

"Always."

*()*

The rest of the evening was spent quietly. Every so often Bella would ask a question and I would answer as best I could. I could tell she was trying to figure things out in her head and nothing I could say would stop her so I simply gave her the information she asked for. I was rather lost in my own thoughts, trying to piece it all together. I kept coming back to the why. Why now? After all this time. Why the tormenting and the need to see me in pain? Over someone who supposedly dumped him for me? And why had she done that? It seemed to me James would have been a far better fit for her. Pushy, arrogant, wanting the limelight, on the rise as a manager he could have paved the way for her well. It made no sense. And just how far was he willing to go to continue to torment me? I couldn't risk anyone getting hurt. Especially Bella. I looked over to her and I could see she was busy with her own silent thoughts, due to the constant movement of her teeth imbedded in her bottom lip. Quietly, I leaned over and pulled her lip away from her teeth and tapped it softly in warning. She quickly kissed the finger that was lying against her lip and pretended to relax.

Eventually, I could tell she was fighting her weariness and I overrode her objections and I tucked her into bed early. I quickly checked with Seth that all was well, and then I crawled in beside her. She fell asleep quickly but woke several times in the night with her horrendous cough. It was truly frightening to listen to. Finally the worst seemed to be over by about four o'clock. This time I carried her shaking from the bathroom back into the bedroom and propped her up in a sitting position which seemed to help alleviate the coughing. I gave her another dose of her cough syrup and watched anxiously as the narcotic laced medicine finally soothed her into sleep as I stroked her head softly; just as she had done for me so often. I lay down beside her and drifted off into an uneasy slumber.

*()*

I woke with a start and automatically reached over to Bella. I was alone. I could hear muted voices from the other room and could see the door had been pulled to. The room was fairly bright indicating it was well into the morning and I shut my eyes against the unwelcome light. Sitting up I grabbed my shirt and glasses and quickly put both on. I made my way to the door and into the living room. Bella was sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket with Carlisle, Esme and Sebastian around her.

They all stopped talking as I walked in. Ignoring everyone else I went right to Bella and crouched down beside her, feeling her forehead. It was cool. Breathing a sigh of relief I leaned forward and brushed a kiss on her head then stood up and acknowledged the rest of the room.

"Board meeting? Have I been removed from the panel?" I asked sarcastically, my voice hoarse from lack of sleep.

Carlisle chuckled. "We've been here about twenty minutes Edward. Bella wanted you to sleep. Said you had a rough night."

I snorted and stroked Bella's head. "I'm not the one who had a rough night."

"Well, I certainly didn't let you get much sleep," Bella's voice was so raspy, I winced listening to her speak.

"Hush. I'm fine. You should still be in bed."

Carlisle laughed. "She should be. But she was outside in the hall giving Seth a cup of tea when we got here."

I groaned.

"He'd been out there all night. I felt bad. He said he didn't drink coffee so I made him tea. It's not like I cooked him breakfast or anything. I was making myself one anyway," Bella grumbled softly.

"It's his job Bella. That was very kind of you, but it's not necessary. They're trained to be up all night," Carlisle spoke softly to her as he always did. "I'm sure he was touched by your concern. His shift is over now and no doubt he's off home to sleep."

I felt a mug being pressed into my hand and looking down saw it was from Esme. Without thinking I pulled her in for a one armed hug of thank you. She seemed surprised then returned my hug before sitting down by Carlisle in the armchair. I sat down beside Bella and took a sip of the fragrant coffee.

"What's going on?" I asked. "Obviously something has happened to bring you all over here."

Carlisle leaned forward. "Esme found the actress. Jane. We went to see her last night. She said James hired her to pose as Victoria. Not that he told her a name, just which she'd be posing as a mystery woman. Said it was a publicity thing. Top secret. Paid her well. Gave her implicit instructions where to be, when to be there, exactly what to say, paid for her outfits, how to get in and out. She was one of the staff setting up at the press conference. She walked past us a couple times but I never noticed her. She was in a uniform like all the others were. She was the one asking the questions after, in yet another costume. She walked right by Emmett at the Meet and Greet and then changed into her costume and hid until James gave her the signal you were alone. She had more _lines_ as she called them but Bella's appearance interrupted her _performance_. She had no idea she was doing anything except a PR stunt. She was sure it would lead to more work for her. She isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer if you get my drift." He drew in a breath and paused for a moment. "And he gave her this." Leaning forward he handed me a small bag that contained a bottle.

As I held it up closer to my face for inspection I could suddenly smell what it was. Memories flooded my mind and my stomach tightened, as bile rose in my throat. "Get rid of it Carlisle. Please." I said through gritted teeth. Carlisle took the bag and left the room. I turned to Bella who wrapped her arm around me.

"You alright?" she whispered. It took me a moment before I nodded, mentally shredding the memories that vile smell had brought. Then I turned to Bella, so soft, so warm, so_ good. _I leant in close, running my nose over her cheek, kissing the soft skin, feeling her warmth and taking her sweet, sweet scent deep into my lungs. Deep into _me._

"I'm fine."

Carlisle returned a couple minutes later.

"Did you destroy it?" Bella asked quietly.

"No, I need it for evidence. I'm pretty sure it must have James' prints all over it. I gave it to Jake outside. He'll hold it until we leave." I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder. "Sorry Edward. I should have warned you."

I took in a final breath of Bella's warmth and sat up. I shook my head. "It's… fine. I'm okay. It…affects me strongly. I never want to smell it again."

I looked towards Esme, knowing it was her that found out the information on the perfume. "Is there a way of finding out if we can buy the rights to it? And destroy it? Permanently?"

"I'll look into it." Esme promised.

Sebastian, who had remained quiet the entire time, spoke up. "Edward, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. For what he's done. I had no idea…none, that he was capable of this kind of malice."

I shook my head. "None of us did my friend. You have nothing to apologize for."

"I have some other news Edward," Carlisle's voice was serious.

"James contacted Sebastian late last night via email. Told him he was leaving Canada. Going back to the States. That he wasn't contesting him on the management issue. And Demetri verified that James' passport was flagged being used to cross the border early this morning."

I sat back. "Are you sure?"

"As much as we can be. It was his car, his passport. He said he was travelling on business. He has dual citizenship, so he is able to do that."

I shook my head. "Then what was all this for?"

Sebastian spoke up. "A sick twisted game. He tormented you but then he got caught. His fun ended once you found out about it. And he pulled his usual trick of walking away before he had to face the music."

"It's over then?" Bella asked quietly beside me.

I looked towards Carlisle. I could see from his body language he wasn't entirely convinced. Neither was I.

"Carlisle?" I prompted.

"Sebastian could be right. It makes sense. Once we had his real name and were able to piece it together he could no longer torment you. Game over. And he knew Sebastian could use that against him so he chose the higher path and accepted his loss and walked away. With his reputation he will find other clients easily. He made a quick getaway."

Something in his voice told him he didn't quite believe it.

"But?"

"It seems too…pat. He went to so much trouble; I just can't believe he just left it there. Still unresolved."

I felt Bella shiver beside me and I wrapped my arm around her bringing her in tightly to my side.

"Do you think he'll be back?" she asked fearfully.

"I think, we need to be aware and careful in the future. He may have retreated. I'm just not sure he's gone for good," Carlisle admitted. "I think for now it's over. But I'm not letting down my guard. And I'm pursuing every lead I can find." He leaned forward. "We could press charges Edward. The drug switching alone could lead to jail time. Never mind the harassment and…" his voice trailed off as I held up my hand.

I shook my head. "No. Not right now. He's covered his tracks well. So much is still conjecture on our part. I don't want the publicity." My voice was firm.

Carlisle sat back. "I'm still working it Edward."

I nodded. "I know."

*()*

Two days. It took another two days before Bella even began to feel better. I don't think I have ever worried so much over another human being in my life. Nor realized just how stubborn she was. She really hated being fussed over. I learned quickly to stop asking her what she wanted and waited for her to tell me if she needed something. She napped a lot and I used the time to work on some compositions and ideas I had floating around my head. Esme, Alice or Rose would drop over to visit or help and check up on me and they all assured me she was doing as well as could be expected. I had no fucking idea what that meant. She was still sick and to me that wasn't her doing well at all. Finally last night she slept better only waking herself up twice coughing but both times she was able to fall back asleep right away. I took that as a good sign.

This morning she told me she desperately wanted a cup of coffee. However, after one sip from the mug I handed her, she changed her mind and went back to tea. I thought perhaps it was too soon for coffee but after tasting it myself I knew why she wouldn't drink it. It tasted like burnt sludge. I dumped the entire pot down the drain and hoped Esme would come back today and make a pot of hers. Hot water and a teabag I could handle. Actually mixing the right amounts of different items to make them taste good, not so much.

I stood outside the bathroom as Bella showered, wanting to give her privacy, and not be in the way. When the door opened I cursed myself silently since I could see how hard her tiny form was shaking from the effort of just being up. Bending slightly I picked her up. "Sofa or bed?" I asked quietly, brushing my lips against her forehead, subtly checking her temperature. I'd gotten good at that.

"Sofa, please. And I don't have a temperature."

_Fuck. Apparently not that good_.

I carried her over and tucked her in propping her against the arm. I went to leave, but her hand shot up and stopped me.

"Bella?"

"Thank you," she whispered breathlessly.

Leaning forward I kissed her softly. "Anything. Anytime." Then I grinned. "Lemon and menthol, num."

She laughed softly. "My throat is rather sore from the coughing. I could try the cherry if you prefer?"

I shook my head. "Whatever is good for you. I'm gonna take a shower. You'll be okay? You'll stay put?"

"I'll try to survive the separation, Edward. And where would I go?"

"I'm serious Bella. Seth doesn't need a drink. Or anything to eat. Nor is he lonely out in the hall." I shook my head. Her caring ways extended even to the bodyguard she barely knew. It seemed every time I left the room she would check on him, or send Esme, Alice or Rose to do so. I doubt any bodyguard had ever been as well looked after as the ones stationed outside her door.

"Have you asked him this morning?"

Teasing, I leaned down and spoke seriously. "Yeah, I gave him a cup of my delicious coffee. He's good. "

"Oh my. That was…" her voice trailed off at my mock expression of hurt. "Nice of you," she finished lamely.

I laughed. "I did check and he's good. His wife sent him breakfast and he'll be home just after lunch."

With the confirmations from Demetri of James' trail further into the States via credit card purchases, we now only had one person outside Bella's door and they worked in short shifts. I wasn't ready to pull all the protection off.

"Okay, I won't move."

Fifteen minutes later I stepped out of the shower feeling more awake. I wasn't sleeping much, especially at night when Bella's coughing was the worst. Hopefully if last night was an indication maybe we were getting past that now. When I walked back into the living room a short while later, Bella was asleep and Carlisle was sitting quietly in the arm chair across from her. I jerked my head in the direction of the table and we sat down. Silently he handed me a cup of take-out coffee which I drank gratefully. "No Esme today?"

He smiled. "She is catching up on some work. As are Rose and Alice." He took a sip of coffee.

"Demetri called. James has arrived in Vegas and checked into a hotel according to the credit card records. Demetri even got a peek at the security footage from a friend he has there. Says its James, or his double."

I nodded silently, feeling relieved he was that far away. "What are you thinking?"

"If he's there, then I think we're safe here. Everything he did was done for him to witness your pain and confusion. I doubt he'll do anything if he's not around to see it. Maybe Sebastian was right. Maybe he had his fun and it's over. At least for now."

"So what next?"

"We carry on. You come back to Sebastian's and finish the CD. Esme, Alice, Rose need to get back to their lives and so does Bella. We all do." I started to protest, but he held up his hand. "I'm still going to have someone drive Esme and Rose when they leave their homes. Sebastian can do the same for Alice. And we'll do the same for Bella. If it makes you feel better Emmett will do it. Or Sebastian has no problem loaning Seth. But if we continue to hide then he is still winning. You and Sebastian won't finish this project. And it's too important. We'll still be cautious, but we need to move forward Edward. Demetri will keep tabs on James for us."

"He's right Edward," Bella's still raspy voice spoke up from behind me. I turned around and held out my hand which she took and I pulled her towards me. She sat down on the chair next to me. "You have to finish your work. And we have to get on with our lives. I'm not sure I need an escort…"

I interrupted her. "No. I will only agree to this if I know you're safe. You leave this apartment or the guest house you have an escort. At least until we figure out his next move, if there is one. _Please_." I could hear the need in my voice that she agreed to this.

"Okay. But no more guards on the door? I have good locks, and it's not like I am going to let him in if he showed up."

I turned my head to Carlisle, needing his thoughts on this. I wanted someone in front of her door protecting her.

"I think Bella is right, Edward. And let's face it, how often will she be here for the next while? I daresay I'll see her at the guesthouse more often than not, once she's feeling better?"

I had to agree with that. I certainly hoped she would be at the guesthouse with me.

Bella laughed softly and gathered her blanket up as she stood. "I think you're right Carlisle. Although I know it's just for my cookies, on your part."

Carlisle laughed. "Certainly part of the draw, kiddo. The other part of course is the fact you make this cranky fucker far easier to deal with."

Bella walked over and bent down, brushing her lips to his cheek. Then she whispered in his ear for a few minutes and stood back up. "I'm going back to bed," she announced softly her voice sounding thick. "I'll leave you two to your planning." She bent over and kissed my cheek as well and walked into her room, shutting the door behind her. I reached up. There was dampness on my cheek. She was crying.

I looked over at Carlisle and was shocked when I realized he too was wiping his cheek, but right under his eyes.

Carlisle was crying.

"Carlisle?" my voice sounded confused.

"Hold on to her, Edward. With everything you have," his voice was soft but firm.

I nodded. He either wouldn't or couldn't tell me what she had whispered. I would ask Bella later.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Let's get this going. That asshole has delayed us enough. We start recording again tomorrow. Agreed?"

I nodded despite my misgivings. "Agreed."

*()*

I sat half listening to a playback, my hand nervously playing with my cell phone. Sebastian pulled his headphones off and hit the stop button. "Edward you spoke with her half an hour ago. And an hour before that. She's fine. If you call her again she's going to lose it. How is she supposed to get any rest with you constantly calling her?"

I shrugged. "I hate her being there alone and I'm here. What if…"

Sebastian leaned forward. "Nothing is going to happen Edward. She was fine yesterday and she'll be fine today. James isn't here. Seth and Jake are still doing patrols and one of them is outside the building. He can't get in without them seeing him if he tried. She is locked in her apartment, _supposedly _resting and we are _supposedly_ working. Except neither of those is happening right now are they?"

I sighed. He was right. "I wish she'd come here, I'd feel so much better if she did," I admitted gruffly.

"And she will. Everyone feels more comfortable in their own home when they're sick. Another day or two and she'll be here. Let her rest. She needs it. Alice says she hasn't seen her that ill for a while."

I shook my head. "Right. I know you're right. Sorry. I just… fuck, I worry about her so much. I get this sick feeling in my stomach thinking about anything happening to her."

He clapped me on my shoulder. "I feel the same about Alice. But she's busy at school and I need to be busy here. They're both being looked after as best we can. Then let's get this done so you can get back to your Bella. If she feels better tonight maybe you can convince her to come back with you tomorrow."

I sat the cellphone down and picked up the headphones. I had reached my limit. Someone outside her building wasn't the best I could do. There was a better solution. I was bringing her back with me in the morning. I wouldn't fuss, I wouldn't check on her constantly, but I would certainly feel better about her safety. I would work better too; right now it was too difficult to concentrate. Tonight I would explain it to her and she would come back with me. I felt a little of the tension ease within me. I would make her safe. Even if others felt there was nothing to make her safe from.

*()*

BPOV

I searched the cupboards. No honey. No sugar. I sighed. The thought of tea with nothing in it made me shiver. I looked outside. It was late afternoon but the sun was still out. I could just go to the corner store and get some honey. It would only take me a few minutes to get there and back. And the fresh air would feel nice. I looked down. I was dressed okay to go for a quick walk. Yoga pants and one of Edward's roomy sweatshirts. I could slip on some runners and a coat.

Edward.

He would freak out if he thought I was leaving the apartment. I promised him. He was already stressed enough about me being here alone. Yesterday he had called only four times, but today for some reason he had already called seven times. And it was only just mid-afternoon. I was feeling better today so perhaps it was time to go join him at the guest house. He'd feel better. My dad would feel better. Edward had called and told him what had happened, at least the bare bones of it and also the fact I was sick. He came down right away and sat talking to Edward for hours. When he came into to see me I could see from the look on his face Edward had told him the whole story. He asked if I wanted him to stay, but I assured him I was being well looked after both health wise and body guard wise although I felt the latter was unnecessary. He disagreed, liking Edward's precautions. I was glad to see he seemed to support Edward and wasn't angry thinking he had involved me in something dangerous. They only thing he said to me was to stick close to Edward and be where I was the safest. I also knew he phoned Edward daily now checking up on me.

Tomorrow. I would go back with Edward tomorrow. I'd ask him to help me pack up some stuff tonight.

As if on cue my phone rang with Edward's ringtone.

"Hi you."

"Hey Little One. You okay?"

I took in a deep breath. "Yes, Edward. I'm feeling a little better. In fact I was thinking of going out for a little walk," I held my breath waiting for the explosion.

I wasn't disappointed.

"No. You aren't going anywhere. I'll take you for a walk tonight if that's what you want," Edward's voice was abrupt and brooked no argument.

"I'm not a dog; you don't need to _take_ me for a walk. I need some honey for my tea, Edward," I said softly. "I know Seth is out front. He could walk _with_ me to the store. I would love the fresh air."

There was a moment of silence. "You know Seth is out front?"

"Oh Edward," I sighed. "I've been sick, not deaf. Yes. Call him and tell him I'm coming down in five minutes. I'm not asking your permission Edward."

"So stubborn," he sighed.

"No," I insisted. "Thirsty. And I hate tea without honey or sugar and it looks like I'm out of both."

"Please, couldn't you wait- I'll be home in a few hours."

"Edward…"

He huffed impatiently but I heard him asking Sebastian to dial Seth's phone and then his hurried conversation. "Okay, Seth is coming up. Just to the store and back. And he is taking you back to your door. I don't like this, Bella. Call me as soon as you're back."

I shook my head at his over protectiveness. "I will."

Twenty minutes later I was locked back up safely. I was exhausted from the short walk. The way back seemed to take forever. I called Edward who was relieved I was home and promised he would be there soon. I made sure he had his key I had given him in case I was asleep. I was forever losing them and had extra copies made and in my wallet. I was down to one left having lost one not long ago. He assured me he had it and told me to go lie down.

Sipping my tea I made my way into my room and sat down on the edge of the bed. I felt as though I had run a marathon. I hated feeling this weak. And now I was hot. I shrugged off Edward's sweatshirt and tossed it on the floor. I laid down and pulled up the covers and moved into the centre of the bed. I pulled Edward's pillow over and buried my face into it. I loved his clean scent. It was like walking through the forest, on a fresh and crisp autumn day. I could feel myself slowly drifting into sleep.

*()*

I woke slowly as the mattress dipped behind me. The room was darkening. A heavy arm slipped around my waist.

"Hi you…" I whispered groggily, my eyes closing again, still tired, arching back into Edward's embrace.

His hand trailed slowly up my side lingering at the swells of my breast until it landed on my face cupping my cheek. It sat still briefly before moving down and wrapping around my neck.

The overwhelming scent of stale cigarette smoke and liquor filled my senses. My eyes flew open and my entire body stiffened in terror.

Instantly, the hand around my neck tightened.

It wasn't Edward's hand.

I opened my mouth to scream, but the hand slammed down painfully over it silencing my horror before it got a chance to escape.

I struggled against the putrid smell of unwashed skin as it permeated my nose. A heavy body pressed into me, stilling my struggles.

"Hello Bella. I've been waiting for you," the voice was threatening low and raspy.

A face loomed over me. My eyes widened in horror. My heart felt like it had stopped beating.

James.

**Uh oh. See you Thursday ?**

***runs***


	40. Chapter 40

**I won't say much… except I was informed this chapter was creepy. There is violence, strong language and blood. Please be warned. Do not read if you would be upset over contents like I described.**

**Yes James is back… and if that's not creepy enough he has Bella.**

**This chapter is told from all three viewpoints . James, Bella and Edward.**

BPOV

"Make any noise and I'll kill you. Painfully. You understand?" James voice was low and serious.

I nodded silently.

James stood up from the bed. "Get up."

I crawled out of bed. The darkness had brought with it a drop in temperature and the room was now cold. Shivering, I bent down and reached for Edward's sweatshirt to cover my tank top, only to have it yanked out of my hands and thrown in the corner.

"Did I fucking tell you to get comfy? Move into the other room."

I hesitated.

Immediately I felt the sharp edge of a knife pierce my upper arm and I gasped.

"Do what the fuck I say, when I say it. Now move."

My heart was now beating rapidly and I could hear my breath coming out in small gasps. Stumbling I made my way into the living room, James gripping my arm tightly and dragging me impatiently. He stopped by a chair he must have moved to that spot before coming into my bedroom and pushed me down into it roughly.

"Sit there and keep quiet."

Shivering from both cold and fright I watched in horror as he produced a piece of rope and tied me to the chair, securing my arms forcefully. The rope was painfully tight and cut into the flesh on my arms. I could feel the trickle of blood slowly run down from my upper arm.

"Isn't that a pretty sight," he whispered menacingly, then leaned forward, staring at my terrified face as he lapped at the line of blood with his disgusting tongue.

A whimper of fear escaped my throat.

"Don't worry pretty thing. There'll be plenty more later."

My stomach rolled at his implied threat.

"Now, we wait." Something in his voice caused my terror to grow.

"For what?" I whispered.

He leaned down, his breath dank and fetid. "For your fucking boyfriend…I'm sure he'll love to see what I have waiting for him…don't you think? Then we can get this party started."

I stared up at him in dread. He stared back, unblinking, the madness blazing out of his dark eyes.

One thought kept running through my head.

_Edward._

*()*

JPOV

She was asleep in her bed. I laid down behind her. She was so warm. I'd been waiting so long. Maybe I could… but then she stirred and all too quickly realized it wasn't her poor excuse for a man behind her.

Too bad, I could use a little release right now.

Soon enough.

I watched as she bent to pick up a sweater and I yanked it away from her. She was fucking going to do what I told her, when I told her. I proved that to her with a little nick on her arm when she didn't move as quickly as I wanted her to.

Once she was secure and quite uncomfortable I relaxed. Everything was ready.

Now we would wait.

I _told_ her he wasn't worth her time that day in the garden. I _told_ her I was far better suited to her. She didn't listen, neither had Victoria. They had both chosen him. Then that weak Sebastian had done the same thing. All my fucking life, the same thing repeatedly. Someone else got chosen. Not anymore.

Today. Today was the last day any one picked that fucker over me again.

Because after today he would no longer exist.

*()*

EPOV

I sighed as the car stopped in front of Bella's.

"You want me to come up?" Emmett asked getting out from behind the wheel.

"No. I'm good Em."

I heard a door opening and turned knowing from the sound it was one of the security detail coming to greet us.

"Hey Edward." Seth's voice greeted me.

"You still here? "

"Yeah, it's Jake's anniversary so I'm pulling double. Your girl is still sleeping I think. The walk tired her out a little, to say the least. Either that or she's moving around in the dark. I haven't seen any lights come on up there yet."

I nodded, grateful she was resting.

"Hey Seth, how about a couple hands of cards? I got some time to kill before picking up Rosie…"

"Great!"

"See you in the morning Em. Have a good night," I smiled and carefully made my way to the door and up the one flight of stairs to Bella's apartment. I had done the route so often now I didn't need anyone showing me the way. The carpet on the stairs was dark so it was easy to make out any obstructions.

At the door, I fumbled slightly with opening the locks. One key opened them both, but I still had some difficulty finding the cylinder quickly. Finally they were both open and I slipped inside quietly, not wanting to disturb Bella. I made my way to the bedroom and was surprised to find her bed empty. I quickly realized she must be napping on the sofa. I shed my coat and went to find her; wanting to quell the uneasy feeling I'd had all day that something was wrong. As I approached the living room, I heard Bella's rapid breathing. I frowned. It sounded as though the closer I was getting the faster her breathing became. "Bella?" I called out concerned. I turned the corner and began walking towards the sofa, when the light suddenly turned on. The sofa was empty. Startled, I turned my head and was met with a sight that stopped me in my tracks.

Bella, gasping for air and shaking, was sitting in a chair with a figure standing behind her. Holding a knife to her throat. My coat fell from my suddenly numb fingers.

A figure I recognized.

James.

*()*

BPOV

I heard the key being inserted into the lock. My head was filled with rushing frantic thoughts. How to warn him. How to stop him from coming in. How to save him.

Then he was there.

It was too late.

*()*

JPOV

Come into the parlour, said the spider to the fly…

That old verse kept pounding through my head. Getting faster and louder as he came closer.

I turned on the light as he entered the room.

Saw his face as realization dawned.

And smiled.

*()*

BPOV

All the color drained from Edward's face as he saw James standing behind me. I could see the movement of his eyes as they moved frantically between James and me trying to assess what was happening. His coat fell to the floor with a soft thud.

Without thinking, my hand tried to reach out to him causing the ropes to dig in and I groaned involuntarily.

He stepped forward immediately.

"Bella?" His voice came out like a strangled whisper his own hand reaching out.

"One more step and she'll be doing a lot more than a little groaning." James voice was as hard as ice.

Edward froze.

"Sit the fuck down- over there," James pointed to my right, the knife glinting in the light.

Edward hesitated and I felt the point of the knife once again cut into my skin.

"Now."

Edward sat.

*()*

James was here. In Bella's apartment. Behind her. His long blonde hair was gone, replaced by a short dark buzz cut, but it was him.

I could make out that she was bound to the chair. And he had a knife.

He had a knife and my Bella.

And she was helpless.

I ran my hand, hopefully looking like a nervous gesture, up my pant leg. My cell phone. The panic button. I could hit it and Emmett would be up here in less than a minute.

Except it was in my coat pocket.

Panic exploded through me. We were alone in a room with a madman. And I had no idea what he was going to do to us.

*()*

JPOV

I grinned widely as I watched the horror develop on Edward's face. I felt the beginnings of the sweetness called revenge make itself known on my tongue.

Soon I would be bathing in it.

*()*

EPOV

I drew in a deep breath. I had to remain calm. I had to figure this out.

"What do you want James?" I was pleased to hear my voice sounded almost…normal.

"Such a simple question…Eddie. Yet such a complex answer. "

He paced slowly behind Bella's chair. I stared intently at her willing her to feel me. To know I was here.

"What do I want? I want you to listen to me. I want you to understand. You are going to admit what you did. I want you to know what this pain feels like," he sneered. "I want you to hurt." The last line was almost hissed.

I nodded, desperate to keep him talking so I could try and figure out how to get us out of this. "Fine. You have me. I know this is about Victoria. I'll do whatever you want. Let Bella go. She has nothing to do with this."

His laugh sent shivers down my spine. I watched him trace the knife slowly up and down Bella's arm.

"No can do Eddie boy. She's my ace in the hole. She's how I'm going to make you hurt."

My blood ran cold.

Suddenly he lunged forward and grabbed the chair I was sitting on and dragged it closer to Bella.

"So sorry, lovebirds. I haven't given you a chance to say hello yet have I? Please feel free," he said mockingly as he took a step back.

I hesitated one moment wondering if this was a trick then decided to take the chance. Leaning over I placed my hand on Bella's arm. She was freezing. Now that I was closer I could see how tight the ropes were. They were digging right into her soft skin and higher up, one arm was bleeding. Fury began to boil. Softly I spoke. "Bella? Little One? Listen to me. It's going to be fine. I promise."

Her head bobbed once but she said nothing. I could hear the little gasps coming from her mouth. Not turning my head from her direction I spoke louder.

"James. She is ill. She's freezing. And at any given moment she's going to have an asthma attack. Please. Let me help her. Just let me get her inhaler, and my coat to cover her."

"Why the fuck should I care if she has an asthma attack? Back off."

"James…" I began. I wasn't above pleading for her.

He stepped forward again with a roar. He pushed me backwards in my chair away from Bella. "I said back the fuck off. She gets nothing. Time to say hello is up."

He strode behind her, back and forth. Short, angry steps. Constantly in motion.

"We're gonna play us a little game Eddie. I'm gonna talk and you are gonna listen. And for a change you don't talk unless I tell you that you can. Got it?"

"And if I don't?" I snapped back.

He moved so quickly. Bella gasped loudly. I watched in horror as blood began to flow down her other arm.

"I repeat. Got it?"

I nodded. I behaved and played his game or Bella suffered. He'd already won. He could have anything he wanted.

*()*

JPOV

The look on his face was priceless. His weakest point was sitting right in front of me. And how I was going to enjoy making him suffer.

*()*

BPOV

I was so cold. I keep trying to stop my teeth chattering. I struggled to get my breathing under control. But it seemed to only get worse. The gasping was getting louder. I knew the angrier James got the more he was going to lash out. My thoughts wouldn't stop. He was going to hurt Edward. Worse than he was hurting me. I had to stop him. I had to do something. I could feel Edward was staring at me. Hard. I had to think. I was just so…cold. And terrified.

*()*

EPOV

I waited for James to speak. Bella was shaking. She was freezing and terrified. I could see her entire form vibrating. I desperately wanted to help her with her breathing. I knew I needed to get her the inhaler, _now_! I also had to get my coat on her. But I knew if I moved James would cut her again. Finally the silence became too much.

"Please James," I begged keeping my voice quiet. "Let me help her. Do whatever you want to me. But please, she needs her inhaler to breathe."

His head cocked to the side as if he were considering it. "What are you willing to trade?"

Without even thinking I answered. "Anything."

His low laugh was chilling. "Where is her inhaler?"

"Bedside table."

I watched as he stepped forward and pressed the knife to her neck. "You have ten seconds."

I ran. I grabbed it. I mentally counted in my head and was back in eleven, including pretending to stumble over my coat kicking it closer to Bella.

"Tsk tsk," he murmured and before I could beg him not to, dragged the knife quickly across her throat.

A thin line of red appeared. On my knees in front of her, I watched tears fall down Bella's face, but she didn't make a sound. Bile rose in my throat and I had to swallow it down.

My hands were shaking as I raised the inhaler to her mouth. Slowly as I was able to, wanting to prolong the contact, I helped her get two puffs in, cradling her cheek, my thumb softly brushing her skin. "Breathe baby," I begged softly. I could feel the terror rolling over her in waves, but I could hear the air now moving in her lungs. I pressed my hand into the side of her face in comfort and regretfully pulled away then returned to my seat without being told. I knew what would happen if I didn't.

"Oh, someone is learning his lessons well, isn't he?"

I tried one more attempt. "Please James, let me just put my coat on her? She's freezing."

His head lowered and I watched in revulsion as his hands ran down her arms and then crossed over and ran up her chest and shoulders, the knife gleaming in the light. I could see the shudder go through Bella as he touched her. "Yes she is rather cold isn't she? But I like…the view." Slowly I saw the knife descend between her breasts and draw upward. "I'm sure I can warm her up later…somehow. Imagine how good it will feel Princess, when my warm tongue follows this path. And anywhere else it wants to go."

I stood up so quickly the chair fell over, with a large crash. Bella jumped in surprise pulling on the tight ropes.

"I'm going to fucking end you James."

"No," he replied, deadly calm. "You are going to pick up that chair, sit the fuck down, or I am going to end _her_. Right now."

And then he pulled out a gun from his back, and placed it against Bella's head.

I did what he said. I found the chair and I sat. I lowered my head and began to pray with everything I had.

*()*

BPOV

I felt the cold metal of the gun against my head. The tears that were already falling down my face came faster. I didn't get a chance to tell my dad I loved him or say goodbye. Or tell him what a great dad he always was to me. I never got the chance to show Edward how much I loved him. To prove I would never leave him again. I was never going to see another day.

I watched as Edward recoiled in horror and groped around behind him to find the chair he had knocked over. He fell heavily back into a sitting position on the chair and became motionless.

James pulled the gun back slightly.

I felt my head sag. I couldn't watch Edward suffer.

*()*

EPOV

James suddenly began to speak, his voice once again taught and angry. "You figured it out yet Eddie boy? Why this is happening? Or are you still in denial that you brought this on yourself?"

I lifted my head wearily. "Why don't you tell me James?"

He moved quickly forward and I felt a sharp pain across my cheek. I grimaced as I realized he was now going to use the knife on me. I straightened my shoulders. Better me than Bella.

"You are such a fucking arrogant ass aren't you, Masen? Never accepting blame. Always denying. Never acknowledging the ones you hurt."

"I hurt you James?" I asked quietly. I had to keep his attention on me.

"You hurt the woman I loved. My Victoria. She was mine. You took her away and made her life miserable. The one thing in my life that really mattered. Because of you she is fucking dead," he snarled.

I was stunned. How did he figure it was my fault? She was dead because of me? I made _her_ miserable?

"I think maybe, asshole, you have some of your information wrong. That bitch tried to kill Edward! I hope she rots in hell!" Bella's normally soft voice spoke up, furious in its tone, as she defended me.

James turned and I watched as if in slow motion as his hand raised and swung in an arc. I heard the crack of bone on bone as he struck her viciously. I gagged as Bella cried out in pain.

"You fucking shut up tramp! You don't get to talk about my Vic that way. In fact I'm tired of you talking at all. I'll make sure that mouth is put to better use later," he snarled as he pulled off a bandana from around his grimy neck and proceeded to wrap it around Bella's mouth tightly. Tears sprang to my eyes as Bella began to retch. I had never felt so helpless. The need to feel his flesh splitting open under my fists began to build even faster.

The whole time he was gagging her, he kept speaking, his words fast and jarring.

"She told me. When she finally called. How you seduced her. Convinced her to run off and marry you while I was away. Promised her a better life. To further her career. Then how things changed once you took her away. How nasty you were. Like a tyrant. You hurt her. She regretted marrying you."

He stepped towards me, his voice lowering further in anger. "You couldn't see she was like a bird and you had to let her fly could you? She told me how you tried to control her. You wouldn't let her wear her perfume. You wouldn't let her dance. Tried to control her every fucking move. Too fucking afraid of the spotlight being taken off you, you egotistical bastard." His voice began rising again, his words fast and clipped. "I knew her. I knew I had to let her do what she wanted. She would always come back. NO matter what I did. She always came back. But you fucking broke her."

I felt another slice of pain as the knife slashed quickly across my cheek. I winced at the sting but didn't speak. He began his short fast pacing again. I could feel Bella's frightened gaze watching the whole scene play out in front of her.

"And then you were so fucking irresponsible and had a car accident. With her in the car. You took away her passion, her drive. Her dancing. For good. And walked away fine."

He stood in front of me. His hands pulled my glasses off and the light hit me. I slammed my eyes shut, but he grabbed my hair and yanked upwards painfully. I felt some hair come away with his pulling. "Open your eyes you coward."

I shook my head.

"You will." I heard the gun cock and I had no idea who it was pointed at. I tore open my eyes and the powerful pain hit me, sending shockwaves through my nervous system. I could see nothing through the painful tears that were burning up inside my lids.

He was so close now his revolting breath was in my nose. His voice was frantic, angry and I could feel the spittle rain on my face as he ranted. "She called me whenever she was able to get away from you in Europe. She told me what a tight rein you kept her on. How terrified she was of you and your temper. She was so scared; she wouldn't even tell me where she was. I wanted to come and get her. But she refused because she was afraid I would get hurt. She told me everything. How nothing she did was enough. How you belittled her every move. She told me she was planning on getting away... how we'd be together again. I did everything she asked. I sent her money. I offered her everything. I got things ready for her to come back to me. She never loved you. It was me. She loved me. She was coming back to me."

"She. Always. Came. Back. To. Me. "

A hysterical laugh broke out of my throat. I felt the gun being shoved under my chin.

"You find this funny," he hissed.

I shook my head. I couldn't believe the bullshit she had told him.

"No James, I know she never loved me. That became obvious after we were married. She loved what she thought I could offer her." I paused. "I wish she had left me."

The gun pushed in further, painfully cutting off my air intake.

"You took her away from me and you fucking broke her," he snarled and stood up suddenly. I gasped as the much needed oxygen filled my lungs. I allowed my eyes to close slightly hoping he wouldn't notice. I strained to hear or see Bella, but could only make out a blurry form.

James continued talking. He was moving in front of me constantly. "She died trying to get away from you. I know she was on her way back to me. I know it. She had a friend helping her. But she never made it." Suddenly I was bent over in pain as James punched me hard in the stomach. I remained hunched over gasping for air as he kept talking. "I tried to move on after she died, but I couldn't let it go. I moved away. I came to Toronto. I even fucking changed my name. Then I discovered Sebastian. Finally things were getting better. I thought I might even be able to let her rest, to get past losing her. And then it fucking happened again. You stroll into my life and fuck it up, again."

Feeling brave I spoke up. "I only did a duet with him. That's all. And he initiated it. Not me."

His fist punched me hard, this time in the face. For a minute the world spun, and I felt the blood from the knife cut flow harder. "As if that would be enough for you."

"Why didn't you just ask him to choose another artist?" I gasped out through the pain.

"Don't you think I tried? But he is as fucking stubborn as she was; especially when it comes to you. Always wanting to do things his way. He wouldn't listen to me," he spat at me.

His voice rose in anger again. "You think I didn't see? How you worked on him, once you got your hooks into him and pretended to be his friend? Turning him against me? The exact fucking way you did with Victoria? Filling his head with lies. Using him. You got away with it once, and I wasn't going to fucking let you do it again."

"Is that why you did all this?" I was incredulous. "Because you thought I was taking Sebastian away from you?"

"I didn't think, I knew," he roared.

"I made him what he is! He would still be playing two bit lounges and clubs if it wasn't for me. I did all the work. I paid the right people; I made sure he was seen. Then you fucking show up. And I saw it as plain as day. You were going to walk in and take him away just like you did with Victoria. Take everything I worked for away!"

I shook my head. "I had no intention of taking anyone away James. When I met Victoria I didn't know she was involved with anyone. She never told me. I didn't know you even existed."

Another punch hit me this time just below my eye. I could feel the blood running down my cheek, dripping off my chin. As I was reeling from the blow I heard Bella's muffled whimper. I knew she was still witnessing this whole horrible spectacle.

"You fucking liar. She may have been angry with me when she met you, but she would have come back. She always came back. But you just couldn't stand the thought of losing could you. You knew all about me. She told me you did." He reached up and scratched at his beard with the knife in his hand.

I shook my head helplessly as I listened. She certainly had known how to play him.

James voice became taunting. "I decided to have a little …fun with you. It was so rewarding watching you panic when you would smell her fragrance. The one I had created for her. She told me how you refused to let her wear it. All because it reminded you of me. Of her real love. And you couldn't handle the competition. I could see the guilt eating you alive." He rolled his shoulders and flexed his arms.

My head was fuzzy. I struggled to keep conscious. James was losing it and losing it fast. His ramblings were becoming almost incoherent.

"It was so easy to trick you into freaking out. To push Bella away. To cause problems between you and Carlisle. Your fucking perfect manager," he spat. "Always there protecting you. Defending you. Not that you deserve it you bastard." His arms again moved in a swinging motion, the knife glinting in the light and I waited for the pain he was going to inflict.

"I loved watching you suffer. How easy it was to figure out how to make your headaches worse. Make you feel pain. Knowing I was the one who would make you feel it. The internet is a wonderful tool." He was quiet for a moment.

"Watching you at the meet and greet was delightful. Too fucking bad your girlfriend had to show up and ruin the surprise. I was so hoping you would lose it right there and the world would see the real you." He suddenly swung towards Bella and I felt my heart leap into my throat. I didn't want his attention on her. He would hurt her again.

He snarled as he spoke to her "And you just wouldn't go away would you? You ignored what I said to you in the garden. I told you he was no good. I tried to get your car to break down so I could pick you up and talk to you again but that didn't work. I thought for sure you'd come to your senses after the press conference. I almost danced with joy when I saw you leave that night with your bag in hand."

He sighed. "But you fucking came back. Shame. You could have avoided all this." I watched, sickened as he drew the knife once again down her arm, stopping and nicking after every word as he went. Bella's body jerked every time the knife pierced her flesh but the gag prevented any sound.

Then as if nothing had just occurred he swung back to me and continued on his tirade "Hiring Jane was certainly a stroke of genius," he laughed. "And finding myself a look alike to cross the border? Fucking brilliant."

"Where have you been?" I asked hoarsely. How had he gotten in?

"Oh, I dropped by and paid a new friend a visit a few days ago. Brought her flowers even. Bella's neighbour across the way has been most hospitable. Shame she can't tell you herself. She's been a bit…tied up. And thanks to your rather trusting and rather imbecilic girlfriend over there getting in was easy. Thirty seconds was all it took to find the spare keys in her wallet, which she left sitting on the floor at the meet and greet in her panic to take care of you. Poor little Eddie. Too fucking easy." He shook his head. "But since you had that fucking dog parked right outside the door and Sheila was supposed to be away I couldn't do anything. Not shower or move around. Nothing, except …plan my revenge. It's made me rather…tense. Especially when the liquor ran out." He chuckled mirthlessly. "I have a lot of pent up energy to use. And I know just how to use it. "

My head snapped up. "You've had your revenge James. You played with me long enough. You've made me suffer. Just go."

*()*

JPOV

Just go?

The fear was evident on his swollen face. He knew he was wrong. He knew it was over and that I'd won. He knew he had more to suffer. More to lose. I grinned realizing it was almost over. I would finish here then shower and disappear. I had a brand new set of papers and fresh clothes waiting next door. I would be long gone before the bodies were discovered. And I would never be found. I felt myself growing hard in anticipation of my final stage. Because first I was going to have myself a treat.

He thought I'd already extracted my revenge? How sweet this would be.

*()*

BPOV

I listened to James taunting and sneering at Edward. I was so cold I was numb. My face throbbed and my head was pounding. I concentrated on taking small breaths with just my nose. The gag he tied around my face was so rancid it was everything I could do not to throw up. Watching James hit Edward, I felt hatred I had never experienced before. He was so angry and constantly moving and shifting. It was as if he was trying to crawl out of his own body. When he suddenly stopped after Edward told him to leave, I felt as if we had suddenly reached the pinnacle.

And my fear grew beyond anything I could imagine.

*()*

EPOV

All movement from James ceased. There were no more tics or sudden movements. He stepped closer to me. Lifting his knife he drew it softly up my cheek, the tip coming to rest above one eye.

"Oh no, Eddie." His voice was deadly quiet. "No,no,no. I haven't quite finished yet. You see you promised me something earlier, didn't you? Something in return for letting her breathe."

My stomach turned. "What do you want?"

The knife still pressing into my skin, I saw his other hand lift towards Bella.

"Her."

Without thinking I lunged forward and the knife drove itself into my forehead cutting deeply. "You can't have her," I snarled as the blood began pouring down my face.

"You said anything. She's what I want. And what I will have. And really Eddie, she deserves to be shown how a real man feels in bed doesn't she? I bet she's a wildcat isn't she? " He leaned closer his voice becoming insidious. "I fucking love it when they fight. Makes me take them all that much… harder."

My skin crawled. I felt the bile coming back up my throat. Rage like I had never known started reaching every part of my body. I could feel myself shaking. I knew if I could get the chance I was going to kill him. Above all else I would not allow this to happen to her. Not my Bella. I could hear Bella's panicked breathing pick up. And because of the gag she was not able to get in a deep breath. She began coughing through her gag.

"Leave her alone, James. Take anything else. My money, my recordings. I'll even arrange my plane to fly you anywhere. Anything I have. Just leave her." I was desperate.

"Anything?"

"Yes." My voice was firm.

"What about your life?"

I didn't hesitate. "Take it. Let her go and do whatever you want. But don't make her watch. Take me with you and kill me somewhere else."

James laughed; a twisted horrid sound in the air.

"Oh Eddie. How simple you are. You think I care what you want? Tonight is about _me_. Getting what I want. And you losing _everything_. You are about to star in your last big production number, with me producing it. Along with your little tramp here."

I listened with growing horror.

"See, according to the papers tomorrow, poor Eddie Masen, who has been having a rough time of it, finally snaps tonight. So tragic. He kills his girlfriend, and then turns the gun on himself. So dramatic. So …you. "

My breath stuck in my throat. He was going to murder both of us.

_Bella._

He leaned down. His words were deliberate and clear. "But first, I get to fuck that over there. And by the time I'm done, she'll be begging me to kill her." He paused. "And I will. Shame you can't see it, but you'll get to hear it. All of it. I promise to be very… vocal."

I stared up at him in shock and total revulsion. He was pure evil.

But abruptly my attention was pulled away when I realized Bella was choking. I could hear the wet sounds of her gasps coming through the gag.

James impatiently wheeled around and tore the gag away from her mouth. "Shut the fuck up!" he snarled.

It all happened at once. Trying to clear her lungs, Bella began vomiting. She was coughing, sputtering and gasping for air. James lurched and I saw something fly out of his hand as he lifted it once again no doubt to strike her. There was no time to think. The adrenaline pumping though my veins at the moment drove me out of my chair and I lunged forward. The momentum and suddenness of my move were in my favor, and I hit him straight in the back knocking him down. The gun dropped out of his hand at impact. I was stronger than he was and had him pinned down, with my knees in the middle of his back. He roared and bucked up trying to throw me off. One hand drove his face down smashing it into the hard floor repeatedly, while the other grabbed one of his flailing arms and pinned it upwards bending it as far as it could go. I heard a snap and he screamed in pain, his body going motionless as he passed out. I held him down, and reached over to the gun I could see lying beside him and held it to his head, then reached behind me feeling for Bella's leg.

"Bella?"

There was no answer. Her leg was like ice. I shook her a little, not removing my practically non-existent eye sight off James limp form.

"Little One?"

She still didn't respond.

I leaned over and found my coat and dug frantically for the cellphone. I pressed the button. And kept pressing as I backed off of James with the gun pointed at him, really wishing he would wake up so I could shoot him. l moved back until I was beside Bella. She was unconscious, but breathing. I couldn't move her until the rope was cut away from her so I simply wrapped my arm around her bringing her limp form close to my chest while I stood guard, the gun never wavering from James. I could hear the thundering steps coming towards the apartment and welcomed the huge crash as Seth and Emmett kicked in the door and raced in. Only then did I allow the gun in my hand to drop so I could encircle Bella with both arms.

**So…um.. yeah...next week?**


	41. Chapter 41

**Quite the reaction to the last chapter… I will just let you read and speak at the end.**

I could hear the horror in Emmett's voice as he took in the scene before him.

"Edward, what the fuck?"

His voice brought me out of my clouded state.

"Emmett. Untie Bella. Now." I snapped. "Use the rope and tie this fucker up," I kicked at James' lifeless form, "Tight."

Both Seth and Emmett surged forward. Seconds later I felt Bella's limp form fall into my arms completely. I was shaking so badly myself, I couldn't support her fully.

"Em, help me get her to the sofa."

Between us we carried her over and laid her down gently.

"Jesus, what the hell?" Emmett breathed.

Seth stood up. "He's still out but he's secure."

I grabbed the blanket off the back of the sofa and started issuing orders as I wrapped Bella's motionless, icy cold form in it and began chafing her arms and legs trying to warm her up.

"Call an ambulance. The police. Carlisle. In that order. Emmett get me a warm cloth. And some fucking brandy or something. NOW!"

I heard Seth dialing his cell phone. Emmett disappeared then returned quickly with a cloth. And a bottle in his hand. "Carlisle's already on his way," he informed me quietly. I nodded.

I took the cloth and gently wiped Bella's face. She was covered in blood, spit and vomit. She still didn't stir.

My voice was broken. "Emmett, please help me. Is she still bleeding?"

He pushed me out of the way and leaned over her, doing a quick inspection. "They're still bleeding some, but the cuts aren't deep." He assured me. "She's so fucking cold though. Your head is bleeding pretty badly Edward."

"I don't fucking care about my head, "I growled. "Get another blanket."

I could hear sirens in the distance.

I turned suddenly remembering. "Seth- Bella's neighbour right across the hall. James has been there all this time hiding out. She may need help. The sick fucker said something about her being 'a bit tied up'."

"On it."

Seth ran across the hall and I heard the breaking of another door. Emmett returned with another blanket, which I wrapped around Bella. I heard the twist of a cap and felt the bottle of liquor being shoved in my hand. "Take a drink." Emmett ordered.

I began to shake my head when he grabbed my hand. "Take a fucking drink Edward. I don't need you going into shock as well. Bella's already there. I need you to stay with me."

He took in a deep breath. "That motherfucker is gonna pay for this."

I tilted the bottle up and swallowed, gasping and choking as the liquor burnt its way down my throat.

I shook my head to clear it.

Bella stirred, moaned and started to regain consciousness.

I leaned forward, cupping her face with my hands.

"Bella. It's me. You're safe now. Come back to me baby. It's over." I kept repeating the words softly close to her ear.

She suddenly sat up gasping, her body tense and shaking. "Edward?" she whispered, her voice hoarse.

"I'm here Bella. You're safe."

She began sobbing and I gathered her up into my arms, sitting on the sofa beside her. I rocked us back and forth hushing her softly and stroking her hair. Her entire body shook furiously and her trembling arms attempted to hold me. A thought occurred to me.

"Em, get my phone, "I directed. "Call Charlie. And Dr Banner; both their numbers are in it. Tell them to get here. ASAP"

Leaning over I grabbed the bottle of brandy off the table.

"Bella. I need you to have some of this please." Her sobs never stopped and she didn't acknowledge I had spoken.

"Please Little One," I begged. "It will help warm you up. For me please."

Bella pulled back a little and I raised the bottle to her lips. She took a small swallow and coughed as the liquor hit her throat. "More," I encouraged her. She shook her head and buried her face back into my chest. Before putting the bottle down I swallowed another healthy mouthful.

Feet were running down the hall. Emmett greeted the police and paramedics directing them into the apartment.

Furniture was shoved aside. I heard the police talking to Emmett and Seth. A paramedic leaned down.

"I need you to let her go, sir. I need to examine her. Both of you, actually."

Bella pushed herself closer into me, and I could feel her trying to strengthen her tenuous hold on me. "Nonononono…" was all she kept chanting.

I looked up. "Give me a minute."

"Sir, I need to look after you…"

"In a minute!" I snarled. Jerking my head towards the floor I indicated James inert form.

"Get him the fuck out of here. Now."

"Sir…"

"NOW!" I roared, my patience gone, pressing Bella's face into my chest tightly.

Emmett was at my side instantly. "Okay Edward."

A brief conversation took place.

I heard someone being instructed to untie James so they could handcuff him, get him on a gurney and out of the apartment. I wanted him as far away from Bella as I could get him.

I watched with no feelings of remorse as they rolled him over and his bloodied face was seen, and his one arm flopped uselessly.

"Man, his nose is totally smashed. It kinda looks like a bloody pancake." I heard one cop say. "That ain't gonna heal well."

I smirked. Good. I hope it fucking hurt like hell when I ground his face into the hard floor. Fucker deserved it.

"Shut up and get your cuffs you idiot," hissed another officer.

It all happened so quickly. People were talking, moving and suddenly James lunged up, sending the officer who was attempting to cuff him in one direction as he charged forward towards the officer standing in front of Bella and me. James' voice was filled with hatred as he wildly screamed obscenities. I could see the officer trying to wrest something out of James' grasp as I instinctively leaned back trying to keep Bella out of his range of grasp. Bella's head jerked up with the sudden turmoil and then a shot rang out.

James' body crumbled to the floor, dark blood quickly soaking his shirt. A long guttural moan emanated from his mouth. He seemed to teeter on his knees briefly, then fell backwards, a mass of limbs and blood.

Absolute stunned silence followed. As James was falling, I turned my head. Seth was standing stock still, his gun still cocked and aimed following James' slow ascent to the floor. The slow, steady movement of the gun fascinated me. When it stopped, I turned back to James' prone, still figure.

Bella pushed at my chest and I released her as she scrambled backwards pressing herself into the corner of the sofa. I saw the movement of her hands covering her mouth. Again my eyes strayed to James.

There was chaos all around me. People were moving, talking, yelling. Someone bent down and checked James. He was pronounced dead.

Nothing. I felt nothing except relief as I listened to those words. He couldn't hurt us anymore.

A hand landing on my shoulder made me look up and away from James. Carlisle's face was in front of me.

"Jesus fucking Christ…" he breathed. "Edward." I saw him turn his head. "Bella…"

I could hear the shock in his voice and could only imagine what we looked like. I know I was still bleeding and I was sure Bella had blood oozing from her wounds, despite my attempts to wipe it all away. Still I felt no compulsion to acknowledge his presence.

A high pitched keening noise brought me out of my stupor. Bella was in the corner of the sofa, rocking, sobbing and screaming into her hands. Before I could react, she suddenly pushed off the sofa and raced out of the room her muffled screams still audible behind the bathroom door that she slammed behind her.

I stood up. "Edward, you need to be looked at," Carlisle's voice was concerned as he put a hand out to stop my leaving.

I pushed his hand away. "I will be. As soon as I make sure Bella is okay, then I'll be looked at."

His hand dropped and he stepped back to let me pass.

I began to walk towards the bathroom then stopped and addressed Carlisle again. "Emmett called Dr. Banner and Charlie. Please make sure they get in as soon as they arrive."

I approached the bathroom door, blocking out the noise all around me. I knocked but there was no response and I tried the handle, thankful to find it unlocked. Bella was dry heaving and choking into the toilet. I could see her trying frantically to wave me away. I ignored her efforts. In a matter of seconds the sobbing stopped and that horrid wheezing sound replaced it as she struggled to breathe. I quickly crossed over to the cabinet and felt around until I found her extra inhaler I knew she kept there.

I grabbed a towel and soaked it under the tap then I knelt behind her. I pulled her back against my chest and gently wiped her wet face, whispering quietly to her the whole time. "Breathe with me baby, come on. I need you to relax and let me help you. Please." I shook the inhaler and placed it against her lips. "Come on Bella, with me. Work with me. You need to breathe Baby, please." Finally I was able to get her to inhale as I pushed down on the plunger. When I felt her start to breathe better, I spun her around and gathered her into my arms and we sat rocking, Bella's sobbing beginning again, the intensity picking up as she was able to breathe more. The sounds were loud and out of control as her hands clutched at me frantically, her nails digging in at times as she muffled her screams into my shoulder. She was shaking uncontrollably, along with long rolling shivers that kept pounding through her body as I tried desperately to hold her. I had no words to comfort her after what she had just endured. I kept whispering how much I loved her, how brave she was, and that we were okay now, over and over again.

The words seemed as empty as I felt.

*()*

Dr. Banner arrived and Carlisle directed him into the bathroom. He took one look at us and gently suggested we move into the bedroom so he could examine Bella better. He watched as I gathered up my shaking, hysterically weeping girl tightly in my equally shaking arms and he helped me stand.

"Okay?" he asked quietly. I nodded. But before I could step forward, Bella's hysteria intensified. She begin screaming loudly, thrashing in my arms, trying to push herself away from me begging, pleading not be taken into her bedroom. Mystified at her reaction, I tried to assure her she was safe but she was too overwrought to hear me.

"NO, please… he was there…behind me… he was touching me…no...no… I don't want to go there, please Edward please …" her voice was terrified.

"Don't make me…" she begged pitifully.

Realization dawned as her screams echoed in my ear. He was in her room. In her bed. He touched her. I fought back the bile rising in my throat as Bella continued to thrash and scream against me as I struggled to hold her. Fury began building again at the dead man lying in the next room. Tears sprang to my eyes as I sank back down on the floor and tried to reach the woman who was falling apart in my arms.

"We're not going there. I promise Bella… BELLA!" my voice rising with each word, desperately trying to get through to her. "LITTLE ONE!" I all but yelled, and my final loud plea seemed to reach her and she suddenly stopped screaming, but continued to sob wildly and cling fiercely to me, pleading the whole time to not make her go in there…

I couldn't listen to her heart wrenching sobbing anymore. "Please help her." My voice was hoarse as I implored Dr. Banner, who nodded and informed me he was already preparing a sedative.

I bent down close to Bella's ear whispering she was okay. That she didn't have to go into the bedroom. I had her. She was safe. I rocked us both and I could feel my tears streaming down into her hair. "I'm sorry Little One, I'm so, so sorry," I crooned to her as I rocked.

I saw Dr Banner stand and begin to make his way over to us. I let Bella know he was approaching. He sat down and spoke quietly to her, assuring her the whole time. He did a quick check on her then administered the sedative, telling Bella what he was doing the whole time. Whether she registered much of what he said I didn't know, but she allowed him to give her the shot so I was grateful. Within minutes the sobbing ceased and she became limp in my arms. Holding her now silent form, I allowed my tears to flow freely. Dr. Banner laid his hand on my shoulder in quiet comfort. A few moments later I lifted my aching head. He handed me a damp cloth and I wiped my face with it. After asking my permission, Dr. Banner quickly checked me out as well as he could since I wouldn't let go of Bella, asking some quiet questions about what had happened and how the injuries occurred. I did my best to answer him since I only heard what was happening and hadn't seen it actually take place. Or what had occurred before I arrived.

"I gave her a drink of brandy," I suddenly burst out. "She was cold and I thought it would warm her up…"

"How much did she drink?" he asked quietly.

"Only one small mouthful. I may have had four or five good swigs."

"Okay, that's good to know." Dr. Banner said softly, and then paused. "You need stitches Edward, and I want your abdomen and face x-rayed. You were obviously hit very hard and I want to make sure there are no broken bones. Just a precaution. The same for my girl here. X-rays. Tetanus shots for both of you.

"That was… awful…will she be okay? How long will she be out?" I asked fearfully.

"She was hysterical, Edward. Frantically so. I had to do something before she hurt herself. She'll be out for a few hours. How many attacks has she had tonight?"

"Two."

"Hardly surprising. Keep contact with her Edward. She needs to feel you close. Do you want to take her in the bedroom now?"

I shook my head. "No, I promised her, she didn't have to go back in there."

He nodded. "I'm going to go get a blanket for you."

He left and returned quickly with both a blanket and a pillow. He bent over and helped me make her more comfortable and wrapped us both in the blanket. "I have no idea what occurred here tonight, but obviously it was horrifying, and Bella witnessed the whole thing."

"She did more than witness it," I answered sharply. "I think he hurt her more than he hurt me. She has suffered so much tonight because of me…" my voice broke and I felt the sting of tears again as they formed in my aching eyes. I was keeping them closed, but they kept drifting open on their own accord, straining to see Bella's face.

Dr Banner's voice was kind. "I doubt you did anything to remotely deserve any of this Edward. From what I gathered from speaking to Emmett and Charlie, the person out there was unstable. Don't take on guilt you don't need to assume. You have enough to deal with."

I sat holding Bella, stroking her matted hair. I could see the bruising already forming on her face. "Is she going to be able to get over this?"

"In time, with your support and love. And perhaps some counselling. She will need help to deal with this trauma." His voice lowered. "Yourself, as well Edward. You need the help as well."

I nodded. "I know. She'll have all of that. Anything, everything she needs, she'll have it," I promised.

"You, Edward. She'll need you. So you have to be okay as well. Be strong. Be patient."

I nodded, continuing to stroke Bella's hair. Even sedated she continued to emit small whimpers. I kept my arms around her tightly.

"I'm going outside to wait for Charlie. He's going to need some reassurance. Once he's here we are taking a trip to the hospital, understand? I'll drive you and we'll keep it quiet. I'll advise the paramedics you're under my care."

"Thank you."

"I'll be back," he said and left the room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

The noise level from the other room seemed to have toned down some. No doubt the police were there waiting for a statement. I was anxious to find out what would happen with Seth. Surely it was purely an open and shut case? I vowed I would get him the best lawyers I could if need be. Bella moaned and sobbed out my name distracting my thoughts. I pulled her more tightly against me, and angled myself around her, protectively. Nothing would ever harm her again.

Nothing.

*()*

I heard a soft knock before the door opened. Carlisle walked in closing the door quietly behind him. He approached me and extended his hand out. I could see my glasses and reached for them.

"Slightly damaged, but we'll get you another pair from the house."

I nodded and put them on. The darkness was a welcome relief.

"What's happening?" I asked quietly. I had no idea how long I had been sitting there.

"Bella's neighbour has been taken to the hospital. James had her tied and gagged in the closet. She needs medical attention and is traumatized, but luckily he didn't harm her otherwise, thank God." He paused, running his hand through his hair. "The...um body is still out there. The apartment has been sealed off as a crime scene."

"Seth?"

"Has gone to the police station to answer some questions. I sent Emmett with him. He'll be released later no doubt. And Charlie is downstairs. Dr. Banner is going to take you and Bella to the hospital for your X-rays and to be checked over."

"Do I need to talk to the police before we go?" I could hear the weariness in my voice.

"No Edward. They'll come and speak with you later, but more as a formality. Ah… Edward…" his voice trailed off.

"What Carlisle?" I asked confused. Carlisle rarely had trouble expressing himself.

He sighed and hunched down beside us. Silently he regarded Bella for a moment, shaking his head in sorrow. "There isn't going to be much of an investigation for either what happened here tonight or Seth's shooting of James. It will be quick, quiet and done."

Even though that was welcome news, I was still confused. "Why?"

"James videotaped the whole thing. He had it sitting right in the open on a shelf. Obviously he planned on... having it as a souvenir. And the camera caught the entire shooting as well. It was a clean kill. If James had been able to get the gun away from the officer, God knows how many people he would have shot before being taken down. Seth potentially saved many lives tonight. The video shows that."

He taped it. That sick bastard. My stomach lurched at the thought of the events of earlier being seen by anyone.

"Did you…?" I asked, my voice dismayed at the thought.

"No Edward. It's police evidence," he assured me quickly. Then his voice dropped. "And I don't think I could handle that."

"They skimmed through it in the apartment across the hall, after Sheila had been taken to the hospital. Just the two lead officers. They assured me it's confidential, it won't be seen by anyone outside the chain of command."

"Can it be destroyed eventually?"

"I'll make the inquiry." His voice grew softer. "Edward, there is a lot of press downstairs. I have to make a statement of some sort."

I nodded, looking down at Bella lying broken and injured in my arms. "Use your own judgement Carlisle. We can't really avoid this can we? Just try and keep them away from Bella. I need to protect her from that. I already failed at keeping him away from her. She doesn't need cameras and flashes in her face and people yelling questions at her reminding her of what happened tonight. I don't think she could take that."

"You can't blame yourself for this Edward. No one had any idea how dangerous James was, or what he was planning. You didn't fail. You, we, did everything we could. You can't feel guilty over this. He's gone. It's over. It's not your fault."

I shook my head sadly.

"Carlisle, tonight the woman I loved was tied up, slashed repeatedly with a knife, viciously struck, manhandled and threatened. She listened to a virtual stranger talk about how he was going to rape and murder her. She watched as the bastard berated and beat me. Then she watched him die." I looked down at Bella with a frown. "She is heavily sedated because that's the only way we can stop her from being hysterical. I have no idea how she'll be when she comes out of it. I don't know if she'll ever recover fully from what occurred. And why did all this happen? Because James had a grudge against me. Not my fault? No it's not. Do I blame myself? Yes. Guilt? Yes. I have to own it Carlisle. Because something I did caused it. If I don't own it, then I'm not the man she needs, or deserves."

For a minute he said nothing. Then he stood up and nodded.

"Own it then Edward. But don't live it. Or it will ruin you."

I nodded silently.

He was right.

**Edward. Sigh. What a thing to live with.**

**I am away the rest of this week and am not sure when the next chapter will post. Friday I get to meet my lovely beta MidNight Cougar ( so excited) and will be in a place with the internet so I will try and post then.**

**Thank you to all of you reading and reviewing. And many thanks to my ladies for their continued help.**


	42. Chapter 42

**Another great response to the last chapter. Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words and reviews. **

**To my ladies who are so supportive and wonderful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. **

**Midnight – one more sleep!**

**Let's see how our couple is doing, shall we?**

"Please Bella. You need to sleep. It's been three days." I held my hand out with the pills Dr. Banner had prescribed for Bella after my desperate phone call earlier today.

"What if they make things worse?" she whispered, her fingers nervously plucking at the blanket she had wrapped around her. She was constantly cold it seemed.

"They won't. Dr. Banner promised they would help you…relax… enough to actually sleep. You can't go on like this Little One."

He had actually said they would knock her out for hours, but I didn't think she needed to hear that. He was as concerned about her as I was and we were both hoping it worked. I didn't want her to relapse and get ill again.

"I'm sorry." The two little words were whispered with such emotion I felt my heart clenching. I saw Bella's shoulders begin to shake and I knew she was crying again.

_Fuck. _

I dropped the pills onto the bedside table and reached over, pulling her trembling form into my arms.

"It's okay baby. Don't cry. Please. I just want to help. I can't stand seeing you like this."

"I'm keeping you awake; I'm keeping my dad, Carlisle and Emmett awake. I can't seem to stop this…." she sobbed into my shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry…"

I pressed a kiss into her hair and rocked her slowly. "Hush Little One. None of that matters. That's not why I want to you take these. I want you to take them so you can sleep. Dr. Banner says if you could sleep you would feel better, and then maybe the nightmares would start to go away." I paused and softly kissed her cheek then leaned closer into her ear again. "Please, Little One. Try. For me?" I spoke softly and clearly into her ear, using the one thing I knew she would not be able to say no to.

Nodding, she pulled away and held out her hand. I found the pills again and gave them to her with a bottle of water to drink.

"You'll stay?"

I hated how vulnerable and unsure her voice sounded.

"I'm not going anywhere," I assured her; grateful she had taken the pills. "The farthest away I'll be is down the hall. And I won't go anywhere until you're asleep. I promise. I just need to talk to Carlisle for a bit. Okay?"

She curled up into a small tight ball under the blankets, a new position she had adopted the past few nights. I hated it. Her entire position cried out 'fear'. I carefully lay down, facing her, and pulled her to me. The second night, without thinking, I got into bed behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her to me, thinking she would ease back into me as always and perhaps sleep. Her body stiffened instantly and before I could understand what was happening she scrambled away from me, tightening herself into an almost fetal position sobbing and terrified...realizing what happened I jumped out of bed, and knelt in front of her on the other side. Even as I tried to soothe her she cringed away from my touch. Heartbroken at the sight, I kept speaking to her until she was calm enough to know who was touching her. It felt like forever before she allowed my touch again and I was finally able to pull her into my arms and get in bed beside her, where I continued to comfort her. Since then, I made sure she could see me and knew she was safe before even touching her.

She buried her face into my chest and I softly stroked her hair, humming softly. Eventually, I felt her body relax and the tight grip she had on my shirt loosened. After a while, I carefully pulled away and was thrilled when she didn't stir. Her breathing remained even and she seemed to actually be peaceful. I sighed in gratitude. She hadn't been peaceful since James' attack. I gently tucked my pillow into her arms and she exhaled quietly burying her face in it.

I got up and made my way to the living room, leaving the soft bedside light on and the door open. I sat on the sofa and closed my eyes. I was so tired. Thoughts, images of the hours after leaving her apartment played through my mind like a slow playing score.

Bella, still unconscious as I shakily carried her out to the car.

Charlie's intense, emotional reaction when he saw his daughter, bloodied and lifeless in my arms.

Dr. Banner's kindness at the hospital.

How he arranged for a portable x-ray to be available knowing I would not leave Bella's side. As he checked and cleaned our cuts and bruises, and stitched my head he talked calmly and shared stories of Bella growing up to take my mind off what was happening.

His thoughtfulness at handing me a pair of scrubs to change into, and leaving a set for Bella to change into when she was awake, so we could get out of our bloodstained clothing.

Bella's slow awakening, groggy and disoriented, but calmer. Her desperate need to be held by me. My need to hold her. Her voice so hoarse and strained from the screaming earlier, as she whispered my name over and over.

Dr. Banner calmly talking through our injuries with us.

All of our cuts were superficial aside from the one on my head which was stitched, and then dressed. Butterfly bandages were applied to the rest. They stung slightly as they pulled on the bruised skin of my face. My x-rays showed nothing was broken, although I would be sore for the next while.

I hated watching him apply the bandages up and down Bella's arms and when he got to her neck I had to look away; remembering the glint of the blade as it slashed her skin. In his quiet way Dr Banner assured me the bandages he applied would mean faster healing.

But I was grateful to find out Bella's cheek was not broken, though its deep bruises were very painful and a visual reminder of the terror she had experienced.

When Dr Banner was finished, he assured us there was no lasting damage, aside from some scars. I nodded silently; my biggest fear was the injuries lurking beneath the surface, especially for Bella.

It was a sombre trip back to the guest house, in the early hours of the morning. Emmett was driving; Bella huddled tightly into my arms trembling, but quiet, one hand being gripped by Charlie. Carlisle following us, driving Charlie's car. Bella's sudden urgent plea in my ear of needing a shower to rid herself of him. His smell. His touch. "Please Edward, help me," her hands suddenly pulling at her hair, her voice thick with tears. "Get him off me." My heart broke listening to her pain. Part of me knew we should wait and let the cuts heal, but I couldn't deny her this. She needed it and I would give it to her.

Carrying her into the house, I bypassed everyone waiting; my only concern the fragile, shaking woman in my arms. The warm water, as it ran over both of us as we stood, naked, huddled together allowing some of the signs of the horrible night to be rinsed away. Dried blood and tears were washed away by loving hands. Bruised flesh was softly kissed and caressed. Tangled, matted hair was washed with gentle fingers. When we emerged, I found Bella's softest sweats and one of my t shirts for her to wear. I pulled on my own and then we went out to sit with the people we loved, grateful we were able to do so.

*()*

"Edward?"

I sat up, shaking my head to clear it. "Hey Carlisle."

His hand landed on my shoulder, his voice anxious. "Bella?"

"Asleep. Finally asleep."

"I hope for the night."

"At this point Carlisle, I'd be elated if it was for a few hours."

"You look like shit Edward."

I chuckled humorlessly. "No doubt if I could see your face clearly, I could say the same to you. The offer still stands by way."

"No. I'm staying here. I don't need to go to a hotel. Emmett won't go either."

"Carlisle," my voice was serious. "At least then someone would be getting some sleep."

"We are. It's just …fractured. Subject is closed."

His phone rang. "I gotta take this. How about a brandy? I've got a fresh bottle."

I nodded. Carlisle's voice faded as he went to grab the bottle and finish his call. I leaned my head back again and drifted.

*()*

Neither of us slept much the night of James' attack. But we huddled together under the blankets, not talking much but holding, snuggling, wrapped in each other. There were soft sweet kisses and whispered words of comfort and love.

The next morning the police came and we gave our statements. Bella seemed to be handling things remarkably well. She answered the questions quietly and with as few words as possible, her throat still sore. I hated listening to what had happened before I arrived, knowing how scared she must have been. Charlie and Carlisle were present the entire time, at my request. Charlie was a huge help with his law enforcement background and his strong presence beside Bella seemed to ease her. The interview was done quickly, since most the questions they had were already answered on the videotape. Many of my own questions remained unanswered and I was sure always would be.

Carlisle brought in some sandwiches for lunch, ate with us and departed to his own side of the house to do some work. After lunch, while Bella was rinsing the dishes and asking Charlie and I if we wanted coffee, she suddenly went utterly silent and still. I stood up and started to walk toward her, knowing something was wrong, when she held up her hand. I could see blood running down her finger where she obviously had cut it with a knife in the sink. I stopped moving, holding my breath at the sight of her blood and her strange reaction. It was like a switch was thrown on and suddenly she was in full panic attack mode as she backed herself into the corner. Her sobbing and keening could be heard by Emmett and Carlisle who came bursting in the connecting door adding to her already panicked state. Charlie strode past me towards her, but she became more terrified at the sounds of his steps approaching her. I knew she couldn't break out of this without my help.

"Charlie, please let me," I begged softly, stopping him. I saw his shoulders shaking as he turned and walked back past me. I knew his heart was breaking watching his daughter fall apart and not be able to soothe her.

I had to approach her carefully, speaking clearly but softly, trying to break through the panic so she could understand it was _me_, and she was safe. I could feel the tears threatening behind my eyes hearing her terror. My voice was heavy with emotion as I spoke to her, trying to break through her terror. Finally, I saw her hands held out beseechingly towards me, and I was able to wrap her up tightly in my arms. Only after holding her and reassuring her repeatedly she was safe did she finally calm. But it was only the start.

The rest of the day she was withdrawn, hardly speaking, barely eating. Every noise, every unexpected voice jarred her. She wept and shook at times so violently I began to get anxious about what was happening to her little body. For the longest time no one was allowed near her except for me. Although she did eventually allow Charlie to comfort her, she shrunk away from all other contact, even that of Esme. Finally I asked Carlisle to keep everyone away as it seemed to only add to her trauma. I stayed on the couch holding her close, humming and talking softly to her while Charlie watched over us like a silent sentinel. For the few brief periods I was out of her line of sight her fear would overtake her and reduce her to tears. When I was close she clung tightly as if afraid I would leave her.

And the past two nights had been horrific. Nightmare after nightmare plagued her. Her screams were terrifying to listen to. The sleeping pills seemed to only make it that much more difficult to wake her from her dreams. She clung to me so tightly in her heightened state, sobbing my name and gasping out incoherent mumblings that sounded like apologies.

Except she had nothing to apologize for.

This morning after the third day of no sleep, I called Dr. Banner in desperation and told him what was going on. He came to see her and managed to convince her to let him examine her briefly, although she clung to me the entire time. He sat and spoke with her as not only her doctor, but someone who cared about her. She barely responded, but did agree to try the newer pills. On the pretense of checking out my stitches he quietly expressed his hopes that if her body could rest then her spirit could begin to recover, but she was simply so over exhausted and traumatized, she wasn't able to deal with anything properly.

"What if these don't help?" I asked anxiously, squeezing Bella's hand I was still holding. She sat seemingly not paying attention to the conversation going on just beside her.

"Then we'll find something that will. I don't want to have to sedate her again Edward, but if I have to I will. Give her two pills tonight and if they work, she'll sleep for a long time. We'll cut them back after. We just need to get her body back on track."

Then he turned to Charlie who was standing helplessly in the corner. "And you are coming home with me. You need sleep as well. Elsa has a dinner planned and is looking forward to seeing you." He held up a hand to stifle Charlie's protests. "Doctor's orders Charlie. She's in good hands here with Edward."

Bella said nothing.

*()*

I felt a glass being pressed into my hand. Lifting my head I watched Carlisle sit across from me. "Everything okay?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, that was Demetri on the phone."

"What's going on?"

Carlisle shifted in his chair.

"Carlisle?"

"You've been rather…preoccupied Edward, and I haven't wanted to add to things..." he trailed off uncertainly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Some, um, some information has come to light about James. And his past."

I tensed even hearing his name. After giving my statement to the police I didn't want to discuss what had happened. Carlisle knew the basics and both he and Emmett had seen the outcome.

"What is it?"

"Just how much do you want to know Edward?"

I took a sip of brandy and thought about for a moment. "I still don't understand," I admitted. "The why. I know he hated me for …Victoria, but it seems so long ago to react to it now. And Sebastian? It seems like such an extreme reaction. Losing a client. Someone he didn't even seem to particularly like. The fact _that_ sent him over the edge? " I shook my head. My voice was quiet. "It doesn't make sense."

His next words send a chill through me. "This wasn't the first time he's had an extreme reaction, Edward."

"Tell me."

"James violent streak goes back as far as his childhood. Grew up in foster care. Demetri found a lot of, ah, incidents involving him. And they escalated as he grew. His juvenile record is rather scary to read. One social worker called him a psychopath."

"Aren't those sealed? Juvenile records, I mean," I asked.

"Yeah they are. Unless you have someone like Demetri," confessed Carlisle. "People who knew James, and fell out of favor so to speak, had a habit of getting hurt."

"Badly hurt?"

"Yes. One boy he was in foster care with ended up in a wheelchair, paralyzed. He swears it was James, or Joe as he was known as then, that pushed him down the stairs. According to the records, Joe insisted he was the one that found him and the boy was just confused. James was moved from that foster home regardless. But there were others. James punished people if he felt they had betrayed him."

Carlisle drew in a deep breath. "One of his former clients, who refused to talk to Demetri before, came forward after she found out he was dead. She described him as intense but charming when she first met him. Then he became possessive and controlling. Eventually she became tired of it and she fired him as her manager."

"What happened?"

"A couple days later she was attacked, in her home, by a masked intruder. He had a knife and cut her pretty badly. She was never able to work again. She swore it was James, but he had an alibi and it was never proven. But she says he knew things only James would know. She moved from Vegas right after the attack. She's literally been hiding this whole time, in fear."

I shuddered.

"The police searched his condo. They found journals. Pictures. A shrine almost, to Victoria. He was totally obsessed with her Edward. They were on and off for years. His anger at you has possibly only grown, not diminished."

I nodded thinking. "He kept saying she would always come back to him," I said quietly.

"That seemed to be the pattern. Only this time she took it to a new level. She left town while he was away and married you. He came back expecting to find her ready to return, but she was gone. Although it seems she kept him in her back pocket…in case. Filled his head with lies so he would think she was coming back."

"So Sebastian was like the final straw? He kept accusing me of taking him away too."

Carlisle shrugged. "In his mind, I suppose. There are things we'll never know, or understand. The autopsy on James showed all sorts of drugs and alcohol in his system. Given what we know, it's obvious he wasn't rational to start. Then you suddenly show back up in his life again, the person he holds responsible for taking away what had become his obsession. In his eyes she was perfect. And then he decided your goal was to take away Sebastian. Add drugs, paranoia and anger to the mix, and it became one violent cocktail waiting to explode. What started out as a game of revenge became…deadly."

My head sagged. Suddenly it was just all too much. I was exhausted, worried and confused.

Carlisle stood up and sat beside me. "Go to bed Edward. You need sleep as much as Bella."

I nodded wearily. "I don't know what to do next Carlisle. I'm not sure how to move on from this. If Bella can move on. I'm so afraid this may have broken her."

"No. She's strong. You both will overcome this Edward. It's going to take time. And I agree with Dr. Banner. You both need to see someone. But right now, you need to sleep."

I stood up. "We have a lot to talk about still Carlisle. I haven't seen Sebastian since this happened. I don't know what's going on with the project, or what kind of field day the media is having with this. I've been…" my voice trailed off.

"You've been exactly where you should be. Beside Bella. I'm handling the media. Sebastian is having his own issues right now. He feels responsible for what happened. When Bella is more herself, we'll go see Sebastian and discuss everything. Concentrate on what's important here."

I shook my head in confusion. "Sebastian isn't responsible for this. He had no idea."

"I know. None of us did. It still doesn't stop us all from feeling some guilt though. We'll discuss it later Edward. All of it. Now go."

Before I could move I felt myself being pulled into a tight hug. Carlisle rarely showed his emotions but I could feel his turmoil as he gripped me. "Thank fuck you're still here," he mumbled before breaking the hug and striding away. He paused as he got to the doorway. "Life wouldn't be right without you Edward. You're my family," he stated before closing the door behind him.

I stood in shock for a minute.

Then despite everything, I smiled as I made my way down the hall to Bella.

*()*

A movement beside me caused my eyes to fly open. The room was lit softly with the sun coming in behind the blinds. Bella lay beside me, her eyes open, gazing at me. Slowly so she could see my intent, I reached my hand out and cupped her cheek, gently stroking the bruised skin.

I smiled softly, feeling relieved. "You slept." She had barely moved all night.

She nodded. "And let you sleep as well," she whispered, her voice hoarse.

Leaning forward I brushed my lips against her cheek. "You're way more important."

"Not to me."

I shook my head. Of course not.

"How do you feel? " I asked anxiously.

She was quiet for a moment. "A little better I think. A bit groggy."

"Dr. Banner said you might. The, uh, pills were pretty strong. Do you want to go back to sleep?"

She shook her head. "Edward…" her voice was tremulous.

I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. "What is it, Little One?"

"It was my fault."

"What? What was your fault?" I asked confused.

"He got in because I left my purse on the floor. He saw my address; he found my extra keys in it. And I insisted on leaving the apartment that day. I made it so easy for him. And he hurt you... he hurt you so badly…" her voice became shakier and I could see the tears already flowing down her cheeks.

"NO, Bella." I was horrified. "Baby, listen to me. He was coming after me no matter what. He would have found a way. If he didn't have a key he would have grabbed you some other time. He wasn't letting this go. He was obsessed, Bella. With me. With revenge."

"But…" I held a finger against her lips, and shook my head.

"No. I will not let you do this to yourself Bella. This is not on you. None of it. He had a grudge against _me_. He came after you because of _me_. He held _me_ responsible for something and punished _you_ because of it." I gathered her even closer, thinking how close I came to losing her, losing everything. "I have to live the rest of my life with that. Knowing you witnessed something so awful, knowing you were hurt because of me." My voice dropped. "I wouldn't blame you if you walked away after what's occurred."

Bella pulled her head away from my chest. "No. I'm not leaving you Edward. You didn't deserve it either. You've been punished for things beyond your control for so long. First by Victoria, and then by James. You've lost enough."

Leaning up she kissed me softly. "You're not losing me. Ever. They lost this time."

I pulled her back to me, allowing tears of relief to flow and join hers.

"We'll get through this Little One. Nothing is more important to me than you. Whatever we have to do, we'll do it. Anything you need. Anything."

"Just you Edward," she sobbed. "I just need you."

"I'm here, Little One. I'm here."

**See you next week…**


	43. Chapter 43

**Hello all! Happy Sunday!**

**I got to meet and spend some time with my beta, Mid-Night Cougar face to face these past couple days. It was wonderful, but hard to say goodbye. Thank you MC for being you. Don't ever change.**

**And within this chapter is a RL story told to me by another dear FF friend. She told me this story in total seriousness and I had the audacity to fall off the sofa screaming with laughter over it, especially due to the look on her face as she told me. Then I begged her to let me add it into the fic. So KK my darling girl, Thank you. I hope I did it justice. **

**And thank you for reading and reviewing. Your reactions and support mean so much to me. **

We sat at the table sipping coffee quietly. Bella sat close, our legs touching, her hand grasped firmly in mine. I knew she felt better with the contact, and frankly so did I. I heard the connecting door open and Carlisle entered.

"Morning," he said quietly, hesitating by the door.

"Hi Carlisle, coffee?" Bella asked, standing up.

"I can get it kiddo," Carlisle's voice was surprised.

"No, I need another cup. Sit," she replied softly.

As he passed I felt Carlisle's hand press down on my shoulder in silent relief. He sat opposite us, making sure not to get too close to Bella still unsure of her reaction of being close to anyone other than me.

But in a move that surprised us all Bella sat his coffee down in front of him then leaned down and kissed his cheek silently before moving back beside me.

Carlisle's voice was soft. "That's the best good morning I've had in a while. Thanks kiddo."

Eventually Emmett joined us and we all sat enjoying a little peace for the first time in days. When Charlie arrived he was pleased as well, although no one made a huge deal of it. We were all grateful Bella was calmer and more like herself than she had been, but we were also aware she was still feeling vulnerable.

Carlisle had just finished asking Charlie his plans when Bella suddenly spoke up. "I don't want to go back to my apartment."

Everyone remained silent. None of us were surprised she felt that way.

I squeezed her hand with mine. "You don't have to Bella."

She looked directly at me, her voice low. "Ever. I don't want to ever go there again. Please. I…I can't, Edward."

I nodded, understanding what she was saying. I squeezed her hand again in silent support.

"Do you want me to take care of that for you, Little One?"

"Yes, please."

Carlisle spoke up. "Do you want your things put into storage Bella? I can arrange that."

She shook her head. "No. I don't want to keep anything he touched. Nothing."

I could hear her voice getting higher and anxious. I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close.

"Shh. It's okay. Tell me what you want. We'll fix it."

I heard a chair slowly being pushed back and saw Charlie stand up. His voice was soft but shaky as he reached his hand out slowly to Bella. "Bella, come with me honey, okay? Can we talk for a little while? Please?"

She hesitated for a moment then took his proffered hand. I heard them go down the hall and the door shut.

I sighed. So much aftermath.

Carlisle spoke up. "She is doing remarkably well this morning Edward. And admitting she's not wanting to go back there is a good thing."

I nodded.

"Have you spoken with Bella's neighbour? Sheila, right?"

"Yes. Esme and I went to see her. Esme met her a couple times when she was visiting Bella, and I thought she be more comfortable if it wasn't just me there. She is still staying with her parents while she recovers. And she was shocked but grateful for your offer. And has accepted it."

I shrugged. "It seems the least I can do. I doubt she wants to go back to her apartment either."

"No she really didn't. Esme and Rose are going to go with her to look at some places. Her parents are really not able to do so, given their age. She was overwhelmed at the prospect of doing it herself so she was pleased when Esme made the offer. When she finds something she likes I'll make all the arrangements."

I nodded. "She understands it will be hers right? I'll purchase it but it's hers, no strings? But no disclosure. I don't want any publicity around this. It's private."

Carlisle nodded. "She was taken aback by your generosity. She had no problem accepting that one term Edward."

"Good," I nodded.

I heard the door open and Charlie came back out and then sat down.

"Bella?" I asked concerned.

He leaned over and patted my shoulder. "Having a shower Edward. Relax."

"What's going on?"

Charlie sighed. "She wants her clothes and personal stuff. Nothing else. She wants what is damaged or um…stained, destroyed. Anything else donated somewhere. I thought maybe I could take the girls with me and they could help."

I nodded.

Carlisle spoke up. "We have the okay to enter the apartment again. I'll get everything in the living room taken out and have it cleaned before you go in. That's where the most damage is. I don't want anyone seeing that. And I'll arrange for a donation pick up. I'll get some moving stuff in as well. Without furniture it won't take long."

"That's great Carlisle, thanks." Charlie's voice was weary. "I told Bella I was going home today. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon if you can arrange it that quickly. I can meet people there and we can get it done."

Carlisle nodded. "Not a problem. In fact, excuse me and I'll get right on that." He turned to me. "Edward if we can I think we should go see Sebastian this afternoon. I know Esme is going to be here, maybe she could stay with Bella?"

"I'll talk to Bella Carlisle. I don't want to rush anything with her," I stated firmly.

"Understood. Let me know."

He and Emmett left, leaving Charlie and I alone. I shifted nervously in my chair. I hadn't been alone with Charlie since James' attack on us. I could only imagine his feelings towards me. Because of me his daughter had been hurt, both physically and mentally. I was quite sure he had something to say on the matter and it wasn't going to be pleasant. I started when I felt his hand clamp down on my shoulder.

"Relax Edward," his voice surprisingly kind. "What do you think I'm about to do?"

I shrugged. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I deserve it."

"You think I hold you responsible for what happened? Is that what you think?" Charlie's voice was shocked.

"I do, why shouldn't you?" I admitted. "Charlie…I…" But before I could continue, he interrupted me.

"You forget Edward. I know the whole story. I know about Victoria. I've seen the stuff Demetri found. That fucking scumbag was completely responsible, not you. You were just as much a victim here as Bella."

I sat stunned at his words.

"You need to get past feeling this way Edward. James was the bad guy here. Not you. You need to let go of this guilt." He leaned forward his voice dropping. "I only wish I had been there. That it was me who took the kill shot."

"You'd want to live with that?" I asked quietly.

"I could happily live with it. What he did to you and Bella? He didn't deserve to live. He should have been locked up a long time ago. I'm forever in debt to Seth. He saved both of you."

I nodded in agreement. I owed him more than I could possibly imagine.

Charlie stood up. "I'm getting my stuff and heading home. I'll talk to Carlisle and get tomorrow figured out. Take care of my little girl Edward. She needs you right now."

I stood up as well and extended my hand. "I will Charlie. She means…everything to me."

I was shocked when Charlie pulled me into a hard hug. "I know that Edward, and it's the same for her." Then he broke the hug and quickly walked away.

I stood silently for a moment, thinking about what Charlie said. Then I went to find Bella.

*()*

A couple hours later, Bella was sitting on the couch curled into the corner. I could feel her anxiety. I sat back down. "I don't have to go Bella. I'll go speak with Sebastian tomorrow. It's okay." I laid my hands on top of hers softly. "Relax, Little One." I reached for my phone to call Carlisle.

Bella's hand shot out, stopping me. "No Edward it's okay. I'll… I'll be fine. Esme and Rose are coming so I won't be alone. And Alice said she is coming by after she finishes school."

"Emmett is here too." I reminded her quietly. "You're safe now Bella."

She nodded, but I could see she was holding back tears. Reaching out I pulled her into my arms. She came willingly and settled on my lap. I held her quietly for a moment, and then tipped her head up. "Tell me," I pleaded softly.

"I…I just get so scared when I can't see you," she admitted quietly. "I worry something will happen. That I won't be able to get to you."

"Nothing is going to happen. We're both safe now." I drew in a breath. "James is dead Bella. So is Victoria. Neither of them can hurt me anymore." I kissed the dampness on her cheeks. "And no one will ever get close enough to hurt you again Bella. Ever."

We sat quietly for a few minutes. I heard a car pull up outside and knew the Esme and Rose had arrived. Looking down I asked Bella what she wanted me to do.

"Go see Sebastian. I'll visit with the girls. You'll have your phone with you?"

"I will. And Emmett is going to be right here. If you need me you call me right away or get him to. Okay? I can be back here in five minutes. Promise."

"Wait, if Emmett is here who is protecting you?" Bella's voice was suddenly panicked again.

"I'll be in the studio Bella. With Carlisle, Sebastian and Sam. I'll be perfectly safe." I pulled her in tightly. "We're _both _safe now Bella. I promise you," I whispered softly, wishing I could get her to believe that.

She nodded and pulled away. I could see she was trying to be brave and I smiled softly at her. "We'll get through this Bella. One day at a time. Together."

She leaned forward and kissed me. My hand cradled the back of her head softly while enjoying the feel of her lips against mine. I started a little when I felt her tongue softly touch my bottom lip, but quickly allowed her to deepen the kiss. Her taste exploded in my mouth and I groaned as her tongue slid along mine and I pulled her closer, mindful of her injuries. Sweetly her tongue danced with mine. Swirled and explored, awakening memories and loving thoughts. Her hands were threaded through my hair keeping me close as she delved and tasted, then she pulled away slightly nipping and dropping small kisses on my lower lip. I then felt one final sweet sweep of her tongue before she pulled back, her breathing a little heavy. My own was rather loud as I regarded her silently. Raising her hand I was still clasping I turned it over and pressed a kiss into the palm. "Thank you. I needed that."

"Me too," she whispered softly.

The door opened behind me. "Are you sure?" I asked quietly, still holding her hand.

She nodded. "Hurry back to me," she whispered.

I stood up and leaned over to kiss her head. "I always will Bella."

*()*

It felt good to walk the short distance to the studio. The fresh air smelled sweet and felt good on my face. Maybe if Bella wanted we could take a walk around the gardens later. It might do her some good. Neither Carlisle nor I said much as we walked. Both of us were caught up in our own thoughts. I hesitated outside the studio briefly. I hadn't seen Sebastian since the day James had died. Alice had come to the house but was so upset over seeing the state Bella was in she hadn't stayed long. Sebastian had remained outside not wanting to intrude. Carlisle reached around me for the door handle. "It'll be fine Edward," he murmured.

I stepped inside and made my way into the control room where I heard voices. As I stepped in the voices fell silent. I could make out the forms of Sebastian, Sam and Seth. I stepped towards Seth, ignoring his outstretched hand and pulled him into a tight hug. Words of gratitude spilled out as I thanked him for his quick action. In his usual quiet way he waved me off. "I'm glad you're okay Edward. How's Bella?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

I smiled. "Doing a little better today."

I shook Sam's hand and turned to Sebastian. He was hanging back, uncertain and wary. I sighed. "Don't do this my friend. You didn't know. You couldn't possibly have known."

Carlisle spoke up. "No one in this room is responsible for what happened. The person who is solely responsible, is dead. So is his poison. I think we should all just raise a glass, say fuck him and move on. He doesn't deserve to be thought of anymore. Let's get back to living and the future; we need to leave him where he belongs – in the past."

I chuckled at his blunt words. "I agree."

Seth laughed. "I'll second that."

Sebastian moved closer. "I'm glad to see you here Edward."

I stuck out my hand, smiling. "Fucking glad to be here my friend. Now let's get down to business."

*()*

"Are you serious Sebastian?" I asked incredulously. We were alone, and had spent some time discussing what was next in line regarding the production of the CD. We agreed on a timeline and how we would finish the project. We also agreed we would discuss the PR with Carlisle when he finished talking with Seth and Sam in the other room. Once we had things back on track and the talk turned personal, Sebastian informed me he was moving.

He nodded. "I'm putting the house up for sale and moving. There are too many memories here. Too much that involved James."

"Are you staying here in Toronto?"

He shook his head. "No, I want a fresh start."

"Where are you moving to?"

"The logical place is BC. There's such a great music scene there. I have lots of contacts and friends; it would be a good place for a fresh start."

"Have you, ah, discussed this with Alice?"

"Yes. She's very supportive. She'll be busy for the next while with exams but once they're over we'll figure out where we go afterwards. She means a great deal to me Edward."

He paused then grinned. "I did mention to her how excellent some of the Universities are in BC."

I laughed. "Good thinking."

I turned serious again. "Are you sure Sebastian? This is a huge decision."

"I'm sure. There's another reason Edward. One I want to talk to you about."

"Okay."

He drew in a deep breath. "Would you consider allowing Carlisle to continue representing me?"

I wasn't really surprised at his request but I shook my head. "That's not my decision Sebastian. I have no exclusive contract with Carlisle. He is free to represent anyone he wishes to. Would I be upset? Not in the least. I think he'd enjoy a new challenge. I'm rather …old hat these days."

"Don't say that Edward."

I laughed. "I simply meant Carlisle knows me so well, I don't really give him anything new to do. He's always one step ahead of me. I don't present much of a challenge for him anymore. He'd be a brilliant choice for you." I sat back quietly for a moment.

"You know Sebastian, I've had an idea in my head for a while I'm going to talk to him about. You should discuss this with him and then I'll speak with him after. It may be a good time for me to bring up my idea."

"Care to share?" he asked dryly.

"No. Not yet. I want to discuss it with Bella and then talk to him."

I stood up. "Speaking of which I need to get back to my girl. You want to come with me and collect Alice?" It had been a few hours and I was getting anxious to see her, even though Emmett's texts assured me she was fine. In fact the last one told me to stop bothering him and his time with the girls.

Sebastian hesitated. Instantly I knew why.

"She doesn't blame you either Sebastian. She would like to see you, I'm sure. Just don't make any sudden moves. Let her come to you and if she doesn't, don't take it personally. She's still rather skittish."

He stood up. "Okay. Let's go."

*()*

As we approached the house, I could feel my steps getting quicker. As we got close I caught an unfamiliar scent. Rather smoky and mouth-watering. Carlisle noticed it as well. "Is that like a barbeque? Who the hell is cooking on a barbeque?"

We both groaned at the same time. "Emmett."

Sebastian laughed. "Well that explains the phone call, asking if I had one." Both Sam and Seth who were behind us joined in his laughter.

Amazing aromas greeted our arrival along with a chorus of hellos. I looked around but couldn't make out Bella's form. Esme came over to greet Carlisle and leaned over. "Relax Edward. She is just in the other room. She was a little tired so is having a rest before dinner. She needed a little break from the uh… Emmett fest I think." Then she turned to Sebastian and informed him he was staying for dinner and then saw Sam and Seth and insisted they join us.

I excused myself and made my way down the hall to the bedroom. I entered the bedroom and shut the door behind me. I could see Bella's form curled up, lying on the bed. I hesitated, not wanting to startle her if she was actually sleeping but I saw her sit up and reach her hand out in a silent invitation to join her. I crossed over and sat beside her immediately wrapping my arms around her and sighing in contentment. We were silent for a minute then she drew back and reached up pressing her lips to mine. "Hey you," she whispered softly.

"Hi," I whispered back, claiming another sweet kiss. "You okay? Is out there too much? I can kick them all out you know."

She smiled. "No, it's been a good afternoon. After we had a little girl time we let Emmett in. He was moping around on the other side and we felt sorry for him. And then I felt like doing something so we decided to make supper for everyone." She laughed. "Emmett even found a barbeque and Esme and Rose went shopping; I think they bought like half a farm to cook."

"It's not… too much Little One?"

Bella took deep breath in and pulled on my waist. I allowed her to pull me down beside her and she snuggled tightly into my chest. I nuzzled her head and stroked her soft hair waiting for her to answer. "I feel a little overwhelmed every so often, but then I come in here and take a little break," she admitted. "I did have to take a couple of the pills Dr. Banner left in case I felt a panic attack coming on but that was earlier on. I've been okay for the last hour or so." She looked up at and I smiled down at her feeling proud of how strong she was being.

"Emmett has been… so amazing all afternoon. He's been funny and sweet. He ate a lot of cookies though so I'm afraid he may be on a sugar high…"

"You made cookies?" I asked hopefully. Nothing was better than my girl's cookies.

"Yeah, I wanted to contribute so while they were planning and while Emmett was getting the barbeque ready, I made a batch." Leaning in close, she whispered in my ear. "I saved you some. You know in case. I hid them."

I grinned widely and kissed her. As I pulled away her hand reached up and pulled my head back down. "I missed you," she whispered breathlessly. I groaned low in the back of my throat as I captured her lips again.

Hot, sweet, chocolaty. Her tongue was like velvet against mine, her taste rich and warm on my tongue. Her arm wound around my neck and I drew her closer, my arms wrapped around her tightly. The kiss became deeper and deeper. The little sounds of pleasures coming form the back of Bella's throat swirled around my head igniting my passion. The laughter and people in the other room faded away; nothing existed but the woman in my arms and the thousands of pinpoints of desire that were spreading out over my body. Her hand found me hard and throbbing, needing to be closer. Needing more skin, more of her touch, more of her sweet noises. I felt the sudden tug on my waistband and then her hand wrapped around my cock, touching, exploring, stroking. So good. Her touch felt so fucking good. I arched into her hand gasping.

"No underwear, Mr. Masen?" she whispered in my ear.

I rolled her over and grinned down at her. "Casual day today baby…" Then I bent down to kiss her again and was interrupted by a knock on the door. I heard Emmett call out "Brace yourself, Shortcake," and before I could figure out what was going on his voice rose to its normal booming level.

"Hey dinner's almost ready. Quit messing around and get in here! I've been slaving over these hot coals for hours!"

Bella giggled softly. I looked down confused. "He's been trying to be soft spoken all day," she explained. "But when he gets excited he lets me know he is about to shout so I don't …get upset."

"I'll talk to him."

"No Edward, don't. He is trying so hard. Don't please."

I buried my face in her neck, nuzzling. Her hand had ceased its attentions and I wanted them back. "Ignore him, Little One," I whispered moving my lips close to her ear. "We can be late for dinner." I grinned into her skin. "We'll have our dessert first," I whispered as I nipped at her ear lobe. I felt her shiver underneath me, but removed her hand. I groaned softly in frustration.

"They've worked so hard Edward. For me. We can't," she said softly, then raised herself up to softly kiss me. "Rain check?"

"Fuck, yes," I growled and captured her lips for one more searing kiss, then watched as she rolled away and got up to go join the group. She disappeared in the bathroom, returning shortly.

She stood in front of me her hand extended, I took it and stood up. I wrapped her in my arms. "Sebastian, Sam and Seth are all here as well. Is that okay?"

I felt her tense and I held her closer. "Little One?" I asked anxiously. She had made such huge strides today. I didn't want to set her back. I pulled back. "I can ask them to go…"

She shook her head. "No. I'm glad you told me though." She took a deep breath. "Edward?" she whispered her voice suddenly shaky.

"What? Tell me."

"Stay close, please? I feel better when you're beside me."

"I won't leave your side. I promise. And if it gets to be too much, just tell me. I'll take care of it. Okay?" I assured her, marvelling once again at her strength.

She nodded and I took her hand. "Ready?"

"Ready."

*()*

Bella sat closely next to me at the table. I made sure I had contact with her at all times. My lower leg wrapped around hers, my arm across the back of her chair, my hand holding hers. Just something so she could feel me. Things were a little rocky at first as we walked into the living area. She stood looking at Seth for a minute and I felt the tremors go through her body as the memories of the last time she saw him ran though her mind. Then she suddenly released my hand and flung herself at Seth, hugging him. I could hear her muffled sobbing thank yous. Seth held her tightly for a minute and I could see her emotions were having an effect on him as well. I went over and stood beside her as she stepped away and back into my side burying her face into my chest. I saw him wipe away the tears her gratitude had brought on. I smiled and clapped my hand on his shoulder. My girl could make the strongest man show his softer side with her tender honesty. Then Bella raised her head and went to Sebastian who was standing with Alice and hugged him. She spoke quietly to him as well and I saw him nodding. As Bella once again returned to my side I saw Sebastian turn into Alice and her arms wrap around him.

"Okay?" I breathed into her ear, as my hand brushed the tears from her face. She nodded. Esme approached, and gave Bella a quick hug then announced dinner was ready. That seemed to break the emotional moment we were all caught up in and we all moved to the dining area.

As we approached the now giant table I had to laugh. I could make out the huge platters of food that were sitting, waiting to be devoured. Bella hadn't been kidding when she said there was a lot. And presiding over it all was Emmett. In a huge chef's hat and apron. I shook my head as I took my seat beside Bella.

"Where did you get a table this big?" I laughed.

"I borrowed a few things from Sebastian's place…" Emmett admitted sheepishly. "But the pixie helped! So I figured it was cool…"

Sebastian laughed as he was filling his plate. "For a feast like this, yeah definitely cool…"

Platters were passed, plates were filled and there were lots of jokes and laughter. It felt good to be sitting among people I cared about. Hearing Carlisle's laughter and Emmett's attempts at a normal volume made me smile. Hearing the new softness in both their voices as they spoke to the women sitting beside them filled me with happiness for them. Bella was quiet but added a few comments. She relaxed a little more as the dinner went on and I was pleased to see her eat something. Her appetite wasn't back yet but like her spirit it was slowly returning.

"Emmett!" I heard Rose say in a shocked voice. "That is like your third helping! I can't believe you're not as big as a house the way you eat."

"I developed a high metabolism in my teens," he said disdainfully.

"And before that?" Alice said with a giggle.

Oh no, here it comes. I shook my head. I had heard this story before. Sure enough, Emmett pulled off his chef's hat and leaned forward.

"I was a big kid. Really big. And a geek. I was in the school band. And I went to band camp," he began.

Bella sat back listening. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from laughing. Emmett sighed deeply before continuing. "One summer at camp we were giving a huge end concert thing for our parents. I went to get a uniform with all the other kids. But there had none at the camp that would fit me. Even remotely. They told me I couldn't be in the concert if I didn't have a uniform," he exhaled sadly. "I was devastated. I had practiced so hard all summer."

All the women made appropriate sympathetic sounds. I could feel Carlisle staring at me, knowing as well as I did what coming next, but I kept my head lowered. I felt Bella leaning forward in her chair listening anxiously. "What happened Emmett?" she asked quietly.

"I had… I had to wear the mascot's uniform," he said sadly.

"What was so bad about that?" asked Rose confused.

"It was a fucking polar bear Rose. The mascot was a huge mother fucking polar bear. I could only fit into a uniform belonging to a fucking bear." He shook his head sadly and sighed.

"They could only remove the arms, legs and head. The uniform was sewn right onto the body so I had to wear it like that. It was hot," he paused for effect. "The costume underneath the uniform started to molt." Another pause.

"I choked throughout the entire show. Fur balls suck."

The table was quiet for a minute. Bella turned suddenly and buried her head in my chest. I could feel her shaking violently. Startled I looked down, and then realized the noises coming from her were not ones of distress, but mirth. I started chuckling at her attempts to cover up her laughter. Unexpectedly, she lifted her head and snorted. Then peal after peal of laughter came of her mouth. Emmett looked over at her and I saw his mouth curve up into a grin.

"I swear I coughed up fur for a month after that." He hung his head and groaned dramatically. "I still shudder when I see polar bears on the TV."

Bella's laughter increased as her hand started smacking me on the chest as she gave in and let herself enjoy the moment. I finally allowed my own laughter to escape fully, thrilled with her reaction. Then suddenly the entire table was laughing. But it was Bella's sweet laughter that made my heart feel lighter than it had in days.

Emmett was exactly what she needed today. Someone to make her laugh, and feel normal. I'd never be able to thank him properly.

I needed to make sure he had a bonus on his next check. Maybe enough for a new truck. He'd like that, and I though he deserved at least that and more.

**Yep, still giggle when I read that part. **

**Another update later this week. **


	44. Chapter 44

**Here is your update my friends. I am home and happy to be so. **

**Thank you for the continued support. Knowing you are enjoying this makes me smile. I appreciate your kind words and lovely reviews. **

**Thank you Sandy Swearingen for her inspiration in finding me a gift for Bella. The picture is on my page on Facebook. If you aren't a member come join us. There is even a glimpse of the next fic I am working on. Plus lots of great pics, teasers and giggles to be had. EdwardsEternal's Love of Words.**

**And yes, sadly the story is winding down. **

*()*

Dinner was over and Bella was beside me on the couch, tucked into my side. Seth, Sam and Sebastian insisted on doing the cleanup while Alice supervised. Emmett and Rose made short work of knocking down the extra tables and driving them back to Sebastian's. Carlisle and Esme sat across from Bella and me. I was thoroughly enjoying some of my girl's cookies. People were drifting in and out and different conversations were happening. The entire atmosphere was light and friendly.

Carlisle leaned closer and keeping his voice low informed me that Sebastian had asked to speak with him privately the next day. I nodded.

"You don't look very surprised," he accused me, sounding a little tense.

His tone confused me. "Sebastian asked my… permission… to talk to your earlier," I admitted.

"And I assume you granted it?" Now his voice was definitely edgy. My feeling of lightness began to evaporate.

I leaned forward as well. "I informed him I don't own you Carlisle. You're free to talk to anyone you want. About anything you want," I stated firmly and then sat back.

I wasn't sure why he sounded upset. Surely he had expected Sebastian would ask him to take him on full time. Had he expected me to refuse to allow it?

He sat back, and was silent for a moment. "I think I know what he wants to talk about and I would really like to discuss it with you Edward. This doesn't just involve me."

His tone continued to confuse me. What was he thinking?

"I know. And we will. Talk to Sebastian, and then you and I will talk. It's all good Carlisle."

He sighed. "Tomorrow, Edward. I want to talk tomorrow."

I stared at him, nodded and then repeated myself. "It's all good Carlisle."

I saw Esme's hand come up and cover his which was sitting on his knee.

"Listen to him Carlisle," I heard her murmur.

He sighed and changed the subject as Alice wandered into the room, offering coffee refills. Other people came in and joined the group and I knew we would have to put off whatever was bothering him until tomorrow. I just wasn't sure _what _was bothering him.

Soon, I felt Bella's head begin to sink heavily into my shoulder, and her body leaned into me. Looking down I could see her eyes were closed. Carefully leaning over I took the coffee cup from her loosened hand and handed it over to Esme, who reached over for it. It was still fairly early, but I knew Bella was still exhausted. Esme stood up and came over, leaning down and quietly informing me she would make sure everyone left if I wanted to take Bella to bed. I nodded, knowing they would all understand. I twisted slightly and gathered Bella up and lifted her carefully not wanting to disturb her. No one said anything as I left the room with Esme leading the way. When we got to the bedroom, she quickly pulled the covers down and I laid Bella on the bed and covered her up. I hesitated, and then looked at Esme.

"What?" she whispered.

"I know this sounds stupid, but should I wake her up to give her the sleeping pills?"

She shook her head. "Let her sleep. If she wakes up or has a nightmare then give them to her. I'm sure it would be better if she can sleep without them, yes?"

I nodded in agreement.

"You're going to stay with her now?"

"I'll come out and say goodnight, then come right back. I don't want her to be alone."

She nodded and began to walk to the door.

"Esme?"

She turned around.

"Is Carlisle upset with me?"

She came back and laid her hand on my arm, her voice comforting when she spoke. "No, Edward. He is…a little hurt."

"Hurt? I don't understand."

"Edward, I know it sounds strange, but he is feeling… as if you're willing to just let him go."

I shook my head. "That's ridiculous. I'm not letting him go. I want him to do whatever he wants. He seems to be enjoying the challenge of managing more than just me and if that's what he wants I'm all for it. I'm trying to be supportive!"

She smiled. "Edward he's not looking at this from a business point of view. To him it's personal. And given everything that's happened lately he is feeling particularly …"

"Defensive?" I finished for her.

"I was going to say conflicted."

"I'll go talk to him right now." I went to step past her.

"Leave it until tomorrow, Edward. Everyone is tired. Over emotional. Tonight has been a great break tension wise. Stay with Bella. Get a good sleep. Talk to him tomorrow when you're both thinking clearly."

Bending down I kissed her soft cheek. "You are one smart woman, Esme Platt. Thank you."

"I'll say your goodnights for you. Stay with your girl. I'll make sure the riffraff clear out." She laughed softly as she walked to the door, then paused, "Oh Edward, I almost forgot, I picked this up this morning for you!" she came back and handed me a small leather box. I could feel the weight of the contents in it as my fingers easily closed around it.

"Is this…?" I asked excitedly.

"Yes. And it's lovely. Just as you described it."

"Thank you."

She leaned up and kissed my cheek. "She'll love it." Then she left, closing the door behind her.

I placed the box on the bedside table with my glasses, and then I got ready and went to bed. I left the light on for Bella in case she woke up and I made sure there was water on her bedside table. I was worried about the nightmares waking her up without the added precautionary measure of the drugs to help her sleep. She was already restless. I crawled in beside her and pulled her close. She seemed to relax and her movements became less frequent. I stroked her hair softly and hummed in her ear until I felt she was completely asleep again. The house was quiet so I knew Esme had indeed cleared out the riffraff as promised. I settled quietly and drifted into sleep.

I awoke sometime later to Bella's sobs and her calling out my name in panic. I sat up dragging her with me. I cradled her face with my hands and dropped small kisses all over her face as I coaxed her out of her nightmare. "I'm here Bella. I'm right here. Everything's ok. Open your eyes baby. Look at me," I pleaded.

Bella's eyes opened and she stared at me blankly for a minute still lost in her nightmare. I kissed her again whispering against her lips. "I'm here Bella. _Right here_ Little One."

Her arms flung around my neck and her she buried her face in the nape of my neck. I pulled her onto my lap and rocked her slowly running my hands up and down her back comfortingly, whispering loving words into her ear. She calmed slowly, and then she sat up and looked at me. I cupped her face with my hand. "Hi," I whispered.

"Hey you," she whispered back. I could see the tears still glinting in her eyes.

"Just a dream Bella. You're safe," I whispered stroking her hair back from her face. She nodded and leaned forward her mouth seeking mine. I kissed her softly, knowing she needed the reassurance of my touch right now. Her arms tightened around my neck drawing me closer and I felt her lips part and the touch of her tongue on my bottom lip seeking entry. I pulled her even closer insuring I wasn't pressing on any of her injuries. I parted my lips and swept her tongue with mine. Her soft whimper urged me on and the kiss became deeper. Over and over my tongue delved, twisted and tasted hers. Finally needing to breathe I broke the kiss, almost whimpering at the loss of her taste.

"Don't stop Edward…please," she whispered.

"Baby, are you sure? I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me. You'd never hurt me. Love me Edward. Make me yours again. I need to feel connected to you like that. Please," she begged her voice breaking on the last word.

God, I needed this. She needed this. The tiny plaintive sigh that escaped her lips decided for me.

"Arms up baby," I pleaded and helped her pull off the sweatshirt she was wearing. I traced over her curves, letting the weight of her breasts rest in my hands, stroking the hardened nipples softly, earning me another soft moan. "Edward… I want you. Please."

Groaning, I crashed my mouth to hers again. I pulled her up, still being careful and dragged off her yoga pants and pulled her tightly against me. Her hands were busy at the waistband of my pants, pulling and yanking them down.

Gently laying her down, I stretched out over her, tracing her curves with my fingers and tongue, kissing the bruises, making sure not to press on them. Bella's voice was whispering frantically. "I want you, Edward. I need you…_please_." My head fell forward with another deep groan as I felt her hand close around me, stroking and caressing. She leaned up her breasts pressing into my chest as she pressed open mouth wet kisses onto my neck. "I need to be yours again, Edward. Please. Now."

Sitting up I pulled her with me and positioned her over my throbbing cock. Slowly I lowered her down feeling her wet heat engulf me inch by inch until we were as close as we could possibly be. I groaned at the feeling of being deep inside her, her warmth pulsating around me. Every part of my body was screaming at me to move, but my heart willed me to stay still. I remained motionless as I realised just how precious this moment was, this intimacy. I'd almost lost her; she'd almost been taken from me. I lifted my hands and cupped her face, willing her to open her eyes and look at me. I'd come so close to never having this again, this chance to show her with my body how deeply I adored her. I'd come so close to losing _everything._

"Bella..."

I felt her hand reach up and cover mine. "I love you Bella. I need you. You are my life," My voice shook with longing, love, fear; all fusing together driving me forward, flowing through my chest.

"Show me Edward," her voice whispered. I wrapped myself around her, moving smoothly in a deep slow rhythm. Needing to show her only love and tenderness, needing to worship her. The sounds of our lovemaking filled the room. Skin sliding against skin. Soft moans, whispered words of adoration. Quiet pleading and pleasure filled gasps. My pace quickened as my desire grew and suddenly Bella threw back her head crying out as she came hard around me and the sound of my name spilling frantically from her lips sent my orgasm thundering through me. I clasped Bella closely as I lost all control, roaring out her name. The force of my need sent me spiralling and my body was arching powerfully, thrusting deeply, over and over, as I poured my love into her with everything I had. Everything. Until there was nothing left of me to give...she had it all. I was panting with the flood of emotions that was released within me. Mine. She was mine. No one would take her from me. I held her tightly. I wanted to fuse her body right into mine and keep her there. Safe. Loved. Adored. Forever.

Then slowly reality began to creep back in and I knew I had to allow her to move.

My head fell onto her shoulder, and I gulped in deep lungful's of air as I felt Bella's gentle touch as she stroked my head. Shaking and still panting, I rolled us to the side and held her closely, kissing her softly, overcome at our intense need for each other. I nuzzled her cheek, concerned when I felt the dampness of her tears there. Pulling back, I softly traced the tears with my fingers. "Did I hurt you Little One?"

She shook her head. "No, Edward. Happy tears. That was…" her voice trailed off. "I have no words to describe it," she finished softly.

I nodded, pulling her back to me still feeling the ripples of emotion coursing through me. I felt her shiver and I grabbed the blankets and pulled them over us.

Quietly I nuzzled her hair, inhaling her scent in. Her lips were against my shoulder pressing and moving gently. I whispered her name and lowered my head kissing her softly. So softly.

"Do you want something to help you go back to sleep?" I asked quietly, after a while.

"No, just hold me. Please."

I pulled her closer and listened as once again her breathing deepened and she slept. Only then did I allow myself to drift back off.

*()*

I woke up holding Bella close. So soft. I pulled her closer and then realized even Bella was not that soft. Opening my eyes I saw it wasn't Bella, just her pillow. Confused, I rolled over and looked toward the bathroom door but it was open. I felt the flutterings of panic in my chest.

_Where was she?_

I got up and pulled on my pants, grabbing my glasses. The little leather box from Esme fell to the floor and I picked it up and shoved it in my pocket, simply in too much of a hurry to find Bella to locate another hiding place now. I quickly made my way down the hall and sighed with relief when I saw her huddled form on the sofa. She lifted her head at my hurried approach and I bent down kissing the top of her head. "What's wrong? What are you doing sitting on the couch? Why aren't you in bed?"

She sighed softly. "I woke up again and couldn't sleep. I got up and made coffee; I thought I would look through some emails," she explained holding up her tablet. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to worry you. You were sleeping." Her voice lowered a little. "I know you haven't had much of that lately and I wanted you to just keep sleeping."

I shook my head. "I woke up. I just panicked a little when you weren't there," I admitted sheepishly.

I felt Bella's gaze on me. "I guess what's happened has affected both of us hasn't it?" she said quietly.

I nodded, kissed her head again and went to get coffee. Then I joined her on the couch settling happily beside her under the blanket.

"Anything interesting?" I asked, indicating her tablet.

"Mostly work stuff. They're wondering when I'll be returning."

I knew Charlie had called them on her behalf the day after the attack. "What are you going to tell them?"

She hesitated.

"What is it?" I asked taking her hand I could see fidgeting with the blanket. Then I frowned. "Bella, your hand is like ice." Leaning over I felt the other one holding her tablet. It was the same. Putting my coffee down, I took the tablet and placed it on the table. Then I tucked both hands up with mine under the blanket. "Tell me. What has you sitting here so lost in thought you don't even notice this?" I said rubbing her hands trying to warm them up.

"I don't know if I want to go back right now. If I _can_ go back right now. Just the thought of leaving …you …frightens me. I, umm have some vacation time saved up and I thought I would maybe use it, but then…"her voice trailed off and I could hear the underlying tears in it.

"Then what Little One?" I coaxed gently, leaning forward to stroke her cheek.

"If I use it then I won't have any left and you're going to leave soon. I won't be able to come see you except for some weekends and I don't know how I'm going to handle that and I don't know what to do and…" a soft sob broke through and she stopped speaking.

I could feel the tears now running down her face. I pulled her into my lap and gently wiped away the dampness on her cheeks. As I held her, I knew it was time to tell her my plans. To share my hopes with her. I just prayed she felt the same way I did.

Leaning down I nuzzled her cheek softly. "I love you Bella," I whispered. "So very much."

She looked up at me. "I love you too."

I smiled. "That's a good thing Little One. Especially given what I want to talk to you about."

I shifted a little getting both of us more comfortable. "Bella, I told you before I was in this for the long run. I want you with me. Always. And I know I said if you weren't ready, we'd work it out. But I changed my mind."

I felt her stiffen.

I pulled her against me, continuing to talk. "I don't want to be without you Little One, even for a short time. And after what happened I'm not sure I can be. I get very …anxious when you're not close."

She nodded in understanding, but still didn't relax. I drew in a deep breath.

"I spoke with Sebastian yesterday. We'll basically be finished the main part of the CD next week. I want to take it home to do the final mixing and editing in my own studio. He's agreed to fly out to me for anything else we need to add. I want… I need to get away from here Bella."

Her voice was filled with pain. "So you're leaving…next week?"

I lifted her chin and pulled off my glasses wanting her to see me. See what my eyes were trying to tell her. "I want you to come with me Bella. I can't go without you. If you can't come with me then I'll stay. But I want you to come with me."

"To visit?" she whispered.

My heart broke at the uncertainty in her voice.

"No Little One. To stay. I want you to live with me. Build a life with me. Be mine. I have so many plans Bella and I want you to share them with me. All of them."

Her breath caught in her throat.

"What about…?"

I finished her sentence. "Your job? Your friends? Your dad?"

She nodded silently.

"You could try and arrange something with your company Bella. A leave of absence. Or find a new job. There are lots of publishing companies. With your experience any company in their right mind would snap you up. As for friends, I think you're going to find yourself with some familiar faces in BC. It wouldn't surprise me if your friends were frequent visitors, or even move themselves. And your dad, well, the offer I made before stands. My plane is available to bring him for a visit anytime either of you want to see each other. And who knows, maybe once he has a taste of the fishing in BC he'll want to relocate as well," I informed her feeling quite proud I was able to address all her concerns.

Bella was silent. I could see her teeth worrying her lower lip. Leaning forward I pulled on it gently.

"Talk to me, please," I pleaded, my heart aching a little.

_Did she not want this?_

Then she spoke. And her simple answer surprised and delighted me.

"Yes Edward. I'll come with you."

I pulled her into my arms, covering her face with little soft kisses before covering her lips with mine and kissing her thoroughly.

"Say it again Bella," I whispered into her ear.

"Yes."

I held her closely enjoying the feeling of utter happiness. She drew back and cupped my face with her hand. "Tell me your plans."

I told her the idea I had been thinking about. She listened and asked questions, holding my hand the entire time. I told her about the conversation I had with Esme in regards to Carlisle. She offered some insight I hadn't thought about. My next idea, I hesitated over. "What?' she asked quietly.

"I want to go away for a while, Bella. Just us. I want to take you places you've wanted to go to and experience them through your eyes." I paused. "But I'm not talking a two week trip here. Or even a month."

"How long?"

"A couple months, maybe more. I want to concentrate on us. On getting to know each other, with no one else around. On showing you what you mean to me."

Her voice caught. "I think I know already Edward."

I shook my head. "You showed me the world isn't all bad Bella. You taught me how to trust again. Your love awakened my soul. I haven't begun to show you how much you mean to me yet." Suddenly I knew the time was right. There was no need to hide the little box. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled it out and placed it in her hand.

I heard a small gasp and I chuckled softly. "It's not an engagement ring Bella. I know you're not ready for that yet, but one day it will be." I sighed softly, really wishing it was indeed a ring. "I can't wait to call you my wife. Because you will be the very epitome of the perfect one." I paused and pressed the box a little deeper into her hand. "I had this made. Esme helped me with a jeweller friend of hers. It's a symbol of my feelings. Open it Little One."

There was the soft squeak of the lid opening. Bella was quiet, but I heard the soft sob in her throat.

"It represents us, Bella. The chain is platinum, the strongest of metals, because you are the strongest person I know. The diamond heart reflects the love I have for you. Pure, bursting with colors when seen in the light, burning from a fire deep within its centre that is never extinguished. The musical note is for what brought us together, my love of music, and the beautiful notes you inspire in me." I stopped speaking for a moment.

"And the ruby?" she asked quietly.

"It was my mothers. I added it on to represent my family. They would have adored you." My voice was shaking with emotion at this point.

Suddenly I was surrounded by Bella. Her arms, her body pressed close, her scent, her mouth on mine. I could taste the saltiness of her tears mixed with the sweetness of her mouth. Groaning, I kissed her back with as much passion as she was giving to me. Her tears were still flowing though, and I pulled back, breathing heavily. "Little One?" I asked concerned at her reaction.

She shook her head and cupped my face, dropping sweet kisses all over. My cheeks, eyes, forehead, nose, finally ending back at my mouth where she kissed me softly over and over again. I could feel the coolness of the chain clutched into one of her hands. "Thank you Edward. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever been given. Aside from your love, it's the best gift I've ever received."

I pulled her to me and held her closely. "You'll wear it?"

"I'll never take it off," she whispered as she pulled away. "Will you put it on me?

I nodded and she turned, lifting her hair. My hands were shaking slightly as I fumbled trying to get the catch to work. By some miracle I felt it grab, and then I allowed the chain to settle against the nape of her neck. Leaning forward I tenderly kissed the soft skin the chain nestled on. I felt my heart race knowing she would be wearing a symbol of my love. Bella turned back and I saw hands go to her neck and I caught the glimmer as the large heart shaped diamond hung down close to her own heart. She picked it up and I could see her holding it up to the light. "It is so beautiful Edward."

I smiled. "Just like you."

"The workmanship is incredible."

"Maybe I'll use the jeweller again…when the time comes. Because it will come Bella. When you're ready."

I felt her move towards me. She leaned in and whispered softly, "I already know my answer Edward. So when you're ready to ask, I'm ready… to say yes."

I swore my heart was going to beat out of my chest at her soft words.

My hands gripped her waist. "I'll go get Emmett."

"What?"

"I think he took an online course and became legal to perform marriages. We'll do it now."

Bella broke into a fit of giggles. I grinned loving that sound.

Then I became serious. "Will you Bella? Will you promise to marry me? Soon?"

"I will."

I lifted the necklace from her chest and kissed it, laying it back down softly. "Then consider this is a sign of my love and intention. Soon I'll add the usual symbol on your finger. Until then it's just for us."

"Just for us," she agreed softly and leaned forward. I met her halfway and we sealed it with a kiss.

*()*

We were now snuggled on the couch, drinking more coffee.

"When will you talk to Carlisle about your idea?"

"Today. I know he's talking to Sebastian so I'll talk with him later."

Bella nodded. "I know my dad and the girls are going to the apartment to get my stuff. I should go with them…"

I shook my head. "No Bella. I don't want you going back there. Emmett and Seth are going with them and it won't take long. Your dad knows what you want. He'll bring it all here. Let him do this for you."

"I don't want them there either. I don't want them to see…" her voice trailed off softly.

I grabbed her hand. "Everything that could possibly upset them is gone already Bella. Carlisle took care of it. I promise."

I could feel her shake a little. Wanting to change the subject I leaned over and lifted her chin. "We never finished our discussion Little One."

I could hear the smile in her voice. "I said I'd marry you Edward. Do you really want to set the date already?"

I smiled. "Name it and it's done. I'm good with tomorrow. But that's not the conversation I was talking about. You never answered me when I said I wanted us to go away."

"Oh."

"Oh? That's all you have to say?"

"What about work Edward?"

I drew in a deep breath. "What about it Bella? What if you took some time off? I'm going to."

She sighed softly. "What are you saying Edward? You don't want me to work?"

God, I wanted to tell her no. I wanted her home with me. All the time. I wanted to care for her, provide for her. But I knew I couldn't tell her that, not yet.

"I know you enjoy working Bella, so no, as long as that's what you want and it makes you happy then you should work. But you don't _have_ to…anymore. And it might be a little harder now." I paused.

"Why?"

"Because of what has happened. Because you're involved with me. You might be bothered by the media."

Her voice was shocked. "I never thought of that. I guess I need to change the way I think about things."

"I don't want you to change anything. Just be you. But you will have to allow for a few things."

"Like bodyguards?"

I nodded. "Without question. I won't risk you being hurt ever again. That's not up for discussion."

"Okay Edward," her voice soothed. "I'm not fighting you on that."

I sighed in relief.

"Tell me exactly what you want, Edward," she said quietly.

"I want you to take a break. With me. I want to travel and spend time with you. I want pictures of us smiling, I want our heads so full of good memories the bad ones can fade away. And I want to leave with no deadlines. Just until we want to come home. And then we can decide what to do. You can work. Or not. But I want this time with you. I _need_ this time with you."

"Will you see your doctor first?"

"Yes. And I will go see the doctor he is recommending for my anger issues and to help me deal with my past. And when we get back I follow whatever program they suggest."

"Are you asking me Edward or telling me?" her voice was soft. Instantly I knew what she was referring to.

"I'm asking you Bella. Please. Do this for me. For us."

Her voice was soft and filled with love. "I'll give you anything you ask me for Edward."

*()*

The house was quiet. Esme had shown up unexpectedly and had taken Bella with her for some girl time. It took some convincing for Bella to go but she finally agreed when I told her I was going to talk with Carlisle. When she went to get ready Esme told me she thought it would help distract her while the others were packing up her apartment. They felt there were enough people to easily get it done, so she had volunteered to distract Bella for the afternoon. I was touched at the thoughtfulness behind her suggestion. Sam was going with them as I was still uneasy about Bella being in public without a bodyguard. The news of James' death was too fresh and I didn't want her hounded. Esme was very agreeable to my request and assured me where they were going would be private.

When Bella had come out of the bedroom, Esme noticed the necklace right away and was thrilled I'd given it to Bella already. Bella kissed me goodbye and I felt her slight tremble as she hugged me. I patted her cell phone she had tucked into her pocket. "I'm right here Little One. Just call me." She nodded and I could see her smile as she waved goodbye. It took all I had not to go after them and bring her back here where I knew she was safe. But I knew we had to do this.

The door opened and Carlisle came in. He came over to the table where I was sitting. "Please tell me that's Bella's coffee," he growled. "Esme was gone this morning and I had to drink my own brew. Fuck, I forgot how awful that shit is."

I laughed and told him to help himself. I heard him rummage around in the kitchen. I knew what he was looking for. He wasn't going to find them. Sure enough he finally gave up and called out, "Where are the fucking cookies Edward? I know there was some left."

"Nope. All gone."

"Bullshit," he said sitting across from me. "Cough 'em up."

I laughed. "What I'm a fur ball now? Emmett's mascot story keeps evolving every time he tells it, doesn't it?"

He chuckled. "Yep. Like the fish that got away, it keeps growing. Now seriously, where the fuck are the cookies?"

I pulled the container off the chair beside me grinning.

Reaching over he grabbed it from my hands.

"Fucker."

I heard the lid open and then the sound of satisfaction as he bit down. "My God, that girl of yours can bake."

I smiled "Yeah. One of her many talents."

His voice became serious. "How was her night? Did she sleep? You look a little more rested."

I nodded. "She slept some. Not all night but certainly better than I hoped. Emmett was a fucking Godsend yesterday. He made her laugh."

Carlisle chuckled. "Yeah that he did. I got your text. When we get home I'll make sure to follow up on it."

"Good. Whatever he wants."

The room was quiet for a few moments. I waited patiently knowing Carlisle would start when he was ready. I wasn't disappointed.

"So."

I cocked my head.

"I spoke with Sebastian this morning. He told me his plans."

I nodded. "Big decision, moving and starting fresh."

I paused.

"With everything."

"You know he's asked me to take him on full time Edward," he said, his voice low.

"I know."

"And you're okay with that?"

I nodded.

"No objections? No discussion? Just great, hand me off to the first person that asks?" his voice was now getting angry.

Suddenly he stood up and started pacing. "Fuck Edward, don't you think this even warrants a conversation?"

Esme was right. I could hear the hurt in his voice.

I kept my voice even. "Are you interested, Carlisle? Would you like to manage Sebastian?"

"Quite possibly, yes."

"Why would I object then to having you do something you want to do?"

He sat down. "Because, you come first Edward."

"I know that Carlisle. You've always put me first. But maybe I'm done."

"Done? You're not fucking done by a long shot. Do you think I'm just going to sit back and let you fade away? Music is your fucking life. You live for it. You breathe it. You need it."

I held up my hand. "That's not what I meant. Maybe I'm done needing to be first."

His voice was confused. "I don't understand."

I leaned forward. "I've made my music my life in order to shut everything else out. But things have changed. I have Bella. I want a life with her. I want a family. I want to enjoy what I have, not constantly be working. Or hiding from life. If nothing else, I have learned _that_ over the past while. Life is too short. I don't want my career to be first anymore, I want my _life _to be first. It's time to shift my priorities."

"You want to give up music?"

I shook my head. "No Carlisle. You're right. It's part of me and I still want it, but I want to find balance. I want it to be _part_ of my life. Not my entire life." I regarded him silently for a moment.

"Carlisle, you're not just my manager. You're my family. But I need to change some things. And I think you need the change as well. I think you need a new challenge."

"What kind of changes?"

"Get comfortable Carlisle. I've been thinking a lot. And I have a lot to say."

"God help us all," he mumbled.

**Til next week…**

**Be safe**


	45. Chapter 45

**First of two updates this week. Second last chapter. Feeling a little sad. **

**Thank you for reading. For reviewing. For the pm's that tell me about how much you love this fic. I cannot possibly express how much they all mean to me. **

**Windchymes for your guidance and helping make the story better. Kitkat and Cejsmom for your support and encouragement. Mid-Night Cougar for your red pen, constant support and wonderful editing. And the gift of being able to meet you. Thank you. Love you all. **

Carlisle sat back and stared at me briefly. "Are you sure about this Edward?"

"I've given this a lot of thought Carlisle. I need a change. You need a challenge. This would be a perfect time for both."

He stood up and paced around the room. I let him think.

He sat back down. "Tell me again."

I took in a deep breath. "I want to partner with you and for us open a new business venture. A new agency. Looking after other artists. All aspects of their careers. Manage them, provide security, PR, the whole bit. You have all the tools at your fingertips."

"And what about you?"

"I'm going to take some time off and then work on that musical score for the movie David's been begging me to do. It's still in talks so I have time before I have to decide. "

"You don't want me to manage you anymore?" I could still hear the confusion and hurt in his voice.

"Of course I do. But Carlisle, after everything we just went through, doesn't it make sense? There are so many young, up and coming artists who need someone like you with your experience to work with them. To protect them from the likes of James." I stopped and let him think about that for a moment.

"Sebastian needs good representation, guidance and security. You could give it all to him. You could take on other artists if you don't have to hold my hand all the time. You could bring people on board and have an entire firm of trustworthy agents and security personnel. You could add other aspects to it as well. Whatever your vision is, you'll make it great."

He was quiet for a moment. "How would you feel about making Emmett a partner? As well as head of the security area?"

"Perfect choice," I agreed. "And with Sebastian moving maybe you could convince Sam and his team to come on board. Hire some good PR people. Writers. Voice coaches. Studio musicians. Add a recording studio. Maybe even add a charitable fund aspect. "

He whistled. "Some pretty big outlay to start with Edward."

I grinned. "Ah, but you have two star clients right off the bat Carlisle. And a partner who wants this to work, who has pretty deep pockets. It won't take long to build your client base up."

He snorted. "Good point."

"Think about it Carlisle. A chance to build something. To leave your mark."

"Why now Edward?" he asked quietly. It was my turn to pace.

"I want to take Bella away. She's doing so much better, but she is still suffering. So am I in many ways. I want to give her some good memories to replace the ones that keep haunting her. When we get home she can do whatever she wants. She can work if she wants to, or not if she doesn't. And I want to do the score for the movie. And after that, who knows. Another CD maybe. I don't know. I don't want any plans. Except a life with Bella. I want her to be my priority."

We were both silent for a few minutes.

"Would you consider being part of that team Edward? Other than a partner?"

"How so?" I asked, sitting back down beside him.

"Maybe as an advisor of sorts to newer artists. Helping them with their direction. Choosing their music and helping with other career decisions."

I nodded, finding the idea intriguing. "I'll think about Carlisle. So I was right? You'd be interested in this?"

He nodded and leaned forward, his voice earnest. "I would be, but I need you to understand something, Edward. I have never felt like I was holding your hand. Or that you were in anyway holding me back. I never took on another client simply because I didn't want to. Not because of any other reason. These years with you have been fulfilling and I have enjoyed working with my friend."

I nodded in understanding. "But…?"

"Your idea is interesting. And given all the changes happening you're right, maybe it's time to expand."

He paused and his voice dropped, and I could feel his sudden nervousness. "Um, Esme has agreed to move to BC with me. I, well, after what happened I realized life is too short to let the good things go. I asked her and she said yes. She'll stay here and get her place sold, finish a few things she committed to and then join me as soon as she can."

I sat backed pleased, yet somehow not overly surprised at his news. "And Rose?"

"I think Esme is going to ask her to come along. They've worked together so long she'd be lost without her. I have no idea if she will come or not."

I threw my head back in laughter. Knowing Emmett and his persuasiveness she would be moving as well.

"What?" He growled.

I shook my head as I leaned over and clapped him on the shoulder. "Who knew Carlisle? We came here to do a three day charity event. All of us single. Now we're all seriously involved with someone. And chances are in the near future we'll all be together in BC. And Sebastian is moving as well. I have no doubt Alice will transfer schools after this year ends."

He joined in my laughter. "I guess you were right Edward. Something in the water."

*()*

We were still talking when Bella and Esme returned. The acute sense of relief I felt when she was beside me was huge. She happily showed off her "pretty toes". I could see they were a pinkish color but had to take her word for the silver swoops and sparkles she described them having. Her nails were thankfully a simple pale color. I really disliked bright red nails. Victoria always had bright red long talons. Which she liked to use on occasion when angry. I shook my head to clear that memory.

Carlisle was filling Esme in on everything and she was as excited as he seemed to be over the idea. "Where will you base it?" she asked.

Carlisle looked over at me. "I don't want it in the middle of a big city. I want to stay close to home."

I nodded then had a thought. "Will you stay in your house Carlisle? Or will you want a … more separate space?"

He laughed. "We already discussed it Edward. Esme and I are quite happy with my house on the property. You were very generous when you built them all. There's lots of space and privacy. I'm sure Emmett feels the same. He loves his place. Until you want us gone it's our home."

"It's a lovely house Edward. Carlisle showed me a lot of pictures. I'm looking forward to seeing it in person and living so close to Bella and you," Esme added in quietly.

I sighed in relief. I had gifted the houses to him and Emmett long ago. Ownership, maintenance, was all theirs. "I'm not your landlord. It's your home Carlisle. For as long as you want it. To be honest I can't imagine you not being just down the road."

Then I thought about his original question for a minute. "What about the warehouse Carlisle? Could it be converted?"

"What warehouse?" Bella asked.

I squeezed her hand I was holding.

"My dad owned an import/export company. He owned a lot of land and one of the pieces he owned had a large warehouse on it where he ran his business. It's still in good shape and has been sitting empty. When I inherited all the land and buildings, I sold some and used that money to buy property closer to the warehouse. The new property I made our home base. It had lots of room for the airplane, to build all the houses and still be able to expand if I wanted."

"It's got potential." Carlisle mused. "It's open, great acoustics, and probably relatively easy to renovate. "Lots of space around for parking and privacy. And already licensed for business use. That could work Edward. I'll get an architect in as soon as we get home."

Bella smiled and squeezed my hand. "So you have a plan, a building, what about a name?"

"The MCM Agency." Carlisle said decisively.

I looked up. "What?"

"The Masen, Cullen, McCarty Agency."

"Oh I like it," Esme laughed.

I opened my mouth to protest but Carlisle beat me to it. "It's how I want it Edward."

"I like it as well," Bella said quietly.

I shrugged and grinned. "And so it begins…"

*()*

We continued talking and planning. I heard footsteps coming to the door and wasn't surprised when there was a hurried knock and Sebastian came in. I could tell he was flustered.

"What's up?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"You are not going to fucking believe this. I just got off the phone with the lawyer," his voice was filled with disbelief.

"Your lawyer?"

"No James' lawyer," he huffed.

"Why?"

"James. He had a will. He fucking actually had a will. He changed it a couple years ago. I'm his fucking sole beneficiary."

There was a stunned silence. Sebastian began pacing.

"Why would he do that?" Esme asked softly.

Sebastian shrugged. "I have no idea. I suppose he had no family. He paused, his voice quiet. "Victoria was dead, and I don't think he had anyone else to leave it to."

I was surprised when Bella spoke up. "I know it's not an excuse for what he did, but how incredibly sad. He never knew real love or how it felt for someone to love him. His whole life, he had no one. What a waste of his life." I pulled her closer and kissed her head, adoring her for her ability to still have some compassion for someone who had hurt her so badly.

For a moment we were all quiet, reflecting on Bella's soft words. We all had someone; we had all been loved during our life by parents, siblings, even friends. She was right. James had been alone his whole life. But she was also right about another thing. It did _not _excuse what he did.

Sebastian stopped in front of Carlisle, already looking to him for guidance. "What do I do Carlisle? I don't want his fucking money. I don't want anything to do with him," he spit out, his hands thrown up in the air.

"It's probably most of your money anyway, Sebastian," Carlisle pointed out.

"I don't want it," he insisted.

Everyone was surprised when Bella sat up, clapped her hands and laughed.

"You so need to accept it, Sebastian."

"Why would I do that Bella?" he asked clearly mystified.

"Think about it. What would piss James off the most?"

"Um… I don't know?"

She turned to me. "Edward didn't you tell me you wanted to add a charitable arm to the new agency?"

"Eventually, yes." But I smiled. I knew where she was going with this...

She looked up at Sebastian.

"Donate all the money there. Edward and Carlisle will hire someone who can oversee it. It can be invested so it continues making money. And give it away. And keep doing it. James would have fucking hated that. Think of all the potential places it would do so much good in. Bursaries, scholarships, or helping out under privileged kids, abused women. Whether he wanted it or not his money will help other people. It would sort of be justice for all his…past behaviors. "

Sebastian burst out laughing. "Brilliant! He would have hated his money going to charity. What a perfect idea Bella!"

Carlisle was nodding. "Perhaps we could help out some of his earlier victims," he added softly.

I felt Bella stiffen beside me.

Sebastian suddenly spoke up again. "What agency?"

Carlisle laughed. "Have a seat Sebastian. Edward has come up with a brilliant plan of his own."

*()*

As Carlisle filled Sebastian in, Bella stood up and excused herself. After a few minutes I became concerned. When I heard the truck pull up outside with Bella's things from her apartment, I stood up. Esme stood as well, telling Carlisle and Sebastian to go next door and help. "I'll supervise and you go find Bella. It might take a while to organize so she can find the things she may need right away."

"I think she's upset."

"Then stay with her and when we're done, I'll make them coffee and sandwiches next door. Take your time," she replied kindly patting me on the arm.

I nodded and went down to the bedroom. I could see she wasn't lying on the bed and that the bathroom door was closed. I knocked on the door and when I got no response I went in. She was sitting on the edge of the tub, her head hanging down, her shoulders working as she drew in deep breaths. Immediately I knelt in front of her, lifting her face. "Bella?"

"There were other people, Edward? He had hurt other people as well?" Her voice was barely audible. I curled my hand around hers and felt the hard shape of her inhaler in her hands.

I nodded.

"Will you tell me?"

I shook my head. "No Bella. Suffice it to say, James took his anger out on a lot of people in his life."

I heard her draw in a ragged breath.

"Will this stop Edward?"

"What Little One? Will what stop?"

"This terrible feeling of panic. One moment I feel fine then the next I'm scared and can't breathe… and then…"

"Then?" I prompted. I wanted her to talk, to tell me. We had comforted and soothed each other, but we still hadn't talked about what had transpired that night.

"Then I feel it again. Him touching me," she shivered. "I remember how sick I felt when he licked the blood on my arm."

I felt my hands gripping her thighs as I struggled to remain calm. He'd licked her blood? The sick bastard had licked her blood after he cut her? Revulsion tore through me as I thought of his tongue on her skin. I now understood how Bella felt wanting Victoria in front of her so she could hit her. I wanted James standing here right now so I could hit him until I physically couldn't do it anymore. I pulled in a deep breath. And then another; I had to try to calm the anger coursing through my body. When I spoke my voice was quiet.

"It will Bella. It will get better. There's just been so…much. Stress and pain and confusion and then… what you went through that night…" my voice trailed off.

"What we went through that night Edward," she reminded me softly.

I leaned forward until my forehead touched hers. "I was so petrified seeing you tied up and injured like that, and him so close to you. Every time he cut you, touched you, I wanted to kill him. Hearing him threaten you were the worst moments of my life," I admitted softly.

"I struggle too Bella. When you're not where I can reach out and touch you, I feel panic. When you left today with Esme I wanted to run after you and just bring you back. I know it will get better; it's just going to take time. And we need to talk. You have to let me know when you're feeling scared or stressed. I want to help. And I know being close to each other helps."

I stood up. "In fact… move over."

"What are you doing?"

I reached past her and turned the water on. I fumbled around with the taps and found the plug and then I heard the rushing sound of the tub beginning to fill. Leaning over I kissed her softly. "I'm going to help us."

"You want a bath? Now?"

I stood up pulling her with me. "Yep. Now. With you. Arms up."

"But the others…" she began to protest even as she held up her arms and I dragged her shirt over her head.

"Are busy. They… uh… went out for a walk. It's just us right now." At least that part was true.

I pulled her close. "You. Me. The tub. I'm _asking _you Bella."

I felt her hands fumble with my belt. "I can't refuse when you ask Edward."

"That's what I was counting on," I whispered before capturing her lips with mine softly.

*()*

Bella got in the tub and looked up me expectantly.

I lowered myself into the warm water facing her. Reaching over, I pulled her into my arms dragging her close until we were flush, chest to chest, legs wrapped around each other. I had turned on some soft music and its gentle sound filled the room as I simply held her, relishing in her closeness, while I nuzzled the top of her head softly.

I pulled back and clasped her hands, kissing the knuckles gently. "Such little hands, yet they hold such power," I murmured.

Bella cocked her head to the side not understanding.

I continued nuzzling her hands softly as I spoke. "One touch Bella. One touch from your little hand does so much. It calms me. It excites me. It makes me feel loved. Your hands rub my sore muscles, and stroke my head when it hurts." I chuckled before continuing, "Cover my mouth when I'm being rude and bake the most delicious things I've ever tasted. Love flows through these hands of yours."

I could feel her tense body relaxing as I spoke.

I cupped her face briefly. "He's gone Bella. He will never touch you again. My touch, I want you to only feel my touch." I lifted her arm. I could see the bruising, the welts from the rope and the cuts that still marred its surface. Gently I moved my lips over each cut and blemish he had put on her skin, worshipping her. My fingers ghosted over the marks sweeping away his touch as I whispered how much I loved her, how brave she was, how she was mine. Utterly and completely mine. I then did the same with her other arm, this time swirling my tongue where I knew his had been.

Bella's legs tightened around me in response. I could feel her breathing picking up. I smiled against her arm. I was so not finished reclaiming her yet.

When I reached her shoulder I used my forehead to gently push on her chin gaining access to her neck. My hands cradled the back of her head as I continued healing her. The thin red welt left by the knife still stood out against her pale skin. I pushed down my anger, wanting to concentrate on Bella. Softly I nuzzled my way across the cut, using just my lips and tongue to kiss away the memory of its infliction. I paused for a moment drinking in her scent. Her body was angled so her core was pressed right up against me. I could feel myself hardening, wanting her. It took a great effort to continue my soft explorations.

I kissed and nuzzled down the centre of her chest where I knew the knife had traced. I kissed the spot over her heart whispering how it belonged to me, how _she_ belonged to me. Her hands came up behind me holding me tightly to her chest. Unable to resist I allowed my tongue to sweep across her nipple earning me one of Bella's sweet little gasps. Smiling I drew it in my mouth caressing it with my tongue, then slowly kissed my way over to the other side giving that nipple the same soft loving attention.

Slowly I swirled my tongue up her neck until I reached her ear. "Who do you belong to Bella?" I whispered into her ear, pausing to nibble on her lobe. "Whose touch does your body crave?"

"You…yours," she whimpered.

"That's right my girl. Mine, all mine," I chuckled softly and then moved my lips to her sweet face.

Gingerly, tenderly, I traced the dark bruise on her cheek with my lips. I knew it was still painful. I barely allowed my lips to ghost over the hurt before I dropped tiny butterfly kisses over it and then rained them all over the rest of her face. By the time I had slowly worked my way close to her lips Bella's breath was coming out in short tiny gasps, her legs tightening around my waist drawing me closer and closer where my now aching cock was desperate to enter. Her hands were wound into the back of my hair tugging me closer, seemingly needing me as much as I needed her. I captured her soft wanting lips with mine, groaning as she opened up for me right away, her tongue meeting mine passionately. I growled lowly in the back of my throat as I felt her one hand snake down between us and wrap around my erection. As she stroked me I could feel my desire building, winding through me like a hot flame, and I drew back, breaking the kiss. When I spoke I could hear the longing in my voice. "We need to get out of the tub. NOW."

Bella shook her head and crashed her mouth back to mine. At the same time she rose up and with one downward motion I was engulfed in her heat. My entire body exploded in flames and I gripped her hips holding her to me. I allowed her to set the pace and soon her soft pants surrounded us, as I filled her again and again. "So close Baby," I groaned in her ear and then felt her muscles clench as her body shuddered. That was all it took and I was coming inside her thrusting upwards needing to be as deeply inside her as I could be as I came.

She collapsed against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her holding her tightly to me. Nothing was said as out breathing slowly returned to normal. I felt her shiver and realized how much the water around us had cooled off. I turned my head to the side so my lips were against her ear. "Keep your arms and legs wrapped around me Little One. Good and tight, okay?" I felt her nod on my shoulder and smiling I kissed her cheek, before bracing my arms on the side of the tub and standing up taking her with me. I used my feet to find and pull out the plug then I used one hand to turn the shower on. When the water was warm I turned Bella around under the spray and reaching behind me regretfully pulled her legs off and released her body from mine. The water flowed over our bodies as she moved back into my embrace and we stood wrapped up in each other. Still no words were uttered. Soft kisses and loving gentle touches were all either of us needed right then. After wrapping a towel around her, I grabbed one and tied it around my waist. I pulled her into the bedroom and lifted the covers.

"My dad..." she started to protest.

"Will be here when we wake up. Please."

She crawled under the covers, hesitated then turned her back to me, moving towards the centre of the bed. I felt my throat tighten at her actions and I crawled in behind her and slowly adjusted myself until my chest was close to her back, but waited for her to be the one to make the first move. I left my arm lying on my side as she hesitated briefly, then she slowly closed the space between us and reached behind her to draw my arm around her waist. I nuzzled her hair loving her bravery and she sighed softly pressing herself back into me. I closed my eyes and slept.

*()*

I woke to the sound of voices in the front room. Bella was still curled into my chest, but I knew she was awake also. Her lips were softly caressing the hand she was holding between hers.

"I guess we need to go and join the gang," I smiled into her ear as I spoke.

She nodded.

"I have to talk to my dad today Edward. I'm not sure how he is going to take the news of me leaving so quickly."

I gathered her closer. "I know. I wish I could tell you to stay and come later like Esme, but I can't. I can't leave you behind."

She shook her head. "No Edward, I want to go with you. I don't want to be without you either. I just hope he's not too upset."

"He could come with us, stay for a while." I offered. "So he could see where you were going to live and maybe feel better about you going."

Bella twisted in my arms, gazing up at me. "Thank you, Edward. I'll talk to him." She sighed. "I hear his voice. I'm surprised no one has come looking for us."

I grinned. "Esme was overseeing them. She knew we needed some time alone. She probably told them I had a headache and you were lying with me or something."

Bella chuckled softly. "Or something all right," she whispered as she leaned up to kiss me softly.

"Thank you."

I kissed her back just as softly. "Anything. Anything you need. Always."

She sighed. "Let's go face the music. No matter what Esme said, someone's gonna have some smart ass comments."

I laughed. She was right.

*()*

Aside from a few cryptic remarks, our greeting was relatively calm when we joined everyone. I noticed Charlie's hug hello lasted longer than normal and when he drew back he seemed to study Bella's face. When he grasped my hand in greeting he leaned forward and spoke quietly. "She looks much better. Thank you." Then he drew back and put his arm around Bella, taking her over to the couch to sit with him. It instantly felt wrong, not having Bella tucked into my side. But I also knew what we would be telling him later and I knew Bella needed to be close to him right now.

Emmett groaned loudly from the table. "I am starving! What are we doing about dinner?"

Rose laughed. "You are always starving."

Esme's voice was surprised. "You just ate three sandwiches about an hour ago."

Emmett snorted. "So I had a snack. I worked hard today!"

Everyone laughed.

Esme's voice lifted above the laughter. "Any suggestions?"

Surprisingly it was Bella's voice that spoke next. "I would love some Chinese food."

Sebastian spoke up. "There's a great place not far from here. We could order and bring it in?"

Amid the chorus of yeses he stood up. "I've got a menu at the house. I'll go grab it and be back."

Alice joined him and they left. Rose and Esme starting getting things organized so I went and sat beside Emmett and Carlisle, leaving Bella alone with her dad on the couch. I thought she'd like the brief piece of privacy.

Emmett leaned forward. "Carlisle filled me in Edward. Fucking awesome. I can't wait to get started."

I grinned at his enthusiasm.

"I think it's going to be amazing," I agreed. "I think we all need it. A change. A challenge."

Carlisle spoke up quietly. "How long until you go Edward?"

I shrugged. "Not until we finish the CD and do a little promotion. I won't abandon the project or Sebastian. And we can get things rolling on MCM." I paused. "I promised Bella I would see Dr. Newton when I get back as well. I also want to make sure is she ready to go. I want her to be comfortable leaving. Six weeks, maybe eight?"

Carlisle nodded. "We don't need a lot more PR around the CD. And Sebastian is willing to do the bulk of it surrounding the release which will free you up to go."

I leaned forward. "There is one interview I want to give Carlisle. And I was hoping we could have it done by a certain person."

"That's an unusual request coming from you Edward. I'm all ears."

"I want to do a personal interview. I want to talk about my eye disease. I'm tired of hiding it. And I want Esme to do it."

Utter silence met my statement.

"Holy shit," muttered Emmett at the same time as Carlisle's, "Well fuck me running," came out.

I heard hurried steps and felt Bella's arms wrap around my shoulders, her voice in my ear. "Oh Edward. I'm so proud of you."

I turned my head. "Will you be with me?" I asked quietly.

"Yes. Every minute."

Relieved I turned back to Carlisle. "Think you have enough pull with _someone_ to arrange that?" I asked grinning.

"He doesn't have to ask," Esme's voice spoke from the kitchen. "It would be an honor to do an interview with you Edward."

I inclined my head towards her. "My honor as well Esme."

"I'm going to ask some tough questions," she warned.

Carlisle spoke up. "We need final say over all questions asked Ms. Platt."

Esme snorted. "Nice try Mr. Cullen. He requested the interview. My rules." Then she turned and walked towards the connecting door.

Carlisle got up and started following. I could hear them continue to bicker. I chuckled. I'd let them work it out.

Bella leaned down. "You're going to answer all her questions aren't you?"

I nodded. "I want it done. You're right Bella. My lack of eyesight doesn't define me. I've let Victoria's ghost hold me back for too long. I want my life going forward with you to be based on truth."

Her arms squeezed me. "Thank you."

Emmett leaned forward "You gonna tell Carlisle?"

I shook my head. "Nah. Its fun listening to Esme tell him off."

Emmett laughed.

"True enough."

*()*

Dinner was another amusing gathering. Laughter and good natured ribbing went around the table. Even Charlie joined in. Bella remained close but seemed a little more relaxed. After dinner, people started drifting off to their own little worlds. Eventually there was only Charlie, Bella and I left. Bella was curled up beside me on the couch, our hands entwined, while Charlie sat across from us. I was half listening as she and Charlie talked about various things. I was tired and edgy. It had been another long emotional day. It felt like they never stopped happening. I was worried about Charlie's reaction to Bella's news. I didn't want him upset with her. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. Leaning forward I cleared my throat.

I felt their gazes on me as they both fell silent.

_Fuck. I really should have thought this through before starting._

Squeezing Bella's hand I took in a breath.

"So, Bella and I have some news Charlie."

"No conversation that starts with those words bodes well Edward," Charlie remarked darkly.

I hesitated. "I'm going to be finished working on the CD next week, so I'll be leaving…um... not long after that. In fact, almost immediately."

"The next words out of your mouth had better be that you're taking my daughter with you Edward, or we're not going to be friends anymore."

I was stunned. Bella chuckled softly. "Gee, anxious to get rid of me Dad?"

Charlie leaned back. "No Babygirl, I'm going to miss you like crazy. But you need to be with Edward. He needs you. It's as simple as that. Even I can see that."

"I won't go without her Charlie. She's the most important thing in my life," I spoke directly to him. "I promise you she will be taken care of and loved. Very much loved."

"I'm counting on that Edward."

"I know it's fast Dad, but we…we both need the change of scenery right now," Bella said softly.

"That's hardly a surprise. You, uh, you gonna come back and visit your old man from time to time?" I heard the slight waver in his voice with the last sentence.

Bella let go of my hand and jumped up. She moved quickly and I saw she was wrapped up in her father's arms.

I quietly got up and left.

They needed some time alone to talk.

*()*

Light spilled into the room from the hall as the bedroom door opened and Bella slipped in. I took the headphones off and opened my arms. Bella crawled up on the bed and curled up on my lap.

"How'd it go?" I asked softly as I stroked her still damp cheek.

"It was good," she whispered. "He wants me to be happy. And he knows you make me happy."

"Is he upset it's happening so soon?"

She shook her head. "He understands Edward."

We were quiet for a moment. "Did you extend my invitation to come with us?"

Bella nodded and leaned her head back. "He thought it was a great offer, but he said no. I told him about your plans to go away and he promised he would fly out to visit before we left. He wants to know all about our trip."

"Whenever he wants Bella. I'll send the plane anytime."

"Um, he also said he would fly commercial. He doesn't need to ...um… be flown around in a rock star's plane."

I laughed. "I hope you set him straight Bella. I am _not _a rock star. Nor do I live like one. We classical composers tend to live a little more... quietly."

Her hand came up and stroked my cheek. "You own a plane Edward. You own large amounts of real estate, and probably make more money in your sleep than he ever did in an entire year. You plan vacations that last months. You have people. You don't have a regular job. You play music for a living. To him you are a rock star," she teased.

I had to chuckle over her description. Leaning down I waggled my eyebrows at her. "If I'm a rock star Bella, does that mean you're my…groupie?" I asked trying to sound seductive. Her answering snort showed I failed, but I kissed her deeply anyway.

Then her voice grew serious. "He knows you're going to look after me. He knows what a good person you are. And he knows how much I love you. That's what's important to him."

I wrapped her up in my arms. "I will Bella. You'll never want for anything."

"I _have _what I want. And need Edward. I have you," she said softly.

As usual her simple honesty stunned me. Her gentle soul and love had healed my fractured heart and I would be eternally grateful for the day she entered my life.

"I love you Little One," I whispered softly, not trusting my voice to say much more without breaking.

She snuggled even closer.

"Always, Edward. Always."

*()*

I shifted in my seat, trying to get comfortable. I felt Bella squeeze my hand in reassurance. Esme was talking to her cameraman giving him some last minute instructions, and then she came over and sat down across from us.

"Okay Edward?"

I nodded.

"Bella? You're doing alright?"

"I'm good Esme. A little nervous but good."

"This is the last part. And it's just us, talking. It will all be edited so don't worry about slip ups, okay?"

Again I nodded. Esme and her cameraman had spent a few days following me around. Recording me working with Sebastian, talking with Carlisle, capturing quiet moments with Bella. She and I had already taped other conversations, briefly going over some history, including a brief summary of my time with Victoria and the aftermath of James. I refused to disclose much of what happened, but agreed some information was necessary. Despite her warning, her questions were fair, her comments professional and her demeanor kind. She had also interviewed Carlisle, Emmett and Sebastian separately and together with me. This was the final piece we were doing, Bella and I together.

I had answered all her questions, done everything she asked. She won that argument. Carlisle had the final approval of the finished product. He won that one.

I felt the bright lights come on. "Alright, you two. Here we go."

I lifted Bella's hand and kissed it softly. I drew in a calming breath and smiled.

"Let's do this Esme."

I heard the familiar lead in…

And we were rolling.

*()*

It was done. I sighed with relief and leaned over to Bella. I brushed her cheek softly. "You were perfect. Thank you."

Her hand cupped my cheek. "Anything. Anytime," she whispered.

Carlisle came over. "That was well done. Both of you. And Esme, my love, brilliant."

Esme accepted his praise with a smile.

"I think it will be a powerful piece once it's all put together. Thank you for doing this Edward," she spoke seriously. "I think it will meet with a lot of positive feedback. Have you thought if you'll do any follow up interviews?"

I shook my head. "No. This was personal. I've said all I want or need to on the subject. I wanted to do this and close that chapter on my life. I'm ready to move forward." I wrapped my arm around Bella and drew her closer. "I'm done with the past."

"A- fucking- men to that," Carlisle breathed.

*()*

The car arrived at the hangar. Bella's hand was gripping mine hard. I knew today would be an emotional one for her. Charlie was beside Bella, holding her other hand.

The entire gang was following us in other cars. Bella and I were leaving today with Emmett and Rose, who was coming to visit for a while. Or if Emmett had his way, permanently. Carlisle was staying for an extra few days to help Sebastian and would head home then. Esme would follow soon. Sebastian and Alice were working on their own plans.

The past days had been busy. Between finishing the CD, planning its release, doing the interviews, planning the new agency and still coping with the aftermath of what had transpired, the time had flown by. Both Bella and I were tired and I was looking forward to getting home and having some quiet time to work on our plans for the future and to just recover from everything. All of Bella`s boxes were already loaded on the plane. She had spent time saying goodbye to other friends, spending time with her dad and yet every day she was beside me whenever I needed her. We became anxious when apart for any length of time and we both felt better when the other person was close. We gave up trying to explain it and just accepted it was what we needed right now.

The car door opened and I squeezed Bella`s hand before getting out. I spoke briefly to Carlisle and Esme giving Bella a chance for some more private goodbyes. I knew the hardest would be Charlie. Even though they would visit back and forth, their relationship would forever change after today with the distance. I had spoken to Charlie privately over many things including my offer and he had grudgingly agreed to take me up on it at some point. I had to smile after talking to him as it was evident where Bella got her stubbornness from.

Emmett and Rose boarded the plane after saying their goodbyes. Bella gave a final hug to everyone and then turned to her father. I felt a lump in my throat as I saw her face buried in his chest, knowing she would be struggling to be brave for his sake. When I saw her step back I went over to say goodbye to Charlie.

"Take care of her Edward," Charlie said gruffly.

"With my life," I promised, pulling Bella into my side.

"I'll be there soon to check up on you, Babygirl."

"We'll look forward to it," I said, shaking his hand, knowing Bella wouldn't be able to speak at this point.

One last hug. One last kiss and one last soft I love you was exchanged and then we made our way to the plane. Carlisle came on board and after making sure everything was in order, leaned down to Bella.

"I'll go visit in a couple days, kiddo. Charlie and I will spend some quality time with a few beers and some fishing."

I laughed at the thought of Carlisle fishing. Even Bella chuckled. But she leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Thanks Carlisle."

Carlisle clapped me on the shoulder. "Have a good flight home Edward."

"I'll call you later," I smiled.

*()*

We were all quiet. Bella was curled into my side where she fit so perfectly. She hadn't said much since we'd taken off. I leaned down and kissed her head.

"Okay Little One?"

She nodded and snuggled closer. Unsnapping her seatbelt, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her onto my lap. I held her, offering the comfort of my embrace.

After a while she looked up. "I'm fine Edward."

"I'm so happy you're with me," I said softly, nuzzling her cheek. "There's so much I want to share with you Bella. Everything I have, everything I am, is yours."

Her arms wrapped around my neck pulling my face down to hers. I felt her soft lips on mine. Gently, lovingly our lips moved together briefly. Regretfully I pulled back knowing we weren't alone onboard.

"I know it's hard leaving your home and your life," I continued softly, wanting her to know I understood. "I hope one day soon you'll feel like you have a new home. And a good life. With me."

Her hands cupped my face.

"Edward. I'll miss my friends and my dad. I know I'll see them again. But, I didn't leave my life. Or my home. I left the place I lived." Her soft lips touched mine again.

"My life is already good. I have you. You _are _my life. Your arms are my home."

I pulled her back to me and held her, her words once again making my heart soar with love.

Leaning down I kissed her deeply trying to convey the depth of my feelings. Her passionate response made me wish we were already back in BC. And alone.

I broke the kiss and leaned back in my seat trying to steady my breathing. Bella was quiet for a minute then I felt her yawn softly. Smiling, I pushed the button and allowed my seat to recline. I grabbed the blanket beside me and threw it over us tucking Bella up tightly into my chest.

"Sleep Little One. I'll wake you when we get there."

"I love you," she whispered nuzzling into my chest as she drifted off.

I sighed in contentment. My life had changed so much in such a short time and it was all due to her. I had been able to put so many bad memories and so much pain behind me. Waking up in the morning no longer held the same emptiness I had felt for so long. My life had purpose again. Bella had given me that purpose. I no longer wished to be alone. Because I no longer had to pretend. I was actually living.

I was smiling as I stroked Bella's cheek while she slumbered in my arms.

With her heart I found my peace.

With her love I found my home.

And holding my world, I filled my head with plans for the future.

Our future.

**One more later this week. Snippets and epi next week.**


	46. Chapter 46

**Here we are... the final regular chapter of Awaken. Thank you coming with me on this journey.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing. You words have made me smile. **

**The one thing in this fandom that continues to amaze me are the wonderful people I get to know. My ladies, Kitkat Cullen, Cejsmom, Windchymes and MidNight Cougar are all women I am blessed to be able to call friends. And Sandy Swearingen, thank you for your help and encouragment. I am blessed to have you as a friend as well.**

**Thank you all. **

Six weeks later….

I leaned back against the headrest allowing the steady hum of the car to relax me. I was on my way home.

Home.

Back to Bella.

It had been a long two days. The longest we'd been apart since arriving in BC. Even with no threat of danger to either of us, and I knew she was safe at the house with Emmett close, I was still anxious when I was away from her. I had spoken with her and she was fine, but I knew her well enough to hear the underlying tone to her soft voice and I knew she felt the same anxiety I did. I doubted she had slept well the night we were apart. I knew I certainly hadn't.

"I hate flying commercial," I muttered, hating the drive ahead of us, knowing normally it was a ten minute drive from my private air strip up to the house.

Carlisle laughed. "Yeah, we are spoiled. But it was only one way Edward. And you were right to leave Paul there to fly everyone coming from Toronto back in a few days. Made the most sense. And Paul was looking forward to visiting some family he has there. Usually he flies you in and out so quickly he doesn't have a chance to visit."

I nodded.

The car was quiet for a few minutes then Carlisle chuckled.

"What?"

"Just going through your credit card statements and receipts for the last few weeks. I think maybe you need to talk to Bella about her spending habits."

I sat up. "What are you talking about? She has full access to the accounts Carlisle."

"That's my point Edward. She has given me all the bills from the projects around the house, groceries and the usual kind of bills, but aside from one cash withdrawal for a hundred dollars; she hasn't spent a penny on anything else." He paused, and then snorted. "Never mind, she deposited the hundred dollars back two days later."

I shook my head. "She is still using her own credit card for anything she needs or wants. She is so stubborn. The only time she doesn't seem to worry about the money side, is if it's something she thinks will make me comfortable or happy. I'll talk to her again."

"Give her some time Edward. All of this is very new to her. She is used to being independent."

I nodded. It was one of things I loved so much about her. "I don't want to take away her independence. I just want her to know I'll take care of her Carlisle. She is so giving. I want her to have anything she needs. And I certainly don't need her re-depositing anything. "

"She knows," Carlisle spoke softly. "She is just adjusting. Be patient."

Then he laughed. "I doubt most men have this issue. I think usually they're begging their partners not to spend so much, not asking them to do the opposite."

I chuckled. "Bella isn't like most partners."

"That, Edward, is an understatement."

*()*

I sighed impatiently.

"We'll be there soon Edward," Carlisle spoke up. "She and Esme have been busy the last couple days with their latest undertaking. I gather there have been many changes again. They amaze me." he said, his voice filled with pride.

I smiled. Change had been the one constant in the past weeks. While I finished off the CD, and worked with Carlisle and Emmett on the new agency, many changes had taken place around me. Soft muted colors now graced the walls inside the house. Not one, but two very large comfy sofas had replaced the uncomfortable one that had been there before. Soft pillows and handy blankets made afternoon naps with Bella highly enjoyable. Sometimes we even slept. Tables with rounded edges appeared, lamps that only glowed with diffused soft lighting, and bright artwork now adorned the walls. Softly scented candles added light aromas and made the house feel welcoming. The accents in the rooms were all of vivid colors making them easy for me to see and have points of reference in the rooms. Bella had done everything with me in mind. And with every new addition or change, she talked me through the room and its placement so I was sure of my surroundings. And I knew when I walked into the house today three things would greet me. Some wonderful aroma drifting through from the kitchen, Bella's arms around me as her sweet voice welcomed me home and the total sense of completion I felt once she was close.

Esme had arrived two weeks after Bella and I did, and had been busy making their place into a home as well. Adding a "woman's touch" she informed me. And knowing Carlisle I had no doubt it needed it as much as mine did.

"What was happening today?" I asked, not sure if I could remember.

"The trim was being painted on your place and some landscaping finished."

"Right." Whatever that entailed, really I had no idea.

"I got the last of your confirmations today Edward. Everything is all set for your trip. You leave in two weeks. You still going to be…all ready?"

I nodded. "Did you talk to Esme about everything?"

"I did. You call her tonight and Project Runway is ready."

I laughed. "Project Runway?"

"Edward, you want a wedding, a small one mind you, but a wedding arranged and pulled off in a very short time. It's better than her first choice for a name."

"Which was?"

"Holy fuck Bella's gonna freak."

I laughed. "I guess Project Runway does roll off the tongue easier."

Then I grew serious. "I have the ring. I'm sure Bella will say yes. And I want to take her away as my wife. Charlie will be here, so will Alice and Rose. She told me already she just wants it simple. No fuss. In fact she mentioned once how pretty it would be to get married out back. So we will. We'll say our vows at home with the people we love. Have dinner. A cake. A few days later, I'll take her away on the most romantic honeymoon she could possibly dream of."

Carlisle chuckled. "Sounds simple enough, Edward. Hope Bella feels the same way when you tell her."

"I thought about that. If she wants big and fancy then we'll wait. But if she wants what I think she wants, then all she has to do is pick a dress and tell Esme what she wants for flowers and dinner. The rest is done. No stress for her. "

"Guess we'll know tonight Edward."

I nodded.

And suddenly got very nervous.

*()*

The car slowed down at the security gates and I heard the numbers being punched into the keypad. I smiled knowing soon I would be wrapped up in Bella. As the car made its way around the property, Jacob asked if Carlisle wanted out first or last.

"Just take us both to Edward's, Jacob. Drop my bag off at the house and I'll get it after. I'll walk home with Esme from there."

"Gotcha," Jacob's pleasant voice laughed.

Soon the car stopped and I heard Carlisle's quick intake of breath.

"What?" I asked immediately nervous.

"I have no idea how they did this. Fuck, Edward. "

"What?"

"It looks like a totally different place."

We got out of the car and stood for a minute, looking towards the house. It was early evening and I could see the trim was now a rich terra cotta color. It stood out very well and I could actually make out the lines of the house. But what I could really see were the brilliant patches of color and green that now peppered the front of the house. Before it all been grass and that was it. Now I could make out trees and shrubs and could smell the flowers that seemed to wave in the light breeze around us. Muted lighting lined the walkway up to the front door with patches of vibrant color in between the pools of glowing lights. It was vastly different and very welcoming. And then I heard one of my favorite sounds in the world. The door opening and Bella's hurried footsteps as she came to greet me, with Esme following her at a more sedate pace. Smiling, I braced myself for the impact and was rewarded when she launched herself into my waiting arms. I held her closely for a moment then sat her back down on her feet and cupping her face, kissed her thoroughly.

Pulling back I brushed her lips one final time. "Hi Little One."

"Hey you. Welcome home. I missed you." Her soft voice, as always, instantly relaxed me.

"You've been busy again," I laughed sweeping my arm towards the front of the house. "Show me."

We spent the next while walking around as Bella described the flowers and trees. Then we went out back and she showed me the pots with their brilliant splashes of color that she added around the deck and the pool. It was easy for me now to see the edge of the deck with the rail boxes filled with flowers. One of the first things Bella had done when we arrived back was to add bright colored furniture to the deck and a large barbeque that was already well used. We had already spent many pleasant evenings out here and I knew many more would occur. Fingering the box in my pocket I hoped there would be one very special night soon.

"Brilliant," Carlisle spoke up admiringly.

Esme laughed. "We're a good team. They are doing our place in a few days."

Carlisle sighed dramatically. "Of course they are. And I assume once Rose gets here they'll be back as well."

I felt Bella chuckle. I leaned down and brushed a kiss on her head. "It's amazing. Thank you."

Her arm that was wrapped around my waist squeezed me a little tighter. "I'm glad you're home," she whispered.

I pulled her closer.

Esme spoke up. "Let's go home Carlisle. I want to hear all about your trip. Oh, Edward," she turned to me. "I got the advance copy of the program. I know it airs Friday, but I thought you might like to sit with us and watch it?"

I nodded. "Maybe we'll come over tomorrow night and watch it?" We had a TV for Bella to watch, but Carlisle had a massive one that I might actually be able to make out some of it.

*()*

As soon as they left and the door closed I had Bella in my arms. My lips found hers and I was able to greet her properly. It felt like two months not two days since I had last had her. Her response was just as passionate and we both lost ourselves in each other. Her hands were buried in my hair pulling me impossibly closer, and her soft little whimpers set my blood racing. Before I even realized what I was doing I had her up on the back of the sofa pressing into her as I kissed her as deeply as I could. I pulled back gasping, shaking my head trying to clear it. I had plans for tonight and they didn't include ravaging her on the back of the sofa. But Bella had plans as well. Grabbing my shirt in her fist she pulled me forward, crashing her lips back to mine, and wrapping her leg around my waist. It seemed she was okay with the ravaging. I felt my shirt tear under her hands and smiled against her mouth. "Eager are we?" I whispered, nipping at her lips.

Her only answer was to palm my erection through my pants and crash her mouth back to mine. Groaning, I yanked at my belt and pants getting them off as quickly as possible as Bella struggled to rid herself of her clothing without releasing my lips. Her tongue stroked and tasted. Twisted and fluttered. Finally her body arched, drawing me in, and I was truly home, cradled inside Bella. Her legs wrapped around me, drawing me deeper into her heat. "Fuck, Bella," I breathed, groaning at the sensation.

"So good baby, you feel so fucking good," I panted into her neck, swirling my tongue on her skin.

"Yes… Edward! More… yes…" her cries echoed in my ears as I gave myself over to the intense feelings she was bringing forth. As my release tore through me, I felt her shudder and gasp out my name.

As we slowly came back to earth, I grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around both of us and sank to the floor holding her securely. Slowly our breathing returned to normal. I nuzzled the top of her head. "Okay Little One?" I asked quietly.

"Aside from feeling like jello, I'm good," she whispered.

I laughed softly.

She titled her head back. "Not sure, but I think I forgot to turn the oven on."

I shrugged. "Save it for tomorrow. I'm good with a sandwich. Already had my dessert," I added teasingly.

Bella looked down and I felt her move her hand around then hold something up. "A button," she explained. "Sorry about your shirt."

"Feel free to rip any of my shirts for _that_ Bella…anytime. I liked being welcomed home like that."

She snuggled into my chest and I held her tightly.

"I'm glad you're home," she whispered. "I missed you."

I tipped her chin up and kissed her softly. "I missed you as well."

My voice was quiet. "How was therapy today?"

"Good. It went well. Deb is very easy to talk to. She helps me sort things out. Get them out of my head and into the open and figure them out, you know?"

"I'm glad. I see Gary tomorrow. And I think we have a couple session next week?"

Bella nodded. "It helps so much Edward."

I smiled and nodded at her as I stroked her cheek. The bruises had faded for both of us. The marks left behind from the knife were slowly disappearing, although some of them we would always carry. The emotional toll we were dealing with both separately, as well as a couple, especially since some of my issues stemmed back years. But we were slowly moving forward. I already saw a change and found ways to vent my anger other than lashing out at my loved ones. Bella was calmer although still reacted to certain stimuli. I knew it would take time, but we would get there.

Together we could do anything.

*()*

I sighed in utter contentment. I was lying on a blanket in front of the fire with my head on Bella's lap, the remnants of an impromptu picnic sitting around us. Bella's hand was stroking my head. Looking up I could see her staring in the direction of the fire, seemingly lost in thought. I could make out the glow of the flames as their light danced across her skin and hair. So lovely.

My hand felt once more for the tiny velvet box I had picked up this morning. Again with Esme's help I had something I wanted to give Bella. It was part of the reason I had agreed to go back to Toronto. It was too precious to let someone else pick up. Keeping the box in my hand, I sat up, and then turned to face Bella, surprising her when I pulled her close to me draping her legs over mine.

Her head tilted as it always did when she was wondering what I was up to and trying to figure it out.

I took a deep breath in. Leaning forward I kissed her softly. "Hi," I whispered.

"Hey you." I smiled softly at her usual reply.

"So, Carlisle got the last of the confirmations on the trip. There's just one thing left to do before we leave."

"Aside from trying to pack lightly for a month long, maybe more, trip?" she laughed.

I sighed. "Bella, just pack a few things. We'll buy what we need, when we need it."

I stroked her cheek. "I know this is new baby, but I can afford to buy you anything you want. So don't worry about it. Please."

She nodded, but I could see she was still not entirely comfortable with the idea. I decided to leave it until tomorrow.

"What is the one thing?" she asked.

"A new passport for you," I said softly.

"No Edward, my passport is still good for another year. I checked."

My stomach clenched a little with the nerves that suddenly appeared again. "It has the wrong name on it."

"The wrong name? What are you talking…" her voice trailed off as I opened my hand to reveal the deep blue velvet box out and held it up.

"It _will_ have the wrong name on it if you say yes. To this. To me."

I saw her hands cover her mouth. "Edward…"

"Marry me Bella. I want to take you away as my wife. I want our forever to start now. Please."

There was silence. I could see the tears that were dripping down her cheeks.

The room was suddenly too hot. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she wouldn't say yes.

"Bella?" I whispered.

Then her lips were on mine. Her arms around my neck. And she was laughing and saying yes. Over and over again. I pulled her tightly to my chest; feeling like my heart would burst from happiness.

I lifted her chin and kissed her deeply. Then I pressed the ring box into her hand.

"I promised I would give you the usual symbol of our commitment Bella. Open it."

I heard the box open. And the gasp that escaped her mouth. Reaching over I plucked the ring from its mooring and taking her left hand, slid it on her finger. It fit perfectly. I could see the brilliant shimmer in the firelight. I looked up at Bella who was staring at it in wonder.

"Do you like it?"

"Edward it's… there are no words for it. It's magnificent."

I cupped her cheek. "It's a symbol of my feelings for you Bella. The three most perfect diamonds I could get. They are the past, present and future of our relationship. And it, uh, should be engraved."

She took the ring off and examined it in the firelight. "My Wonderment," she breathed.

"You are," I said softly.

She shook her head. "I don't know how I got lucky enough to have you love me Edward Masen. But I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you right back."

"That's all I want," I smiled as I pulled her into my lap and kissed her.

*()*

We sat in quiet bliss. As I sipped my brandy, I watched Bella holding up her hand watching the diamonds glitter. I saw her frown a couple times but she remained silent.

_Maybe she didn't like the ring?_

"Are you sure you like it Bella? I can have it redesigned?" I asked softly.

"Edward. No. It's breath taking. It's just…"

"What?"

"So big."

I laughed.

"It's only five carats Bella."

I heard her gasp.

"The one around your neck is three, why does this seem so much more?" I saw her hand fly to her neck clasping her necklace she never took off.

"I had no idea..." she whispered.

I smiled. "I can afford it Little One. It's what I wanted you to have."

"You're sounding dangerously like a rock star again, Edward."

I laughed at her gentle teasing. Leaning down I kissed her.

"They're all perfect. Like you."

"I'm far from perfect Edward"

"No, you're not perfect," I admitted grudgingly, "no one is, but you ARE perfect for me."

She sighed, and kissed me.

"Edward, I think I missed something."

I knew where this was going, but I played along anyway. "Okay… let's recap…" I said teasingly. "I asked you to marry me…"

"Yes, I got that part."

"You said yes."

"Yes I did."

I kissed her, smiling. "I liked _that_ part. So what did you miss?"

"Umm, the part about how I'll be your wife before we leave?"

"Right."

I sat the brandy down, gathered her close, her back against my chest and wrapped my arms around her.

Just in case she started swinging.

Then I nuzzled her earlobe a little before speaking.

"I, um, I may have planned a wedding for us. On Saturday."

I waited.

"It's Tuesday Edward." Her voice was surprising calm.

"I know."

"I think you need to fill me in."

"Well, Charlie arrives on Friday."

"He knows?"

"Yes, I asked his permission. After he gave me his blessing, he said he'd bring a suit."

"I see. What else did he say?"

"He said it would be good for either a wedding or a funeral depending on how you took the news."

"Edward…" her voice held a soft warning.

"Sorry."

She was holding herself stiffly in my arms but didn't try and move. I took it as a good sign. So I listed off everything I had done.

"Everyone we care about will be here Bella," I took a deep breath. "Including Dr. Banner and his wife. I, um, thought you'd like to have them here with you. I know they look on you like a daughter." I paused, mentally checking off my list. "I have the license ready to sign, a Justice of the Peace booked and ready. A florist is on standby to decorate. A photographer is booked. So is a caterer."

"All you have to do is pick out a dress, flowers and what you want for dinner. The rest is done. Oh and what kind of cake you want."

"But a new passport can take weeks!" she protested softly.

"Or you can pay extra and have it done in a day. Which I will."

She was completely silent.

"Who's been helping you?"

"Esme."

"Well, that explains why she was so adamant we get our house done first by the landscapers."

"Yes. She knew you'd want it to look good. And if you agree, tomorrow she'll take you shopping for a dress and by tomorrow night everything will be arranged. It will be exactly what you said you wanted. Pretty and simple. "

"What if I say no Edward?"

I took in a deep breath. "Then we go away as planned with you as my fiancée and I will be thrilled about that. When we get home you can plan the wedding of your dreams."

Bella twisted in my arms. "If you're waiting for me at the end of the aisle then it will be the wedding of my dreams Edward. I don't need all the other things. Just you," she paused. "Why is this so important?"

"Because I want this trip to be our honeymoon," I replied softly. "Because I don't want to wait anymore to call you my wife. I want everyone to know you're mine, Bella."

She regarded me silently, her head tilted.

"So just a dress? I don't have to wear like a huge frothy gown thing? Or heels?"

I grinned. "You can wear a t shirt and sweats if you want. Although it may look a little strange in the photos. Just tell me you'll meet me out on the deck Saturday at four and marry me."

Leaning up she brushed my earlobe. "I will," she whispered.

Overcome, I held her tightly. Then I reached for my phone.

"Who are you calling?"

I ignored her and put the phone on speaker. Esme picked up after one ring. "Edward?"

"Project Runway is a go Esme."

Her squeals were loud. I heard Carlisle's laughter behind her. Bella giggled.

"I will be there at nine o'clock to pick you up Bella. We have a lot to do!" Esme laughed.

I hung up still smiling.

Leaning down I captured Bella's lips and kissed her deeply. Then I bent over her and scooped her up in my arms.

"Now what are you doing Edward?" she giggled softly.

I could hear the emotion coming through in my voice. "Taking you to bed. I _need _you."

"I think we did that not long ago."

I leaned forward and spoke lowly in her ear. "No. Earlier, I fucked my sexy girlfriend."

I nibbled on her earlobe and smiled as she shivered. "Now I want to make love to my fiancée, who I adore."

Her arms tightened around my neck. "I think I can handle that," she hummed softly.

*()*

The house was full. The chaos nonstop. I sat on the sofa listening to everything going on around me, wishing Bella was sitting beside me. The girls had taken her away earlier this morning and I would not feel her beside me again until we said out vows. That was three hours away.

Carlisle came and sat beside me. "You almost ready to head to my place Edward? You know the girls will be back soon and we have to be out of here."

I sighed. "This is ridiculous Carlisle. Why can't I be in the same room with her before the wedding? And don't give me the 'it's tradition' bullshit. Nothing about our relationship has been traditional."

He laughed. "Not tradition Edward. Esme's rules. And I am so not arguing with her. Especially not today. Just be grateful she didn't make Bella sleep at our place last night."

I snorted. "Like I'd allow that to happen."

His tone softened. "A few hours Edward. She is getting pampered; whatever the fuck that means, and soon she'll meet you outside."

I smiled. "And then she'll be my wife. Fuck, I love saying that. Bella, my wife."

He clapped me on the shoulder. "I like hearing how happy you sound saying it. Let's go. The caterers need to set up."

I nodded. The sooner I went, the sooner I could come back.

To Bella.

*()*

It was exactly what we both wanted. Our friends and family gathered around us as we shared solemn, loving vows in the home we shared. The scent of flowers drifted around us delicately as we spoke to each other in reverent tones. The shimmer of the softest pink material as Bella walked towards me, her hand reaching out to be clasped in mine as Charlie stood beside her, silently passing her care onto me. A responsibility he knew I didn't take lightly. The tears that slowly ran down her cheeks as she whispered 'I will' matched my own as I repeated her declaration. I smiled as I felt the cool metal of the ring she placed on my hand that would bind me to her for eternity and knew I would never take it off. As I placed her ring on, I lifted her hand and ghosted a kiss on top of her fingers as a silent thank you for the gift of her love.

Then the utter and complete joy of hearing us declared man and wife. The sweetness of her kiss. And then the laughter and congratulations.

The entire evening was filled with laughter and stories and love. Even the flashbulbs going off from the photographer couldn't spoil my mood. I had worked with Derek before and he was great with letting me know when he was about to snap his lens. Eventually when Bella decided there were enough pictures, he put down his camera and just joined in the festivities, which extended long into the night. After dinner we moved back out onto the deck for dessert and dancing. Holding Bella tightly as we swayed I couldn't remember a time in my life I had felt happier or more content.

I sighed happily as I sat watching Bella dance with her father. Carlisle and Esme sat beside me taking a break from dancing themselves.

"Today was perfect Esme. Thank you," I said quietly, listening to Bella's laughter.

"It was. And you're welcome. I'm so happy for both of you," she replied, squeezing my arm.

I heard Carlisle's phone vibrate on the table. Again.

"Actually taking the night off Carlisle?" I teased.

He laughed. "Since the program aired last night Edward, it's been non-stop. I gave up earlier. I'll deal with it all tomorrow."

"What's the reaction?" I asked, yet found myself not really caring the way I would have at one point.

"Amazing, actually. Lots of requests for follow ups and more information about the CD release."

I shook my head. "No follow ups."

"I know. I have already prepared a statement that will be released next week, saying so and that you are unavailable since you are off on your honeymoon. By the time you get back it will all have died down. But the hype is certainly going to push the CD sales up."

I nodded. "I'm glad, although that's not why I did it. But it's a positive off shoot."

Bella appeared in front of me and I wrapped my arm around her waist and drew her down to my lap, kissing her cheek. "Hi…wife of mine," I whispered softly.

She chuckled and leaned up close to my ear. "Hey you…husband of mine."

I grinned. She cupped my cheek and dropped a kiss quickly on my mouth before turning around.

"That better not be business I hear being discussed at my wedding."

Carlisle snorted. "And so it begins Edward."

I laughed.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

*()*

Finally I was alone with my wife. The guests were gone, sleeping somewhere else tonight. Amazingly, the house was back in order. Bella walked around inspecting the living area. "You wouldn't even know we'd had a wedding here," she said. "The people Esme hired were amazing."

I nodded and walked towards her. Wrapping my arms around her I kissed her softly. "Yes. Now enough talk. I've been talking all night."

Her head tilted. "What did you have in mind Mr. Masen? A quiet game of chess?"

I growled and scooped her up. "Well, I certainly plan on making some moves, but not on a fucking chess board, _Mrs. Masen_," I grinned as I whispered into her ear. "And I'm not planning on being quiet."

I heard her breathing pick up. "Oh? Do tell…"

I walked down the hall slowly. "I would far rather…show you."

Bella sighed as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. "Yes please. Show your _wife_ what you want." Leaning up I felt her tongue flick my ear. "Show me what you _need_."

My step quickened and I captured her lips with mine. Oh I would show her all right.

*()*

After quickly discarding my glasses, I took my time. I couldn't see the detail on her pretty pink dress, but I could certainly feel it. I ran my hands slowly over the silky fabric, its texture soft and cool beneath my fingers. I traced the low neckline, softly gliding over the beading that glittered in the dim light. I pulled Bella close running my hands down her arms where the fabric was stiffer, textured. "The shawl is lace," she whispered softly, her head resting on my chest as she let me explore. Reaching up I tugged the light wrap off her shoulders and tossed it away, not caring where it landed. I stepped back and spun her around and felt the row of buttons that traced the line of her spine before the dress flowed out from her waist like a fluid waterfall. Groaning softly I leaned forward. "Are you very attached to this dress Little One?"

Bella laughed softly and nodded. "I can help," she whispered her hand reaching up starting to undo the small loops that held the dress in place. I fumbled with the first couple, but once I figured it out, I gently moved Bella's hands out of the way. "I want to unwrap you…" I murmured into her ear, smiling when I felt another shiver race through her. When I finally got them all undone I turned her around to face me again. I could see her chest rising and falling rapidly. My own breath was getting short. I tugged the dress off her torso and watched as it fell to the floor in a shimmery pool of material. Looking up my breath caught in my throat. Her lingerie was the same soft pink, moulding to her body. I knew that camisole. Grinning, I leaned forward, my finger glided softly over the shimmering fabric. "Is this what I think this is?" I asked, my voice husky with want.

Bella nodded. "You asked me to wear it for you one day."

I smiled softly and shrugged off my jacket. "I think I wanted to feel it…" I said as I discarded my remaining clothing quickly, drawing her to me making sure she was free from the material around her feet.

The lacy camisole tickled my chest as I crushed her to me suddenly needing to feel her close. Her nipples were already hard and I groaned as I felt them press into my chest. My mouth captured hers, our tongues dancing and tasting as we savored each other. My hands caressed her skin under the camisole which I suddenly found far too annoying. One sharp tug and I pulled it away from her body as she gasped into my mouth. Bending over, I lifted her and carried her over to our bed. I placed her on the mattress and reaching my hand down eliminated the tiny scrap of lace she called underwear. My fingers stroked her heat, thrilled to find her ready for me.

"So wet for me Bella?" I moaned against her as my mouth found her nipple.

"Only for you," she sighed as she arched into my hand. "I need you Edward. Please."

"Soon Little One," I crooned. "I want to take my time, I want to make love to my _wife _for the first time slowly," I whispered, kissing my way down her body. "Thoroughly…" I added, as I continued to touch and stroke. I teased and kissed with my fingers and my tongue, licking, sucking; all the while loving her little sounds of pleasure. I felt her orgasm roll through her body as she whimpered my name. When I felt her final shudder, I kissed my way back up and captured her mouth with mine, our tongues dancing slowly, sweetly sliding against each other. I felt her legs wrap around me urging me forward and then I felt the warmth of her engulf me as I slid into her. I stilled for a moment savoring the connection I always felt when I was inside her. I stared down at Bella, feeling her love as she gazed up at me. Slowly I lowered my mouth to hers and began moving again. Our kisses became wanton, wet and needy as my pace increased and became harder, faster, deeper. Bella's arms were wound around my neck and she met every thrust with one of her own, moaning into my mouth. I felt my orgasm starting, roaring through me like a freight train and I buried my face into her neck groaning out her name endlessly, as she whimpered and undulated beneath me, her own release shuddering through her.

I rolled over taking her with me, unable to bear the thought of being separated from her. I held her tightly. The only sound was our breathing as we calmed. I felt Bella shiver and reached down to pull the covers up, still not releasing her. After a few minutes I felt her push away and I regretfully let her go. She moved around some then I heard her whisper my name. I pushed up on one elbow to look at her. Lying back against the pillows, her dark hair spread around her I could see she was smiling. And her hand was patting her stomach. I grinned and rolled over wrapping myself around her, resting my head on her tummy as she softly began stroking my hair. I sighed in contentment as her fingers soothed and stroked as she hummed in her soft little way. Eventually, I could feel myself getting drowsy, so I pushed myself up next to her on the pillows, kissing her adoringly then rolled to my side in silent invitation. She moved down and tucked herself into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her pulling her back tightly against me.

"I love you, my wife." I said softly into her ear.

"Always, Edward."

I smiled and closed my eyes.

*()*

I woke up the day we were leaving on our trip, to an empty bed. I frowned. I much preferred waking up to Bella's soft skin next to mine. I grabbed my glasses and pulled on a pair of pants and made my way down the hall. Bella was standing at the counter typing furiously away at her keyboard. Stepping behind her I wrapped my arms around her, loving how she melted back into me. I softly brushed my lips over her neck, kissing softly up to her ear. "I hate waking up without you Little One." I nipped softly at her lobe. "I was thinking maybe you should come back to bed," I added pulling her back so she could feel my desire which was making itself known now that she was in my arms.

"Ahem."

I closed my eyes and mentally cursed. How did I not notice Carlisle standing there?

"Morning Carlisle," I said through gritted teeth as I felt Bella shaking with laughter.

"Morning Edward, so nice to see you _up_… and with us. "

I groaned letting my head fall on Bella's shoulder.

"Why'd you let him in?" I asked quietly.

"Because he knocked," she laughed, turning in my arms as she continued, "and came to say Emmett was coming shortly for the cases. Now stop pouting. Sit down and I'll get you some coffee. Just let me finish this list."

I groaned and sat down. Was there another woman alive as organized as Bella? She had lists done for everything. Carlisle pushed himself off the counter in the corner of the kitchen and came over to sit beside me. Laughing he clapped me on the shoulder. I felt myself grinning.

A cup of coffee appeared in front of me and before bustling down the hall Bella leaned over and kissed my head. "You have an hour. Whatever business you're here to discuss, that's it Carlisle. We leave in less than three hours. I'm going to shower and finish packing."

Carlisle laughed. "Got it kiddo."

I smirked at her tone. So in charge.

I turned to Carlisle. I could see the thick folder he had. "Is that everything?"

He pushed the folder towards me. "Yep."

"Take me through it?"

"Okay. A house in London for the full two months. With the option to extend if you want for another month. A car and driver at your disposal, as well as a private tour guide. Anything Bella wants to see will happen. Accommodations arranged in Scotland. When you decide to go, there's the numbers for the private plane and pilot that will fly you there and for the house to call and make sure it's ready for you."

I nodded. "Same thing in Ireland?"

"Yes. Whenever you want to go. All the information is there."

"Great. Next?"

"A chalet in Austria. That date is set – everything is booked as per your instructions. Same for Paris. Otherwise your base is London and you can come and go as you please. The tickets are here for your flights, first class of course, information on all the arrangements, everything you need."

I sighed. "Thanks Carlisle."

"I also put everything on a flash drive. When you arrive in London there will be a driver waiting for you. The house is stocked. You have everything else I gave you?"

I nodded. "Bella has it all with the passports. I'll make sure I give her this on the plane," I smiled as I tapped the folder lightly. "She's going to be over the moon."

"She has no idea?"

I shrugged. "Some. She knows we're going to England. And that we will travel some. She had no idea where or what I have planned. I told her to pack for a month. We'll buy things as we need them."

"What if she wants to come home Edward?"

"Then we come home. Whatever she wants. But I don't think so. She's an anxious to get away as I am. She's on an extended leave from the publishing house so there is nothing demanding our return. We need the time alone. That's why I don't want to make any plans until we get there and decide what we want to do together."

"You'll keep in touch?"

I smiled, hearing the underlying worry. "I promise Carlisle. Dr. Newman sent my information to a colleague in London who'll see me if I have any trouble. And…" I took a breath. "It's not like last time. I'm not going to disappear. Bella will be with me. I'll check in. And I know you'll handle things here."

He chuckled. "Yeah I am going to be plenty busy. Between Sebastian, the move, and the agency, I think I'll manage to occupy my time. By the way, International cell phones are waiting for you at the house. I have both the numbers already. There's also a fax machine in the house in London. If I need something signed I'll send it there. Otherwise I'll leave you to enjoy your honeymoon."

He stood up. "Emmett will be here soon. Go help your wife."

He strode over to the front door, pausing when he got there. "I want you to have a great time Edward. Put everything in the past behind you and move forward. You've were given an amazing gift when you met Bella."

"I know," I said softly. He paused again. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. Well. Surprisingly I think I may miss your cranky ass. So take care of it and come home safely. Both of you," he said roughly and walked out the door.

I grinned.

*()*

I could hear the engines preparing for take-off. We had flown to Toronto on my private plane, had a quick stopover and were now comfortably ensconced in the first class seats, leaving for London. Bella was snuggled into my side having pushed the armrest up between us. I leaned over and kissed her. "Nervous Little One?" I asked feeling a slight vibration going through her.

She shook her head, and leaned up for another kiss. "No. Excited. Happy. Curious." Another sweet kiss followed. "So in love with my husband."

I smiled at her. "After we take off I'll give you something to read that will satisfy your curiosity. I have a feeling it will only add to the excitement and happiness though," I squeezed her hand.

Leaning down I kissed her again. "As for the last part, I hope that never changes. Because I plan on falling in love with you more and more every day for the rest of my life."

She pulled my head down kissing me deeply.

"I'm right there with you Edward. Always."

I held her hand to my cheek and smiled as I felt the plane take off and we ascended to the sky, the feeling of lightness overtaking my body.

The higher we rose the more I realized that for the first time all that was ahead of me was lightness. The darkness was in the past. All because of the woman sitting next to me holding my hand.

Carlisle was right.

What an amazing gift.

**That's a wrap my friends. Thank you again. **

**An epi and some questions will be answered next week. **

**There is a picture of Bella's ring on my group page on Facebook EdwardEternal's Love of Words.**


	47. Chapter 47

**_This chapter is to answer the questions that were asked repeatedly in reviews and pm's. Each one is from a different POV and is shown below the question._**

**_Enjoy..._**

**_What was Edward thinking the day he panicked and kicked Bella out?_**

**_EPOV_**

I stumbled through the door, Carlisle hot on my trail.

"What are you going to do?" he demanded. I spun around, my hand still grasping Bella's inhaler painfully tight.

"Fuck off Carlisle. Leave me alone."

"Yeah, that worked out so well the last time didn't it?" he snarled, obviously at the end of his patience with me.

I stepped back like someone had just struck me. He never brought that up. It was a low blow, even if he was angry.

"Do your job. Get someone in here to clean up this mess and leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it. It's over. It's done," I shouted: silently, desperately willing him to leave me alone.

He shook his head. "You have no idea what you've just thrown away Edward." Then he turned and walked away slamming the connecting door behind him.

I dropped down heavily on the couch. How had this happened? What the fuck had I done? Carlisle was furious at me and Bella… Bella was gone. And I didn't know if she was okay. Nor did I have any right to try and find out, since I was the one who told her to leave. I dropped my aching head into my hands and sat silently.

A quiet knock informing me housekeeping had arrived was enough to bring me out of my stupor and I moved into the bedroom to let them clean up the remnants of breakfast. As if taking it away would erase the memories of the harsh words I had spoken in the room. I grabbed my meds and swallowed a couple pills needing the pain to subside.

I laid down on the bed hoping to sleep and instead found myself gripping the pillow tightly in anguish. Bella's scent was all around me. The memory of her sitting there all night watching over me, stroking my head, trying to ease my pain, kept pushing at my brain. The thoughts of her soft lips and quiet whimpers as we embraced this morning kept lingering as I breathed in her scent and thought of the ugliness that followed. That I caused. I could hear the pain in her voice when she tried to help me up. How had I mistaken her asthma attack as laughter? I sat up and groaned. I was so stupid. Carlisle was right. A God damned idiot. I should have listened. I should have stopped.

I shook my head.

No.

Nothing would have changed. She lived here and I lived three thousand miles away. What could possibly come if it? It ended badly, but it would have ended anyway. I would have Carlisle check on her next week. Subtly of course, but make sure she was okay. I wasn't looking for a relationship and Bella was, without a doubt, a relationship kind of girl. She was the kind of person you could build a life with. Be happy with. She was better off without me. And I was definitely better off without someone in my life. If you let someone in, make yourself emotionally vulnerable they could use your feelings to hurt you, right? And I didn't want to be hurt. Again.

I lay down again feeling calmer. It was a good thing it was over. We were both better off. I felt myself starting to drift, the medication beginning to work. Rolling over I burrowed my head in the pillow, the scent of Bella once again swirling around me, once again stirring my guilt.

It was better this way. Alone. Not allowing myself to be vulnerable to someone again.

Except the voice in my head, that I couldn't stop, was screaming at me that it wasn't. And my heart was agreeing with it.

I hoped when I woke up they would both shut up.

*()*

**_What did James say to Bella in the garden?_**

_BPOV_

Sebastian's gardens were so lovely. I wandered through slowly, enjoying the colors and fragrances that surrounded me. I came across a small bench and sat down. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply enjoying the quiet and the soft scents and I sat back, liking the solitude. My thoughts drifted to Edward and I was startled to realize I already missed him. I shook my head. Obviously I had it bad. Already.

Footsteps interrupted my thoughts. Opening my eyes, I was surprised and discomforted to see James standing there observing me. I felt a shudder go through me at the intensity of his gaze. But I refused to allow him to see how uncomfortable he made me. He swaggered forward and sat down beside me.

"Enjoying the gardens?" he asked, casually draping his arm along the back of the bench.

Trying to hide my revulsion, I slid over a few inches to the end and pretended to bend over and cup a blossom. "Very much so. They are lovely," I answered politely.

"Waste of money and space if you ask me," James shrugged.

I couldn't help the retort that came out before I could stop it. "Well then, I guess it's a good thing no one asked you then isn't it?"

He threw back his head and laughed, but it wasn't a pleasant sound.

When he finished laughing he turned and slid closer. "You have quite the mouth on you don't you? He'll put a stop to that. He won't let you just be …you," he said in a peculiar sounding voice.

I looked at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Edward. He'll want to control you." He leaned closer. "He does that."

I shook my head, trying to hide my distaste at his unwelcome closeness. "I don't think you know him well enough to make a statement like that. My relationship with Edward isn't any of your business either."

"Oh, I beg to differ, I think it is. And I think you would be far better off with someone who would understand you."

I stood up.

"Edward understands me just fine. Excuse me."

I went to walk around him but he stood up and grabbed my arm.

I tried to shake him off, but he would not loosen his grip. "Let go of me," I snarled at him.

He removed his hand, but I could still feel its lingering grip. I shuddered.

"You'd be far better off with a different sort of guy," he said tilting his head to the side, staring at me.

I shook my head. "You don't know me. You have no idea what I would be better with. Leave me alone James."

He stepped forward.

"I'd be so much better…suited to you. He is so beneath you. You need someone strong, capable. Able to give you what you need. A real man."

I stared at him in disgust. "Are you for real? You're hitting on me? Here? With Edward just down the path? He will so kick your ass when he finds out."

He laughed again. "He couldn't find me to kick my ass if he tried. He's pathetic."

I'd had enough of being polite. I drew myself up and stepped back. There was no way I was allowing this vile person to say anything more about my Edward. "He is _not _pathetic. He is brilliant. And he is strong and caring. He is a thousand times the man you will ever be and he suits me perfectly. I said it already, but I'll say it again James. Leave. Me. Alone."

"And if I don't?"

"I'll tell Edward about this. And Sebastian. Somehow I don't think either of them will take very kindly to this conversation. I am a guest of Sebastian's after all. And Edward is a friend of his."

James eyes flashed.

"Don't say I didn't warn you. I am a far better person for you than he is. I always have been the better, stronger man."

I stared at him confused, but before I could say anything else I heard Emmett's voice. "Hey Shortstack... you lost?"

He stopped when he saw James in front of me. "What are you doing here?" he asked gruffly and quickly moved beside me.

"Just wishing the lady a pleasant evening," James replied tightly, then turned around and walked away.

I sighed in relief and was surprised to feel my legs shaking a little.

"You okay Shortstack?" Emmett asked quietly.

I nodded. "I'm fine. He is rather…arrogant. And fond of hearing himself talk." I looked up and placed my hand on his arm. "I'm glad you happened along when you did Em. Or did Edward send you?"

He nodded. "A good thing he did, I think. He was a little concerned you'd been gone so long."

"Let's go back then and stop him from worrying."

"Bella, should I do something here? Do I need to talk to Edward or Carlisle?"

"No." I shook my head. "He's full of himself and likes to talk. Especially about himself. He's said his piece. I'm sure he'll leave me alone now." I smiled, trying to reassure both of us.

Suddenly I wanted to be tucked into Edward's side. Safe. Adored. "Let's just go back to Edward, okay?"

*()*

**_What did Bella say at the Meet and Greet that made people laugh?_**

_BPOV_

Edward was so out of it, I knew he couldn't possibly face the crowd of adoring women who were lining up in front of him right now. His grip on my hand was so tight I knew he was cutting off the circulation. I had to buy him some time until Carlisle got here and could stall further. I pressed a bottle of water into Edward's hand, trying to get him to focus. I turned to look at the group lining up, my throat closing up. What could I possibly say? God, it was so fucking hot in here! Inspiration stuck and without thinking, I spoke.

"Sorry ladies. Despite being a God among men, Mr. Masen here has just realized his kidneys belong to that of a mere mortal. It's so hot in here he has drunk far too much water. I'm sure you understand he needs a quick pee break before he starts signing autographs again? You'll excuse him won't you?"

There was a ripple of laughter and agreement as Carlisle suddenly appeared and quickly escorted Edward and I behind the curtains before Edward fell apart completely. As soon as we were hidden Edward reached frantically for me and I wrapped my arms around his shaking form, telling Carlisle what I had seen. I was shocked when Edward told Carlisle he thought his dead wife was in the room. Edward suddenly sat down and buried his head in his hands. Carlisle and I exchanged worried glances. Edward was still in no shape to go back to the waiting line.

"Can you stay with him?" Carlisle asked quietly.

I nodded. I was never leaving him again.

"I'll get to the bottom of this, somehow, Bella. Victoria _is_ dead. She is not here. But someone wants him to believe she is." He shook his head, obviously as confused over this as Edward was.

"I'll stall them out there, somehow. I'm not sure how long they'll believe he's…_peeing_," he muttered, quirking an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged. "It was all I could come up with."

Leaning over he patted my arm. "It was a good try kiddo. Bought us a little time. I'm sure Edward will be delighted when you tell him what you said," he said suddenly grinning. "In fact, I hope I'm there when you do tell him. The look on his face will be priceless." Then he strode away chuckling.

I turned my attention back to Edward. He needed me right now. I'd deal with his reaction to my improvisation later.

*()*

**_What did Bella say to Carlisle that brought him to tears?_**

_CPOV_

Bella bent down and softly kissed my cheek. Immediately my heart warmed at her sweet gesture. Her love for those she cared for knew no bounds, and I felt myself lucky to be counted among those she cared for. I was surprised when she didn't immediately draw back but rather bent closer and spoke in my ear, her soft voice still raspy from being so ill.

"Thank you Carlisle. For being stubborn. For loving him enough to find him. For being there when he needed you the most. Because of your caring and actions, he is with me here today." She paused briefly, as I tried not to deflect her words away. Somehow I knew she had to express her thoughts. "You are a rare man in this day and age Carlisle Cullen. A true man of worth. I am proud to have you in my life and call you my friend. And I am so happy you found Esme." I felt a soft tear splash on my cheek and was shocked to realize her words were bringing tears to my own eyes. "I love you Carlisle. You are a blessing in my life. In our lives."

She stood up and walked away, pausing to kiss Edward.

He looked at me confused, but it was too fresh. I couldn't share what she said with him.

"Hold on to her, Edward. With everything you have," I told him.

He needed her. We all needed her.

*()*

**_What does Carlisle think of the changes he has seen in Edward?_**

_CPOV_

I watched Edward dancing with his new wife. I could feel myself smiling broadly at the sheer happiness on his face. Something I thought I would never see again. I felt Esme lean forward and I looked at her lovely face, smiling gently at me, sharing my delight. My hand came up, stroking her soft cheek. "They look so right together don't they?" she asked quietly.

I nodded. "I never thought I would see him happy again. He was so lost for so long. After Victoria, he stopped living, he just existed. Nothing reached him. He was just a shadow of the person I had known."

I paused, thinking back on all the painful wasted years he had suffered alone.

"The only thing that seemed to break through his wall was music. And even that he only shared sparingly. It was like he was afraid to even show that small piece of his heart."

I observed Bella whisper something into Edward's ear and watched as he threw his head back in laughter before leaning in and kissing her.

"I watched him come alive again from the first day he met her. It was like seeing him wake up. The way he responded to her… it was like nothing I had ever seen before. Even though he fought it, he was hers right away."

"He makes her incredibly happy," Esme observed softly.

I smiled and nodded. "They are good for each other. She is exactly what he needed. Her gift of loving him is quite extraordinary. And after everything, they deserve this happiness."

We sat quietly watching our friends, lost in a world that contained only them as they swayed together to the soft music.

Esme yawned softly and immediately I turned to her, draping my arm around her shoulder and drawing her to me. "Tired, my love?"

Nodding she laid her head on my shoulder. "Are you feeling alright? Do you want to go home?" I asked quietly.

"Soon. But I'm good. It's just…it's just the way it is Carlisle. Please don't worry so much."

I chuckled softly and gently laid my hand on her stomach. "You know that's an impossible request Esme. The second you told me you were carrying my child my worry meter hit its red zone. I doubt it's ever going to reach normal levels again."

Esme laughed softly and leaning forward captured my lips with hers. "And I love you for it, but I'm fine. _We're_ fine."

"When are we going to share our news?"

"Not until they come back Carlisle. I'll be in my second trimester and I'll feel more comfortable telling people. Now is not the time. This is their day. Let them enjoy it."

I nodded, stealing another kiss. "Perhaps by then I will have convinced you to marry me?"

"Keep trying Carlisle. One day you'll catch me at a weak moment. Maybe."

I grinned. "Oh, I'll catch you alright Ms. Platt. Now, has my child left you with enough energy to dance with me?" I stood up offering her my hand. She came willingly into my arms and we joined the other happy couples swaying out on the dance floor. I sighed happily as she nuzzled into my chest and we danced closely.

Looking out at the people we were surrounded by, I had to smile. Four new, happy couples. All brought together because of simple event Edward hadn't even wanted to do.

Then I laughed as I held Esme a little tighter, remembering Edward's words.

Definitely something in the water.


	48. Awaken Epi 1

**Sorry for the delay… been rather ill. **

**First of two epis…. Enjoy.**

I awoke slowly. Dim light was coming in the windows and I knew that soon I would receive my daily summons. Just the thought of it made me smile. Looking over at Bella, I was pleased to see she was sleeping soundly. These days that was a rare occurrence since she was fairly restless most of the time. After a few minutes of quiet I heard the small sounds coming through the monitor and I waited to hear one of my favourite commands. Sure enough after a few minutes of movement, the soft sleep filled voice of my baby boy whispering came through.

"Da…da…. Da… da…. tumm. Tumm now otay?"

I grinned widely and got out of bed quietly. I made my way down the hall and into Caleb's room where he was waiting for me. Little arms reached out and I swooped him up, cradling him to me for our daily morning snuggles.

"How's my boy this morning?" I whispered softly as I stroked his head.

His grin and excited mumblings kept me smiling the whole time I changed him and then we made our way to the kitchen. I could smell the coffee Bella had preprogrammed to be ready for me as we walked down the hall. Keeping Caleb beside me on the counter, I got his juice into his favourite sippy cup and gave it to him. I picked up the small bowl of cheerios for him to munch on, and then I grabbed a cup of coffee and we sat down together on the sofa. This was our morning routine. One we both loved. Like his mother, he was slow to wake up and I loved sitting holding him while he munched on his cereal, sharing them with me the whole time and nattering away in his sweet sing song voice about God knows what half the time. He answered all my questions about his dreams and his sleep while I made funny faces and noises that made him smile and giggle, sounding so much like Bella when he did that I giggled along with him. Once he was more awake, he squirmed out of my arms and made a beeline for his toy chest. As usual he picked his two favorites and for the next few minutes I was invisible.

I smiled feeling the joy I always felt watching this little child, a perfect blend of Bella and I, immerse himself in his own little world. Since his loud, vocal entry into my world two years ago there wasn't a day that went by where he didn't fill me with wonder and sheer joy.

As I watched him move around, my thoughts drifted to the past three and half years. All the brilliant moments standing out. The beautiful day of our wedding. The two month long honeymoon where I had Bella entirely to myself, seeing sights through her eyes, listening to her excitement at experiencing things she had only ever dreamed of, thrilled I was able to make her dreams come true. Coming home to the joyous news of Carlisle and Esme's pregnancy. Standing up for them as they shared their vows, quietly among friends just a few days after we arrived home. Emmett and Rose's wedding not long after. The birth of Carlisle and Esme's daughter. Emmett and Rose's twins. And then last year the slightly more publicized nuptials of Alice and Jazz, as we now all referred to him. I smiled thinking of the many other travels, the shared holidays, and the warm, loved filled home Bella had created for us. She had never returned to work at the publishing house and I loved having her close when I was home. My entire world revolved around her.

"Da..da.."

I grinned down at my son as he stood in front of me offering another cheerio. Could cereal taste any sweeter than when offered at the end of a slightly damp sticky little hand? I didn't think so as I allowed him to pop the small circle into my mouth and pretended to nibble on his tiny fingers, making nom nom noises, loving the burst of giggles as he pulled his hand away quickly, only to offer it back up again holding another piece of cereal.

I knew what would happen next. Sure enough, as I bent my head to take the cheerio, he pulled his hand away and ate it himself, laughing as he ran back to his toys. I laughed as well knowing it was his favourite little prank to pull on daddy. Uncle Emmett had taught him well.

I smiled, remembering the day that changed us forever. Bella had seemed quieter than usual when I got home from the agency. After dinner she seemed nervous and suddenly turned to me. "I bought a new blanket for the sofa today," she said quickly.

I grinned at the randomness of her comment. Did she really think I cared if she bought another blanket? She could buy a hundred blankets if it made her happy.

"Well, we do use our blankets a lot for naps," I smirked at her. "I guess they wear out quickly."

"Wanna see it?"

Smiling, and a little confused at her fixation of a blanket, I nodded.

She got up and came back thrusting a package into my hands. Still confused, I unfolded the soft fluffy material, holding it up, now more confused than ever.

"It's a little small isn't it?" I commented.

"Not if it's for a small person," Bella's voice was trembling.

"But not even you are that …" my voice trailed off and I felt my eyes widen.

"Little one? Bella?" I gasped, in sudden understanding of her nervous behavior.

"I thought our baby would need a blanket of its own to snuggle with us on the couch," she whispered.

Reaching over I pulled her into my arms, already weeping with happiness.

"Tell me. Say it." I begged.

"I'm pregnant Edward. You're going to be a daddy."

The joy I had felt at her words could not be expressed. I was going to be a father. I had held her, kissed her, knelt down and kissed the soft skin covering the place our child was growing with all the love I had. Despite my joy, I felt the qualm of uncertainty. Looking up at Bella, I had whispered my greatest fear. Would I be able to be a good Dad with my limited sight? Would the baby be safe with me? Her loving smile and assurances that we would both learn together set my mind at ease quickly. Her never ending faith in me and our love never ceased to amaze me.

The next day I called in the architect who had built the house and had the plans drawn up for an addition. As soon as they were approved and construction started, I whisked Bella away on another trip. I didn't want her anywhere near the noise or fumes. Also, so they didn't suffer from the constant noise either, I sent Carlisle, Emmett and their families away on a well-deserved cruise. By working around the clock the addition was completed quickly and two large rooms were added to the end of the house which once was just guest rooms. I knew Bella would not be happy with sleeping at the other end of the house from the nursery, so we now had a smaller suite at the same end, a new play room and one guest room was made into a nursery.

Seven months later our first child, Caleb, came screaming into the world, demanding his presence be known, and making my life even more complete.

A soft sigh roused me from my thoughts and had me looking up to see Bella standing watching us. I held out my hand and she grasped it as she moved forward slowly. As she stopped in front of me, I leaned forward kissing her heavily swollen belly gently. "Morning, my little Dove," I whispered gently to my daughter and I felt her answering thump as she moved beneath my hand. Looking up at Bella I saw the smile on her sweet, tired face. "I thought you would let your mommy sleep a little longer today," I scolded softly, pressing my lips to Bella's stomach again. "I think we discussed this last night, Little Dove. You did thump twice in agreement."

Bella laughed softly. "Not a chance. I think she missed her daddy this morning and has been pacing around in there trying to find you. I swear, as soon as you are out of the room, she starts."

I smiled and pulled her down beside me as Caleb ran over wrapping himself around her, dropping baby kisses all over her face and excitedly telling her about his morning. I loved hearing her interact with him and feeling the love that flowed between them. I watched, grinning, as Caleb bent down and kissed his baby sister and started talking away to Bella's stomach.

"He so got that from you," she said softly, leaning over to stroke my cheek. I captured her hand in mine and kissed it.

"How are you feeling, Little One?"

She smiled. "Not so little and ready to be done. I don't think baby girl here is going to wait the full nine months before making her appearance. I think she's as anxious to get here as we are to have her."

I rubbed her stomach softly. I knew how uncomfortable she was. "Soon, Bella. She'll be here soon." I smiled, thinking of the other nursery now ready in its pinks and yellows waiting for its tiny owner to appear.

I bent over and picked up Caleb, who laughed and squealed in delight. "But first we need to get this monster fed," I laughed and tossed him over my shoulder.

"No monsta, dada…Cayweb.." he protested.

I heard Bella laugh as she struggled to get off the couch. Turning around, I bent down and wrapped my arm around her and helped pull her to her feet. For one moment I stood holding my entire family, enjoying the sense of contentment as I did so.

So much had changed.

The greatest love of my life was circled in my embrace and the evidence of our love was currently giggling as he tried wrestling off my shoulder. My tiny baby girl was making herself known as she wiggled around inside Bella; I could feel her movements against my skin demanding attention. And my glorious, wonderful wife was gazing up at me. I could feel the love that shone from her eyes. It was the one constant in everything. Her love was what had awakened my soul and it is what gave me the strength to be the man she always knew I could be. A loving, protective husband. A devoted, caring father. A passionate, adoring lover. And all of them existed for and because of her.

And life was so good.

**Will post the next one soon… **

**Be safe. **


	49. Awaken Epi 2

_**One more little glimpse for you and I mark this one complete. Sigh. **_

_**Thank you all. So much. **_

_**It's been a fun ride!**_

Three years later

I sat at the piano tinkling away quietly, enjoy a little time to myself. The agency was booming; bigger than we ever anticipated, and the days were full. The days of coming in every so often were now at least four days a week whether it be working in my capacity as advisor in the agency or working on my own music. I refused to let it be more than that, as my family were still the first priority.

I smiled thinking of our highly unusual and highly successful business. The warehouse had been converted and added to over the past six years. I had bought surrounding property and we now also had several guest houses for visiting artists as well as permanent residents for security staff and other employees. Emmett still headed up the security division and Alice was excellent in her role as stylist for the many artists we managed. Another addition was the daycare that was located right beside the main office and attached by a corridor. Rose ran it with several women working for her. All of our children were there as well as many others. It was a happy bright place for them and Rose was brilliant with it. Aside from both spending time in the daycare, Esme and Bella headed up the charitable foundation we ran. They spent a lot of time going through the many requests we received and made sure the money went to the right places. Many nights I held Bella as she wept after reading some of the requests, but she refused to give up her role. Their main focus was helping abused women and children but they also donated to many other organizations.

A noise caught my attention and I looked up from my musings, but could see nothing. I shook my head, I was sure I had heard the studio door open. I was about to get up and investigate, when I felt a sudden pulling on my pant leg. Startled, I looked down into the upturned face of my daughter who was now crouching under the piano. Unable to help the smile I felt break out on my face, I bent down and swooped her up. Cuddling her to my chest, I felt her little hiccup sobs. "What's wrong Little Dove?" I whispered soothingly. "What are you doing here? Did Mommy bring you?"

I felt the shake of her head. Figuring Rose had brought her over and let her in, I allowed her to burrow quietly in my neck for a moment. Then I gently lifted her chin and wiped away the little tears she was squeezing out. "Did something happen at daycare?" I asked quietly. I hated seeing her cry as much as I hated seeing Bella cry and I always wanted to fix whatever was making them upset.

She nodded, her lip trembling. "I dot a time-out," she whispered. "And I hav ta sit in da naughty chaiw!"

I bit my lip in order not to laugh. Nothing could be worse for our little monkey than a time out. She had been ahead of schedule from the get go. Arrived three weeks early, walked before she had even crawled, and was talking way before she should have. Having to sit still was not something that came easily to her. And the past couple weeks had been hard on her. Caleb had started kindergarten school and she was lost without her big brother and had been given quite a few time-outs lately on the days he wasn't there. Obviously Rose had given up and dropped her over here. Putting on my best stern Daddy face I looked at her. "What did you do Elizabeth? Were you naughty?"

I could feel her huge blue eyes, so much like her mother's, gazing up at me. "Nuffin," she whispered shaking her head, her dark wild curls bobbing.

"Aunt Rose doesn't give time outs for 'nuffin'. And you know you aren't supposed to fib. Tell Daddy what you did."

"Not Auntie Wosy. Mommy dav me time-out."

I frowned. If Bella was in the day care I was surprised she just dropped Lizzy off and didn't come in. That seemed strange.

"Who brought you over here Lizzy?"

She leaned forward and I lowered my head as she sat up to get closer to my ear.

"I 'scaped Daddy. I finded you all aloned."

I sat back in both dismay and a strange feeling of déjà vu. Miss Independence. Just like her Mother. Who would panic and freak out when she realized our daughter had given her the slip.

My phone suddenly rang out with Bella's ringtone and I knew the escape had been noticed. I picked it up and immediately calmed her fears. "I have her Bella." I could hear her deep breathing and footsteps indicating she was moving quickly. "I'm in Room Two."

"Oh God, Edward…" her voice was panicked, and thick with tears.

"She's fine, Little One. I have her."

"I'll be right there."

I hung up and looked down on the little fugitive curled up on my lap. This was so going to involve a long conversation about right and wrong, not scaring her mother, as well as the reason for the time out. And I would have to be firm. I hated that. But before it could even begin the door burst open and Bella came in, followed closely by Rose. She made her way quickly over to the piano and dropped to her knees wrapping her arms around Lizzy and I, not saying a word. I could feel the shaking in her shoulders. Looking over to Rose I saw her shrug and knew she was smiling. Lizzy was perfectly safe in this building and everyone knew her so there was no chance of her actually getting lost, but I knew Bella would still be upset. I knew if she got away from me I would panic as well until I found her. Leaning down I rubbed Bella's back soothingly. Lizzy stared down at her mother quizzically, unsure why she would be acting so strangely. "Little Dove, you can't ever, _ever_, leave the daycare and not tell anyone where you're going, ever again," I spoke firmly. "You scared your Mommy and Aunt Rose."

"But I knowed the way," she insisted stubbornly.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. You still need a grown up with you."

"For how longed Daddy? I fot I _was_ a big giwl now. You saided so."

I smiled softly. "You are a big girl. But until you are this tall," I held my hand high above my head, "You need a grown up with you. Always. It's Daddy's rule."

Lizzy looked at my hand and snorted. "I not fink Mommy dat tall Daddy and she not have a gwowned up wif her all da time."

I felt Bella suddenly jerk beneath my hand. I knew she was now over her panic and was trying not to laugh out loud at our daughter's accurate assessment of the new rule. I pressed my hand down on her back in warning. If she started laughing, so would I and then we were toast. Lizzy would so be all over us.

Bella straightened up and I saw her quickly wipe her eyes.

Lizzy was aghast. "Mommy, youd is crwying?"

Bella nodded. "I was so scared when you were gone Lizzy. Promise Mommy you won't do that again."

Lizzy threw herself into her Mother's arms. "I not Mommy. I sorwy. Not til I as tall as Daddy. Pwomise." She turned to me. "I pwomise Daddy."

I smiled and leaned forward to kiss her damp little cheek. "Good girl. We'll will talk about this later. Now why don't you go with Aunt Rose and let Daddy talk to Mommy for a minute okay?"

She leaned forward conspiratorially. "Do I hafta go back to timeout? I no wike da naughty chaiw. "

No matter how I answered that one I was in trouble with someone. I looked over to Rose.

"No Lizzy. Time out is done. Let's go and have some juice and cookies okay?"

Lizzy excitedly squirmed out of Bella's arm and ran over to Rose, who picked her up and left. We didn't even get a second glance back. Cookies were waiting, which was far more important. I looked over at Bella and pulled her down on the bench beside me. I wiped softly under her eyes at the dampness still there.

"She was gone Edward. She was sitting in the time out chair and I went to go get something and when I checked on her five minutes later she was gone. I thought she was hiding somewhere and when I couldn't find her I started…" her voice became thick again and trailed off.

I pulled her into my arms. "She informed me she 'escaped' just before you called. I thought Rose must've had enough of her and pushed her in the room and left when she suddenly showed up." I chuckled softly. "She is safe here Bella. Always. But I think maybe we need to keep her visible during time outs from now on. And maybe add some alarms to the inner doors."

Bella nodded against my shoulder. "That's never happened before. Ever. Of course it would be _your_ daughter that chooses a make a break for it."

I laughed. "Oh _my_ daughter now is she? Seems to me she is a great deal more like her mother. Stubborn, independent, and way ahead of others when it comes to thinking."

Bella chuckled. "I suppose she does take after me."

I grinned and caressed her soft cheek. "Without a doubt. Now what was the time out about?"

She sighed softly. "She punched Evan."

"She _punched_ Evan? Jake's boy? Why?"

"He, um, apparently kissed her and told her he was gonna marry her. She didn't like it."

I growled. "I think maybe _Evan_ is the one who needed the time out. He needs to learn to keep his lips to himself. I'll talk to Jake."

Bella laughed. "Leave it alone, Daddy. It's just kids being kids. And I doubt he'll try anything like that again. Caleb has taught her well, and she can pack quite the wallop. Evan is going to have himself a shiner. Jake may be talking to _you_."

I grinned, proud of my daughter for sticking up for herself. But sudden thoughts of the future invaded my head. Teenage boys, dances, dates…oh God, she'd want to learn how to drive. I shuddered and mentally decided she wasn't allowed out of the house until she was at least thirty. I felt better at the thought. I was sure Bella would agree with me.

"I still have to talk to her and pretend it's not okay to punch people don't I?" I frowned at the thought.

"We'll talk to her tonight Edward. And it's not okay for her to punch people. She needs to use her words, not her hands."

I knew we would. And we would do it together. But right now I wanted to make Bella feel better.

I pulled her closer. "But you like it when I use _my_ hands, Little One," I whispered softly into her ear, loving the shiver I felt go through her. I ran my fingers up under her shirt, finding the soft warmth of her skin. "Especially when I use them here," I murmured, cupping her breasts, "or here," I chuckled softly as I stroked her hardening nipples.

"Edward…" she moaned softly.

I captured her lips with mine swallowing her moan. Slowly I let my fingers trail down her sides and then back up, stoking her again and again until she whimpered into my mouth. Without releasing her lips I used one hand and found the remote on top of the piano and hit the two buttons I needed. I heard the door lock and the privacy screens snap into place. Bella heard them as well and pulled herself away slightly. "We shouldn't," she whispered. "We got caught last time."

I grinned. "Then they won't be at all surprised this time, will they? I've been fantasizing about having you on top of this grand piano since we got it. Would you really deny me that, Little One?"

"I can't deny you anything, Edward," Her soft sigh was all the encouragement I needed. I pulled her back to me kissing her deeply. I snapped the lid of the piano down and stood up taking her with me. Eager fingers undid buttons and removed our clothing quickly. Knowing it would make Bella more comfortable I spread my shirt on top of the piano before lifting her up and joining her on the cool glossy surface. I looked down at her as she gazed up towards me, biting her bottom lip. Her dark hair was spread out around her and her pale skin glowed. Groaning softly, I used my teeth to pull her lip away from her teeth and tenderly stroked my tongue over its soft surface, soothing it. Her mouth opened to me again and I lost myself in her taste. Our hands swept against each other's bodies continuously with loving touches and teasing strokes. I could feel the desire building sharply, needing her, wanting her. After all these years it hadn't changed. I felt her arch up and I slid into her welcoming warmth with a deep groan as her legs wrapped around my waist, holding me closely. As I began to move, it quickly became obvious my fantasy was not going to play out how I hoped it would. Every thrust forward we both moved on the glossy surface and soon Bella was grasping onto the edge of the piano to stop herself from going off the edge. She started giggling and I growled in frustration, my desire raging in me. Reaching down, I lifted her up as I sat back, and literally wrapped myself around her, anchoring her to me. She gasped softly as we both felt how deep I was buried her and then I started moving again. I was in complete control of our movements and I held her fast as I thrust upwards, powerfully, giving her everything I had. Her soft gasps and mewls in my ears were the sweetest sounds I ever heard in this room. Soon her gasps became moans, which became my name and then her head fell back as she silently screamed out her orgasm. I buried my face in her neck, covering it with wet open mouthed kisses as I released deep inside her, thrusting again and again until I was spent.

After a few minutes I sat back and looked down at my gorgeously tousled wife. "Feel better?" I asked softly as I nuzzled her head. I felt her nod.

Slowly, tenderly we untangled ourselves and got off the piano. After we were dressed we sat quietly together on the piano bench, not talking but cocooned in our own little bubble.

"I have to go and pick up Caleb," she eventually whispered softly.

I nodded. "Why don't we go get the escape artist and take her and Caleb home early tonight?" I suggested. "Maybe we can get pizza and do a family picnic in the backyard. " It was one of our children's favourite things to do.

Bella looked up and smiled. "I love you."

I lowered my head and kissed her. "I love you, Little One. With everything I have."

We stood up and I saw Bella looking at the top of the piano, which she had wiped down vigorously much to my amusement. I chuckled softly. "Pass inspection?"

"I can't face another ass imprint teasing from Emmett," she giggled softly. "I don't think there is any evidence of this afternoon – anywhere."

*()*

But she was wrong.

Two weeks later, Bella didn't feel very well.

Eight months after that, Joshua Charles was born.

Emmett kept referring to his birth as a "grand entrance".

I knew we were busted. Again.

And life continued …

_**There you go. Some family time and one last Musicward lemon for you.**_

_**And now we are done. This is the last chapter.**_

_**Thank you for joining me on this little journey.**_

_**Til next time, be safe….**_


	50. Awaken  A Night at Home

**Summary: Left alone for the evening with his children, how will Musicward cope? Bella warned him it's not so easy… he thinks it's a walk in the park**

**This is the chapter I donated to the Fandom Against Hunger. **

**Beta'd by MidNight Cougar. All the usual disclaimers. **

**Enjoy!**

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Mrs. Jones. Please tell Kate I hope she feels better soon." I heard Bella put the phone down and sigh.

Speaking quietly so Joshua wouldn't wake up from his impromptu nap on my chest, I smiled at my wife. "What's wrong, Little One?"

Bella came over and sat beside me on the sofa, her hand softly stroking over Joshy's head. "Kate has that flu that seems to be making the rounds. She can't baby sit tonight."

"What about one of our other girls?" I asked frowning.

I could see her head shake. "No. Rose has already booked Sandy and Esme has Beth. Rachel is away with her parents. I guess you'll be going solo tonight, Edward."

It was my turn to shake my head. Bella and Esme had worked so hard on the Volunteer Appreciation Gala for the foundation and I didn't want her to miss it. "Bella, this is _your_ event. You and Esme have worked so hard on it, you can't miss it. And you have a speech to give. You have to go."

"Well, we can't just leave our children alone, Edward. Esme can speak for both of us."

I smiled. "No need. I'll stay home with them. I'm just window dressing, you're the star tonight."

There was a pause.

"Bella? You have a problem with me staying home with our children?"

"Oh no, of course not, Edward, it's just… there are three of them now."

I feigned shock.

"_Three of them_? When did that happen?"

Her soft laughter as usual, brought a smile to my face. "Smart ass," she muttered. "Edward, I'll have to leave by five and I'll be gone all evening. You'd be alone with them for hours."

I frowned at her. "That occurs on a regular basis for you and we've never had to discuss it. I fail to see the problem here. I'm quite capable of giving our children dinner and spending the evening with them. It's not like I haven't done it before."

"Not since Joshy was born. Caleb and Lizzy were both very little Edward. Things have gotten a little more…complex since then."

_Had it really been that long?_

I sniffed dismissively. Really, how much more work could another baby be? Joshy slept a lot; more than the other two ever did. He'd be down for the evening by six and I'd have dinner with Caleb and Lizzy. We could play or watch a movie and I would have some Daddy time with them. It was only for a few hours. I said as much to Bella who still seemed strangely reticent to agree.

"Do you not trust me with our children, Little One?" I asked quietly, feeling strangely hurt by her reluctance.

I felt her stand up and Joshy gently be extracted from my arms. She moved over laying him down in his small bassinet, and then came back to the sofa. She sat down, straddling my lap, her arms around my neck. "Of course I trust you, Edward. It's just a lot of work with the three of them now. What about dinner?"

"Pizza in front of the TV," I grinned.

"Baths? Bedtime?"

"Bella, I give them baths all the time. And we'll have a fun night and stagger bedtime. Or they can fall asleep out here with me and I'll carry them to bed."

She sighed. "I hate going without you," she admitted softly. "I wanted you there tonight. I always…feel better…when you're there."

My arms went around her instantly, enveloping her in a tight hug. Even after all this time she still had flashes of fear. And despite my inability to do much except stand beside her, she was always more relaxed when I was with her. And in my heart of hearts, so was I.

I held her closely, her head tucked under my chin. "I know, Little One. Emmett will be there. In fact, I'll make sure he takes you. And Carlisle will be there as well. And as much as I would like to go with you, and hear your speech, I'll stay home and look after the monsters…I mean children. It's just one night and when you get home you can tell me all about it. Okay?"

Bella's shoulders sagged a little but she nodded in acquiescence. "Okay."

Leaning back I lifted her chin. Wanting her to smile, I waggled my eyebrows at her. "I'll discuss my fees for my services rendered with you when you get home, Mrs. Masen. I am a professional after all. I hope you're prepared to pay the going rate, but I warn you it's pretty steep."

Bella giggled sweetly. "I don't keep much cash in the house…"

I lowered my head, brushing my lips across hers softly. "I'm sure we can _come_ to some sort of …agreement…we are both happy with," I murmured before capturing her lips in a searing kiss.

When we finally pulled apart we were both breathless, and I was all for both of us staying home. Screw the dinner. Reluctantly I released her to go and start her preparations. I sat back smiling at the thought of how impressed she would be when she got home and found us all happy, content and in one piece. It was gonna be a fun evening.

*()*

"Mommy, you wook so bootiful!" Lizzy clapped her hands and danced around Bella who had just emerged from the bedroom. "Daddy don't Mommy wook bootiful?" I could smell Bella's perfume as she walked closer and I concentrated on trying to see some of the details of her dress to compliment her on. When she was close enough I lifted my hand, stroking her cheek. "Mommy is the most beautiful girl in the entire world," I smiled, agreeing with Lizzy.

"You have your hair up," I said quietly, and then grinned widely. "And you're wearing the earrings I gave you when Joshua was born." I already knew her necklace would be around her neck, and she never took her rings off.

Bella laughed. "Yes Edward, I am wearing the boulders in my ears."

"Dey not bouldas Mommy, dey is hearts," Lizzy corrected patiently. Bella knelt down to eye level with Lizzy so she could touch the large diamond hearts I had given her, that dangled from her ears. She held up her wrist for Lizzy's inspection as well. The bracelet sparkled vividly under the lights catching the glittering diamonds and gemstones in it. A large diamond was added after the birth of each of the children along with their respective birthstone on each side of the diamond, creating brilliant patterns in the gold. I know we both still hoped there would be a fourth set to add to the heavy links one day. Bella didn't wear it very often, but I knew she wore it tonight to keep her family close to her. I knew her so well.

I smiled warmly down at my sentimental wife, as I held out my hand and helped her to her feet. "Your dress is a very lovely color, Little One. I know you are exceptionally stunning tonight," I murmured and brushed my lips over her warm cheek, adoring the fact I could still make her blush with my heartfelt words after all this time. "You'll be the loveliest, sexiest woman in the room. Make sure you hurry home to me. I'll be waiting," I growled lowly into her ear.

Her sudden kiss, as she grabbed me around my neck and pulled me to her lips, was more than soft and fleeting. I stood back surprised, but pleased at the ardor in her gesture. Bending down I kissed her back tenderly. "We'll be fine, Little One. All of us will be waiting when you get home," I reassured her.

"Me is gonna help Daddy wif Joshy," Lizzy informed Bella.

"You be a good girl for Daddy, Lizzy," Bella leaned down and kissed her.

"I will, Mommy! I pwomise!"

I heard Emmett pull up and a few seconds later the front door burst open. "Hey, Shortstack! Wow didn't you clean up well tonight! You ready to be escorted by the most handsome man in the city?"

Beside me Lizzy snorted. "Daddy not going Unca Emmy. You is taking Mommy."

I laughed as I saw his shoulders drop. I scooped up Lizzy and rained kisses all over her face making her giggle. "You tell him, Lizzy. Defend Daddy."

Bella walked over to Emmett and patted his arm in comfort. "Sorry Emmett, but she's a Daddy's girl."

Emmett shrugged. "I'll win her over yet!"

Bella turned. "Edward, are you sure?"

I walked over and kissed her one last time. "Go. Dazzle them all. We'll be fine."

And I sent her off with a smile.

*()*

I wasn't smiling an hour later. Caleb was upset and refused to come out of his room. My normally well behaved, quiet son was sulking. Miss Kate was far 'funner" than Daddy and he wanted no part of spending the evening with me. Bella had warned me he had a bit of a crush on his favorite babysitter and would likely be upset she wasn't going to be here, but I had no idea he would be this upset. Normally he loved spending time with me, so I was sure I could cajole him into a better mood. I certainly didn't expect his refusal to come with me and order pizza for supper. Pizza was his all-time favorite. I even tried bribing him by telling him he could have his own pizza with whatever he wanted on it, but that got me nowhere also. Finally, beginning to get irritated, I told him to come to the kitchen _now_.

Which is when he stormed over to the door and slammed it in my face.

I stood blinking in shock for a moment over the fact that my six year old had just slammed his door, only to be roused out of it by the wailing of Joshua who had been startled from his sleep by the unexpectedly loud noise. I hurried down the hall to the nursery and picked up my screaming son, who needed to be changed and soothed. I pulled off his diaper and was just grabbing a clean one when a wail of distress from the kitchen had me swooping up Joshy without securing the diaper and running down the hall, calling out Lizzy's name.

I skidded to a stop and took in the sight that greeted me with astonishment. I didn't need perfect vision to see the fact that a huge part of the kitchen was blanketed in white. Or that my daughter, who stood on a chair at the counter, was also covered in the same white substance. "Lizzy, what have you done?" I asked in horror as I stepped forward.

"I no want pizza, Daddy. I want pandcakes. I was detting it all weady for you to hewp me," Lizzy's voice trembled. "But the big bag waf too heaby and me dwopped it."

And then suddenly she began crying, huge wailing sobs. And instantly on hearing his big sister cry, Joshy began crying again as well.

I took a step back in horror. Was this what Bella meant when she said things were more complex than before? I shook my head in wonder and stepped forward reaching for Lizzy.

"It's okay, Little Dove," I soothed her with my free hand as I tried to rock Joshy. "Daddy will clean it up as soon as he finishes changing Joshy and ordering some pizza. Okay?"

"No me wants pandcakes!" she wailed even louder.

I groaned. I had never made 'pandcakes'. Bella always made them. I leaned down. "Lizzy baby, Daddy doesn't know how to make pand… pancakes. I'll get Mommy to make them tomorrow, okay?" I pleaded, desperately wanting her to stop crying so maybe Joshy would stop as well. I felt her head shake against my chest. Then I heard the clock chime out the time – 6pm. Bella had been gone for just over an hour and I had so far had my oldest son throw a temper tantrum and my youngest two were both currently sobbing.

I sighed. Great start. I shook my head. It had to get better.

I pulled away. "Okay Lizzy, Daddy will try, okay? Please stop crying. I'll… what the fuck is that smell? I gasped without thinking.

"Daddy! You saided a bad word! And it was da baddest word of all! You hafta put moneys in Mommy's bad word jaw!"

I groaned. I was way better than I used to be with swearing, but Bella still made a killing with my cursing. And the way the evening was going, I'd be writing her a cheque for a new car before it was over. I looked down at where the smell was emitting from. I pulled Joshy away from my now sodden, reeking chest. Apparently my son now had diarrhea. And because I had rushed out before getting his diaper on properly I was now wearing some of it. Thank God the diaper caught most of it. I turned my head gagging a little. I was always shocked how something so horrid smelling could come from someone so cute.

"Lizzy, come with Daddy," I held out my hand. I help her down off the chair and pulled her down the hall with me. I put Joshy down on the change table and lifted Lizzy beside him. "Make sure he doesn't roll Lizzy, okay?"

She covered her nose. "He stinks, Daddy."

I laughed as I pulled my shirt over my head. "So does Daddy."

I picked Joshy up and took him into the bathroom and cleaned him up, stopped his crying and got him into a fresh diaper and sleepers. I carried him into Lizzy's room and helped her change into something not covered in flour. I let her pick whatever she wanted. We weren't going anywhere- what did it matter? While she was changing I used my cell phone and ordered pizza and then grabbed a fresh shirt and pants. Feeling like I had things back under control I stopped at Caleb's door and went in. "Pizza's coming, buddy. You wanna come and pick a movie?"

"No."

I sighed. "Caleb you have to eat supper. I'm sorry Kate couldn't come tonight, but I'll make sure she comes over as soon as she's feeling better. Now be a good boy and come out with Daddy. I got lots of pepperoni on your pizza," I cajoled him.

I hid my grin as he huffed his way past me.

I had this back on track. I'd have them fed and Joshy down in the next while and then I would bath Lizzy and put her to bed and spend a little extra time with Caleb. I had it all planned.

I could do this.

*()*

Except I couldn't.

Joshy wouldn't stop fussing and refused to drink his bottle or be comforted. As soon as I sat him down for longer than a couple minutes he started wailing.

Lizzy carried on about the pancakes until I was so desperate I called Alice, who was out of town, begging her to tell me how to make them. But what sounded easy enough proved to be very difficult when you were trying to deal with a crying baby who didn't want to be put down, a whining toddler clinging to your legs and a cranky child who wanted the movie changed every five fucking seconds. I dropped the eggs on the already messy slippery floor and then promptly fell into the slimy puddle, grateful I had put Joshy down while I had grabbed them from the refrigerator.

The mixer was way more powerful than I expected and batter flew everywhere, much to Lizzy's delight. I know we were both wearing the runny stuff and I was sure it was all over the cupboards.

When I finally, triumphantly, placed a plate of misshapen, slightly burnt, pandcakes in front of Lizzy, she ate a couple bites, wrinkled her nose in distaste and was done, saying they didn't taste like Mommy's.

I wanted to beat my head against the granite countertop. I know I swore. Again. And my pockets were empty since I had already fed the bad word jar everything I had. In fact, the fucking jar was starting to overflow and now Lizzy insisted on an IOU for Mommy.

Caleb picked at his pizza and turned his nose up at the pancakes.

Joshy whimpered yet again and I was ready to join him in his misery. Then he promptly filled his diaper again with the god awful smelling sludge.

How the hell did Bella do this? On the nights I was out, when I got home the house was quiet and peaceful and everything was in its place. "Fucking miracle worker," I muttered quietly, as I changed Joshy yet again.

"Daddy!" Lizzy gasped. "You dided it adain! Mommy is gonna be so mad." I groaned.

Was her hearing especially sharp tonight? And how did she keep sneaking up behind me to hear me swear?

The clock chimed nine.

I was officially fucked.

None of the children were fed or bathed.

None of them were happy.

The kitchen was in total disarray and I could only imagine the state of the living room with the flour and mess that had been dragged through it.

And I smelt horrible.

I groaned. I need to try and fix this.

Before Bella got home.

*()*

"Caleb, stop trying to drown your sister!" I roared out in frustration from the counter where I was trying to clean Joshy up.

"I'm a big boy! I don't take baths with my sister!" he yelled back again in protest.

I groaned. It was almost ten o'clock. Two hours past bedtime and everyone was awake and full of energy. Except me.

"Caleb," I said, softening my voice, "Help Daddy out here okay, buddy? Just give Daddy a few minutes to finish with Joshy and then I'll get Lizzy out and the bathtub is yours." None of them were getting much of a real bath tonight. Really, all I was trying to do was get the sticky off them.

In retrospect giving in on the soda pop and letting them open their own cans wasn't a good idea. Thinking of the wet, sodden mess that now covered the kitchen I was fearful of Bella's reaction when she got home. In fact the more I thought about it, I probably shouldn't have given them soda at all. All I managed to get them to eat was some potato chips and the soda. Probably not a Bella approved dinner.

I finished up with Joshy and laid him on the floor beside the tub and attempted to clean and detangle my children in the water. And stop the constant picking on each other. I sighed. When had this started? They were always so close. Bella was right when she said three were a lot more work than two. And I completely understood the complex thing she tried to tell me about. I still had no idea how she did this on a daily basis.

Twenty minutes later, I sat down exhausted on Lizzy's bed, all my children around me. They were all…damp. I really couldn't say clean, except for the pajama's they were wearing. Joshy was finally sucking away at a bottle snuggled on one side of my chest, while Lizzy was tucked into the other side. Even Caleb finally seemed to give up the grudge against me for replacing Kate and had sat down with us, his head on my lap. I realized too late I had forgotten about brushing their teeth, but shrugged. The night was, without a doubt, a total disaster parenting wise for me. What more was another checkbox in that column? Taking advantage of the sudden harmony, I began to hum and soon I felt all the warm little bodies on me relax into sleep.

I sighed.

Peace.

Finally.

I decided I would sit for another few minutes until they were fast asleep then move them into their own beds and try and at least straighten up some of the kitchen. And to get out of these clothes. In the meanwhile I texted Carlisle with my one free hand and told him I needed him to get the cleaning crew from the studio here first thing to clean the house and to make sure they brought lots of anti-sticky cleaning products with them. His quick reply of, "Done…but this story I gotta hear and am already LOL over it", I ignored. I just didn't have the strength.

I shut my eyes. I was exhausted. I had to get up. I knew that.

Five minutes.

I would get up in five minutes.

*()*

BPOV

"Thanks Emmett," I smiled as I got out of the car.

"You want me to come in?" he asked. "Make sure things are okay?"

I laughed. "I'm sure it's fine. Edward probably went to bed early after being with the kids all night. You get home to Rose and the boys. I hope they feel better."

Emmett nodded. A worried call from the babysitter had them needing to leave early when she mentioned the word fever. I was grateful to leave and I knew Esme would understand.

I walked towards the front door. The lights were on dimly in the front room and when I opened the door silence greeted me. I smiled softly; everyone must be asleep. Ten forty five was early for Edward but I was sure tonight had been more than he expected. I looked over frowning at the living room. There were toys strewn around, pizza boxes sitting on the coffee table and the cushions from the furniture were everywhere but on the furniture. I shook my head deciding to go change and check on everyone before I tackled straightening up.

I walked forward and stopped dead at the sight that met my eyes.

My kitchen.

It looked like a bomb had gone off in it.

Everywhere I looked there was a mess, followed by yet another mess. A mostly empty bag of flour lay on the floor, it contents laying all over the surfaces of the kitchen. I could see the remnants of drying eggs mixed in with the flour which had been tracked everywhere. I stepped closer, my shoe sticking onto the tile floor. Automatically my hand righted a bottle of syrup that had been knocked over and slowly dripping onto the floor, causing the puddle I had just stepped in. A plate was on the counter containing the flattest, strangest looking pancakes I had ever seen. I poked one with my finger and grimaced. It was as hard as a rock. My mixer was standing there, batter hardening on the beaters. Looking around it would seem it was also hardening on the cupboard doors and the floor.

My eyes widened when I saw the open bag of potato chips and the empty soda cans on the counter adding to the mess. Edward fed them chips? And pop? Both of those were treats and we never gave them soda pop at night. What was he thinking?

Another familiar item caught my eye, and I leaned over and picked up my bad word jar I kept around for Edward and Carlisle. Esme had the identical one in her kitchen. But mine was _really_ full. I opened the lid and pulled out and counted $65.00 in bills plus a hand full of change. And then I started laughing silently as I read various IOU's that had been added. Some were money based but then they became interesting. Apparently a new car was on its way. As well as trip to "anywhere I fucking wanted as long as the children were not with us." The one stating the contents of all Edward's bank accounts "as long as I promised not to ever leave him alone with said children again" made me laugh even harder but the last one brought tears to my eyes. "IOU everything because you have given me everything. How you do this is beyond my comprehension. You are the heart of this family and we need you."

I stuffed the contents back into the overflowing jar and went to find my family.

I stopped in the doorway of Lizzy's room and felt the tears getting even stronger. Edward was passed out on the small bed with all of our children on top of him. I quietly walked into the room and gazed at them. All were alive and breathing, and I could see from the dampness of their hair not long out of the bath. Stepping closer I could see none of them were very clean. Especially Edward. His hair was covered in batter and flour. His clothes were different than what he had been wearing when I left and were crumpled and covered in stains. His arms and hands were both blotchy and looked sticky. And he smelt. Badly.

My lips twitching, I retreated quickly to our room and changed out of my dress and into a shirt of Edward's that was laying on the chair. I went back and eased Joshy out of Edward's arms and carried him into the nursery. Quickly I figured out the source of the smell. In ten minutes Joshy was clean, dry and tucked into bed with a dose of medicine for his tummy. I was shocked at the amount of dirty clothes; both Edward's and Joshy's that were lying around on the nursery floor. Obviously it had been a long night for both of them, and Edward was not as adept at changing him as he once was.

I went back into Lizzy's room, deciding to move Caleb next. As I leant down to get him, lifting his sleep heavy body, Edward's eyes flew open. I put a calming hand on his chest and whispered for him to stay quiet.

His hand grabbed mine. A look of intense relief crossed his handsome, yet filthy, face.

"Oh, thank God you're home Bella. I'm sorry for the mess. Thank God."

*()*

EPOV

Opening my eyes to find Bella leaning over me was both a relief and a shock. Joshy was gone so I knew she had been home for a while, and had probably seen the condition of the house. I babbled at her how sorry I was and how grateful I was she was home. She laid a finger on my lips and carried Caleb out of the room to place him into his own bed. I carefully maneuvered myself out from under Lizzy and tucked her up into her bed, smiling as I watched her burrow down into her blankets just like Bella did at night. I walked into the hall and met Bella coming out of Caleb's room. I reached for her but she sidestepped me, laughing and shaking her head. "Edward, I love you. But you reek. Go have a shower and we'll talk when you're done."

I looked down. I was covered in pancake batter, flour, raw eggs, the remains of exploding soda pop and shit.

"Oh God, Bella," I croaked unable to wait. "It was awful. It was like some aliens kidnapped our children and left me with little possessed monsters," I shook my head. "I couldn't do it. I kept messing up. Caleb wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't eat, Lizzy kept following me around with the bad word jar and wanting pandcakes and Joshy… he just kept pooping on me and crying. They shook their soda cans, Bella! It went everywhere! There is flour and batter and…shit everywhere! I have no idea where my glasses are or how they even came off my face! It was horrible!" I shuddered, my hand reaching out. "Please don't ever leave me alone with them again. Please!" I begged, not caring how much of a child I sounded like at that moment.

Bella regarded me for a moment and suddenly wrapped her arms around me. I sighed in relief as the need for her sympathy flowed through me and I clutched at her tightly. I was surprised to feel her shaking. Oh God, she was crying for me?

I pulled back expecting to see her face wet with sad tears over the horrid evening I had been through.

But she was laughing. Her hands covered her mouth but I could still hear the muffled gasps of laughter she was struggling to contain. I narrowed my eyes looking at her.

"I fail to see what is so fucking amusing here, Bella. Obviously our children are out of control."

She pushed past me, grabbing my hand and dragged me down the hall to our room where she shut the door and allowed her laughter to escape as she slid down the wall to the floor. I stood watching her body thrash as wave after wave of laughter rolled from her. Finally she calmed and sat up.

Wordlessly she came over and took my hand and led me to the bathroom. Reaching in she started the shower, and then turned back to me. She tugged on the bottom of my shirt and I let her pull it over my head. We both wrinkled our noses at the smell. Her hands pushed my pants down, and then she opened the shower door back up indicating I should go in. With as much pride as I had left I walked past her preparing to go wash the nasty smell of the night off, hoping she might join me and show me some needed and deserved sympathy.

She swatted my ass loudly before she shut the door.

I could hear her laughing again as I stood, alone, under the warmth of the spray.

"Such a fucking perfect ending to a fucking perfect night," I muttered.

"I'll just go get the bad word jar for you…I see it's rather full, but if I pack it down a bit tighter, you can add to it." Bella laughed gaily on the other side of the glass as she moved around the bathroom.

_Well fuck. _

*()*

I stepped out of the shower, smelling way better than when I had stepped in. As I leaned over to grab a towel I noticed the dim light reflecting on the walls and inhaling, I realized Bella had her favorite candles lit. Usually that meant one thing.

My head swiveled and I was met with the sight of Bella standing by the tub. I watched as the shirt she was wearing slipped to the floor and she stepped into the fragrant water.

"You don't really need that towel, Edward," she murmured.

I looked at her, taking a hopeful step forward. "No?"

"No need to dry off if you're just gonna get in the tub with me," she whispered huskily.

I needed no second invitation. I clamored over the ledge and settled in between Bella's legs wrapping them around my waist tightly and leaning back into her with a contented sigh. Her hands stroked up and down my arms, cupping the warm water and dribbling it down my chest and arms. Then she pulled me closer, her arms wrapped around my shoulders as I slid further down into the water.

"Tell me about tonight," she said quietly.

I told her everything. She was quiet for a moment, her hands softly stroking my chest.

Then she sighed. "So not a good night all around I'd say."

I snorted. "I don't understand how you do this, Bella. You make it look so easy. Nothing like this happens when you're here!"

She laughed quietly. "Of course it does, Edward. They push me every day. Some days I think I'll go out of my mind."

I looked up at her in amazement. "It never looks like it. You always seem so in control."

She stroked my cheek. "For one thing, Edward I am with them more than you are. They know my rules, and when to stop, and they know there are consequences when they don't." She laughed softly. "Tonight was all about them pushing their boundaries with you. Testing you. Well, Caleb and Lizzy anyway. Obviously Joshy is coming down with something. But no matter what, three children is a handful, Edward.

"And for another thing, I told you things had gotten more complicated. They're growing up Edward. And as hard as it is you have to push back and be tough at times."

"Tell me, Bella. Tell me what I should have done."

"Well there wasn't much you could do with Joshy, but both Lizzy and Caleb should have gotten time outs in their rooms. Caleb should not be slamming his door. And you should have stuck to your guns over the pancakes. I know it's hard when they cry but sometimes, Edward, you're being played. And if they didn't want to eat the pizza then no supper. Simple."

"But I didn't want them hungry," I tried to explain. "I wanted them to have a good evening with me."

Her arms tightened around me. "I love how caring and loving you are with our children, Edward. Missing one meal won't hurt them. But rewarding their bad behavior with soda pop and chips, yeah, _not_ a good idea."

I sighed. It all made sense now. "I failed miserably."

Bella laughed. "No you didn't. They are all fine and sleeping. Tomorrow is a new day and we'll just carry on. The kitchen on the other hand…"

"I have the cleaning crew from the agency coming in first thing. You don't have to touch it," I hastened to assure her.

"Thank you. That gives me more time to buy my new car, plan our trip sans children, and then abscond with all your money," she teased softly as she leaned forward nipping my ear playfully.

I laughed. "You saw all the IOU's, did you? Lizzy was very…on the ball… with the jar tonight, and I gave her lots of reasons to keep collecting, I'm afraid."

"I saw that. Nice haul. I hope they don't share the words Daddy kept saying with their friends."

I groaned. "I said the 'baddest' one – a lot. I'll talk to them in the morning."

Her arms tightened again. "_We'll_ talk to them."

I smiled. She was right. Together we were better. We were quiet for a few minutes, just relaxing into the water and then Bella spoke up again.

"There was on IOU I especially loved though."

I smiled up into her face. "I didn't even swear for that one. I just put it in the jar. I meant it Bella. Every word. You are the heart of this family and without you we're lost."

I pulled her head down closer. "Especially me, Little One," I breathed against her lips before capturing her mouth in a deep kiss. She responded sweetly, moaning into my mouth and I shifted and rolled, so our chests were pressed together, pulling her under me in the warm water.

My hand cupped the back of her head as I ravished her mouth, my tongue stroking and twisting with hers. As usual, as soon as we were close like this my desire raged through me, needing more and more of her. Sitting up, I pulled her with me, straddling her across my lap as my lips and teeth nibbled and lathed her arched throat, her soft whimpers encouraging me. My hands caressed and stroked her warm curves, as I lowered my mouth to her nipples, gently nipping and teasing her. "Edward…" she breathed lowly.

I smiled against her breast. "Does Mommy wanna 'play' Daddy tonight as well?" I growled teasingly, nipping at the soft flesh. Her giggle was drowned out by my groan as she wrapped her hands around my throbbing cock.

"I love playing Daddy," she whispered into my ear, her hands stroking. I groaned at the sensations her hands were causing. Shivers ran up and down my spine as she increased the intensity. "I've been thinking about playing with Daddy all night," she whispered before her mouth crashed onto mine, her tongue seeking and stroking while in an unexpectedly smooth move she rose and slammed herself down on my hard straining cock. I gasped at the sudden intense feeling of being engulfed by her warm wet heat and my head fell back while I groaned out her name. Using my shoulders as leverage she began moving, taking control and riding me furiously. Her mouth was everywhere, tongue stroking and tasting, tiny nips of her teeth raining up and down my neck and torso as she drove us both towards our release.

Her hands gripped my shoulders fiercely as her body arched sharply, stretching tautly as she shuddered, a deep sexy moan escaping her lips as she came hard, her muscles clamping down on me. My own orgasm tore through me as I thrust deeply up into her, fisting my hands into her damp hair as I swore with the intensity of my release. Panting I held her close, my hands now gentle and soft as I caressed her skin, my lips barely grazing hers as we kissed and slowly calmed in the water.

I wrapped my arms around her waist when I felt the water cooling and a shiver go through Bella. "Hold tight," I murmured as I lifted us both from the tub. I grabbed a towel and carried her into our room, gently patting her dry before placing her on the bed, drying off myself and crawling in beside her.

"That was incredible, Little One," I whispered as I kissed behind her ear, smiling as she shivered.

Her head tilted. "I think you owe the jar another IOU Edward. That was an impressive string of expletives you just uttered."

I laughed. "I think that should be a freebie. I can't help the fact you just blew my mind. I had no control over what I was saying."

She smiled and I traced her lips with my finger. "Blew your mind, did I?"

I nodded. "You constantly amaze me. I am without a doubt the luckiest man in the world."

"I love you, Edward." She snuggled in closer. "And Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Consider yourself paid for your services tonight. And here's a bonus tip. Don't quit your day job."

I laughed and gathered her closer. "Duly noted Little One. I'll leave it to the real professionals."

"You do that," she mumbled sleepily.

I laid beside my beautiful, amazing wife, just listening to her breathing become deep and even, reveling in her warmth and love. She truly was my heart.

Before I fell asleep I reminded myself to call the jeweler in the morning. I think her bracelet needed an addition. A large matching heart shaped diamond like her necklace. Placed in the middle of the bracelet so she always knew she was the _centre_ of this family.

And the focal point of my life.

**Ah Musicward... I do love revisiting him. Thanks for reading!**


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